Confessions of a best friend
Maybe I misunderstood
Kyuhyun could not speak...he could not even think. Zhou Mi had just confessed to him, and yet he had nothing to say. Did he love Zhou Mi? 'Of course.' But he also loved his career, and if there was one thing Kyuhyun had learned while working in the entertainment industry, it was that secret relationships never stayed secret.
"Zhou Mi...I..." Kyuhyun starts hesitantly. 'I love you too.' He had screamed the words in his head, but he could not bring himself to say them aloud. It wasn’t just for his career, but for Zhou Mi's as well. Zhou Mi had enough people being mean to him, if they found out Kyuhyun and him were together, and Kyuhyun knew they would, then Kyuhyun would be ruining Mimi's career as well. And that...that would be more selfish than he could stand to be.
Kyuhyun looked from his spot on the bed, at the young man bearing his soul to him and screwed on the most disgusted face he could muster. Seeing the abrupt change, Zhou Mi's own tentative smile slowly faded and he jerkily removed his hand from Kyuhyuns'. "Kyuhyun? Are you ok with me...loving you?"
'Ok!?!! I am more than ok with it! Zhou Mi I love you too! I love you so much!' But no, Kyuhyun would do the right thing and think of what was best for Zhou Mi's future. "No Zhou Mi, I'm not ok with it. I am not gay." Kyuhyun murmurs, turning away from him. "Get out of my room, please.
Kyuhyun saw Zhou Mi’s face twist in agony, his eyes going wide and shining with held back tears.
"Ah, I'm sorry Kyuhyun. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I-I’m sorry for bothering you, goodnight." Kyuhyun physically flinches from his bed, as if to grab at Zhou Mi, but Zhou Mi is already rushing out the door. Kyuhyun sits still on the bed staring at the door that was closed gently by the man he loved dearly.
'Zhou Mi, please forgive me. It’s the best for both of us this way.' Kyuhyun thinks brokenly, his chest aching.
----
Leeteuk sat in his room, looking out the window, a frown etched on his face. 'How could Kyu-bear turn me away when I'm just worried about him?' Throwing himself back onto his bed he shoves the heels of his hands onto his eyes. 'I'm the leader of this group, the hyung! And yet Kyuhyun practically told me he doesn’t want to talk to me!' Sighing loudly and rolling onto his side he thinks, 'Does Kyuhyun feel like he can’t trust me?'
A sudden knock at the door had Leeteuk crying out and jumping. "AIIIIISHHH!!!'
A worried voice came through the door. "Omo, Leeteuk hyung! Are you ok?"
It was Zhou mi.
Leeteuk fanned his face and felt his heart, before approaching the door and opening it.
There in the door looked the saddest, downhearted, and ruined man Leeteuk had ever seen in his life.
"Zhou Mi, did you find out what was wrong with Kyu-bear?"
Zhou Mi jerked at Kyuhyuns’ name and stepped forward, burying his face in Leeteuks' chest. "I don't want to talk about Kyuhyun."
Leeteuk did want to talk about Kyuhyun though. He wanted to know what had been bothering Kyuhyun and now he wanted to know what Kyuhyun had done to bother Zhou Mi. The only thing Kyuhyun had said to Leeteuk was, 'Do you think Zhou Mi pities me?' That question had been coming and going in his mind ever since. He certainly didn’t think Zhou Mi pitied Kyuhyun.
"Zhou Mi, Mommy really wants to know ok, so can you answer this question? Do you pity Kyuhyun?" Leeteuk gripped Zhou Mi’s shoulders and pressed him away so he could look into the younger man’s face to hear his answer.
This conversation was going to hurt Zhou Mi and Leeteuk would not find out until after everything was done. Silently he prayed that Leeteuk would understand his love for Kyuhyun.
"Pity him? What does that mean?" Leeteuk gave Zhou Mi a funny face before he shrugged.
"I don’t really know but it seems like that question has been bothering Kyuhyun, because that’s what he asked me before asking to speak with you."
Neither man knew what it meant...so Leeteuk pushed the conversation a little farther.
