Title : Accept Me For Who I Am

Author : HwangAhYoung

Reviewer : chichichi24

Title (3/5)

Your story title was ‘Accept Me For Who I Am’. It should be ‘Accept Me for Who I Am’
And then your chapter title, you just put a number as the title. So I deducted another mark.

Poster and Background (5/5)

No comment :) It was beautiful~

Foreword/ Description (8/10)

I loved your description! But you better put ‘and’ before ‘accept’, so it will turn like this: Love me without restriction, trust me without fear, want me without demand, and accept me for who I am.
You also didn’t put character profile in your description! Waai~! *hugs you*
BUT I spotted a lot of punctuation errors in your foreword. We will talk about this later. And to be honest, I am not that attracted to click the ‘next’  button after reading your foreword. It was… lacking something.

Originality (25/25)

From many stories I ever read, I never read story with plot like yours. So, good job! ^^

Spelling, Vocabulary, and Punctuation (13/20)

Silverline didn’t say in the staff list that I didn’t review your grammar. So I am telling you right now ^^
But I do have a lot thing to say here, especially these punctuation errors that I found everywhere.

PUNCTUATION

1. Dots.

You used too much dots. The maximum numbers of dots are three.

• “Oh…. Hey.” He bluntly answered back.  It should be: “Oh… Hey,” he bluntly answered back.
• “Hmm?...” He woke up from his reverie.  It should be: “Hmm…?” He woke up from his reverie.
• Ah Young held in a gasp…….   How much dots in there? You can use just one dot in this sentence.
• Etc;

Just never used too much dots, three dots will do. Sometimes it was very annoying (for me).

1. Commas.

You should place comma after the direct speech.

• “Yeah, I started working 3 months ago.” She said as she pulled her hair back.

It should be: “Yeah, I started working 3 months ago,” she said as she pulled her hair back.

• ‘Just let it go Ah Young. It’s all in the past.’ She told herself.

It should be: ‘Just let it go Ah Young. It’s all in the past,’  she told herself.

You know what I mean, right?

1. This (*) sign.

• “These days are really tiring….. *yawns* Just a moment of sleep will make me happy.” He closed his eyes.

>Alright, (*) sign and five dots here. Take out two dots, and describe that *yawns*.

You can try this: “These days are really tiring... Just a moment of sleep will make me happy.” Lu Han eyes got teary because he yawned hardly before closed his eyes again, trying to get some sleep.

• *sighs* she walks over to the table and shook the man.

>How hard was it to write *sighs* onto ‘she sighed’? Not that hard, right? Try it! :)

You cannot use (*) sign to state an action. However, a story was considered as a formal writing. So put off any insignia on your story. Describe it.

1. I also find you use brackets to add information. It would be nice if you write it without the brackets.
2. Capitalization

You tend to capitalize the first word after the quoted sentence.

(e.g.) “Blah blah blah?” He asked.  It should be, “Blah blah blah?” he asked.

SPELLING AND VOCABULARY

I think you have good vocabulary :)

And I didn’t find any spelling mistakes. Well… I did find one or two. But I think it was just typos ^^

Character Development (10/10)

Because your story was very short, I didn’t have much to say about this.
But I can imagine what your character traits were ^^

Writing Style (5/10)

Honestly, your writing style lack lots of thing.
Description. You missed it.
From the start until the end, I barely find description paragraph. Even if I find it, it was just contain one or two sentences. Your story was all about conversation, without description.
Descriptions help you to make your reader imagine what it was like to be inside the story. You can describe anything. The weather, the barking dogs, the dirty table, anything! Try it! ^_^

Personal Enjoyment (8/10)

I did enjoy the story! I want more and longer chapters! XD
I like the twist at the end! I thought it will be like another cliché story that made the main boy and girl ended together. But hey, you twisted it! She ended with Kris~~ But don’t forget about description, okay? ;)

Bonus (3/5)

For making me fell in love with your story :)

Total : 80/100

chichichi24's Note : It was quite good, eh? Hehe… I am sorry if I am being too strict with punctuation >< 
Tell me if I miscalculate your score.

Title : It's All Because of You

Author : iloveyou_18

Reviewer : chichichi24

Title [3/5]

Your title was a pretty common title. I’ve seen many people used that title.
And a title; the story title and chapter title, must be capitalized on each word except some word like: on, at, in, etc;
So, your title should be “It’s All Because Of You”.
Don’t forget the chapter title, fix it :)

Appearance [5/5]

Well, you have a poster. Nothing much to say. Full marks! ^^

Foreword/ Description [7/10]

Oh.My.God. Characters profile was here. Remove those character profile immediately!
It wasn’t good to put your character traits like that. You can show it throughout your story anytime. Beside writing, ‘known as a cold-hearted jerk’ on the character profile, you can describe why Kyuhyun known as a cold-hearted jerk; how he became like that; how he treat the girls; etc;
And again, your foreword revealed too much what will happen and how it will end. Your story wasn’t finished yet, but I have a picture in my mind how it will end. But, beside that, I loved it ^^ It will surely make people wanted to click the next button.

