SHE IS LOVE - PARACHUTE

 

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Kay POV

It was a warm and crisp Sunday as I walk along the pavements going to church. The wind breezing to my face and children running around, laughing and smiling. The old lady in the flower shop was sweetly smiling as always with a flower on her hand and her husband behind the cash register waving at me and I waved back. Everything was wonderful for a perfect sunny day.

Thank you for this day. I prayed while I kneeled facing the altar.

The church was full since its Sunday. Everyone says their thanks, graces and wishes to God, just like me. I’m not a really religious person, but if I have the time to thank God I’d do it because he’s the only one who’s looking after me right now. One of the people closes to my heart, for I have been an orphan since I’ve been born. Being born and raised in an orphanage, I’ve learned to be independent with these two hands that I have. In that orphanage, we’ve been taught about ‘praying’ and ‘saying grace’, about respect and dignity, about care and love. But those learning also must come in an end as soon as I stepped up to my 18^th year of life. It was hard to say goodbye to the nuns and ahjummas that raised me up and to the new kids that I’ve met, the old friends that were still there and those some who were not, they didn’t come back anymore. They must be lucky and happy to have foster parents who are willing to adopt them. I’m not jealous, no, they didn’t teach us to be like that.

___________

[FLASHBACK]

Maybe God has a purpose that’s why.

One of the ahjummas said when one of the kids who was the same age as I was got picked by a couple. They were picking between me and Mina, but in the end I knew she would get picked. She has this charm that attracts people around her, while I was plain.

One day, we gather at the play room, it always happens when there would be a new kid brought at our home. We don’t call the orphanage as an institution, but as a home. They taught us that we are a family, we are all brothers and sisters by soul.

“Hello children,” Mother superior greeted.

“Good morning Mother.” We were taught to call her mother as she was the head nun, one of the oldest in our home.

“Today you’ll be having a new brother in our home.” She looks at the door, and smiled and waved her hands. “Come here.”

“This is Tao. He’s Chinese that’s why he looks kind of different that everyone.” The boy who stares at his feet all the time bobbed his head up shyly and smile. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes have these dark lines under them.

“He looks like a panda!” Minseok said out loudly. Everyone whispers and agrees with him, except me. I just look at this thin boy who has this mysterious air around him. Eyes that held ambiguity or maybe I’m just too young to know.

“Oh Minseok stop it, look at yourself first,” I answered back. “You look like a dumpling.”

Then Minseok starts to stuck up some air in his cheeks. He usually does that when someone teases him.

“I am not.”

_______________

I went inside the classroom for our lessons. There were no children inside but I heard this wailing sound. Is that a cat or a person?

“Waahhhh! I want to go home! Where’s my mommy? Daddy? Waaahhhh!”

I looked all over the room. Behind the curtain, at the blackboard and under the chairs. At last, the final place is the teacher’s table. I looked underneath it and saw the new kid crying, hands wiping the never-ending tears from his eyes.

“Hey,” I called to let him know that I saw him.

“Wah! W-what are you doing here?” his really small puffy eyes because of crying widen.

“For the lessons. It’ll start soon so why don’t you stand up and wipe those away?” I help him in his arms but the tears were still in his eyes. I grasp the end of my shirt and wipe them in his eyes, he flinch a bit.

“Stay still.” And he did follow.

Tao, the new kid, didn’t know what happened to his mom and dad. He didn’t know that they died on their way home from work. I’m not an eavesdropper, I just overheard the nun and the ahjumma talking about him.

“Poor boy… he didn’t know that his parents died…” the nun said.

The ahjumma nodded in agreement. “Did you try contacting his relatives?”

The nun nodded. “We are trying to, but it’s pretty hard since they are from China. Maybe a few weeks or months we’ll receive a reply.”

I don’t know what came onto me but I have this feeling that I need to protect that new kid. The shivering body, the crying face and the sad eyes.

___________

“Hey new kid!”

I overheard Minseok as I walk along the hallway. The other kids were playing in the garden. They were grouped together while Tao stood there by himself.

“What talent do you have?” Minseok asked as he stood in fron of him, arms crossed.

“U-uhm…” Tao clamped his hands together.

