Chapter Twenty Five

When she woke up, she was stunned to find a pair of eyes staring into hers.

“Morning.” Sehun greeted her quietly before untangling their hands and removing himself from the bed. He casually walked out of the room without sparing her a second glance.

She blinked her eyes as she tried to grasp her consciousness fully. She rolled around in the bed and enjoyed its warmth while losing herself in her thoughts.

It was the second night without seeing Kris and she was confused. She didn’t understand why she wasn’t being forced to meet with Kris anymore.  Was her willpower forcing EXO to stop whatever it was doing at night? Was sleeping with Sehun affecting it?  

She was reacting to the nightly changes in an unexpected and rather upsetting way. Despite murdering someone in front of her, she actually felt herself missing Kris. He was charming and caring toward her (once he got off his high horse) during their time together. She honestly enjoyed talking to him. What really was pleasant about their relationship was that having a chat was more than sufficient. There was no need for fancy outings or entertainment in order to enjoy the time they spent together.

A wave of self-disappointment washed over her. This is a murderer she’s talking about here.  She should want absolutely nothing to do with him and avoid him at all costs. But… her heart ached on. It ached to reach out toward him and fix him, almost as if she could right his wrongs. Inside, she knew that wasn’t possible. There is no excuse for killing someone in her books.  When time came to face Kris, she really wondered what would happen and what would be said. That is, if they ever saw each other again.

“Are you coming?” Sehun asked popping his head through an opening in the door. She rolled in the bed and faced him.

“Yeah, I was just thinking.”  She replied and stretched before pulling the covers back and climbing out of the bed.  She followed Sehun out and into the kitchen where breakfast awaited her. They sat and ate with an uncomfortable silence. Usually they formed some sort of small talk, but she felt Sehun had been acting weird the past few days.

“Sehun,” She cautiously asked, pausing her dishwashing, “Is…my sleeping with you really bothering you?”

Sehun froze in his dish drying and shot her a glare. He placed the plate he was drying down onto the countertop, “Do you really want to know?” He asked in a harsh tone that surprised her.

“Y-yes?” She replied without being able to stop her stuttering.

“It does bother me. A lot. It bothers me how clueless you are. I don’t get how you don’t understand after all these…these obvious signs I’ve been giving you.” Sehun’s expression was one of anger and irritation. She broke their gaze to look off to the side in confusion, trying to decode what Sehun was telling her.

“W-well, I didn’t realize I bothered you so much. “ She felt a pang of hurt go through her, “But, in my defense, why don’t you just tell me instead of using signs? I’m obviously not getting them and well, I don’t want to be an annoyance to you especially after all you’ve don-“

“Stop right there. Just stop.” Sehun cut her off, his eyes closed as if she really struck his last nerve. She let go of the dish she was still gripping and placed it in the sink. She stared down at the dish and waited for his outburst of anger, annoyance, scolding, something to hit her ears.

“I like you.”

Her entire body just tensed and her eyes widened.

“And if we keep going down the path we’re going, I think I’ll grow to even fall in love with you.”

She slowly inched her face to turn and face him. What she saw was Sehun wearing the most tender but wounded expression she ever saw him have. She felt her impulses force her to look away from the heart wrenching sight.

“There. I said it. Do you understand now?”

Did she understand? No, she didn’t. In all actuality, there was no thinking going on in her head at all. It was completely blank. How could she bring herself to answer him when there were no words in her head to reply with.

“No?” He broke the silence, “I’ll elaborate then.

“I like you. I don’t know exactly when it started. I know I like you when you’re concerned, when you break down, when you laugh, when you’re witty, when you admit you’re wrong and when you say just the right things. I even like it when you’re clueless, so damn clueless.

“But despite all that, it hurts. Do you know why? All these feeling will amount to nothing. Despite me knowing that, I can’t control them. I can’t help but get jealous when I shouldn’t, I can’t help but get worried when you’re not around, I can’t help but like seeing you when I walk through the door and I can’t help but enjoy waking up next to you and feel as if you always belonged there.

“I know this isn’t the time or place for these feelings to develop, but I just can’t control them. Although not being in control of my feelings is nerve-wracking enough, there is one thing that makes this all the more painful.

“And that is that I know you can’t and won’t ever return my feelings.”  His voice sounded raw with emotion and she grew scared. She didn’t want to see how he was looking at her. She didn’t want to see how much pain she unintentionally brought him and how she couldn’t do anything to help him.

“I…I-“ She began to say as she gripped the edge of the countertop. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, “I never meant to-“

“Of course you didn’t. There’s nothing you can do Ileana. I like you, and that’s it. I just hope that now you’ll be more conscious of me and will see that I’m not so harmless. I mean, just your scent drives me crazy.” Sehun sighed, “Anyways, I’m going to be late. I’ll leave the dishes to you.”

Her eyes quickly followed Sehun as he brushed past her and out of the kitchen. She listened to the rustling of Sehun putting on his coat and boots. She listened as he pushed the staircase down and him climbing down them. When she heard the bang signaling the stairs had been pushed back up, she immediately let out a shaky breath.

She vigorously scrubbed at the dishes as millions of thoughts zoomed in her mind. She didn’t notice just how aggressive she was being until she unintentionally scrubbed so hard that a glass slipped out of her hand and broke into small pieces onto the floor.

She stared down at the mess before she let out a loud and frustrated groan. What the heck was that? How did she never notice? She was a complete idiot. She hurt one of the most important person’s she knew on EXO.

She honestly did not even think about …feelings or anything of that sort since she arrived on EXO. Sure, the majority of males were as attractive as gods and a lot of them oozed appeal. But, that’s all. She considered them out of her ball park, both in looks and well, heck, she was from a different planet. This sort of thing shouldn’t happen.

She let her guilt ridden thoughts run free as she started to clean the glass off the floor. When she finished, she mindlessly went downstairs and met with Kai in the front shop as she usually did.

“I swear every time you come down here in the morning, you look worse than the day before. “ Kai told her when the shop had no customers. She gave him a glare as she cleaned the floor with a broom.

“Thanks Kai, you look great too.” She replied sarcastically.

“Thank you. But, I’m still wondering what’s troubling you, is it still the dream?” Kai asked good-naturedly. Even though she wanted to be honest with him, she felt that Kai didn’t know much when it came to the matters of the heart. She decided it would be a better idea to not worry him.

“Yeah, but I think I’m getting better.”

Kai accepted it no problem and patted her lightly on the back as he passed her to serve a customer that just entered the shop.

The day in the shop went by without hitch, as it usually did. But that peace unfortunately did not last long.

“Hey Kai, does Sehun ever come back this late?” Ileana asked after they finished what seemed like their hundredth card game of the night. Kai checked his communicator for the time and frowned.

“Not usually. And he usually tells me if he’s doing anything. It’s unlike him really.” Kai replied.

“I guess we can wait a while longer for him to show…” She thought as she dealt out another hand for a new game.

They continued playing a few more games before she felt fatigue hit her hard without Sehun ever showing up.