“Finally! I was about to go out to look for yo--- you’re drenched!”

Yunho rushed forward with his towel, wiping the water off his face.

Something is not right… Those are not rain drops… they are… tears… 

“What… happened?”

A nervous rumbling started up in Yunho's stomach… 

“Why… didn’t you tell me?”

He found out?  He found out.

“Yunj---”

“HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO CALL ME THAT?!” 

Yunho was taken aback by his sudden explosion of emotions. 

“I---”

“What? You thought I’ll never regain my memories? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you?!” 

“I--- I’m sorry…” 

“Sorry?! I don’t need to hear your apology… I don’t get it…. Why couldn’t you tell me? It’s me! ME! I’m your Jaejoong! What made you decide to hide our memories away from me?!” 

“BECAUSE I CAUSED THAT ACCIDENT!”

Yunho couldn’t hold it in anymore…the guilt that he had been holding in for all these years… “You think I don’t want to call your name?! You think I don’t want to call out to you?! To hold you?! I dreamt of calling your name and seeing your face every. single. day. But the image of you… your face… your body covered in blood will always surface in my mind…”

“But it wasn’t you…”

“It is…it is… if I drove more carefully that day, things might not turn out this way… ”

“I’ve never blamed you..” 

“But I was so scared, joong… I was so scared that if you regained your memories you would remember all the painful memories. And I was going to die… I couldn’t be so selfish to keep you by my side…” 

“But you still did didn't you?! You made me fall in love with you AGAIN. If you really wanted that for me, you would have left me in Prague isn’t it?! What were you thinking Jung Yunho?! Do you know how painful it was to not remember anything and anyone?! The... the feelings that I felt, the blurred faces hovering in my mind… not being able to remember things that are most dear to me?!” 

Yunho lunged forward and pulled him in his arms. He held him as tight as he could, afraid that his heart would shatter into pieces… It was painful to see him like that… but all he could do was to embrace him and let his tears soak through his shirt… Jaejoong’s sobs filled the entire room… Yunho ran his fingers through his hair time and again, trying to calm him down… he wished that he could take his pain away…  

"I'm sorry… I really don't know what to say… but please stop crying… I’m so so sorry..." 

"You... You selfish bastard…" Jaejoong continued to cry in his arms, his arms now around Yunho, also holding on tightly, afraid that he'll disappear any time… 

"I love you… and I'm sorry…" 

“I hate you… but I wanted to see you… when I regained those memories… all I wanted to do was to get here to see you… to hold you... ” He continued to mutter between sobs… 

“I'm sorry…I’m so sorry..." 

“Why didn’t you tell me… why…” Jaejoong repeated continuously. He curled himself up in Yunho’s arms and wept silently… his shoulders and chest rising and falling unevenly.

“I love you… I’m sorry…” 

“You should have told me… you should have told me...” He muttered continuously as he gasped for air between sobs...

… his cries started to die down… his breath slowed… and finally crying himself to sleep in Yunho's arms… Yunho kissed him lightly on his forehead. He wiped his tears away bit by bit... he could feel his heart shattering... "please don't cry anymore..." he whispered... He kept his arms wrapped around him. He stood slowly, lifting Jaejoong up and walked towards the bed, carefully settling him down beneath the covers. 

“I’m sorry…. Joong…” A slight smile spread across his face as he leaned his head against Jaejoong’s hands, allowing his tears to flow freely…“I’m so so sorry… but I’m glad that you are back... thank you...I missed you so so much...” 

******************

“When you left… my heart shattered… I kept thinking… how could life go on when my world has crumbled?”

The both of them laid in bed, arms around each other, staring into the ceiling… 

“I should have…removed the blanket and seen you for the last time that day… and… I... shouldn’t have entered your life again...” 

“You should have told me…” 

Yunho swallowed hard, he could hear the resentment in his voice… 

“I’m…”

“I don’t want to hear your apologies anymore…” Jaejoong pushed away from him, sat up and got off the bed. “You should get ready for your treatment today…”

“Morning~! Did you two lovebirds---” 

Chang min paused awkwardly as he saw both of their expressions… 

“I uh… I’ll---”

“It’s okay, min. I’m going out for a walk, I’ll be back after his treatment.” Jaejoong said calmly, patting Chang min’s shoulders as he walked past him. 

“What… Did he call me?! M...min?! You… told him?” Chang min asked, although he knew that it probably wasn't the case… 

“He found out… I don’t know how… but he came back from our house, drenched, crying…” He said expressionlessly, he felt like he had been wrung dry… so much so that no tears would fall anymore… 

“Sometimes... life has a cruel sense of humor, giving you the thing you always wanted at the worst time possible.”

“I don’t know what to do now…” 

“To be honest… I don’t know who had it worse…” Chang min replied bitterly. 

Yunho stood up slowly, his face was so pale that he looked like he would faint any moment… 

“You have to skip your treatment today, hyung... you’re not in the right state---”

“I’ll do it. I promised him that I would go through with it.”

Knowing that he cannot change his mind, Chang ming agreed reluctantly. “Alright. I’ll get them to prepare the room. You should get some sleep while waiting. I’ll send something light for you to eat.” 

Yunho nodded, eyes still fixated on the floor… 

Joong… I… want to live… for you… but can I? Do I still have the chance to…?  Will you give me the chance to stay by your side?

