~ The Second Movement ~
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Chapter Nine - Diminuendo

I watched Byunghee’s long slender fingers while he was typing a text message on his mobile phone for the third time.
He moved his fingertips really fast on the keys, confirming my thoughts that he was actually a fast writer.
It was probably something because of his work and I didn’t ask him what he wrote in order to seem polite even though it was kind of disturbing.
Only one week ago I agreed on meeting him again and it still felt somehow strange – especially because I started to notice a lot things about him which I wasn’t aware before.
My eyes automatically started to glare on his long fingers when he was doing something and I actually almost prayed to god that he wouldn’t notice it.
After all it would be kind of embarrassing – but I couldn’t help it.
It wasn’t my fault that his fingers and other things of him started to look so attractive to me.
His clothes were all black again, but this time he wore a shirt and a beanie to cover his hair – and this look really suited him.
However, I tried to think about him as a new friend who I could talk to.
I just didn’t want to obey my confused feelings even though it started to be really hard since I realized that I liked him.

This breathtaking feeling that tied my whole body up got even worse when he started to call me regularly.
At first I was really surprised because I’ve thought that he would be busy with work or that he will contact me only for clarifying our new meeting – but I was totally wrong.
Back that day when we talked on phone he called me only a few hours later back, still sounding really sleepy and wanted to know how I was feeling.
At this moment I was still laying in bed, coughing my lungs out and hoped that I only had to endure this illness for a few days.
Of course I didn’t feel well, but I didn’t want him to make him feel bad again for not appearing.
But what he said to me somehow got stucked in my head, giving me once again the feeling that he really cared for me.
“Please rest well, Sangmi. Because it’s my fault that you are laying in bed I will call you whenever I have time, only to listen to your voice and to hope that you finally feel better.”
He didn’t only call me for several times a day – he sended me messages as well.
It wasn’t a nuisance to me that he was acting like that.
Actually it was really cute.
When I started to feel better he was still worried about me, always asking me if everything was alright.
It has been a long time when someone cared for me that much like he did – and it made me flutter.
I instantly agreed on meeting him when he told me that he had some free time on the next Sunday.

But meeting him in person again was something different from before.
My heart was always beating a lot, even though he didn’t do anything and it was always hard to concentrate when he was around.
Byunghee was really gentle towards me – but I could feel some distance in everything he was doing.
He was extremely cautious and this confused me a lot.
I didn’t know if he had trouble with his work; if maybe everything was too much for him right now or if he needed any help.
He didn’t speak about it – and I didn’t dare to ask him.
Maybe he was only cautious because of what happened last time – maybe he was constantly worried about that people may recognize him and that he would get into trouble after that.
Was meeting him really that selfish after all?
He asked me out, but somehow I felt right out of the place.
And the fact that he always wore sunglasses disturbed me a lot as well.

“I’m sorry”, he said to me with a sweet voice, “I won’t go on my mobile phone anymore for today as long as I’m with you.”
His lips formed a small smile, making me regret my thoughts of before.
He really tried hard to make it comfortable for me to be with him even though it was hard at the same time.

We were inside a small café which we’ve found while walking on the street.
It was a better option to choose one place to go instead of walking and risking that people may recognize him on street.
Somehow we were awkward towards each other, remaining mostly silent – more likely waiting that the other one is starting to speak.
But this wasn’t the reason why I felt out of place while being with him.

And it wasn’t the reason why my heart couldn’t stop beating loudly anymore.
I really wanted to know more about him but it was hard to ask.
I lifted my head, looking for the waiter again like I did for another countless times already so that I didn’t have to stare at his fingers again.
“Do you want to say something?”
I heard Byunghee’s soft voice and I turned my head, staring at his black glasses.
He still had this cute smile on his lips, encouraging me to talk to him more.
“I have the feeling that you want to say a lot but you aren’t that talkative today. Have I done anything wrong?”
“You haven’t done anything wrong”, I answered him, forcing myself not to look away. “But it’s really strange being with you while you are wearing sunglasses all the time. I never know what you’re thinking.”
“I would like to put them down but people may recognize me then.”
He leaned a bit forward and even though I couldn’t see his eyes I knew that he was watching me.
“Do you want to see my eyes that badly?”, he asked and his smile turned into a smirk.
He really loved to tease me – but I really liked that.
“Stupid idiot”, I mumbled with a playful angry voice, making him laughing a bit.

I watched his fingers lifting up and stared at his face while he surprisingly took off his glasses.
“Is it better now?”, he gently asked while his deep brown eyes focused on mine.
It was only the second time that I saw his eyes and I couldn’t withstand to stare at them like an idiot.
His eyes were really honest and they almost seemed like they could see my entire soul.
It gave me a warm feeling in the inside and I could barely breathe – not only because of the perfect shape of his eyes, but more likely because I was surprised.
“You don’t have to do that!”
I almost screamed and I instantly regretted it that I raised my voice like that.
What if someone noticed him then?
I turned my head almost in panic, looking around but no one was looking at us.
Fortunately no one seemed to have noticed it.
I sighed in relief and turned my head to Byunghee again, only to see and hear him laughing.
He raised his left fist to his mouth, trying to cover his laugh, while his eyes shaped themselves cutely.

