~ The Second Movement ~
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Chapter Fourteen - Morendo

My body hurt and my lungs couldn’t get any air anymore as a consequence of running too fast.
I didn’t even arrange my long, curly hair which already flew over my shoulders in a complete mess before I headed out of my apartment.
The staircase of our building seemed to be endless – almost like it formed new levels with every single, painful step I made just for its amusement.
I pressed my hand against my side, still trying to reach the top without collapsing of  lacking air.
After three weeks I couldn’t wait any longer – and I didn’t care about the pain in my lungs or my messy outfit.
Only the bittersweet knowledge of knowing Byunghee up there, only a few meters away made me nervous inside.
It may be strange that he wanted to meet me on the rooftop but it was fine with me.
I felt the strange taste of exhaustion inside my mouth as I reached the top floor.
My heart was beating in an irregular rhyme, while the feelings inside seemed to replace the pain in my side with sweet gentleness.
I pulled the door open which led to the rooftop, glancing into the darkness.

A dim silhouette was leaning against the wall, turning the head when I burst out into the night.
Even though I wasn’t able to see his face clearly I was sure that it was him.
“I’m back”, Byunghee whispered tenderly and I could see his eyes fixing on my face in the dim light.
I just stood there in the door frame, waiting for all of my feelings to bubble out.
It was too sudden to meet him again, to tell him how I was feeling – of course I thought about it a lot, but I still wasn’t able to find any good words.
But seeing him only a few steps away made me miss him even more than before.
His head lightly bowed into my direction and he opened his arms.
“Come.”
His voice was even softer than in my memory almost like a whisper – he knew what I was feeling and how much I missed him.
It was only an offer – but right now I wanted to be at his side.
For only a single second I was insecure and hesitated; not knowing if I could hold back my feelings inside.
However I already decided that I would tell him the truth – I didn’t have to hold it back anymore.

I stepped forward, first slowly and then fast and stopped right in front of him.
“You jerk”, I mumbled while I forbid myself to shed tears of happiness.
“I’m sorry”, he mumbled quietly.
We didn’t need any other words.
My arms clasped around his hot body, filling myself with unstoppable feelings for him.
I could smell the sweet scent of his skin of his muscled chest – could feel his strong arms wrapping around my body and pressing me closer against him.
It was strange to listen to his heartbeat which was as loud as my own was.
His gentle, warm embrace gave me safety.
I listened to his breathing while my head still rested calmly on his chest.
The heat between our bodies and our unsteady breath and heartbeat made the time hold still.
Neither of us wanted to speak – almost like we tried to memorize this moment.

“I’m glad to be back”, he mumbled and I could feel his breath on my head.
“I’ve missed you”, I mumbled against his skin, still hugging him tightly.
I lifted my head, looking in his perfect face which formed a bright smile on his lips.
To my disappointment, he loosened his embrace and I had to let him go.
He patted my head and I felt that his fingers were searching for mine – slowly snatching them away into his warm hand when he’d found them.
I wasn’t that sure how much I could endure before my feelings would start to swell and break out of me.
“I have to apologize to you”, he suddenly said without letting the smile fade – but in his dark eyes I could see that he was sincere.
“Apologize for what?”, I asked confused.
“For not calling you more often. I know you don’t want to bother me but it’s the truth to say that you will never bother me. To be honest, even if we have a busy schedule I more likely find at least a few minutes that I could spare to talk to you – but this time I thought it would be better if I don’t call you at all.”
I wasn’t that sure what he was trying to say, instead I just pressed his hand silently.
“But after two weeks it started to be really hard for me and because I knew you probably wouldn’t call me I had to do it. That’s why I stayed up until morning, just so that I could talk to you a few minutes. Isn’t that dumb? I should’ve called you earlier.”
“But you don’t have to apologize for it – I told you before that it’s alright”, I replied and looked at his face again.
His smile faded and I could see that he was somehow troubled.
“I didn’t call you for that a long time because I thought it would be good for you to know that I can’t be with you all the time. I wanted to make it clear for you…that I’m different. Despite that you still waited for me, I was really surprised.”
Byunghee spoke calmly,
“Of course I waited for you - you speak like you didn’t expect me to wait!”
This conclusion of him was just stupid – how could he possibly think about that I wouldn’t wait for him?
He already noticed that I liked him – he even stated that himself, so why was he thinking that my affection for him wouldn’t be enough?
I gave him a small punch into his side for that, making him smile a bit.
“Most people wouldn’t wait.”
“But I’m not the most.”
“That’s true.”

I stared into his dark eyes which obviously tried to read my mind – but I did exactly the same.
“Remember the day when we’ve first met?”, he suddenly asked out of the blue, still watching my face.
His fingers at my hand started to slowly over my skin, giving me warm feeling.
“I do”, I replied, thinking about that day when I just had moved to Seoul.
It was a bit more than two months ago – and as I remembered the pictures in my head started to show up.
Byunghee sitting with this other member of him at the café - laughing, singing, talking.
And then there was me, impolitely talking to strangers.
It was really embarrassing when I was thinking about it – and somehow even hilarious.
Byunghee seemed to know what was going through my head, gently pressing my hand which was still wrapped by his.
“I’m glad that you did that”, he honestly said.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m glad that you came up and told me that I was noisy – only because of that you got stuck into my head.”
He watched my face, leaning in a bit more towards me and I had to withstand the impulse of drawing back.
“We would have never met again after the fanmeeting – because I wouldn’t have recognized you later on. And only because I was looking for you I was able to meet you again to begin with”, he added with a gloomy voice.
I was surprised by his words – no more likely I was surprised that it wasn’t a coincidence that we’ve meet each other again.
The realization made me blush in the dark night, remembering that I, myself, was also looking for him back then.
“Isn’t it pathetic? Looking for someone you don’t even know?”, he mumbled.
“Then we are both idiots – because I did the same”, I concluded and shyly stared at his hand.
I could hear his deep laugh again, filling the night with his sweet voice.
My heart was beating mercilessly, but listening to him made me happy.

