Title : Aish! That Jung Daehyun!

Author : kpoplistener 

Reviewer : chichichi24

Title [2/5]

The title… well… you can say, is cliché. I already have seen tons of title like yours. If I scroll down and find your story, I might not click it. It might be very eye-catching for cliché lovers out there, though.

You did a great job with capitalizing ^^

Appearance [0/5]

You have no poster for appearance point yet. So it will not be counts. You can request on this shop btw ^w^ hehe~

Foreword/ Description [7/10]

Your description isn’t that eye-catching for me. It’s way too simple. But you sure do a great job by not revealing much of your story! *claps* you also leave some questions that probably can makes your reader want to know more and click the next button ^^

It sure makes me stop at line: “And she’ll know why Himchan likes Yongguk.” And I was like, “Is this ?!”

And your author notes should be on the foreword, and characters on the description.

Originality [13/25]

Having connection, meeting with idol group, somehow getting along with them, and ended living at their dorm? There are already tons of stories with plot like that, you know? So I do hope you will put twist to make your story different, more special, and unique ^^

Spelling, Punctuation [14/20]

I find spelling errors, but it isn’t that many ^^

• • You better write mic as microphone.
  • "We proprose a game! Should be ‘propose’.
  • ‘…as I slumped futher down my seat’ should be ‘further’.
  • ‘Chucked’ should be ‘chuckled’.
  • “Its nothing” should be ‘It’s nothing’.

And avoid Korean Romanization usage. If you want to write in English, just use English. There is ‘Hello’ beside ‘Annyeong’ you could use.

But I think words like ‘hyung’, ‘unnie’, ‘noona’, ‘aigoo’, which hard to be expressed in English is okay ^^

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For punctuation, I don’t find any capitalizing error. But you may need to know where you should place commas and full stop, especially at the spoken sentence. Most authors out here mostly got it wrong too.

A spoken sentence with the word ‘said’, ‘whispered’,  ‘shouted’, and so on, is a unity. So you cannot separate them by putting a full stop. You should connect them by a comma.

Here is the example:

“Hi! I am Zelo. Nice to meet you,” he cheerfully said.

Not

“Hi! I am Zelo. Nice to meet you.” He cheerfully said.

And when there is no word like ‘said’, and you stated an action instead, you should put a full stop to separate them.

Here is the example:

“Hi! I am Zelo. Nice to meet you.” He smiled brightly to his fans.

Not

“Hi! I am Zelo. Nice to meet you,” he smiled brightly to his fans.

Do you get it? I am sorry, I’m terrible at explaining ^^’ you can ask me if you don’t get it.

Beside spoken sentence, I don’t find any mistakes :3

But you should just use one enter when you make a new paragraph. You make unnecessarily wide space between paragraphs. You can use double-enter when the place change or the POV change, though.

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PS: [Grammar] watch out grammar errors! I find quite lot grammar errors. And please just stick at one tense. I find you are confused between past and present tense. No point will deducted from this.

Characterization [7/10]

I definitely got confused with Namjoo and Daehyun’s character.

For Namjoo, I got this feeling that Namjoo is a tough girl and a bit boyish by the way she act and talk, especially when she almost cursed. It gives the feeling that this girl is definitely not girly type and will never give up. But in later chapter, her tough character becomes a bit weaker. Not that serious, you can work on it a bit and she will definitely have a great character ^^

For Daehyun… I cannot find what he is like. ==

Writing Style [8/10]

Nothing to be commented on. But your story lack description. Good description will draw your readers into your story.

And by the way, no matter how much I read the third chapter, I still got confused == maybe it’s just me.

Enjoyment [9/10]

Like I said before, third chapter confused me. I cannot figure out what they are talking about ^^’

Besides that, I enjoy reading your story ^^

Bonus [4/5]

Four? Because I am nice. Because you have potential ^^

TOTAL: 64/95

So...Did you notice that I'm designer of your graphic at youknowwhere. I hope you'll like it! Hehe