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N I N E T E E N

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“I go by Baekho now, ___________. Kang Dong Ho is no more,” He said, staring coolly at me as I said his name.

I’d only managed to take a quick glance at him at first, but I noticed that his voice had gotten huskier, almost deeper since I’d last seen him. The young child Kwang Su and I had spent our summers with had turned into a grown man – an along with it came the scars of his adolescence. Although he’d packed on more muscles and his shoulders had turned noticeably broader, I knew that during our absence, Baekho had trained with his life in order to give off the menacing aura he now held. As a child, he was a mere stick, his skinniness and shortness often having been mistaken for weakness. But his heart was good, as he’d protected me through thick and thin, and although he had emerged from his shy, boyish self into an intimidating force, I couldn’t help but feel an immediate sense of rebellion well up in my chest. I just couldn’t call him Baekho - the name sounded funny, almost wrong even when it came off of my lips, tasting like the bitter salt of regret. 

“Don’t feel so safe. You’re not the only one who’s changed, Dong Ho - I go by Io now.”

He looked annoyed at my refusal to use his alias, but he merely frowned at me before speaking.

“What are you doing in BAP? You know that they’re one of the worst gangs out there. They’ve annihilated others in order to amass their territory in Seoul, and they’re ruthless and diabolical.  Why are you joining a gang? Damn, __________, you shouldn’t be here - ”

“Why are you so concerned? Why don’t you look at where you are today instead of questioning my decisions? It doesn’t look like you’ve done any better,” I growled.

He took a deep breath, and looked behind him before speaking.

“I’m sorry.”

I glared at him, crossing my arms. “We don’t want a sorry, we want Zelo back.”

“I need you to trust me, _______. This is serious. I’m going to tell you something, and you need to listen carefully. You have to promise me that you won’t tell anyone.”

At that moment, I saw the childhood friend I’d grown up with – the boy who always tried to lie through his heart but whose eyes revealed his true feelings. Kwang Su and I had always been attracted to his morality, his ethics – to his hardworking self and the person that he’d grown up to be before we’d moved from the countryside to Seoul. And even though we were enemies, even though any contact between us was forbidden and could be traitorous, I knew that this time, he was no longer lying. Though I was still suspicious and wanted to keep my poker face in order to protect Zelo, I knew that there were moments where I couldn’t only rely on myself. Without the help of Himchan, I wouldn’t be here today. Without Yong Guk always covering me and training me, Young Jae reminding me of my place in the group, Jong Up showing me what true family was with his devotion to Zelo, and Zelo letting me know the lengths a family takes in order to stay family – I wouldn’t be the person I was today. And I knew, I knew I had to trust him if I wanted to keep my new family by my side.

“I want to trust you. And I will. But show me, show me why I should.”

I was still hesitant, but Dong Ho knew that at that moment, he’d gotten my attention.

“There's something you should know about me, since it's only fair as I know your deepest secret.” He said, staring at my dirty, disheveled attire, and choppy, scraggly locks. I felt embarrassed at the state I was in, but still sat stiffly, waiting for a reason to trust him.

“I’m an undercover cop.”

It was silent for a few moments as I soaked that in, as I contemplated what he was telling me and came to the realization that he was utterly and irrevocably insane.

“You mothering ,” was all that came out of my mouth, my voice having fallen into a whisper after knowing the significance of his statement. “What are you doing here? Why are you even worried for me when you’re the one who’s tempting death – what the is wrong with you? Dong Ho, you need to get out, now.”

Dong Ho looked behind him once more and glared at me.

“What the hell am I supposed to do? A year ago, I got a report that there was a brawl at a local café, and that one of the victims had died from the fight. Normally my department isn’t concerned with these matters, so we handed it over to Team Two, who was in charge of tracking down the killer. We don’t have strict laws about fistfights and gangfights in Seoul because there’s just too many – unless there’s enough evidence, we can’t prosecute any of them. And once we had arrived on the scene, we discovered that both members belonged to a gang, so we chalked it up to tagging, which is basically when gangs begin fighting over territories.

And then I discovered that the victim was Kwang Su. My best friend, Kwang Su.”

His voice rasped a little as he spoke, but he continued to watch me warily. “How well do you know your own brother, ________? How well? Did you know that while you thought he was in boarding school in Canada, he was really training with me to become part of the Seoul task force in Argentina? Day by day, together, we went through hours of grueling service and training, because we both decided that we’d wanted to save others. We didn’t want them to go through what we did – mere orphans, parentless, growing up watching crime and destruction through the city. Because we had everything taken away from us, we were determined to make sure that in the future, we would get training to protect the people that meant everything to us.”

“Why – Why didn’t he tell me?” I said, feeling an icy chill run through my spine.

Why don’t you become a doctor, ________, or a lawyer? Do something good for the country? I’ve been to boarding school, maybe you should too –

“How could he? He felt guilty for leaving you on your own while he pursued a dream he had. And we were going to make it, as we were in the same graduating class. He was the top of all the students, _______ , and he was going to grad with honours and fulfill an apprenticeship with the head of the police department in Seoul. That was all until – until we found out  -  until we knew – “

“What? Found out what?” I whispered, unsure as to whether I could hear this or not.

“We found out that you both have an older brother - Jung Seo Woo - who’d grown up surviving on the streets, in and out of gangs.”