“Ohhh….the new kid is getting scared.”

I sighed to myself. There they go again. Bullying the new kid. I quickly walk to my destination and finished my chores so I could save Tao just in time.

But by the time I got there, Minseok was crying with snots in his face, the ahjummas were trying to calm him down while Tao just stood there and he was about to cry too. I walked towards him and stood beside his shaking body. I held tight to his hands as a silent phrase saying,

It’s alright. I’m here.

He looks at me with those sad eyes and tears welling in it. My feet instantly move on their own accord and drag him to my secret place. The only place that I only share with my most important person.

“Kay! Where are you going?” the ahjumma called.

“To the chapel,” I answered. “And its Minseok’s fault not Tao’s. I saw him bullying the new kid.”

The ahjumma stared with disbelief at Minseok who said that it was Tao’s fault. With those said, we got to our feet and went to the small white building in front of our home. Tao’s hand still in mine as we stood in front of the doors. I let go so that I could open the doors.

“Let’s go,” I called him in once there was enough space through the door.

______________

It’s my sanctuary, my refuge, my haven. Whenever I’m down, I would always go in here to pray. No, rather talk to my most important person. I walked in the aisle and kneeled on one of the wooden bleachers.

“Hello father. I’m back and I’m here with a friend.” I looked beside me but he was not there, he was just standing still by the entrance.

“What are you doing there? Come here.” I waved my hand and called to him.

As he walks towards me, his eyes were looking all over the place, hands knotted together and face that says, I’m scared…

“It’s okay, don’t be scared.” I told him so he’d calm down. I scooted so he could sit down beside me.

“Do you know how to pray?” I asked him and he shook his head. I sighed and took both of his hands.

“You hold out your hands like this.” I pressed his palms together.

“Then you kneel and close your eyes.” I kneeled beside him and closed my eyes for a moment then open them to look at him.

“There is no lines need to be memorized. Mother said we just need to talk to him, like telling a story.”

“Oh…”

I started to close my eyes and bring my mind back at peace. Then I felt his kneel beside me. He was quiet at first but then started to mutter something. I tried to listen to it but I can’t understand what he’s saying.

As soon as I’m done I sat up and waited for Tao to finish.

“What did you tell him?” I asked.

“Uhm, i-it’s a secret.” He looks down at his hands. His cheeks were flushed but those sad eyes…they were glimmering.

[END OF FLASHBACK]

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I walked out of the church and smiled brightly at the sun and the blue sky. Sunday is my day off, so I have time to go back to my original home. I get on my heels and walk to the bus stop where it would take me back to the place where I’ve first learned about love.

 

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Tao POV

It has been 8 years since I’ve last set a foot in Seoul, South Korea. There had been many changes already. More buildings, more modern houses, more busy people briskly walking even though it’s Sunday. But the familiar air, the warmth of a Sunday morning gust through me. The familiarity that the city still held on the tiniest bit part of my memory. Those darkest day, where only one person had become my light. I’d almost lost my faith, but only her, she makes me believe. And I call her with the same name as the emotion that I feel for her though it’s not her name inside my head I call her, Love.

[FLASHBACK]

I don’t know what happened. I was just playing in the living room when some random unknown people starts to come in. An adult talked to me saying,

“Everything’s going to be okay.”

I don’t know what that adult was saying. Everything is alright that’s what I know. He took me by the arm and led me to this strange place where people were walking really fast, some were running. Most of them were in white dress, even big boys were in white dress.

“Tao, we are in the hospital,” the adult that I am with talks to me. “Mommy and Daddy got in an accident and they are sleeping in their room.”

“Sleeping? Can’t I wake them up?” my voice squeak as I heard that my parents are here.

I’m getting frightened now. I need my mom and dad. I tried to remove my arm from his grasp and run away. I run and run until I saw my mom from a door.

“Mom!” I called to her but she wasn’t looking. Her eyes were closed and she…looks kind of pale. I went inside the room.

“Tao!” the adult that I am with caught up behind me, but he didn’t stop me from entering and getting near my mom.

I stood beside her bed and held her hand. It was cold, so cold, like when we play in the winter snow, no, colder than those days. I don’t know why she isn’t getting up.

