~ The Second Movement ~
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Chapter Ten - Allegro

The feeling of Byunghee’s warm hand was awkward, but it filled me with a gentle pleasure.
We didn’t speak while we walked down the nightly streets and he pressed my small hand demandingly with his own, almost like he wanted to prove me that he didn’t want to let go of it as well.
I wasn’t that aware of the coldness anymore; more likely because I could feel his warm body beside me.
It was simply a perfect moment – a moment, when I could completely forget about everything else.
I wanted to know if he felt the same but I didn’t dare to ask.
Wasn’t it hilarious to ask someone about his feelings when we’ve just met for a few times now?
But there was no way that he would not feel like me.
This was something I was certain about.

My apartment was located in a small building complex, a bit off the main street.
I was lucky that most of the people who lived there were small families with little children or older people, who weren’t that keen on looking through the windows at this time of the day.
Otherwise, it probably would be troublesome when Byunghee led me home – and I didn’t want that.
He already risked too much because of me.
I could feel that he was looking at my face; assumedly reading all my worries and certainly feeling bad for causing me trouble.
“I live up there”, I said quickly, to distract him a bit and pointed with my free hand to the third floor of the building.
“That’s pretty high”, he said with a somehow innocent voice and followed me to the entrance without letting my hand go.
I wished that my apartment would be even higher up, only so that I could feel his warmth longer.
But there weren’t that many stairs after all, even though we moved rather slowly.

Involuntarily, I let go of his hand, trying to look for my keys in my handbag.
He watched me silently, fixing his eyes on my face which made me almost blush.
I could hear the key in the depths of my bag, but I didn’t catch it on purpose.
“Do you need any help?”, he asked me with an amused voice.
“Not at all”, I replied and finally pulled out the key.
Byunghee watched me while I opened the door and I felt that he wanted to say something.
“Do you want to come inside?”, I asked him when I pushed the door open.
“If I may”, he said with a small smile, “I think I can afford half an hour.”
“Thank you”, I said with a grateful voice and entered my own, new home.

“Do you want something to drink?”, I offered, and immediately started to be rather shy because of my poorly decorated apartment.
It was small and even after I unpacked my stuff I seemed to be unable to fill all rooms.
At first I was worried that I had too many things – but in the end it turned out that it wasn’t like that at all.
I only possessed a small couch in the corner where I had the best view of the small TV on the opposite side of the wall. Right beside it, was a small but beautiful shelf where I piled up all the music CDs and the CDs Jinhee gave me.
In the middle of the room was a table with chairs – and to my shame I had completely forgotten to remove my stuff I had to do for college.
Most of other things were safely stored in another shelf and I poorly managed to fill the empty walls with some pictures of music instruments.
Everything else found their place in the small kitchen or in my bedroom.
“Yes, anything is fine.”
Byunghee took a look around the small room and I escaped to the kitchen, trying to ignore the shame of letting him into my apartment.
There wasn’t much left in the kitchen which I could offer and even my fridge was almost empty.
Normally I wouldn’t let guests in without cleaning my room beforehand – but I had no choice.
Somehow, I was worried of losing this feeling of well-being when he wasn’t around anymore.
Just because I had this strange expectation that he could understand me even better than Jinhee would ever be able to.
I slowly grabbed the only half filled water bottle and filled two glasses with it before I headed back.

Byunghee was still investigating my room and seemed to be very interested in my collection of CDs.
He noticed that I came back with the glasses and looked up from some CD-covers.
His brown eyes were almost sparkling and I wondered if my collection was really that interesting.
“So you really love instrumental music”, he said with a gentle smile and lifted one of the covers.
My heart almost dropped when I saw which CD he pulled out.
It wasn’t like that this CD was very special – it was just that many memories crawled back in my head after I saw it again.
“Vivaldi’s third opus – ‘L’Estro Armonico’”, I mumbled in shock before I realized that I was acting strange.
His eyes switched to a confused expression and I knew that a further explanation was necessary.
“I’m sorry, this is kinda special to me”, I quickly explained and bit my lip.
“I’m sorry”, he instantly replied and cautiously put the cover down. “If I knew that earlier  I wouldn’t have touched it.”
Of course he got it all wrong.
But I had to give him credit for respecting the property and feelings of other people.
I sighed and put the glasses down on the table.
“It’s alright. It’s not like you aren’t allowed to touch it. It’s just that this CD really influenced me when I was younger.”
Byunghee came over and snatched his glass, while his eyes focused me.
“It did?”, he asked curiously.
When I saw that his interest was honest, I once again couldn’t calm myself – and my heart started beating faster yet again.
Jinhee wasn’t really interested in music after all – at least not in this kind of music I liked to listen to since I was young.
Of course it has never been a handicap to our friendship – but Byunghee was different.
“Vivaldi was brilliant. When I started to play violin my parents always told me that I had to practice a lot if I wanted to create beautiful music. And when I asked which music I could make then they often started to play this CD.”
“This is really nice of them”, he answered and sipped on his glass, “They really supported you back then.”
I felt a small pain in my chest when I started to think about the time of my childhood.
My parents had changed – every year they had become more strict.
But he couldn’t know that – because I had never told him.
I put up a fake smile and hoped he wouldn’t see through it.
“They did.”
It wasn’t a lie after all.
“So, Vivaldi was your role model when you were younger?”, he asked and set his glass back on the table.
“I guess you could say that. But then again, he’s my role model even nowadays. His music really moves my heart.”
“I understand that.”

