It was one of those days where in I was waiting for my friend at the coffee shop at the third street near our campus. It was filled with students, group of friends and some couples cuddling at the side. I was just reading a book entitled, Boy meets girl, by an American author and from time to time, I stir my coffee to take a sip from it. I was engulfed in the book that I’m reading and was at the part, Why You need More than Just Intense Feeling, when she arrived.

“Sohee! I brought my cousin with me today, if you don’t mind.”

I look up and was greeted by a guy with two fluffy cheeks as I shook my head in response and gave a small smile.

“This is my cousin, Minseok, the baozi cheeks that I’ve been talking to you about.”

“Hey,” I heard him speak a word as a faces her and furrow his brows cutely.

I grin quietly but he seemed to notice so I stop and covers my face with my nook.

“Okay, so, I’m leaving you guys together for a while. I got some stuff that needs to be done. Like buying school supplies and God-knows-what-else,” she groans.

And there, my best friend, Taehee, left us to ourselves with only me knowing this baozi guy, no, I mean, Minseok’s name.

“Uh, so...” He looks cute like a shy boy. “My name is Minseok.” He extends his hand and I took it in mine.

“I’m Choi Sohee. Just Sohee is fine.” I smiled at him.

Never would I thought that I’d be tying a knot with this guy that I meet at the Coffee shop which my best friend introduces as her cousin. Three years. It has been three years since I’ve known him. Three years since the first time I saw him with that shy smile. Three years since the first time I’ve held his hands. Three years since the first time I heard his soft, gentle voice. Minseok is a really sweet and nice guy. Even after I continuously over and over about having those cute fluffy cheeks, he never seems to get mad. He just smiles and puffs his cheeks in a very cute way that makes me grin all the time.

But, there is something on the back of my mind that had been bothering me since the proposal...

“Do I really want to get married?”

I asks myself as I look into my big mirror in my room.

I am, like, just only 26. Is 26 a good age to marry? What if he got turned off by me from all the stuffs that I usually do at home? I mean, being in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is different from being tied together for the rest of our lives.

After marriage, of course, he would want to really start his own family. Have a baby, maybe not just one. I just hope he doesn’t want to have a soccer team.

I look at my body as I spun around in front of the mirror.

Right now, my body might be okay, but when I get pregnant of course my tummy would blow up like a big balloon, then after birth I don’t think I could easily remove all those fats so I’ll be chubby for a while. Maybe Minseok will tease me too when I get fat.

Then, I look closely at the mirror and stare at my face.

What if I get old? I’ll have wrinkles and my hair will turn grey. I would not be as pretty as I am now. Then maybe, hopefully not, Minseok might fall for a younger girl because I’m all wrinkled up.

I sigh as all different kind of thoughts, negative to be exact, are flooding in my head about marriage. Taking me aback from that decision that I made months ago.

Maybe I should stop as early as now. It’s only just a week before the wedding date. Maybe I could cancel and save Minseok from all the embarrassment that he would get. Yeah, maybe it’s better of to cances as early as now.

I nodded to myself as I think of that decision that I abruptly made without consulting anyone, not even my parents, my best friend or my fiancé.

I pulled out a paper and a pen for the letter that I would write to Minseok. I know it’s kind of lame for this age to write a letter and send it via post mail but what can I say? I’m a romantic. I don’t know how I would start that letter. Maybe with a..

“Hi Minseok, I’m sorry that I can’t be married with you because I feel doubtful about myself and too scared to undergo stuffs that I can’t handle–”

Okay, scratch that. That doesn’t sound really good. It sounds awful as if I’m telling him that it’s a mistake that I met him or it’s a mistake that he even proposes. But whenever I look back at those times that we’ve been together, it’s not that bad. Actually, we never have any argument... well maybe that one time when he met with his sister at an ice cream shop but at that time I didn’t know it was his sister that I almost broke up with him. Sigh. I must write this letter sincerely as I could.