“Mom, wake up,” I shook he arm. “I want to go home… let’s go find dad when you open your eyes… so mom… please open them…” my eyes were getting wet that I had to just wipe them off. “Mom…”

_____________

The adult took me some place, telling me that they need to contact my grandma in China but they need someone to take care of me while they do that. My tears were endless, and I can’t sleep at night since my dad was not there to read me a story or my mom to sing me a song. The adult took my hand as we walk to the pavement leading to a small building that looks like a small school. She was talking to this lady who was in gray dress with her hair also covered in a gray cloth with a bead and cross trinkets hanging on her neck. I think she noticed that I was looking at her because she smiled at me and I dodge my eyes and looks at my feet.

I want my mom…

The adult that brought me there bid her farewell and patted my head and told me,

“Stay strong.”

The lady that he was talking to talks to me,

“So you are Tao? I’m the head nun here, but call me mother.”

“M-mother?” I repeated the word and she smiled, just like my mom would if she was here.

She took my hand and led me somewhere inside the small building. She said that I should call it home, not an institution.

Home…

She told me to wait outside the room. And so I did. There were children, many of them inside the room. Probably the same age as me, some older, some younger.

“Hello children,” the lady greeted them.

“Good morning Mother.” They greeted her back. Mother.

“Today you’ll be having a new brother in our home.” She looks at me, smiled and waved her hands. “Come here.” She called and I instantly walk beside her.

“This is Tao. He’s Chinese that’s why he looks kind of different that everyone.” I only looked at my feet, I don’t like to see them look at me. I feel a bit embarrassed and felt my cheeks flushing because of it.

“He looks like a panda!” a boy who looks like a bun said out loudly. Everyone whispers and agrees with him, except that girl with a very serious face. He looks at me from head to toe that I started to get a bit conscious of her stares. Is there something wrong?

“Oh Minseok stop it, look at yourself first,” she answered back to the kid who looks like a bun. “You look like a dumpling.”

Ohh..a  dumpling…

The dumpling kid whose name was Minseok starts to stuck up some air in his cheeks that started to make him look like a bun now and replied,

“I am not.”

______________

I was left alone by the nun and the other children. They said we would have a class later this afternoon so I could still stroll inside the orphanage. I walked and walked through the dark hallway alone. It was quiet, so quiet that I’m getting scared. Good thing there was a room open, so I went in. I think this is the classroom if I’m not mistaken. Because of the several chairs and the board. I hid under the teacher’s desk. I don’t know why but it just gives me this comfort hiding there. Then bit by bit I started to break down as I bear in mind that I’m all alone in this place. I’m starting to miss my mom and dad.

“Waahhhh! I want to go home! Where’s my mommy? Daddy? Waaahhhh!” I cried, thinking there will be no one to hear me.

“Hey,” someone called and caught me by surprise.

“Wah! W-what are you doing here?”  I asked as I sniff and wipe my eyes with my hands.

“For the lessons. It’ll start soon so why don’t you stand up and wipe those away?” she grab me in the arms and helped me stood up to my feet. This girl who had defended me a while ago is now helping me. I thought she was snobbish at first because her face held no emotions or its too serious when Mother introduced me to them. I was about to wipe my face again with my hands when she grabs the end of her shirt and wipes then for me, I can’t help but recoil to the act but then I got scolded,

“Stay still.” And I did. Afraid that I’d make her angry.

I later learned that her name was Kay. The other kids and the ahjummas call her that.

“Kay is a really nice girl,” the ahjumma said as I stood on the stool watching her prepare the dishes. “she was supposed to be in a new home now except she didn’t get pick. She’s very pretty don’t you think?”

I nodded in agreement. Yes, she’s pretty and caring.

“But… I just hope that she’s not too hard on herself.” The ahjumma stops on what her doing and faces me. “Do you know, she doesn’t interact much? I hope it’s not because she was raised alone…”

“She doesn’t have a mom or a dad?” I asked.

She shook her head, “No. someone from the hospital left her in our care. They said that her mom died giving birth to her and her dad… it seems he left them earlier…” the ahjumma looks really sorry for Kay.

