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    T H I R T E E N   

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"Like the cigarettes I'm 'chained' to, wicked words 
can be the devil in disguise that thrive off of maiming you, 

But who's blaming who?" 

-Tablo, Lesson One 

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What time was it?

I looked up to see bright lights blaring at my face. Feeling slightly feverish, my whole body was sticky and clammy, as if I’d been in a deep slumber for months.  When I turned to the side, trying to fall asleep again, I heard voices that stilled me and froze. “We have to get rid of Io. He’s caused so many problems already-” Young Jae said, but a slamming of plates objected to his decision. “He’s part of the team,” Himchan snapped back. “We’ve already lost one member, hyung, we can’t afford to lose another one.” Angrily, Young Jae stood up and yelled at him. “That’s the point; we’ve lost one member already, so how can we take care of one more? Especially this brat?” With that, I grew angry. What right did he have to say that to me? I knew that I was new and not as trained as they were, but I knew I could do this. I was going to find Nic, the man who killed my brother, and –

And then I bolted awake. Everything from the day before came rushing to me.

Yong Guk – was he dead? Was he alive? 

I grabbed my blankets and threw them off. “Yong Guk? YONG GUK?” I asked, in a feral panic as I looked around my surroundings.

This wasn’t the casino anymore. They’d placed me on the couch, with a pillow under my head and a glass of water nearby. The blood, the bullets – all of it was gone, and I was back in the hideout – but Yong Guk was still missing “Io, you feeling better?” Himchan suddenly asked softly, as he walked over to where I was sitting. Looking at him quickly, I grabbed his sleeve. “Where is he? Where’s Yong Guk?” I nearly yelled. No one answered, so I stared at each of them, begging them to give me a reply. When they stayed silent again, I began to curse, until I saw the expressions of the members.  Jong Up’s eyes were red and puffy, while Daehyun looked as if he hadn’t gotten sleep for weeks. Young Jae’s personality was nastier than ever, while Zelo was missing from the table. “He died, didn’t he? I killed him?” I asked, never wanting to hear the answer if it was the truth.

“He didn’t, but if he did, you’d be responsible,” Young Jae snapped.

“SHUT THE UP!” Himchan growled at him, while Jong Up suddenly pushed his chair away from the table. His eyes a virulent storm, he glared at his older hyung, shooting daggers at the older boy’s face.  “I know that you’re in charge of all of us, and that Yong Guk trusts you to handle most of the group’s matters. But you, Yoo Young Jae, have just gone overboard.” Jong Up paused for a moment after his words, before going to Young Jae and slapping him. The sound was a crack of thunder in the silent expanse of the kitchen, which left Daehyun looking at them in horror. “Yah, Moon Jong Up”- Daehyun began, but was interrupted by him again. “Yong Guk accepted Io, and he expects all of us to do the same. Zelo has left us, and you’re already trying to chase off another member. Don't you think that's probably why he's gone? How –  just how - do you expect Zelo to come back if we’re so divided?”

I stared at him in shock, waiting for someone to laugh, waiting for Young Jae to snap at him. Waiting for someone to accuse him of lying, to tell me that Zelo hadn't run away. The cheerful kid who created the lively atmosphere at the table and was known for his humour as much as his fighting skills - there was no way he would have left his home. 

But there was nothing.

“Zelo? Where’s Zelo?” I said, my voice in a dead whisper.

“That new member NU'EST had hoped to unveil was Zelo,” Himchan said slowly, watching Jong Up carefully. “The whole time that we were planning this, Zelo had decided to turn on us. He was crowned as second-in-command of the new group, and the damn kid didn’t even turn back  even though he saw that Yong Guk was hurt.” He snarled. Jong Up looked stricken, and glared at Himchan. "He did care. I know Zelo. He does - there's a reason why he's in NU'EST and we have to figure it out. How can you give up on him like this?" He asked, staring at Himchan, while my heart broke for him. I couldn't believe what was happening at the moment, how quickly everything had changed even though they'd been brothers together for so long. Before I could say anything, however, Young Jae slammed his fist into the table. 

"We didn't give up on him. He gave up on us, you ! Get yourself together and stop acting like a ing baby!" 