“It’s really hard for someone like me to find friends”, he started again and sighed. “I’m always busy – I normally don’t meet other people on a common base who aren’t already my friends or family. The most of my other friends are stylists, other singers, actors or composers who have exactly the same problems I have.”
I didn’t have to look at his face to know that he wasn’t happy about it.
This was the first time he really complained about something; not only listening to my boring life stories.
I could understand his feelings and I suddenly realized how lonely he had to be – how lonely everyone had to be.
He didn’t seem to be a person who didn’t care for his own family or friends – and it had to bother him a lot that he was unable to see them often.
My own problems seemed to be trivial in comparison to his own and I suddenly felt bad that he was comforting me so much even though he was feeling even worse inside.
I was lucky enough that I had a kind of normal life after all, even if I definitely didn’t have a common childhood – but for him, this had been his life for years.
“Why don’t you tell anyone that you are lonely?”, I asked him carefully because I was afraid that I could hurt him some way.
I couldn’t tell why, but he seemed to be fragile at this moment that I automatically began to press his hand even more to tell him that I was here.
“Because it would make people worried”, he answered and I could feel that he was lifting his head towards the sky. “Besides that it’s only a small part of me who is actually lonely. I’ve found a new family in the other members of MBLAQ and my real family is always there  to support me. Knowing that is enough for me.”
It was nice to hear that he had such a close relationship to the other members but I knew that this wasn’t enough for him.
He wasn’t that good when it came to hiding things.

“I decided for this path a long time ago – and I don’t regret anything. But doing so wasn’t always nice – I had to go through a lot like everyone else. Being on the way to an idol hasn’t only good sides, you know. There was a time when I almost broke apart because of it. I didn’t even want to live anymore. But I didn’t give up – I kept on struggling for my dreams. In the end I had to sacrifice a lot – but at the same time I gained more than I hoped for.”
I wanted to see into his face again – wanted to see, if his face was in pain or if he was fine.
It was hard for me to hold my feelings back because everything inside of me wanted to hug him tight and never let him go.
But when I lifted my head I saw an unexpected smile on his lips.
“It’s nice to sing in front of other people. It’s really nice to do that in front of hundreds of fans as well. Because that way I really feel that I can communicate to them without needing to find the right words. This is something I’m treasuring. So I wouldn’t say I’m lonely – there are too many things making me happy when I’m worried or depressed. Our fans are making me smile, my family is supporting me as much as they can and my friends are behind me even though I’m unable to see them very often – and now there is you as well.”

Byunghee was an honest person – and what he was telling me was nothing but the truth.
His voice sounded so sincere when I’ve heard it for the same time – like he was trying to speak to my heart.
It was the moment I gained the first respect of him, but listening to his words only confirmed it again.
The path he had chosen was similar to the path I chose when I was smaller – so I understood his feelings completely.
“Fans are one of my biggest sources of strength. I would never think about dating them – but then you came. As I know now you weren’t really a fan and I was really impressed by your open personality before I knew it. You saw me as a human, not as an idol. This is really uncommon nowadays. So I tried to chase you.”
It almost sounded like a confession it made my heart skip.
“So what are you trying to say”, I mumbled, trying to calm myself down and ignore the feelings of our embracing hands.
“I’ve fallen in love with you.”
He just said it with a soft, gentle voice.
Hearing his confession made me blush – not knowing how I should answer this.
I wanted to tell him how I was feeling but it didn’t want to escape my mouth.
“I’ve fallen in love with you because you were honest, not fake. Because I knew you would never treat me like an idol and because I knew that you would show understanding for my passion”, he added.
I opened my mouth to say something, but I was still unable to do so.
His eyes focused mine, trying to read my confusing mind again.
“When I’m in love I can only think about that person I like. The only person I saw in my head for the past three weeks was you, Sangmi.”

I got overwhelmed by my own feelings for him.
It was hard for me to breath – to ignore my heart or to hold back everything that I hid inside.
Byunghee was always so gentle and nice towards me – I didn’t even think that I deserved his love.
I wanted to give it back to him as well – to support him with all my might; to cure his loneliness.
“I’ve fallen in love with you too”, I said with a clear voice and looked at his face again.
He started to smile a bit, but then he leaned forwards and pressed his lips on mine.
It didn’t felt like our first fare well kiss – this time Byunghee was way more serious about it.
His lips moved against mine and his arms suddenly pulled me closer to him.
I could taste his skin, feel his breath on my cheeks and noticed the heat between our bodies.
Our kiss was as passionate as he was – giving me an example of how much he started to love me in the past weeks and how much he missed me.

I tried to snatch some air after our long kiss ended, while I listened to our mixed breath and heartbeat.
Byunghee still hold me close, waiting until we would be able to breathe normally again.
A bright smile appeared on his lips and made it hard for me to calm down.
“Please be my girlfriend”, he said with a soft tone in his voice. “I promise that I’ll try my best to make you happy.”
“Yes”, I mumbled and leaned my head against his chest again. “Stay with me.”

There was only him and me – all alone in the dark night on the rooftop while the stars sparkled down from the sky.
I couldn’t be any happier than I was right now, knowing that we would be together from now on.



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                                                                                 ~ End of the Second Movement ~