Is that why she has this serious face?

“But she’s really nice to everyone. She smiles and laughs with them, but most of the time she’s by herself in the chapel. Though she likes to be alone, everyone likes her, some even call her ‘Love’ since she emits that emotion to everyone.”

Can I also call her…’Love’?

____________

I decided that being stuck inside the building won’t do me any good, so I went out to play with the others. I was staring at the bright sky as I took a step out of the building. Minseok and the others were there but not Kay.

“Hey new kid!”

Minseok called. Is he calling me? The group of kids went near him.

 “What talent do you have?” Minseok asked as he stood in front of me with his arms crossed.

“U-uhm…” I clamped my hands together.

“Ohhh….the new kid is getting scared.” Minseok teased.

“I-I’m not scared!” I answered back.

“Oh really? Then show me what you got panda!”

“I’m not a panda! You…d…dumpling!”

“W-what did call me!?”

He was about to tackle me when I remembered those moves that I learned from martial arts school when we were still in China. I immediately recoiled and punched him in the face.

“U-uh…” he held his nose, eyes welling up in tears. “Uwaaaahhhhh!!!! Uwaaahhhhh!!! Ahjummonim!!!!!”

I can’t utter anything, I want to say sorry but he was crying and the ahjumma came.

“What happened?” the ahjumma asked.

“it’s the new kid’s fault! H-he…hit me!!!” Minseok told her.

“Aww…Tao… you shouldn’t do that.” the ahjumma held Minseok. “Now, now, don’t cry Minseok...”

But I’m not the one who started it! I wanted to yell those words but I just held it in. I want to cry too. Why do I have to take the blame…

Suddenly Kay ran besides me and held my hand in a comforting way. I look at her with my tears almost ready to fall and abruptly, she pulled me away.

 “Kay! Where are you going?” the ahjumma called.

“To the chapel,” Kay answered. “And its Minseok’s fault not Tao’s. I saw him bullying the new kid.”

The ahjumma stared with disbelief at Minseok , leaving him being scolded by the ahjumma.

Kay’s walking briskly towards the chapel. We stopped at the door and pushed it open enough for us to go inside.

“Let’s go,” she called.

______________

It was quiet inside the four corner cold stone wall of the chapel. Kay walked through the aisle and kneeled on one of the wooden bleachers.

“Hello father. I’m back and I’m here with a friend. What are you doing there? Come here.” she waved my hand and called to me who just stood by the door and observe her.

 “It’s okay, don’t be scared,” she said, it must’ve shown in my face. She scooted to the side so I could sit beside her.

“Do you know how to pray?”

I shook my head. She sighed and took both of my hands.

“You hold out your hands like this.” she pressed my palms together, her hands were warm.

“Then you kneel and close your eyes.” she kneeled and closed her eyes for a moment then open them. If there were other words to call her, I would call her an angel. Love and Angel.

“There is no lines need to be memorized. Mother said we just need to talk to him, like telling a story.”

My mind flew a bit but I got it back in time as she tells me what to do. “Oh…”

I did what she told me to. I pressed my hands together, kneeled beside her and closed my eyes. I can’t utter my feelings in straight Hangul so I decided to say my prayers in Chinese.

Dear God,
I may not know you,
 Like right now I only have a vague knowledge about you
but still Kay insisted that I believe in you
Like how she knows you from the bottom of her heart
how she call you ‘father’
how she believes in you…
I just want to…
Thank you.
Thank you for giving me courage to stand up for myself
like a while ago.
But I know fighting is bad so I won’t do it again.
and also Thank you for ‘Love’, for ‘Angel’
I know you know who I meant…

 “What did you tell him?” Kay asked as soon as I finished.

“Uhm, i-it’s a secret.” I replied but her face was still full of questions but she let t go.

__________________

One day, the adult who brought me in the orphanage came back. I was called to the office. She was talking to ‘Mother’ with a smiling face and a voice that seems to bring good news.

“Yes! Finally we found Tao’s grandmother! It took us a month but we finally got in touch with her. She said she’d be happy to have him back!”

