Present

Chanyeol had always wondered; was it really that day when it all changed for him. All those years ago, just after the debut, the fight with the group that bullied Jongin. 

He thought back to that day. 

How he pulled a trembling Jongin out of the corridor

The blankness of Kyungsoo’s eyes

The way Jongin melted into his shoulder

The bandaged hands of Kyungsoo and the torso he protected absolutely and subtly

The ache when he saw reflected in Kyungsoo’s eyes when they saw him struggle in dance practise 

The useless pleads to go back 

The hug he was forced to share

And 

How could he forget

Jongin and him sharing

How Jongin nor he let go of Kyungsoo

 

Once the gruesome practice was done with and they  headed home, Chanyeol had rushed home like his feets were on fire. He thought he would find them talking, eating, practicing. He imagined a thousand ways to into any activities they were doing. He even imagined how to deal with if they said no, or how to convince them and finally what to do if they rejected him no matter what he did. He would cry about it to Minseok or Jongdae, but definitely not to or in front of Sehun, Baekhyun and/or Tao. Despite his pleas, they had messed up choreographies multiple times. And they did so while smirking at him.

But the scene that was awaiting him, made him forget all about it.

They were holding hands as they leaned on each while sleeping on the couch. Something that was jumpy within Chanyeol since morning, settled at the very sight of them so at peace. 

He didn’t want to wake them up, trashing his idea of joining them, because of how comfortable and at ease they looked; in fact, he wanted to join them. But too soon Kyungsoo's eyes fluttered open to meet him. Before Chanyeol could utter some nonsense to defend himself staring at him so creepily, Tao saved his by barging in and dragging Kyungsoo. Possibly for proper evaluation of what had happened, injuries, and medical care. 

Ah, so that’s what he had forgotten. And the fact that the entire team  had decided to visit Jongin and Kyungsoo. 

He crept slowly towards the sofa and just as slowly took Kyungsoo’s place. He hoped that it wouldn't wake him up, but a wrongly placed elbow woke Jongin. Chanyeol thought he would get up and get out of the room. But Jongin only looked at him and  snuggled closer. Chanyeol let out a breath he did not know he was holding. His breathing evened out slowly and he found himself drifting off to sleep. They were woken up for dinner, the first slumber party since dorms went for repairs.

 

His reverie was broken by Junmyeon, who brushed his hair off his face, and asked,

“Chanyeol-ah,”as he nudged his shoulder, “how are you feeling? Want to go see what others are doing?” 

“I don’t know, hyung,” Chanyeol said as he clung on to Junmyeon’s waist and hid his face, “give me some more time, hyung.”

“Okay, okay, take your time,” Junmyeon said. He continued rubbing Chanyeol’s back, something to do to keep intrusive thoughts at bay. The questions were just at the edge, but he kept tipping them back. Each motion of his hand, physically representing him mentally pushing them back.

 

“Hyung, ” chanyeol suddenly asked, making Junmyeon jump a bit. Chanyeol smirked, and Junmyeon tapped his shoulder in retaliation. 

“Yes, thank you for scaring your leadernim,” Junmyeon said. 

“Hyung!” chanyeol said with urgency. Junmyeon tipped his chin in affirmation, so chanyeol asked, “are you okay?”

“Ah! I, uh…. I '' this pause made Chanyeol clutch at junmyeon waist tighter, “I really don’t know. I don’t know what is going on, what happened, what I could have done, or where this will lead us, honestly,” Junmyeon said, “I didn’t think things would escalate like they have.” 

“So what now?”

Junmyeon looked at him and said, “for now, let’s get going.”

“Yeah, let’s go and use that manager's card well!!!” Chanyeol smiled, wiping his eyes dry and so did Junmyeon. 

Junmyeon waited until Chanyeol was truly looking at him, “We will get through this right, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol nodded, putting his hands on Junmyeon’s shoulder as he got up, “Heck yeah!!! I am sure!!! I think no one will want to leave, as long as we are still exo. Otherwise we all will convince them!!!”

“I hope so too” Junmyeon smiled at him tentatively, “thanks Chanyeol!”

“Yeah!!!” chanyeol shouted. Junmyeon was waiting when chanyeol gestured that he will follow him out soon. 

Junmyeon nodded and started walking out. Something occurred to him that made him pause and turn to face Chanyeol, “you should patch things up with Kyungsoo, you know.”

“What?” asked a baffled Chanyeol, “what are you saying!” he laughed awkwardly.

“I said you should…”

“No, I heard you but I fought with Baekhyun, not kyungsoo. Why are you talking about kyungsoo? Kygunsoo has nothing to do with this!! Haha! You meant with Baekhyun, and I will!!” Chanyeol said.

