Yo Seob's POV

                After the photo shoot that ended at around 11pm, Jun Hyung and I went for a midnight stroll around our neighborhood. We both wore caps, large scarf and big coats to hide most of our faces except our eyes to prevent recognition from the public. Fortunately, that night was a quiet night with only a few people strolling around the park.

                We held hands in the midst of snow and chatted for a long, long time. We talked about everything under the sky as we strolled along the frozen river and I never knew Jun Hyung can talk and laugh so much.

                Occasionally, he would turn to me and just look. His gazes were filled with feelings I knew I couldn’t accept but my very soul just melted away leaving a lump formed in my throat while I tried with all my might to push my tears back.

                By 2.30am, we walked slowly back home with a small smile on both our lips.

                “Yo Seob ah, look!” Jun Hyung said pointing to the sky. I looked up and gasped. Beyond my eyes were thousands of sparkling stars.

                “Wow,” I smiled. “It’s been so long since the sky had been this beautiful.”

                “You’re wrong,” he commented and I turned to look to at him. For a second or two, I forgot to breath because right in front of me stood the most important person in my life and his expression, the sign of pure bliss, content and happiness on his face made me smile unconsciously.

                “The stars, the moon and the sun, they are always there. It’s us who didn’t have the time to appreciate them.”

                “I guess you’re right.”

                We stood there beneath a large tree and just gaze up at the spectacular art of nature.

                “Yo Seob ah,”

                “Hmm?” I turned to him. He took a step forward and took my both hands in his. I looked down at our hands and a soft wistful smile lifted my lips.

                “Yo Seob ah,” he called again. I looked up to his face and breath caught in my throat. A weird lump formed in my throat and my heart sank to my stomach. A thousand of colors flashed past my very eyes. Memories of me and him played in my head over and over again. The first day we met, the first time he showed me his concern, the first time he brought me lunch and succeeded in forcing me to eat which none of the others member had done, the first time he held my hand when I almost fell off a stage, the first time he smiled at something I said and did, the first time he looked at me with those expressions, as well as the first time he kissed me.

                The lump in my throat grew larger. And there was nothing I could do.

                “Yo Seob ah, I love you.”

                Something welled behind my eyes and blurred my vision. Before I knew it, something wet rolled down my cheeks. I, Yang Yo Seob, cried the night Jun Hyung told me he love me.

Jun Hyung POV

                I watched as his eyes widen with surprise then his dark eyes that gazed at me turned glassy and slowly, tears began to fall. Beneath the silent sky, the stars were our only witnesses. We stood there and all I could do was to watch him cry. I opened my mouth, but no words came. The same questions circled my mind over and over again.

                Why are these tears falling? Why is he crying? Why? Why? Why?

                “Yo Seob ah, please tell me what’s wrong.” I plead as I leaned down trying to peek at his face that was covered behind his hands. He shook his head and continued to sob.

                “Is it because of what I said?” I asked again. He lifted his head and I saw his cheeks were wet with tears. He lifted his arms to me and my body automatically moved forward and he wrapped his arms around my neck while my arms secured his waist. I pulled him closer and felt his whole body was sobbing against mine.

                “Jun Hyung ah,” he whispered after he had calmed down a little. “Please don’t say that. You can’t love me you pabo. I can but you can’t. You must not.”

                “What are you talking about?!” my frown deepens. “Why is it that you can but I can’t?”

                “Because you’re an idiot and you’ll get hurt.”

                I sighed and pulled away a little to look at his snotty, tear-streaked face.

                “But that is how I honestly feel.” I said and fresh tears came pouring again.

                “Please don’t cry. Let’s not talk about this anymore and go home okay. We’re both tired already.” He nodded.

                “Come on, I’ll carry you back.” I said and he climbed onto my back and rested his head on the curve between my neck and shoulder. By the time we got home, the scarf around my neck where he rested his head was damp with his tears.  When I closed the front door, I noticed that he had already fallen asleep but his arms were wrapped around me tightly.

                When I opened our bedroom door with him still on my back, the other two which sleeps on the top bunks with Yo Seob lifted their heads in the dark creepily and stared at me.

                Doo Joon, whose place was between Yo Seob and Dong Woon swiftly came down from his bed towards me and peeked at Yo Seob.

                “Alright, let’s get you two to bed.” He whispered, being careful not to wake the other two up.