I overheard them talking. So I’ll be leaving here soon? But I’m happy here…being with everyone… being with Kay…

“Oh Tao you’re here!” the adult greeted me as soon as I stepped in.

“I’m going to go back in China?” I asked them, I can’t hold up the tears now and I started to break down in front of them.

Both of them look at me with eyes full of pity.

“Sorry Tao… but you have a real family. I know they could take care better of you.” Mother superior walks to me and patted my head.

“C-Can I at least say goodbye to everyone?” can I at least tell Kay I’m leaving?

She smiled at me and said, “Of course.”

__________

Everyone gathered in the classroom, even I was there and Kay was there in the corner staying quiet.

“Everyone, Tao have something to tell,” Mother nodded to me so I could continue.

“U-uhm… thank you!” I bowed 90 degrees to them. “I-I’m leaving here and will be going back to China to live with my grandmother. I really like staying here. I made many new friends and even the ahjummas are nice. I’ve been taught on how to be open with everyone. Learning how to pray… was one of the memorable things that I will cherish…” I look at Kay whose face was full of sadness and left the room as she met my eyes.

I don’t know what happened but I followed her out and grab her wrist as soon as I caught up.

“Kay, what’s wrong?” I asked her.

“…Just like them…” she mumbled.

“Huh?”

“you are just like them! Leaving me alone here! Then not even looking back… just like Mina, Ray, Sherry… they didn’t visit me back here. Must be too happy with their new parents and new home…”

The tears were like waterfalls, overflowing and endless. I can’t bear looking at her with waterfall tears so I hugged her. I hugged her tight in my arms.

“I-I promise I’ll be back!” I swear. “It may not be tomorrow. May not be the day after. But soon, yes, I’ll be back soon. So… don’t cry anymore.”

I can’t bear looking at my angel crying.

“Tao,” the adult called. “We need to go.”

I slowly let go of Kay who was now with calm sobs and hands wiping her face.

[END OF FLASH BACK]

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I was waiting at the bus stop going to my previous home. There was this pretty girl listening to music while reading a notebook. She caught me looking at her, her brown eyes were like those of Kay’s, but then our eye contact got cut off as soon as the bus arrived. I let her in first and she accepted it. And when I went inside, the only available space left was beside her. I asked,

“Is it okay if I sit here?”

She looks at me again with those chocolate eyes and nodded. Her face was serious, which reminds me again of her. It wasn’t a long ride, 15 minutes isn’t that long. I reached my stop so I stood up and stepped out of the bus, then again I saw the girl behind me also stepped out. I walked ahead of her, though the direction seems to be unfamiliar so I decided to ask her,

“Do you know an institute named, “God’s Haven”?”

Her eyes widened at the mention of the institution.

“Yeah, actually I was going there.” Her voice was soft. “Do you want to go together?”

I nodded and accepted her offer.

All throughout our walk, there were no more words said after the offer. She was still listening to her music and the small notebook in her hand. We reached the institution and she seems so familiar with it. Did she come from here? I tried to look around to see if there are still some familiar faces. The ahjummas, the nuns.

“Kay! You’re back again!” someone greeted.

K-Kay!?

I look towards where that voice came from. And the girl that I was with was happily smiling at the ahjumma who called. I absentmindedly walks towards them. I cried as I gave her a tight hug.

“H-Hey! What are you doing!?” she yelled as she tries to push me away.

“It’s me!”

“You who?”

“Tao?”

“Tao? I don’t know anyone named Tao.”

She…can’t remember me? I turned around, giving up on the little hope that I might call her by the secret name that I have for her. It’s so silly, I’m so silly… who am I kidding? I’ve been gone for 8 years, what do I expect? A warm greeting and a party?

I was about to exit the gates when I heard her soft voice again,

“Hey Panda tao! I’m just kidding!”  I looked back and saw her running towards me. She tackled me from the back and whisper.

“Thank you for keeping your promise.” She pecked me on the cheek.

“Of course,” I smiled at her.

 

She is love. And she is all I need.

 

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A/N:

This chapter is SOOOOO NOT related to the flow of the story. its soooo out of the blue crap that i just feel like i need this to be posted since i haven't been updating this fic. and im sorry. im really really sorry TT^TT