A hushed silence sat in front of us, and I looked at Dong Ho for any signs of lying, any signs of tricking me, any signs of betrayal. And then I laughed, a cruel, hollow laugh, for what seemed like an eternity. I was being mocked, I was being made a fool of, and I felt rage in my heart as I became determined to bring those emotions towards Dong Ho. “You’re very funny. You should really become a comedian, Dong Ho. I guess we’d always known your humour would bring you somewhere – just not like this,“ I said bitterly, feeling stupid for even sitting down and talking with him. This was all a mistake. A bad dream. He was making things up to confuse me, to draw me away from the point – which was Zelo. Zelo was all that mattered, not my past – because although I’d came into the group to find information about my brother, this couldn’t possibly be it. My brother wasn’t part of gangs – he was a middle-class, hardworking guy who liked lame jokes, studied late into the night, and believed in rules more than anyone else.

Not a gangster who wanted revenge and had done everything that I was doing right now.

“You need to know this, ________. Kwang Su joined NU’EST in order to find Seo Woo, but it turned out that it was too late. Seo Woo was dead. And,” Dong Ho said, his voice cracking like the embers of a flame, the parched, dry notes of his voice searing through me – “it seems that Kwang Su hald the same fate.

I wanted to avenge him, ________. I did. If I had known – I would have. How could I not know what my best friend was thinking? I still remember the day when we were on filing duty and came across Seo Woo’s file, and how Kwang Su’s eyes had a new flicker in them as he made the desicion right there and then. He was going to halt off his police studies and forget about this dream that he had in order to chase after his older brother. To him – maybe you already know it by now – but family was everything to him. And the reason why he succeeded was also the same reason why he excelled at school; not because he was a great policeman, but rather because he was always able to tap into the mind of a criminal but emphathize completely with the victim. He was always two steps ahead because he thought like a convict, unlike the rest of the class, which was determined to only see one side of the law. And that’s why he succeeded in covering up, in closing himself in from the world so that he could easily leave our training grounds in Argentina and head back to Seoul to find your brother.”

I felt my heart clench as I realized that my perfect brother had lied to me, had hidden this secret from me even though it concerned me as much as it did him. He’d done it to protect me, but I felt hurt because he’d gone through it – by himself.

The whole time I didn’t know.

“Every single day, because of Kwang Su, I grew more interested in the gangs of Seoul. I became determined to find out his story, to not only take his legacy to find Seo Woo but also give him the dignity that he deserved. After petitioning for stricter rules and prosecution amongst gang fights, I took the opportunity to become an undercover cop, and disguised myself as a member of the gang that Kwang Su had joined. I didn’t know that I would find his killer – Nic – right in the heart of the gang. However, you need to know this: Nic isn’t truly part of NU’EST. He’s biding his time right now, using NU’EST in order to take revenge on your leader, Bang Yong Guk. At the same time, since NU’EST wants their land rights and titles, they’re challenging you, thinking that it’s a win-win situation as Nic has insider information about the group. But Nic is a cheat, so you need to be careful - he’s willing to use everything in order to avenge a long rivalry that they have.”

“He wants revenge – and so he killed my brother?”

“Your brother knew something. He’d discovered information that he wasn’t supposed to regarding Yong Guk and Nic. If you want to know more, you need to get that information out of him.”

I closed my eyes, feeling that even though I’d found out something about my brother, and knew what had happened to him, the case wasn’t closed. There was an unfinished, lingering feeling that was left. Who was Seo Woo? What did Nic want? And did Yong Guk even know he was in trouble? “I don’t know how to ask him, Dong Ho,” I said, my hands in my lap, feeling like a nervous wreck the moment I thought about it. I was anxious not only because I had to delve into the leader’s past, but also because if I didn’t, Nic was going to do something to him. And I wasn’t sure what.  The fear of the unknown was devastatingly strong at the moment, and I still felt scared as Dong Ho firmly encouraged me. “If you want to save him, ________,  if you want to prevent him from becoming like your brother, then you have to do this.”

I took a deep breath, before saying my next words. “I will. I promise you.”

He immediately looked relieved, but I glared at him once again.

“However, tell me why are you doing this? I know it’s not for my brother. I know he’s part of the reason why, but you’re one of the most rule-abiding people that I know, Dong Ho. You wouldn’t just jump into something like this.”

Dong Ho looked at me, his face a dark shadow, and shook his head.

“Many years have passed. I was engaged. But she died during a gang fight, because she came too close. She hadn't seen the landmines, and I hadn't either.

Everyday, I wish it was me instead." 

I looked in horror at him, and he looked away.

“I didn’t know – I’m so sorry-”

He shook his head. “What’s happened is what happened. But on that day, I wasn't able to say goodbye to her - I only said goodbye to her remains. And I don’t want that to happen to your leader or Zelo. I don't care what their stance is, but I’m going to help you. However, you need you to keep in contact with me before they meet - I'm lucky they're allowing me this time with you one-on-one, because they think I'll convince you to give up. I’ll give you information on their plans and even protect Zelo for you – but you need to promise me one thing: That you won’t tell anyone who I really am.

Because if you do, I can’t help you anymore, ________.”

“I promise, Baekho.” I put my heart on my chest, a childhood sign of trust between us, and smiled. “Thank you.”

He grinned at my willingness to use his alias, and gave me a small salute.

“I would tell you to stop this, but you’re too headstrong. I’m glad you’ve grown up well,” He said, before reaching his arm to turn off the monitor. “Goodbye, ________.”

“Be safe, Baekho,” were my last words, as the TV flickered to black, with my only my reflection from the TV screen glaring back at me. 

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I know this isn't supposed to be funny, 

But I started this fanfiction before I ever heard of Running Man.

Now that I've seen almost all episodes,

Every time I read the name "Kwang Su" in this story I die a little. 

Hehe! :) 

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