                “Dong Woon ah, come help.” Our little maknae crawled towards us sleepily. The three of us spent the next five minutes trying to get our little lead singer up to his bed without him falling off. Dong Woon remained on top to pull him while the both of us lifted him.

                At first, we thought it was a hassle to get him up there so Doo Joon tried to wake him up but he refused and wouldn’t budge on my back. And so, we had no choice.  All throughout the process of getting him onto his bed, he wouldn’t let go of me. When we finally pulled him away from me and lifted him to his bed, he opened his eyes and all three of us fell silent.

                When he opened his eyes, the three of us were crowded on the top bunks fussing over his mountain of blankets and coats and stuffs. His eyes caught the sight of me.

                “Jun Hyung,” he whispered and tears once again fell from his eyes. My heart clenched and twitched in sadness, confusion and guilty while the other two just stared, didn’t know what to say. Everyone knows Yo Seob loves to whine and moan and is very spoiled but he had never cried. Never. He is a man after all.

                “I’m here,” I said and brushed away his hair from his face.

                “Stay.” He said again, so selfishly, so childishly. He grabbed my hand and soon, he was fast asleep again. The other two just stared in silence. Nobody knew what to say.

                Finally, Doo Joon spoken up,

                “I’m not going to ask what happened to you two tonight that’s enough to make him cry but I’ll just sleep on your bed tonight as he doesn’t look like he’s letting go any time soon.” He concluded and Dong Woon and I just nodded.

                Soon, all of us were settled again to sleep. Dong Woon stared at us quietly from his bed, his eyes filled with worry. Poor Maknae. I reached over and ruffled his hair before patting his head.

                “Don’t worry Wonnie; he’s going to be fine.” With that said, our maknae finally closed his eyes and we all went to sleep. Well, of course except me, I had an arm around Yo Seob and I spent the next half of the night watching occasional tears fall from his closed eyes.

                When love burns too high, we burn ourselves. How hurt and sad is someone when that someone is capable of crying even in sleep? What am I ever going to do when I’m the cause of the tears? What am I going to do?

                By dawn, I finally fell asleep with a worried frown on my face.

Yo Seob’s POV

                In my sleep, I felt like I was in the most comfortable place in the world. The warmth radiated from something big and soft beside me, I couldn’t figure what that was. The faint smell of a mixture of soap, deodorant, cologne and as well as hair gel lingered in the air around me. I knew that smell, very well, too well.

                Slowly, I realized there was something around my waist and my head was lying on something that doesn’t feel like my pillow. My poor heart clenched and gripped and smiled from the bliss I felt.

                My brain slowly processes these informations and when I opened my eyes, I found myself face to face with a throat. For a moment or two, I couldn’t register where I was.  I turned my head up and every memory crashed back on me.

                Jun Hyung had his one arm under my head as my pillow and the other hand was wrapped tightly around my waist.  Was he hugging me like this the whole night? I leaned forward and sniffed his shirt. No doubt, it was that smell, that indescribable and comfortable smell of his.

                Tears sprang to my eyes again while I quickly pushed everything back. I don’t wanna cry anymore. I have to start doing what I have to do.

                I watched in silence at his sleeping face and my heart clenched sadly. There was a frown on his face. I couldn’t imagine how worried he was about me last night. Me and my stupid behaviors. I reached out a hand and caressed his cheek. He leaned into my touch and sighed before pulling me closer.

                How is it that I am in this kind of predicament? Why am I always forced to do things I don’t want to? This time I guess I have no choice.

                Slowly, gently, I pulled away from his embrace. With a heavy heart I watched our group’s rapper sleep like an angel.

                “I’m leaving you now so this is goodbye.” I whispered so softly and leaned forward to kiss him on his forehead. Just as I was about to get out of bed, a hand grabbed my wrist and I turned around. Jun Hyung’s dark eyes were deep and unreadable while his face was just pure confused and sad.

                “Why?” was his simple question. I gaped like a stupid goldfish but words wouldn’t come. I didn't expect him to hear me.

                “Because I can’t stay.” I finally said.

                “And why not?” he frowned deeper. I don’t like it when he frowns. He always looks cold and stoic like his image when he frowns. But that’s not Jun Hyung. That’s not him at all. On stage we are all supposed to keep a certain image but that’s not the real him at all. The real him knows how to laugh and smile and joke and most of all nags. That’s what I love so much about him.

                Oh dear lord. Only god knows how much I love him.