“Dear Minseok,

                Well, Hi! I guess you’re probably wondering what’s with the letter and all? Well, uhm, I’m kind of shy and nervous that’s why I wrote a letter instead. I don’t really know how I would face you or how to say all of this, but, please do remember that I really love you. I love you as much as I love reading books. I love you as much as I love those cream puffs at the 2^nd avenue. I love you just like how I felt until now... But, yeah I know there is a ‘but’, I just don’t feel that I’m ready yet or maybe I’m just at that point where in confusion starts to creep on my decision. It’s been three months since that proposal you made at the museum. I was really surprised and touched that my tears starts b in my eyes. Never had I thought that you would want to spend your whole life with me, but I, too, felt the same. I am scared, yes, too scared of all the ‘What if’s’ of the future we’re going to have. Maybe, just maybe, time will tell when it’s the right time for us. But right now, I’m just not ready yet. And by the time you read this letter, I’m already at the airport waiting for my flight. I don’t know where I’ll be going. Maybe soul searching? Hahaha. I guess I’ve been reading too much books. I just hope you can still wait for me. But if not, it’s okay, I understand. Only an idiot would wait for god-knows-how-long. I just wish you well. And... I love you.”

I pulled out my luggage off the taxi and make my way to check in for my flight. My first stop would be Italy. Yeah, I know, Eat, pray, love. I just don’t know how this journey courses and I don’t have that kind of amount of money to really go all over the world. I pulled my bag towards the clerk and handed him my ticket and he scanned it over his computer and gave it back to me and smiled. I was about to check in my luggage when the clerk says that I still have to wait for an hour to do so. This is the first time that I’m travelling so I’m kind of clueless to what I should do and so I just did what he said and drag all of my things to the chairs where most people seems to wait for their flight. I look at the other people who went to the clerk and all of them were checking their bags in. Well, maybe it’s because I’m going to a different place than them. I sigh as I settle down and look at my phone. I only got a message from my mom who seems to be worried since I’ll be travelling alone. But no messages from my best friend or Minseok.

Of course stupid! Minseok would just receive the letter today so how he would know?

I was about to press the button on the side of my phone to turn it off when suddenly a call came in.

“Hello?”

[Sohee?]

“Minseok...”

[Attention all passengers.]

After that, I can’t hear Minseok anymore and the call got cut off and the speaker just goes on. I heard someone clears their throat from the microphone.

[From the first time that I laid my eyes on you in thought ‘wow, she’s really pretty with those big eyes.’ The way you smile and that shy grin that you’ve given me that day made my heart flutter and those butterflies in my stomach go crazy. The way you hid yourself behind your tablet and the sound of your voice made my knees weak. And by the time that I get to touch your hand through a handshake, your thin, warm hands grasping mine makes my mind go blank and want to run through the end of the world and scream. Hehehe. I know I sound really funny now with this confession but it’s the truth, really. I might not be the perfect man but I always pray for that other half that could make me into that perfect guy. And I guess it’s that day that I met you, God had answered my prayer and with a bonus. That’s your pretty face and witty brain.

Sohee... my beautiful Sohee... my witty Sohee... I love you like how I love eating ice cream. I love you just as much as I love to sing. I love you just how much I love that cake that you baked for my birthday. And I love you because you are you. Even if you grow old, even if you became fat, even with the wrinkles and grey hair, I would hold your hand in mine. Entwining our fingers together, placing your head in mine as we watch the sunset in the balcony of our home. Growing old with you would be the best thing that will ever happen in my entire life because I love you...]

I was sniffing and my face became wet from all the tears that came out from my eyes.

That stupid baozi.

I turned around and saw that everyone, even the clerks were clapping their hands and then some whistling can also be heard at the background. Then a guy with a bouquet was walking towards me, his face was covered so I’m clueless to who it was until the guy showed his face and it was Minseok.

“How...”

“Well, the postman had delivered the letter a day earlier than your actual flight. Then did some few arrangements...” he rubs the back of his neck and I took the bouquet. “I guess I can’t change your mind about the wedding but I just want you to know that I’ll always be waiting when you’re ready. And that’s how much I love you, Sohee.” He looks really shy as he said those last words.

“Stupid Minseok!” I was wailing hard and Minseok seemed to panic and does not what to do.

“H-hey...” he shook my shoulder and rubs it gently.

“You’re really stupid! How do you think I can even go now and fly away when you’ve changed my mind!” I was wailing even more. “I...I wanna spend all of my days waking up beside you! You baozi!” then I jump onto him and gave him a really tight hug, still wailing. I can feel his hands on my back as he kisses the top of my head.

“I love you, baby. I really love you.”