We remained in silence.
I played with my fingertips on the cold glass and Byunghee seemed to think about something.
Maybe he thought about my parents, or my childhood – but I wasn’t sure about it.
And I still didn’t feel like telling him everything about my past.
“You still have your old violin, don’t you?”, he suddenly asked and observed me closely.
“I have – why do you ask?”
His sensual lips formed a smile once again and I knew what he was going to ask.
“I won’t play for you.”
I crossed my arms in front of my chest and skeptically raised an eyebrow.
“Don’t even think about it.”
“I don’t believe you when you are saying that you can’t play it anymore. Playing violin is truly your passion – it’s not hard to see that. So I don’t understand why you gave up on it. Maybe something happened in your past and it’s alright if you don’t want to tell me about it – but this is something you have to know: you can’t run away from your past.”
He spoke calmly and I clearly understood his intention.
It was truly hilarious that he was the first who really tried to understand me.
Yes, I was running away the past years.
Even though he doesn’t know what happened back then he still tried to understand my feelings – and somehow he could see right through me.
I gulped and bit my lip again.
“So what do you want from me?”
“Stop running away. If you keep on running you will live a life of regret. If you are down you have to find a way to stand up again.”

I didn’t have to say anything.
Byunghee understood what I was thinking.
Not to run away from your own past is something that is really hard to reach.
But when I saw into his eyes I was sure that he knew what he spoke of – because he was the same like me at some point of his life.
He just wanted to help me.
“I'm just reaching out my hand so that you can stand up”, he said with a soft voice. “You don’t have to accept my offer.”
“I know, but you are right.”
I smiled a bit – because I knew that I was pathetic.
“I think you understand me more than everyone else does – I really respect that.”
He just nodded in reply.

I didn’t want to run away anymore.
It was really hard to describe, but my body moved on its own will.
From the corner of my eye I could see him watching me while I moved over to my bedroom.
My hands automatically opened my closet and pulled out my violin's suitcase.
Before I could stop myself I already carried it back to the living room and set it down on the floor.
My fingertips slowly over the case before I finally opened it.
There it was silently sleeping since over three years – my old self, my old violin.
I over the strings before I started to gently raise my violin out of it's prison.
It was a strange feeling to hold my old instrument again.
Something inside me didn’t want this to be a full reunion and still wanted to hold myself back - but I didn’t want to give up.
I placed the violin on my neck again; lifting the bow in my right hand and started tuning it.
The sound hasn’t changed a bit.
I felt like I was back in these days when it was common for me to tune it at least twice a day.
“You can tune it without a device?!”, Byunghee asked with a confused tone in his voice.
He really seemed to be amazed about it.
“I can”, I told him and shrugged while I continued tuning my violin.
“This is amazing. By any chance – do you have an absolute pitch?”
“This is at least what everyone is saying.”
It wasn’t anything special – and I wasn’t proud of it and when I was, then this pride died away long ago.

I felt like I was back in the days of my childhood.
It didn’t matter that I haven’t played for over three years now – I still had everything in my head.
Without thinking I started to commonly move my bow over the strings – my fingertips moved fast over the neck of my violin and even though I felt pain in it I couldn’t stop anymore.
Since a very long time I felt fulfilled again.

“This was amazing”, Byunghee said and applauded out of respect.
I couldn’t stop myself from blushing when I put my violin back to its suitcase.
“You think so?”
“Yes, it’s really a pity that you stopped playing. Or do you plan on starting playing again?”
“I don’t know yet”, I said and rubbed my fingers.
My fingertips were hurting really badly – I wasn’t used to it anymore.
I wanted to them, but I had to wait until he left – it would be embarrassing to admit that I pushed myself too far.
Suddenly Byunghee grabbed my wrist and even though he was acting rather gently I had no chance to escape him.
“Let’s go to the kitchen”, he said and led me in my own house.
I was confused over his sudden reaction but I followed him anyway.
When we reached the kitchen he led me right to the sink and opened the water-tap.
“Don’t push yourself too far”, he simply said and let the cold water flow over my hurting fingertips.
“Thank you”, I mumbled once again, thankful that he could understand me right away.
“I’m sorry. Maybe it was too much to ask”, Byunghee added while I cooled my fingers.
“It’s fine. You just wanted to help me.”
I looked up to him and gave him an honest smile for everything that he did today.
His lips formed a smile as well and gave me a warm feeling again, making my heart race inside my ribcage.

“I’m free on next Tuesday. We can meet here in your apartment if you want – then we have some privacy. There is actually something I want to tell you then.”
His voice was really gentle and he made me curious about what he had to say.
“You are welcome whenever you want”, I mumbled and he suddenly patted my head.
“Thank you – I have to go now but it won’t be long until we see each other again.”
He put on his sunglasses and gave me another sweet smile, which I barely could withstand.
“Please take some rest. You probably need some time to accept your memories now, don’t you? If you want to talk about it with someone you can always give me a call. I’ll try to be there for you when you need me.”
I was glad for this offer.
He had a lot of work – and I appreciated it a lot that he cared that much for me.
“I’ll do that”, I promised him and led him to the door.

Our goodbye on this night was unique.
And I was glad that I’ve met someone like him who could completely understand me.