Junmyeon just stared at him until Chanyeol started fidgeting. To put him out of his misery “Chanyeol, are you serious? Seriously? In the last few days, you go to Sehun and Baekhyun post performance, you ask Chen to sit next to you in jam sessions, or follow ME unlike kyungsoo like you usually do,” Junmeyon said with widened eyes, “you really thought it was not noticeable? You asked Baekhyun to help with songs, and fought with literally everyone, what the hell Chanyeol!”

“I thought I was being subtle,” Chanyeol confessed as he shuffled his feet in guilt.

It was Junmyeon’s turn to smirk at him now, “You are over six feet tall, you don't have a single subtle bone in your body! Might as well try to get to your original height.”

“Hyung! You know what!” Balked Chanyeol, “Get out of my room, right now!!!!”

Junmyeon laughed at the flustered Chanyeol trying to push him out of the room.

“But seriously what happened between you two,” Junmyeon asked.

“The three,” Chanyeol whispered.

“What?”

“Between the three of us, Kyungsoo, Jongin and me,” Chanyeol admitted as looked down at his hands.

“I did not know Jongin was a part of it,” Junmyeon wondered out loud.

“He was not, I might have said something to him that Kyungsoo overheard. It was not something good. When Kyungsoo asked me to apologize, I felt like he chose Jongin over me. I… ugh.. just.. kind of… kind of punched him and ran away,” Chanyeol explained.

“Oh! That is why he has been wearing the heat pads!” Junmyeon lied.

“What! Heat pads! What heat pad? I did not hit him that hard!!! Did I?” Chanyeol petrified and ran out the room, “, where is he right now?”

“He is in the dance room,” Junmyeon had to shout as Chanyeol had zipped past him and was running in the opposite direction. At his voice, Chanyeol almost fell trying to veer in the right direction.

‘It will take time,’ Junmyeon thought ‘but we are going to be alright.’

***********************************************************************************************

 

There were two dance practice rooms for exo, the official and the unofficial.

In the official practice room, they were taught choreography. Sometimes, trainers would adjust it based on stage, time, changes in song, and so on.

In the unofficial dance room, the members would weigh on the issues with songs, whether it was a balanced act or needed adjustment. The dance line would try to ease or remove movements depending on the need for singing for the vocal line. The reason why it was unofficial was because they did this privately. The last time the vocal line complained of dance interfering with vocal load of songs, they were made to go through intense dance practice. It  was the worst as they were sent without reducing their appearance time.
Usually, this room would be filled with laughter and pranks on their off days. The dance line would start suggesting ridiculous poses, terrible gestures, inappropriate s, and causing a riot in general. This would only be solved when Minseok had had enough, Baekhyun had difficulty breathing, Kyungsoo started playing games on his phone, rappers rapping the instructions, or basically when someone was just done with everyone else in the room.

Currently, in the exo unofficial dance practice room, there were only two occupants; seeping darkness from god knows where, as most the lights were still on.

 

“Hello?”

Chanyeol asked. He had assumed that others would be there as well. His eyes started to look around.

Only, his eyes to find them immediately. 

But as soon as he saw Kyungsoo and Jongin, he felt his heart drop, right into his stomach.

There was only one word for how he felt and what they looked like.

 

Lost 

 

It was not unusual to see Kyungsoo’s blank face. It came around especially when he was struggling with dance or loads of work placed on his shoulders without many breaks, or when he fought with his brother.  Jongin’s panicked face wasn't rare, when there were way too many instructions in singing, someone getting all coffees and not his special drink, when there were too many strangers with cameras, when he had to give a speech and so on. 

 

But Kyungsoo looked blank, absolutely blank.  Jongin rubbed Kyungsoo’s back, which otherwise Kyungsoo would shrug off. Jongin looked panicked as if waiting for the shrug to come to make it better. Maybe Baekhyun should have been here instead of him, Chanyeol thought. But he still gulped silently as he looked around.

They were huddled somewhat in the middle of the room with music playing in the background. It was on loop, annoying Chanyeol enough to turn it off. Just as he did, Jongin’s eyes immediately snapped to him and gestured to come closer. Chanyeol met his gaze and saw desperation in Jongin's eyes.
He walked towards them, (more like running, successfully not tripping). 

Kyungsoo did not turn. Even as he lowered himself next to him, Chanyel kept looking back and forth between the two. Neither said a word. Confused, Chanyeol looked at Jongin, who was now looking at him expectantly.

Like he was urging Chanyeol to say something, or do anything.

Chanyeol looked at Jongin, “Jongin-ah, um…Nini, I am….here… to…I…wanted to apologize to you, for what I said that day. It crossed a line, I am sorry. I don't know what came over me when I said that. Maybe, I was not feeling well, I guess, but I won’t do it again. I promise. I am truly sorry for hurting you with my carelessness.”

Jongin blinked at him and jumped when he heard. He visibly gulped, not expecting the apology. But soon he said, “I forgot about it already, but thank you. I know you were not..um feeling well, so no big deal..”