"Mi what did Kyu talk to you about?" Zhou Mi raised his head and pushed himself fully away from Leeteuk.
"We talked about..." Leeteuk frowned when Zhou Mi dropped his head to stare at the ground.
"Yes?"
"That is..."
"Zhou Mi." Leeteuks’ voice got firm.
"I-I confessed to him!" Leeteuks’ heart leaped for joy and a grin found its way to his face.
"Yes? That’s wonderful, I bet Kyuhyun was happy!"
Zhou Mi's shoulders began to shake and Leeteuk felt his heart clench when Zhou Mi started to shake his head. Zhou Mi looked up and a large, empty smile was spread across his mouth. It was a smile that said, I'm not ok but you don't need to know that!
"Nope!" He laughed a little. "He said he wasn't gay, then asked me to leave his room."
Leeteuks’ mouth dropped open, and a little lazy fly, who went by the name of puchi stared at the open mouth and debated flying in there, but decided it wasn’t roomie enough.
"He...said no!" Leeteuk says dumbly, a flabbergasted look coming to his face. "I will be right back Zhou Mi so stay here! Damnit!" Leeteuks’ yell of anger could be heard throughout the house, and unbeknownst to him Ryeowook started having a nightmare where Leeteuk was yelling at him.
Loudly and purposefully he stomped up to Kyuhyuns’ door, and without even knocking he shoved the door open.
"Kyuhyun!" He shouted, stopping short when he caught sight of the unmoving figure sitting at the beds edge. He had expected to see Kyuhyun playing his video game or singing, but instead he finds him sitting on the same area of the bed Leeteuk had left him at before.
His face was alarmingly blank, and his hands were folded in his lap. The knuckles were white with how hard he was clenching them.
Silently Leeteuk reached over and took hold of Kyuhyuns’ shoulder. "Kyuhyun." He whispered gently.
---
Kyuhyun could not get Zhou Mi's hurt face out of his head.
'He...he....he said he loves me and all I did was SPIT in his face.....' He began to drown in the thoughts....realization dawning on him. He..had just turned into what he was trying not to be all along, a bad friend.
Even as he heard Leeteuk storm into his room he did not move, did not blink, his body was frozen, locked in a war with his mind.
"Kyuhyun"
Kyuhyun barely heard Leeteuk talking to him, his voice seemed so distant, so otherworldly.
When Leeteuks voice finally reached him, Kyuhyun turned his head. "Yes Leeteuk?" His eyes remained blank and passive.
Kyuhyun could see rage in Leeteuks eyes, he regretted what he did but there was no changing it. "Leeteuk, I am a bad person. Please, hit me." Leeteuks eyes almost popped out of his head. "I am not going to hit my Kyu-bear!! What is wrong with you? Why did you turn Zhou Mi down? He is really hurting because of you."
Leeteuk's words hit deep, stung Kyuhyun to his very core. "Leeteuk, when people are famous, their relationships never stay private. I mean, come on, fans even make up relationships! Imagine what would happen to Zhou Mi's career if we were found out!?"
Leeteuk rubbed his temples with his fingertips, the stress getting to him. Still, he was glad that Kyuhyun decided to finally talk to him, but what Leeteuk was about to say, he wasn't sure if Kyuhyun would appreciate it.
"Kyu, you are being selfish. If Zhou Mi is willing to take a chance, then shouldn't you be willing to in return?"
All of the anger and resentment that Kyuhyun felt toward himself he decided to take out on Leeteuk "You dont know what i am going through because you have NEVER had someone special in your life! now just LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"
Leeteuk was speechless. Never had Kyuhyun ever showed such anger, such violence, such...hatred to Leeteuk. It hurt, it hurt Leeteuk so much. He was the oldest and therefore should be the bravest and the manliest but he couldnt stop himself from fleeing Kyuhyun's room, from running past all of the other members as they heard his loud crying, and from running out the door away from the house.
---------
Author note: POOR TEUKKIE!!! HE IS ALWAYS SOO HELPFUL :( but dont worry someone will love him soon!!!!!!! and I will focus on Mimi A TON more soon!! Thank you for reading! and remember to comment ^____^
Comments