Originality [5/25]

It wasn’t something new for me. This kind of plot was already everywhere.

Spelling/ Vocabulary/ Punctuation [13/20]

SPELLING

I found many spelling errors. Every chapter has spelling errors. I recommend you to proof-read before publish it.

Some spelling errors I found:

• Confusely it should be confusedly.
• fudgeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Why write like this? You can just write ‘fudge’, right?
• Poularity and poular it should be popularity and popular.
• Afer it should be after
• Etc;

PUNCTUATION

When you write a quoted sentence, or the direct sentences spoken by your character, you must put a comma before end. E.g.: besides writing “My name is Seohyun” she said. You better write it like “My name is Seohyun,” she said.

You must think carefully when to use full stop (.) and when to use comma (,). Because when I read your story, it was like I am reading the whole story without breathing. I will take an example from the first paragraph of first chapter.

--

You wrote:

If you asked what happened to me, you might actually want to ask that Kyuhyun jerk because of him I changed myself, because of him I knew how to be hurt and angry and because of him I changed. But I changed for the better, look at me before and now, I'm sure you like me more now than before. Who wouldn't right? If you want to ask if I changed, the answer is no. Well, my physical appearance did but the Joo-Hyun before and now are still the same when it comes to the politeness and kindness. I promised myself I won't change my attitude because that''s how my parents raised me, i will still be socially inclined and I will still be polite, well except for the reason I came back here in Korea.Actually, my life in America is much better than here in Korea but I want to show CHO KYUHYUN what he had lost so yeah, now I am back and I'll make sure he'll regret. 

Try this:

If you asked what happened to me, you might actually want to ask that Kyuhyun jerk. Because of him I changed myself, because of him I knew how to be hurt and angry, and because of him I changed.

But I changed for the better. Look at me before and now and I am sure you like me now than before. Who wouldn’t?

If you want to ask if I changed, the answer is no. Well, my physical appearance did, but the Joo-Hyun before and now is still the same when it comes to the politeness and kindness. I promised myself I won’t change my attitude because that’s how my parents raised me. I will still be socially inclined, and I will still be polite. Well, except for the reason I came back here in Korea.

Actually, my life in America is much better than here, in Korea. But I want to show to ‘Cho Kyuhyun’ what he had lost. So yeah, now I am back and I will make sure he will regret.

--

How was it? It gave your reader time to pause, to catch a breath. When you didn’t know when to use full stop or comma, you can try to read it out loud. When you paused, it was mean you should use comma. When you stopped, it was mean you should use full stop.

The example above also explained about paragraphing. You should organize your paragraph. Because a paragraph of yours was contain too much things. You explained why she changed, what changed and not changed from her, why she kept her attitude, and the fact that she come back to Korea in a single paragraph!

You should explain why she changed in a paragraph, what changed from her in another paragraph. If you felt that that paragraph is too short, you can try to add descriptions between the sentences. Remember: a topic in each paragraph, ok? ^^

I also found you inserted emoticons inside the story. I found two. Don’t use it, alright?

Extra: I already said to myself and to silverline that I didn’t review grammar and tenses. But yours was just… messed up. Even if you weren’t fluent in English, you must know you SHOULD use past-tense when you write a flashback. Because it was happened in past, you should use past tense, okay? Don’t worry; I didn’t deducted any mark from this.

Character development [4/10]

Shortly, I didn’t get what your characters personality.
Seohyun was a nerd. She supposed to be shy, innocent, or anything similar. But she boldly said that she will take revenge?
Kyuhyun was a cold-hearted jerk. But he was like a mommy-baby. It was because you didn’t explained much about the dumping-girl scene. You just simply explained it in a paragraph. Nothing more. So I didn’t get a picture of him being a cold-hearted jerk. He was a mommy-baby for me.

Writing Style [3/10]

You need to fix lots of things.
You must know when to end a paragraph, and when to end a sentence. I already talked about this above.
What is ‘Annyeonghaseyo’? What is ‘Imnida’? What is ‘Neh’? What is ‘BWOYA’? What is ‘Appa’? What is ‘Wae’? What is ‘Aigo’? What is ‘Ottokhae’? What are those mean?! Of course I know what is it, but, if you decided to write in English, you better not use Korean language like that. There are words like ‘Hello’ beside ‘Annyeonghaseyo’ that you can use. Exclamation like ‘Aigo’ was hard to translate to English, but it doesn’t ruining your sentences if you remove it, right? However, I can tolerate words like hyung or maknae.
And the laughing. ‘kkk’? Did anyone laughing like that? It was just used in a text, no one laughing like that. You better change it to ‘hahaha’ or anything we normally use.
I need to tell you to remove the link. Not everyone bother to click the link just to look at a single picture that was easy to describe. Why didn’t you just describe it? It wasn’t that hard. Moreover when you already have a picture, you can just pick the details and describe it. Try it! :)
The most important thing was: your chapter was way TOO short! I was clicking the next button, I read for about a minute and then it ended already? Two paragraphs for the first chapter? It wasn’t enough! More more more!

