~ The Second Movement ~
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Chapter Eight - Andante

My head was hurting a lot when I woke up from a dreamless sleep the next morning, and thus I didn't really want to crawl out of my bed.
It had been almost eleven when I finally could let myself drop on my bed and I was really relieved that I instantly fell asleep.
My throat was burning, I felt my nose running and I had to cough – maybe I even had fever.
Even though I could feel the warmth of my thin blanket my body didn’t want to warm up.
It was hard to have a clear thought at first because it almost felt like I didn’t have any control of my body at all.
I tried to ignore my illness and remembered about all the painful memories of yesterday.
Now that I was awake everything was bothering me again.
I coughed again, trying to reach out for my clock on the bed table to check the time.
It was already nine in the morning – way too late to get up and make myself ready for work.
But probably it was a good idea to stay in bed anyway – I didn’t want to risk it to have high fever during work.
Well, I didn’t felt like going to work today anyway – or to do anything in general.
I just wanted to lay in my warm bed, coughing my lungs out and feeling miserable from the day before.
Probably the feeling of rejection was even stronger than the feeling of not being able to have control over your own body.
I just had to rest – and forget everything.

My mobile phone rested beside my pillow like a treasure that I wanted to keep close.
I wasn’t so sure what happened yesterday when I came back.
But the position of the phone told me that I waited for someone to call me – but it didn’t happen.
I really wanted to fall back to sleep but I had to call my work so that I could take the day off.
My fingertips touched my mobile phone to open up the display.
However, the time wasn’t something that surprised me.
More likely I was surprised that I had two text messages and over twenty calls – all were from Byunghee.
Surprisingly I didn’t even hear them while I was sleeping.
As I read his name on my display my heart hurt a bit again, remembering all my disappointment of yesterday.
I wanted to stop this feeling, but it didn’t want to fade away – it even got stronger.
Some parts of me didn’t want to read his message; just wanted to delete everything and forget all what happened until now.
But I wouldn’t be able to – and I didn’t like to see myself like this.
I wanted to stop to run away from anything like I did in the past.
My body trembled and I coughed again while I opened the text message of yesterday.

“I’m sorry!!!!!! Something came up and I didn’t have the chance until now to tell you about it!!!ㅠㅠ Please call me back…!!!”

He’d  send this text message on midnight - four whole hours too late.
I still wasn’t mad at him but at the same time I was still feeling really sad and disappointed.
But seeing all his calls this morning my heart started to flutter again – I couldn’t stop it.
So he really cared for me after all, didn’t he?
He called me for thirty minutes in a row until he finally gave up – and instead of that he has sent me a new text message again.
I automatically opened his message, forcing my heart not to be that affected by it.

“Are you mad at me?...Please call me back…I haven’t slept a single bit yet…”

What did he mean with that he hadn’t slept yet?
The message was only twenty minutes old – was he crazy or something to stay up that long?
This stupid idiot.
How was I supposed to ignore and forget him, when he kept on sending me messages like that?
I really didn’t want to call him – but I had no other options left.
To be honest, I was worried about him – even more as about myself and my illness.

It took me some encouragement to open my contact list and giving him a direct call.
I was still not really awake yet, but I wanted to finish this topic.
After all the passed days I really felt like I finally had to contact him anyway.
It didn’t even ring three seconds until I heard his voice – and he really sounded sleepy.
My heart started to beat faster again – and I hated myself for it.
“Sangmi, I’m sorry…”, he instantly started to speak slowly, in a really tired voice.
Somehow I felt guilty to hear his voice like that.
“Have you slept yet?”, I managed to say with a throatily voice before I started coughing again.
“No…not yet…Are you sick?”, he asked honestly worried, changing the topic.
“I am. I waited for over two hours for someone who never appeared.”
He was silent as first as if he didn’t know what to answer.
I bit my lip and tried to prevent myself of taking my words back – it was his fault that I got sick.
“You are mad at me, aren’t you…I’m really sorry. But it wasn’t my fault.”
“Whose fault was it then?”, I asked and raised an eyebrow, even though he couldn’t see it.
“Some fans caught me when I left the dorm.”
He sighed and I heard that he was opening a bottle in the background.
“Something like this can always happen. I couldn’t talk with you in front of them and I couldn’t leave them behind either. Besides that some started to stalk me when they saw me. There was no way that I could meet you while they were following me. But you have the right to be mad at me because I should have been more cautious in the first place.”

