~ The First Movement ~
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Chapter Four - Marcato

Back that day, when I was really disappointed because I could not find any work, I felt left alone.
I didn’t want to bother Jinhee – I thought I'd have to deal with it on my own.
He wasn’t even someone I knew and trusted; he was just a stranger that I accidentally met again – even though he tried to help me.
It was good to speak with someone about it.
His words almost seemed to be a small apologize for what had happened back then when we’ve met for the first time.
It was really hard to explain – but somehow I felt encouraged by his words.
But to be honest – I was the one who had to apologize in the first place.
It was rude to act like that in public – I wasn’t the slightest bit better than they were.
I didn’t know why he was there or why he even talked to me again, just to help me out of my depressing day.
I was really grateful for that.
Grateful enough that I wanted to thank him for that – even though it was pathetic.
But I would never have the chance to do so.

Two days later after my third meeting with him I finally got a long awaited call – when I’ve almost given up all hopes after my last encouragement.
I was really excited while I had my interview – but I was in.
Being a waitress wasn’t exactly what I imagined – the payment was more or less a joke; but I accepted it.
There were still a few weeks left before university started and I had to save money beforehand.
I didn’t have any support from my old home – and I didn’t want to talk to my parents to begin with.
The only person who knew a bit about my situation was Jinhee – even though I didn’t tell her a lot lately.
She still didn’t know that the two young men where two members of MBLAQ; she didn’t even know that I met one of them again by coincidence.
I wasn’t so sure how she would react; so I let this topic drop completely.

Sometimes after I finished my part-time job I just walked to the sweet café again – looking secretly through the shop window.
It was really pathetic  and I didn’t hope for anything – I just wanted to say thank you to him again.
But of course he never was there.
Just everytime I looked through the small window – there was never someone who looked like him.
I even hated myself a bit for looking for him – only to say thank you.
Of course it was strange – I guessed I would be the only one who would do something stupid like that.
Meeting him accidentally for the third time would be a miracle.
There was no way that this would happen.
So I just gave up again.
It was enough when I remained grateful.

My life began to be in some sort of order.
I worked, got back home and did the house chores – and after that I often called old friends.
More likely it was Jinhee – and she was always glad when she could speak to me.
It felt good to be independent; but even that way I was still running away from everything.
My old violin was still in its case, closed away in my closet.
I didn’t even want to see it – otherwise I felt like everything would break away from me.
At this time I was really happy to have Jinhee by my side.
It felt good to speak to her when I got home from a stressful day; and it made me happy to hear her voice.

~*~

I was standing in Jinhee’s apartment for the first time in my life – and I had to say that it was surprisingly big.
In comparison to my own apartment hers was much more open and friendly – or at least this is what I’ve thought when I saw her big windows in her living room for the first time.
It was Friday evening – and we decided to meet up after our works to speak to person again after a long time.
The fanmeeting occurred three weeks ago and we didn’t have the time to meet up any earlier.
But I wasn’t prepared for that what was waiting there for me – I really wasn’t.
And I didn’t had the chance to look around either.

“You can have it all for the time being – but don’t forget to give them back”, Jinhee said with a busy voice while she piled up a lot of MBLAQ’s albums on my arms.
I was already afraid to drop them – because I knew that I probably would end dead then.
Or I ended up as a living undead, crawling out of her apartment – one of the both options.
“You know I can’t carry them all”, I tried to calm her down even though it was completely useless.

Jinhee’s new life purpose seemed to be making me an A+ - yet I still didn’t have any interest in becoming one.

I was mousetrapped.
“That’s alright –I have bags”, she simply replied with a smile.
I sighed and tried to walk safely to the small glass table in front of her TV.
It was already a surprise that I didn’t drop them by now.

“I’ve thought it’s a good idea to show you some more about MBLAQ while you’re here. It’s hard to explain if you don’t have a computer in front of your nose.”
Jinhee already had her laptop ready and I sighed again.
But I was glad at the same time.
I knew that she only tried to cheer me up from work - she was always like that.
But I still had to admit that she was still a bit crazy.
“Thank you”, I mumbled and I was sure she heard it - only because I saw her smile again.

“Let’s start with the basics”, she said with some kind of excitement in her voice while her fingers flow over the keys of her laptop.
I sat down right beside her, watching her closely how she opened Youtube in her net browser.
“What do you want to show me?”, I asked carefully, watching her face while she tried to decide something.
“I think I’ll show you their latest MV. Wait a second.”
I just sat there and waited until she opened the right video, staring at the huge amount of posters on the wall.
It was quite impressing.
“Listen and watch carefully”, she adviced me while she turned up the volume on her laptop.
I tried to focus on it – because I really didn’t want to disappoint Jinhee.

The MV and the music itself were beautiful.
But even the touching story wasn’t what really got me.
The real touching thing was still the same beautiful voice that I already loved when I heard it for the first time weeks ago.
Nothing had changed.
It still sounded honest and lovely.

“Who do you like now?”, Jinhee asked me with big interest, staring at me with big eyes.
She probably knew it already – but she always wanted to hear it from myself.
“I like the one with the brown hair – you know, the one with the beautiful voice.”
I still remembered his name – at least his stagename; but this is something I didn’t want to tell her.
Because it would probably be really pathetic if I still knew it – the only name I memorized.
Jinhee only patted me on the back, grinning like an idiot.
“You have good taste in men, my little Sangmi. I knew already that you'd like G.O.”
She sounded proud and I raised an eyebrow.
Of course she knew – she knew me since my childhood.
I like persons with beautiful voices because I think that they are really pure that way.

“Mr Pigeon Laptop should be proud to have a new fan like you”, she nodded while she pressed some keys on her laptop again.
I didn’t got what she meant by this weird nickname – was it common to call their idols that way?
“I’m not a fan”, I answered, “I just like his voice the most.”
“Alright, alright. You don’t have to justify yourself.”
Even though she said that she still looked like an idiot – a happy, grinning idiot, to be precise.
She could be lucky that she was such a good friend of mine…
Sometimes I wasn’t even sure if she really was older than me by one whole year.

Jinhee opened a folder on her laptop, filled with pictures of G.O.
I couldn’t even see the scroll bar properly – and to be honest I didn’t want to know how many pictures these were.
“I can copy you everything on a USB stick”, she suggested, already marking half of the pictures. “This will be your new pigeon folder, dear.”
She was a bit confused and watched her marking the thousands of pictures.
“I don’t need any pictures – and what’s that about pigeons?”, I asked, raising one eyebrow again.
“I'll save that for lection two”, she said with an evil smile.
And suddenly I really wanted that there would be never a lection two.

Even though Jinhee didn’t act like she was already 21 years old I had fun.
It was a long time since I have joked around that much  – and she knew that.
We watched their whole MV’s, watched some other parts of variety shows and discussed some topics.
I was mostly interested in their music – but she insisted showing me some funny videos too.
There was no way I could say no to her.

“Hey Sangmi – you know that you could play the background music of  ‘This is War’ on your violin too”, she said to me, while we were eating some delicious cookies on her couch, “I’m sure it would sound great.”
“I don’t play anymore”, I instantly replied and tried to cover my painful memories.
It was really something I didn't want to talk about.
“I’m sorry”, Jinhee apologized, “But it’s not good that you stopped playing either. You were great.”
I didn’t reply to her.
Maybe I was – maybe I wasn’t.
I just didn’t like to think about it.



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                                                                                 ~ End of the First Movement ~