Enraged, Jong Up rammed into Young Jae this time, throwing a punch at his face which landed with a dull thud on his cheek. I heard him yell as he continuously punched Young Jae, who lay on the ground and slammed his leg into Jong Up's stomach.  Breathing heavily, Jong Up let out a cry as he grabbed Young Jae's head and kicked his legs, making his the older boy let out a scream of pain. "STOP IT!" Daehyun suddenly yelled, running into the fray as Himchan grabbed Jong Up from the back and brought him to a chair. Daehyun took hold of Young Jae and glared at the both of them, reprimanding them for their childishness. "This is not the time to fight! We have casualties and we have a member that's missing. Shouldn't our first priority be to solve these issues at hand instead of creating more?" He yelled, begging them to cooperate. 

"If we want to solve this problem then we should get rid of him," Jong Up snarled, pointing at Young Jae in fury before stalking off to his bedroom. 

“YOU LITTLE , COME BACK HERE – “ Young Jae shouted, but Daehyun frowned at him, holding him back.

“Hyung. Stop it. He’s in pain,” He said, staring at him.

“Is – Is Yong Guk trying to find Zelo?” I asked, feeling dizzy and lightheaded.

“He’s in his room resting-” Himchan said, looking at me worriedly. “Please, Io, you just woke up for the first time in three days. Can you please just-”

That was when I ran to Yong Guk’s room, twisting out of his grasp, thinking of nothing except Yong Guk's safety. Himchan lunged after me, but I ignored him, opening the door to his room in a flurry. Pressing the door with the side of my hip, I locked it tightly, and prayed silently that it wouldn’t open.  I could hear Himchan banging at it furiously, but turned off his voice in my head and looked at the dark room. It smelled masculine, a mix of boy and warrior, but it was clean and roomy. There was a bed, a desk, and a closet, and a box of high-tech items that were strewn about on the tabletop. I also noticed that Yong Guk kept a shelf of books, all which were thick and numerous in volume.  All of them were written in the historical Korean format, which made them difficult to read – but it seemed Yong Guk was educated enough to understand them. Turning my gaze to the bed, I stared at him, and my breath cut short.

He was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling aimlessly, his tank still drenched in blood, white gauze wrapped around his arm. He was a painting of scars – a jagged, red line cut across his left cheek here, a purplish, swollen bruise on his lip there. Lost in thought, when I shifted a table with my leg while walking towards him, he glanced at me and frowned from the noise.  

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” He asked.

“Sorry for interrupting you. I woke up,” I said, while he nodded as he replied. "Their screaming woke me up already." 

“Is your – is your wound alright?” I asked, looking at it. Parts of my shirt were still wrapped around it, and it seemed as if it hadn't been touched for a while. The white was more red than snow, and it looked as if it needed immediate changing. It was obvious why they hadn’t sent him to the hospital, although from the looks of it he needed medical attention as soon as possible. “You need to change that,” I said, looking around the room and rummaging for a first-aid kid. I found one, below his bed, which had been closed hastily and had numerous bandages spilling out of it. I realized right then and there that Yong Guk had used them sparingly – he was on the brink of death, and yet the bottle of alcohol had barely been touched. He was saving them for the other members, since they couldn’t always afford to get supplies. It was difficult going on missions, but even harder to stop buy at a general convenience store without attracting attention.

“Leave me alone,” He said, trying to hole up in his blankets.

I silently pulled out a fresh square of gauze and some rubbing alcohol.  Piling the supplies on his bed, he glared at me and kicked his leg so that they fell on to the ground.

“Get out!” He yelled. “Stop wasting my supplies!”

I grabbed him by the neck of his tank and stared at him menacingly, daring him to yell at me again. “You haven’t been the hospital. It’s been three days, you – and you and I know it. If we don’t get that bullet out, it’s going to be infected, and you’re going to die.”

“I’m not scared of death,” He said, a serious expression falling across his face.

I scoffed.

“You may not be, but I sure as hell am. We all are. You’re our leader and we need you if we’re going to bring back Zelo.  You’re supposed to be the one that takes care of us, that manages us,” I said, glaring at him. “But how can you do that if you can’t even look after yourself? Wake up, Yong Guk. Get yourself together.”

“I don’t need help-“

“I didn’t ask if you needed it. I’m forcing you to have it,” I said, as I climbed on to the bed and carefully took the bandage off his arm.