I was silent while I listened to him drinking from the bottle.
Of course I understood the situation – and I knew that something like this could happen anytime.
However, I was still disappointed – disappointed of being unable to meet him yesterday.
For the past week I was really excited to see him again and then everything had changed.
The truth was that I was afraid of everything – afraid that I could like him more than I should do.
Maybe it wasn’t really his fault.
His fans had their own decisions and I was pretty sure that he would cover up for them – regardless what they’ve done. Even while he was talking I clearly could hear that he only justified himself and not the behavior of his fans.
I could understand that.
After listening to his words I didn’t want to blame him anymore.
He sounded really honest and I was stupid enough to be mad about something like this.
I was sure that he cared for them – and somehow I was sure that he cared for me as well.
The bad thing was that my heart got affected by his words – in some way like no one before.

“Do you still want to meet me, Sangmi?”, he asked when he set his bottle down again.
Before I could answer to this question he started to talk again – adding something that made me confused.
“It’s alright if you don’t want to meet me again. I can understand that.”
I wondered how he got the idea that I didn’t want to see him anymore.
This was a more stupid conclusion than mine about him not caring about me.
At least that was how I felt like because I knew that I already started to like him a lot – he would never know that.
“How do you come to that conclusion?”, I asked him with a still confused voice.
“Because it’s bothersome to meet someone like me”, he instantly replied. “In fact I wanted to ask you something yesterday but I didn’t get the chance to do that.”
He took a break in speech which made me even more bewildered than I already was.
My heart was beating really fast and I hated me for that.
“Stop liking him”, I thought, trying to collect my whole mental strength to withstand the feelings inside of me.
I was really pathetic.
“I wanted to ask you if you want to go out with me – I mean if you want to date me for real. At least if you want to give it a try.”
I needed a few seconds to realize what he’d just said.
“It’s just for getting to know each other better. It may sound strange but I don’t think of you as a stranger anymore. I see you as a friend and I really want to know if there could be more than that. I would be really glad if you agree to it. If you don’t want to then it’s okay.”
He really pushed the things.
But I understood his feelings because I felt the same way.
I trusted him as much as I trusted Jinhee – and this was strange enough to be really honest.
The most problematic thing was that he made my heart flutter once again.
Stupid me.
“I guess that’s okay”, I answered him with a somehow really weak voice.
I coughed again to distract him with it, but it didn’t seem like he noticed it anyway.
“Oh, really?!”
He really seemed to be happy about it and his tired voice got a bit louder and more excited.
I wondered why he was that way – wasn’t it me who should be excited in the first place?
Somehow he reminded me of a little child that just got a small present – and this was kinda cute.
His behavior really distracted my heart once again.
“This makes me really happy – I try not to bother you that much!”, he added again with a really grateful voice.
Let me correct it – he reminded me of a little child that just got Christmas presents.
I really forced myself not to laugh about it.

“I don’t think you can bother me. But you can try anyway.”
“I will”, he said and I heard him laughing. “I don’t know when we can meet up again – but I’ll tell you if I know my schedule. Now I should really get some sleep.”
“What have you done all the night anyway?”, I curiously asked him.
“I was working with Mir when I got back – we worked all night until morning and then I tried to contact you. I didn’t want to go to sleep before I could speak to you because I didn’t know when I would have the time again. Besides that, you were probably mad at me. I didn’t like that.”
I quietly listened to his voice and in some way it inwardly warmed me up.
Probably I should give him a few credit points for it that he stayed awake until now.
Not every guy would probably stay awake all the morning in order to speak with a girl who is probably mad at him.
This was really sweet and gentle of him.
I totally misjudged him.
“I’m sorry – I was really tired and disappointed yesterday. And now I’m even sick – but I don’t want you to bother you with it, just get some rest.”
“You can’t bother me, Sangmi. I really like talking with you. But you’re right. I should get some sleep. Please take care – I will call you later.”
“Good night”, I said and heard him yawning before he ended the call.

I felt really strange when I finished my call with him.
I didn’t understand why he wanted to meet me again – but it made me happy as well.
For the first time since the past hours I felt truly confident again.
My heart didn’t want to stop beating loudly – but I didn’t care for it.
It was already too late for that.