Now that I could see his entire face I really thought that he had an adorable laugh.
But it was a bit embarrassing though because he was laughing because of me.
“W-what…”, I mumbled in embarrassment, trying to not stare at him right now.
“I just thought that you are really cute”, he said with an honest voice, still having this cute face expression of him.
I felt that something inside me started to grow again, filling my inside with a sweet feeling.
“I’m not cute at all”, I just replied and started to stare into one corner of the room.
Somehow I acted really pathetic again.
I didn’t even know what to say towards him – even though I surely had some questions about him.
Didn’t we meet up for getting known each other better?
I really hated this shyness of me.

“Sangmi, please look at me – I want to see your face while talking to you.”
His voice sounded really cautious and gentle again and I almost looked up only because I heard it.
There was always something in his voice that touched me really easily – almost like his voice did it when he was singing.
“Don’t be worried. I will put my glasses up again if someone is coming to us”, he added without changing his tone.
He made me flutter again – there was no way to deny it.
I inwardly sighed, raising my head again and looked into his dark brown eyes again which still fixed my face.
“What kind of music do you listen to by the way?”, he asked me without letting my eyes escaping his.
I was a bit surprised by his sudden question, mostly because he distracted me with his stare.
“I like everything.”
This answer seemed to amuse him again, because he instantly formed his lips to a smile again.
“Give me some details”, he begged while he oppressed his laugh.
 Everything he was doing was in a really sweet way and I had trouble to inwardly control my feelings.
I wasn’t even so sure about it if I still knew how to speak properly but I still had to try it.
“Actually I don’t know a lot about modern music”, I admitted and saw an interesting sparkle in his eyes, “I like to listen to everything, but mostly I never know the name of the song or the singer.”
“That’s alright”, he said. “As long as you enjoy music it’s okay to not know them. I’m always glad when people can enjoy it when I’m singing so I’m happy with just that – they don’t need to know me.”
His smile got brighter again and it made me happy to see him like this.
He really had some nice opinions and views which were similar to my own.
This was exactly what I was thinking when I heard his voice for the very first time – he just loved music, he didn’t need anything else.
Towards people like him I had the most respect – because I knew that feeling.

“You know, I like more instrumental music. I used to play violin when I was younger”, I added.
“Oh”, he said and his eyes widened in respect, “I didn’t know that. It’s a really nice instrument when you can actually play it. I would love to hear you playing sometime.”
“I don’t play anymore”, I reminded him and sighed inwardly for bringing up this topic.
I still didn’t want to bring back the memories – but there was something about him that told me that I could tell him everything.
But I could hold myself back.
“That’s really a pity – how long did you play anyway?”, he asked and somehow I thought that his voiced sounded a bit disappointed.
“Over ten years. I started to play violin when I just turned four.”
“Oh really?!”
This time it was his turn to get excited and he leaned forward, his lips for one second in anticipation.
“If you played that long you have to be really good. Why did you quit anyway?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, I’m sorry”, I said while biting my lips and I could see on his face that he regretted it to ask me something like that.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude”, he said honest.
“You aren’t rude. It’s just not one of my favorite topics. Maybe I will tell you about it someday.”
I really didn’t want that he felt bad because of something like that.
It was just my fault because I was such a coward.
“I’m sorry”, he repeated, “I won’t ask you again. But if you want to talk about it someday I will be there for you.”
His lips formed a smile again, closing this dark topic for today.

I couldn’t help it – but somehow he felt bad for what he had asked before.
He was even more cautious and gentle now, trying not to dig any further into my head with questions.
Mostly I asked him questions about how his week was, how the other members were and some other really simple things.
When the waiter came over he abruptly put on his sunglasses again in order to fulfill his promise.
I was really grateful for today – because he really showed me that he respected me in some way.
But then everything ended.
I wasn’t aware of it how fast the time could past – and he was surprised as well.
“Let’s go”, he said when we’ve paid and threw a small glance outside the window and into the dark evening.
I grabbed my handbag and stood up, waiting for him to do the same.
“I will take you back home”, he said with a soft smile and I couldn’t disagree to it.
The truth was that I wanted him to be by my side.

The evening was cold again, like the other day we’ve accidentally met and I rubbed my hands again to make them warm.
I didn’t want to complain about the coldness – especially not because I felt like I was in his debt again.
“It’s the other way, I’ll lead you”, I stammered a bit and showing with one hand into the opposite direction.
“I’ll follow you”, he said with a smile and I felt something warm at my icy hand.
His fingers slowly over the back of my right hand and I almost pulled it back in shock.
I was pretty sure that he noticed my reaction, but because I didn’t pull my hand back he continued.
His whole hand wraped my small one, completely giving me a warm and strange feeling.
Maybe he had noticed that I got cold again –and I was glad.
“Let’s go”, he said and started to walk to the direction which I showed him earlier.
But I couldn’t concentrate anymore.
The only thing I could feel was his soft, warm skin at my hands which completely distracted me.
My heart was beating loudly; I couldn’t withstand him anymore.

I really hoped that the way to my home would be longer and that he never let go of my hand.