~ The First Movement ~
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Chapter 3 - Decrescendo

My face probably looked really pale, almost like a living undead as I caught sight of Jinhee  waiting outside.
I still felt unsure about what happened inside; I wasn’t sure what to believe.
I lifted my right hand and waved at her, holding up the signed album.
Maybe she wouldn’t notice it when I put up a fake smile – I didn’t want to bother her. 
She didn’t know what happened in the café and I really wasn’t all that eager to tell her.
Jinhee saw me and waved back – she seemed to be excited.

“How was it?”, she nervously asked, looking at me with big eyes.
“It was okay”, I lied and sighed. “But I felt like an idiot up there. I’m not even a fan and got to shake their hands. You should have gone up there instead of me.”
I tried to sound reproachful, but I actually just tried to a bit.
“I only did that because you are my best friend”, I continued and poked her side.
The fake smile disappeared and made room for a honest smile.
I gave her the album back and she instantly grabbed it.

She skipped through the pages, looking proudly at the autographs I got for her.
And somehow I felt relieved – she looked happy and she didn’t mention anything.
There wasn’t anything weird written there, was it?
At least I hoped it would be like that.
“Thank you Sangmi”, Jinhee smiled and lifted her head, facing me. “You are the best.”
We started to walk to distance ourselves from the fans who still waited outside for their idols to come out.

I tried to forget what happened in the building; tried to forget the young men in the café.
Here goes nothing.
There was no way that these two members were exactly the same person – and it wasn’t like I would see them again.
Even though I kept on repeating this to myself it was hard to calm down myself.
I was really pathetic.

“What is this?”
Jinhee threw me out of my day dreaming, holding the album right in front of my nose so that I was nearly unable to see the opened page properly.

“Sorry for being noisy.”

The small, spidery sentence was written on the next page to his usual autograph; sitting on the bottom of the page.
It was the same handwriting – it was his handwriting.
My eyes widened in shock and I lost my voice for a second.
So he really was the same person.
I couldn’t remember when he wrote this – but I hadn’t paid any attention to him either.
Maybe he noticed that I felt uncomfortable meeting him and thus he ended up apologizing?
But this wouldn’t make any sense either.
The feelings of guilt came back at me and I bit my lips.

“What did you do Sangmi?”
Jinhee’s voice sounded a bit mad.
She stared at me – but I really didn’t want to tell her the truth.
“It’s just a misunderstanding – he probably got it wrong because I was pretty silent when I was up there”, I said and tried to sound honest.
Luckily, it worked.
She shrugged and took a glance at the handwriting again.
“That’s nice of him – but why didn’t he write this on the first page?”
“Maybe he didn’t want to ruin the picture”, I suggested and shrugged too.
I tried to change the topic while making jokes but inwardly I felt insecure.

*~*

The week after the fanmeeting was rather busy.
First, there was Jinhee who tried to get me into the A+ Fandom with all her might, giving me calls every free minute, even coming to my apartment to give me some of her MBLAQ’s CDs.
It was no use in declining her offer – and even more pointless to mention that I had some other problems besides finding new groups I liked.
So I ended up putting the CD’s in a corner – promising her I'll listen to them later.
I still had to unpack the last moving boxes and I had to ensure my part-time work.
But it seemed like I had some strange streak of bad luck.

I dropped my notes into the corner, frustrated at how hard it was to find work.
Since this morning, I was busy making calls, but I didn’t have any success.
Neither the payment was high enough nor did anyone need someone who could do a part-time work anyways.
I only had one month left to find work, otherwise I would be in trouble – trouble with paying my college fees and the monthly spendings.
When I left my home I was sure that I could handle everything on my own but I obviously couldn’t.
It was too hard – and I didn’t want to bother Jinhee with it.

I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to gather some last energy for making another call but I had already reached my daily capacity.
My hands automatically grabbed the printed papers of job offers which I piled up on my small desk.
These were my last chances.
I sighed and put them into my handbag before I stretched my arms.
Some fresh air and a change of scenery would be good.
In the end, I stared at my grey walls for some hours while nibbling on my ballpen.