“Yes, but I could have dealt with it in a better way…will you...um... Will you forgive me?”

“Yes of course,” Jongin extended his hand as a way of accepting the apology. Chanyeol shook it with his usual vigor and force. They smiled at each shyly and decided to mess around making the hand shake bigger and bigger, making big hand waves with their joint hands.

Some were tiny, some suddenly bigger, playing around with what the other does.

But at a particularly large wave moment, their joint palms brushed Kyungsoo's head and jostled the figure that had been sitting still in silence. Jongin was about to apologize but Chanyeol held his hand tighter as he saw that Kyungsoo had not reacted at all.

After a second, he moved. He let his head lean forward and thankfully, insead of face planting into the floor, it came to rest on Jongin's shoulder.

Jongin was surprised. This was not what he expected or thought he could handle. Screaming internally, as the cool head of his hyung rested on his sweaty, hot shoulder.

 

Of course, after he tried everything to keep Kyungsoo's mind diverted, he assumed at one point Kyungsoo would just leave. Leave him.

But it was just quiet. The silence around them stung his heart. This wasn’t the usual silence of Kyungsoo. His gestures, his gaze and short answers had been enough to understand him. But today Kyungsoo hadn’t looked at him or anyone, at all. Even when Baekhyun tried to tickle him, he just moved away, when Sehun tried to dance with him, Kyungsoo shrugged off his hand, Jumyeon Hyung didn’t want to try, and Kyungsoo only followed what was being said. Didn't say anything to anyone, even people calling out to say bye, he would just bow at them without any eye contact.

They started off trying to keep each other’s mood up by messing around. But one of the instructors’ found them and explained the choreography change for the next appearance. Soon, everyone was learning the choreographies and later practicing their new choreo set by the trainer. Only when he left, was when they truly started messing around with the choreography. While all of them participated, Kyungsoo slid down the mirror, just staring down. Jongin did try to involve him, however, he couldn't even get a grip on him to pull him up. Baekhyun hyung told him to leave him be, not to push him, and much later to stay with him.

Kyungsoo had not uttered a word throughout the day. no one really wanted to discuss what happened today either. not today, none of them were ready.

Kyungsoo had met Tao and Lu Han before they left, only him. They were late, only saw Kyungsoo standing and staring at the gate with his hand frozen in the air. That’s when they realised that the gate was closing after a van. Only Jongin was staring at Kyungsoo.

 

Frozen hands in air

 

Rooted at the spot he stood, even when Jongin jostled him with hands on his shoulder.

 

Only at his nudge did Kyungsoo look away from the road and at Jongin. He didn't say anything. He just looked back at the road. Jongin dragged him by his shoulder into the building.

 

Back in the practice he wasn't any different. He just stared, not at anyone in particular, but just into nothingness. There was a blankness in his features, which they had not seen since a long time ago. Jongdae had taken Kyungsoo aside to talk to him. Minseok Hyung joined them as well. But they did not look as if they succeeded in getting him to talk. Eventually, everyone was called by the managers, so they had to go. The last one to leave was Sehun, who said Junmyeon hyung had texted them to meet up at the dorms.

Only Jongin and Kyungsoo were left. Jongin wanted to do something to keep Kyungsoo’s mind diverted, so they practiced a few more times. But after the third repetition of the choreography, Kyungsoo stopped midway. He stood where he was. Jongin only stared at him with eyes wide, hoping for a reaction.  Kyungsoo raised his hands, pulled off his cap placed by Minseok hyung and threw it aside. He raised his hands to run it through his hair and almost pulled at them.

Jongin, who was waiting, didn’t waste time and  approached him and pulled his hands out of his hair and tugged them down. Kyungsoo still didn’t say anything, and only after a lot of coaxing, he was able to make Kyungsoo sit on the floor. 

 

Jongin did not know what to say or do. He kept rubbing Kyungsoo's back like Chanyeol had done, a long, long time ago. He did not know how much time had passed, which was ridiculous since there was a clock in the room. When the music stopped and he saw Chanyeol standing in the room, Jongin was simply relieved. Relieved to see him. 

Chanyeol apologized, for a jab Jongin himself had long forgotten. It was something that had caused a rift between Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. And, out of nowhere, Kyungsoo’s head came to rest on his shoulder.

Jongin immediately went into panic mode. Thankfully, Chanyeol patted Jongin's knee, encouraging Jongin to relax as he curled his hand around Kyungsoo's waist to keep him from falling off, incase Jongin did something stupid.

Chanyeol’s hand on his knees, warm breath of Kyungsoo on his neck, grounded him into the present.

 

After what felt like an eternity to both, Kyungsoo moved his head and looked at Chanyeol.

Chanyeol smiled at him, like usual, his big toothed smile.

 

Kyungsoo turned his gaze away from him.

 

A beat passed

Tears started rolling down his face