Enjoyment [3/10]

What bothered me the most was, the paragraph. If it wasn’t because of that, it could be higher. Work on it, it wasn’t that hard to organizing paragraph.

Bonus [1/5]

I am feeling really sorry to give you such a low marks -____-v

Total: 44/100

Title : Stubborn For Your Love

Author : KpopLover15751

Reviewer : _crajee

Title [ 4 / 5 ]

If I saw this while I was scrolling through the AFF tags, I would be curious about the story but the title itself is slightly cliché.   

Foreward & Description [ 10 / 15 ]

Starting from your forward, you already have some grammar mistakes.
In a school filled with kids of all shapes and sizes, Sungmin was one of the ordinary kids, maybe a bit sarcastic and rude but hey; you need those two traits to survive in this school.
In a school filled with kids of all shapes and sizes, Sungmin was one of the ordinary kids. He was more on the sarcastic and rude side but hey, you need those two traits to survive in this school.
Also, when you’re saying something like:
Its Donghae!
It’s Donghae!
It should be that. Just think of it this way, think of “it’s” as “it is”. Therefore, you should use “it is” Donghae instead of “its” Donghae. Same for Kyuhyun, it should be “it’s” Kyuhyun, not “its” Kyuhyun. “Its” is possessive, only used when talking about possession. For example, it would be “The cat drank its milk.”
Continuing on, the sentence talking about Kyuhyun has some kinks in it.

Jokes, its Kyuhyun, the person who will be the new heart throb but he doesn’t give a about the screaming fangirls. He’s only got eyes on a petite feminine male. A simple hotheaded person, Sungmin that hasn’t even notice Kyuhyun’s presence. But, why has Kyuhyun fallen in love so easily?
Jokes, it’s Kyuhyun, the person who will be the new heart throb. However, he doesn’t give a about the screaming fans. He’s only got eyes on the petite feminine male Sungmin, one that doesn’t even notice his presence. But, why has Kyuhyun fallen in love so easily?

Your description has some errors as well.

“Argh! Why do the teacher have to give us this hells load of homework, I swear we don’t need this info in the future!”
“Argh! Why does the teacher have to give us this much homework?  I swear we don’t even need this info in the future!”

But I have to admit, the last sentence made me laugh.

Graphics / Trailer [ 5 / 5 ]

My goodness, your poster is so cute! However, you know how it’s supposed to be a cute poster? Eunhyuk, Sungmin and Donghae slightly didn’t fit the mood of the poster but I won’t dock any points. Your character chart is stunning, as well.

Plot + Originality [ 15 / 20 ]

Your plot is cliché but besides that fact, it’s going at a nice pace. When I hit chapter four and Donghae asked himself about Eunhyuk and love, I was going to dock off points but I got to the next sentence and I realized that he was just “hungry”. You got me good though.

Grammar & Spelling [ 13 / 20 ]

The first (and last) sentence of your first paragraph should be this.

“Listen class”, that old hag spoke interrupting me from my heavenly sleep, “Today we have a new student arriving.

For me, I give no s.

“Listen class,” The old hag spoke, interrupting me from my heavenly sleep, “Today, we have a new student arriving.

I, for one, doesn’t give a .

--

e is spelled e.

In your second chapter, the first sentence should have been this.

I strutted down the hallway, glaring at students who were fled at the mere sight of me.

I strutted down the hallway, glaring at students who fled at the mere sight of me.

Before you post up your chapter, try spell-checking it on Microsoft Word, it’ll help you a lot. Just a reminder that this isn’t all the mistakes, there were more but I wanted you to look for them!

Characterization [ 13 / 15 ]

I’m glad to see a different Sungmin this time yet you made all the other characters the same. Try to break them out of their stereotypical mold.

Stylization + Enjoyment [ 12 / 15 ]

I liked your second chapter the most, especially the part where some boy (I’m guessing it’s Sungmin) was being chased around by Kyuhyun (if my guess about Sungmin was correct).  Yeah, okay, I just read your third chapter, I knew it was them! However, you tend to put more than you need. For example, for your third chapter, you put “Sungminnnie?”

You should have put, “Sungminnie?” Kyuhyun drawled.

Something like that so that you don’t put more letters than needed. Besides all that, I found this story to be rather cute even though it is more on the cliché side.

Ending / Resolution [ 4 / 5 ]

The ending was cute but it doesn’t spark up any curiosity in me. I can probably tell what’s going to happen so I wouldn’t wait anxiously for your update. However, I see a lot of potential in this fan fiction so I hope you work on all the points I told you (especially your grammar). 

Total: 76 / 100