The only place I would surely be able to find some rest was the small café Jinhee showed me two weeks ago.
I took me some time to find it again, but I suddenly felt relieved when I saw the innocent façade of the building.
My stomach alerted me of being hungry – this was just perfect.
I took a look around as I entered and decided to sit down on exactly the same table like the last time.
There weren’t that  many customers anyway and I would find some peace.

I spread my papers all over the table, raising my head only for the waitress who came over to me with a bright smile.
“Have you already decided on your order?”, she asked me, pulling out a pen.
“I would like to have an espresso and one slice of the strawberry cake, please. The one with the cute hearts on it”, I replied and she nodded knowing.
“I will be back in a second.”
With these words she went away, leaving me behind with my papers.
I sighed and lifted up a random piece of paper, looking at the offers.
Probably I would never be able to find something good within them – but I couldn’t give up.
The waitress came back with my cake and the espresso but I just put them aside for the time being. 

I noticed that someone sat down on the opposite seat, but I didn’t look up from my printed job offers.

The person was silent so I didn’t care.
It was only one of those anonymous meetings with a stranger and if you didn’t look up it was polite enough.
I kept on working through the page but I couldn’t find anything of interest.

I sighed and wanted to eat my cake when I finally saw the person who was sitting in front of me.

He was wearing almost the same outfit like the last time – the same pair of black sunglasses, the same base ball cap.
Even though I couldn’t see his eyes I was pretty sure that he was watching me and I didn’t know why.
I didn’t know why he was here in the first place.
Okay, some kind of singer is sitting in front of me again – an awkward moment but I could live with that.
I tried to ignore him and shifted all my attention to my cake – hoping that he would leave soon.

„No luck?“, he suddenly asked out of blue with a soft voice.
I looked at him with a confused face which seemed to amuse him.
“I’m sorry”, he instantly added, “but your papers are all over the table, it was hard not to look at them.”
“That’s not it”, I said, not even sure why I was talking with him.
I was ashamed that he saw my desperate tries of finding a part-time job and started to pile up the papers again so that he would be unable to see it.
“I know it’s hard but you have to keep on trying – then you will be able to find something.”

He was right – but I didn’t really want to say that.
I just remained silent, avoiding his gaze and finished eating.
He didn’t speak either, but I felt like he was watching me.

After I finished eating he was still there, sitting there quietly only moving his legs from time to time and I started to feel uneasy again.
It was embarrassing enough to meet him again – for the third time to be precise.
“What are you doing here anyways?”, I finally asked, punching myself inwardly for this question.
“I have a small break and wanted to eat a slice of cake here. You know, our dorm is nearby.”
I  just nodded, even though I still didn’t understand why he wasn’t sitting at a empty table.
But he didn’t seem to be impolite –and it made me feel even more ashamed.
“I’m sorry for saying you are noisy.”
It just slipped out of my mouth and I wanted to add something but then he put up a slightly smile.
His smile looked like the smile I saw at the fanmeeting and I was sure it was a sincere one.
“It was right – I am noisy.”

I didn’t know what to talk about with him.
He was just sitting there again, remaining silent – it was an awkward situation.
“I’m sorry Jinhee – but I have to leave now. I still have some work to do today.”
He suddenly stood up and I was surprised by it.
Not because he wanted to leave – more likely because he remembered my name.
He didn’t know that it wasn’t my name but he memorized the name I told him at the fanmeeting.
“Oh it’s okay”, I mumbled, still surprised.
“Have a nice day – and don’t give up. I know you will be able to find a job”, he said with a bright smile, causing my heart to flutter slightly.
Before I could say anything though, he had already reached the entrance, leaving me behind.

Even though he said he was here for a short break and to eat some piece of cake he never ordered it.
What were his real intentions?