 *************

“Let’s visit the patient at ward 30--- maybe not let’s go to---”

“Min…” Jaejoong called out to him.

Chang min sighed and turned back to face him. “I’ll catch up with you.” He nodded at his partner before heading towards him. 

He bit his lips nervously, waiting for Jaejoong to say the first word…

“He… his cancer relapse… is serious, am I right?”

. 

He was expecting all sorts of questions on why they kept it from him but this was one that he never expected. 

“He… is not that bad---”

“I know those treatments he is getting… is different from what he went through last time… and seeing how his body is reacting... ” 

“I don’t think I should be the one telling you these. And you know it.”

“You should also know that he won’t tell me the truth.”

“Yes… But you know that he never shows his weak side to anyone… especially you.”

“Hyung where are you?!”

“I… made a stop along the way…” Yunho replied weakly. 

“Are you alright?! Should we meet another da ---” 

“No no! I’ve waited so long for this! Just give me a while more…”

“Got it…” Chang min sighed as he hung up. He looked through the windows and spotted Jaejoong seated in a cosy corner of the cafe. 

It was almost an hour past their meeting time, Jaejoong started to get uneasy… 

Are they not coming? Did he change his mind…? 

“Joong!” 

“Yunho! What took you so long…? You look pale...” He whispered nervously. 

“I’m alright! Got caught up in a jam~ sorry! Let me introduce you to my bestest friend, Shim Chang min!”

“Nice to meet you~!” Chang min reached out his hand. 

“Nice… to meet you too.” Jaejoong shook his hands quickly. “I’m Kim Jaejoong.”

“Of course I know your name~ Hyung will not stop talking about you” Chang min winked. “Come, let’s sit down!” 

“Yes yes, let’s get something to dri---”

(CRASH)

“Hyung!!”

“YUNHO!”

“Agh!” Yunho fell to the ground before he could reach his seat. 

“Take me away, quick…” Yunho whispered to Chang ming in an urgent voice.

Chang min quickly pulled Yunho up, “I’ll send him to the hospital. Can you help to settle the things here?” 

“But… I…” 

Before Jaejoong could react, the two left the cafe hurriedly… leaving a floor of mess… 

“Admit him now.” Chang min instructed once they reached the hospital. 

“Give him a jab. Get a room for him to get a thorough scan. I’ll go get changed.”

Jaejoong’s heart pounded wildly as he followed them to the hospital. 

“Is there a patient called Jung---”

“Patient is losing consciousness!”

Jaejoong turned to look in the direction, he felt a lump in his throat… an ominous feeling… 

“Yunho!” He wanted to go forward but was stopped by one of the nurses.

“Please wait outside.” 

“Yun---”

“Yun---” He could see Yunho wheezing, the nurses rushing to put on the oxygen mask on him, another giving him an injection… the whole scene was a blur to Jaejoong… he could only see Yunho in pain… 

“I’m here, let me---” Chang min paused when he noticed Jaejoong. “Please send him outside. And continue with treatment.” He instructed before getting busy with Yunho. 

The nurse nodded and escorted Jaejoong outside. He didn’t reject or resist… when the door closed behind him, he slumped to the ground, his hands were shaking… 

What… is going on…? Please let him be alright!!!

“He’s alright now.” 

Jaejoong stood up immediately when he heard Chang min’s voice. 

“Careful!” Chang min held on to him, “you look very pale.”

“What… What happened to him?” Jaejoong looked at his solemn face anxiously… 

“Come, sit down.” He helped Jaejoong sit down… he thought for a few moments before speaking again… “I think… you should wait for him to tell you.”

“Would he tell me?”

“...”

“If he would, I wouldn’t have to follow you guys here and find out like that!!” Jaejoong said in an agitated voice. “Tell me, please! How serious is his condition?!”

"..."

"I BEG you. Please!"

“It’s... lung cancer.”

Jaejoong felt his heart sink… he blinked his tears back… “C...cancer? What stage is he at? How serious is it?!”

“We’re going to assess his condition again. We’ll know when the results are out.”

“I can’t believe it… Why… didn’t he tell me?”

“I believe that he would have hidden it from you if possible… He would probably ignore me for days for telling you this…” Chang min smiled faintly. “This is him. He wouldn’t want to be anyone’s burden… especially yours.” 

“Especially me… Precisely… it’s me… shouldn’t I be the first that he turns to?” 

“Well… that’s because you’re the one he loves the most.” 

“I know… because I’m the one he loves the most…” Jaejoong smiled bitterly. “So I’ll always be the last to know…”

“Hyung… after you were gone, he was like a living corpse… although Yuri picked him up and made him alive again, he was never really living… his smile was never like how it was when he was with you… he never gave his 100% to anyone or anything else… until he met you again… he called me when you guys were in Prague. His voice, the look on his face… was insane.” 

Jaejoong smiled at that.

“You were and will always be his everything… If you didn’t appear, he wouldn’t even go through with his treatment… Talk to him, hyung. I’m sure that he’ll tell you everything.”

Jaejoong nodded reluctantly. 

“Glad that you’re back~” Chang min hit his back playfully. 

“I’m glad that I’m back too…”  

But will things be the way they used to be…?