EDGE 4
On The Edge Once More
After Woohyun left, Sungjong was in his own bubble again. He couldn't comprehend all the events that were unfolding in his life right now. All he knew was that everything he believed was lies. His whole being was shattered into pieces and he doesn't know if it will be piece back together again. All the promises that his lover has given him were nothing. And he considered himself a fool for believing his lover. He blamed himself for giving his L-hyung a misery by engaging him in a relationship that should not even begin from the start…but… is he really the one to be blamed? A part of his brain is telling him that he is at fault. If only, he didn't accepted L from the start then the two of them won't suffer any more. His L-hyung won't be cheating if only they were not in a relationship. Maybe, if he died the last time he tried to jump then L will be happy with the one that he really loves. The barrage of what if's and only if's entered his mind. He is confused. He felt like an idiot for holding on unto nothing.
Shaking all the bad thoughts in his mind, he tried to rise from his bed. It was only then that he realized that he was not even in his own room. As he stood up, he felt wobbly and that his head is going to explode. His feet felt like jelly and literally, the room was spinning. He wondered how many hours has he been out. He dragged his weak body to the kitchen, using the wall as a support. In all honesty, he was hungry but he doesn't have the appetite to eat. He doesn't want the effort of his hyung to be wasted that's why he planned to eat even though his stomach is currently revolting when the mere scent of food entered his nose.
On the other hand, Woohyun was shocked when he found Sungjong dragging himself to the kitchen. Rushing by his dongsaeng side, Woohyun supported him to the kitchen.
"Jong, you should have stayed in the room," Woohyun softly whispered to their maknae while he settled down his dongsaeng on the chair.
"It's fine hyung. I think I'll be turning crazy if I stay in the room any longer." Sungjong answered with a small smile. A smile that definitely didn't reach Sungjong's eyes. Woohyun knew that the Sungjong he is facing and talking to right now it only a fragment of the Sungjong he debuted with.
Woohyun put the soup he prepared in front of their maknae. With watchful eyes, he situated himself in front of their maknae.
"You want me to feed you?" Woohyun inquired.
"I can eat on my own, hyung."
Sungjong slowly picked the spoon and began eating.
"Are you sure you're alright?" Woohyun asked his companion but received nothing as an answer.
"Jongie, tell your hyung what's wrong... I'm here for you."
"It's nothing, hyung."
Sungjong laid down his spoon after eating 3 spoonfuls of soup. He felt full already despite his stomach being empty since last night.
"Do you want me to feed you?" A new voice entered the kitchen. A voice that both of them recognized too well.
Before Sungjong could protest, he was enclosed with the arms of his lover. Just like acting on impulse, he stiffened immediately when he felt the heat of his lover. Woohyun raised his brow when he noticed that their maknae becoming uncomfortable when his lover hugged him. Usually, when L showered Sungjong with affection and have skinship with him, Sungjong would incline to his lover’s warmth and he would smile – a smile that could brighten the day even if how gloomy there day is. But not like this, Woohyun couldn’t imagine the day that Sungjong will be tense as his lover touched him. Even the day that he almost jumped of the building, Sungjong still attached himself to L when from the time he woke up to the moment he was discharged from the hospital. He would not even attend his therapy session when L is not with him. So, why is Sungjong acting like this time? Undeniably, there was something wrong between the two of them. Without further ado, Woohyun excused himself, telling L and Sungjong to call him if they need something.
After the departure of Woohyun, L withdrew his arms from Sungjong and sat in front of him. He grabbed the spoon and decided to feed him.
"Jongie, what's wrong?" L asked while urging his lover to open his mouth. "I want to take care of you last night, but that hamster prohibited me from seeing you."
"Jongie, please eat." But Sungjong remained unresponsive to him. "Darling, you have to eat... please."
On the other hand, Sungjong was experiencing an inner battle. He was happy that his lover seems to care for him but he is also disgusted. He don't know who is he disgusted with...if his disgusted with himself for still holding on to his lover or if it with his lover for acting like he held some love and importance to him even if he already have another person that he love. Every feeling he was experiencing that time were conflicting and he felt like his going crazy. The turmoil of emotions within him was clashing, rendering him to be insane. All words that were going out from his lover's mouth were like only a buzzed of incoherent sounds. He suddenly snapped out from his reverie when his lover put his hands on top of his.
"Jongie, please tell me what's wrong?" L questioned again. At the moment, he was seething with anger. He was angry to himself and he angry was towards his lover’s behaviour. His lover's behavior was really off this time and he is concerned. He wanted to snap at his lover for acting like a brat and for ignoring his health and well-being. But he can’t and he won’t. He doesn't want that the accident months before will occur again. He doesn't want that his maknae will kill himself because he was bringing too much pain to him. If this is the case, then maybe it is better if their relationship will be put to end. Maybe Sunggyu was right. If breaking up with Sungjong is the only solution to end both the misery and pain the two of them is bringing to each other, then he would do it. But, L doesn’tknow if he was ready to end everything they had…he doesn’t know whether to let Sungjong go for the sake of his sanity or to hold unto him until the right time will arrive.
Several minutes of silence have past and L decided to bring his lover back to his room to rest. It is useless to stay at the dining room when Sungjong is not even planning to eat. He carried Sungjong bridal style to his room but he didn't miss him as he went stiff when L lifted him off the chair. Sungjong at first tried to pry the hands of his lover around him but he is too weak to do so. He really felt disgusted with himself as he prevented his tears from leaking out of his eyes. After snuggling his loveron his bed, L decided to leave but he was stop with the weak tug from his lover.
“Hyung, can you sing me for the last time.” Sungjong softly requested.
L was taken aback with his lover’s request. “What does he mean by the last time?” he silently questioned himself. “Does Sungjong felt it too?”
He situated himself beside his lover and started to sing while softly caressing his lover’s hair. Midway through the song, Sungjong turn to his side and closed his eyes. His heart is slowly breaking into pieces as he listened to his lover singing. “Is it really the end?” Sungjong asked himself. He was trying hard to stop his tears from flowing. After the song was finished, L kissed his lover’s cheek and with a last caress on Sungjong’s pale cheeks, he leaved the room.
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Well, it's been a long time since I've updated this ff...
To all my subscribers... thanks for subscribing and being with me even if the progress of this story is lagging...
Sorry for the delay... i'm just so busy with my school..
plz comment and subscribe... I really need it to keep my day going...
bye for now...
~peach_fantasy...
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