                “Because I can’t and besides, you already have Go Hara.” He sat up pulling me closer.

                “You know I don’t like her in that way at all.”

                “Neither do you really like me. You’re just confused at this moment. She’s a nice girl.” The perfect pretty girl who loves you so much. The perfect girl that society would accept. The girl you can hold hands proudly with on the streets and anywhere at all. The girl that is capable of giving you perfect little junior Jun Hyungs. The girl that can spend the rest of your life with you.

                But I didn’t say that out loud. I just kept going on and on in my brain while my mouth remained shut. He looked at me for a long time, his hand holding my wrist so tight that it almost hurts. He looked like he was in a state of denial.

                “I’m not confused.” He finally said and the expression he had that day just made me wanna hug him tight and break down crying again but no. No. NO! I grit my teeth and hardened my stupid heart.

                “Yes you are. I’m sorry.” And with that, I pulled away from his grasp and got off the bed carefully. I don’t wanna fall off as I frequently do.

                As I was climbing down, I realized Dong Woon was still in his bed and the shocking part is, he was staring at us from beneath his blanket looking confused and half asleep.

                “Go back to sleep Wonnie.” I whispered as tears sprout to my eyes and I patted his head and disappeared into the bathroom to bawl my eyes out for the next half an hour in silence.

                If love was all about tears and endings, why do we love at all? How much longer and how much more tears do I have to shed ‘till the day I’ll be fine enough to smile from the bottom of my heart again? Will he be alright? Or will he drown his sorrow in silence like me?

                Ahh…. Life. You’re playing unfair games with us.

Jun Hyung’s POV

                I felt something was ripped off my chest and soul when he said he was leaving. How can he kiss me so softly and lovingly when he was about to leave? How can that be? He said I’m confused. Heaven and Hell knows that I’m not. I’ve been confused all my life, I cannot deny that but this time, these feelings and him, they are the only thing that I’m not confused at all.

                I love him. That’s as plain and as sure as sky is blue and grass is green. Why did he have to pull Hara into this? I know we had a little thing once but I soon realized that I have no affection towards her other than a sister and a friend.  Though I know she doesn’t feel the same and is still trying to win my heart. Tough luck sister.

                I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose tiredly. Why did he went and say that? Was it me who was confused or it’s actually him? I heard him scrambled off bed and said something to someone. I opened my eyes and met Dong Woon’s dark, confused and sleepy ones.

                “Hyung,” he mumbled, obviously still half asleep. Ahh, how could we have forgotten about this silly maknae and did he hear everything?

                “Hmm?” I answered trying to lift my lips a little.

                “Are you and Yo Seob hyung alright? What happened?” he asked drowsily.

                “Don’t worry Wonnie, nothing’s wrong. Go back to sleep.” he stared at me for a long time then nodded. Soon he was off to his lala land and while I did the same.

                Well, I tried to do the same. I spent the next hour fighting stupid tears that came from nowhere off and begged my heart to stop breaking and my brain to stop repeating his painful words and shut up. I curled myself into a ball and shivered in cold. I turned around to look out a window and it was snowing outside. I pulled my blanket higher and I slept. I slept and slept and slept until the next afternoon. That was how I escaped my sadness though nobody and neither could I understand just how I was capable of sleeping for so long. I guess sadness is something that can drives you to do impossible things.

                Goodbye. When he said that, I guess he really meant it that way. When I had finally gotten off the bed, I found out that Yo Seob had taken two weeks off to go back home. My first instinct was to grab my bag and stuffs and catch the earliest bus to him but something stopped me. He left because he didn’t want to see me. Will he refuse to see me? Will he just ignore me or worst of all; will he treat me like he does with everybody else? No more special smile or sneaky kisses.  No more soft caresses and gentle words.

                Do we have to become like this?

                During lunch the next day, the whole group other than Dong Woon ganged up on me and demanded why Yo Seob took off like the way he did. Doo Joon said the manager refused to let him off because a concert is coming up soon and he can’t miss the practices and rehearsals but apparently, Yo Seob had a fight with the manager and just left.

                That news shocked everyone. Yo Seob never fights with anyone. He always loses in fight. He is an idiot in arguments. He never wins by fighting and raising voices. The furthest he had ever done was argue and lose and sulk like a spoilt brat later.

                The members questioned what had pushed him to fight even with the manager.

                “I don’t know.” I answered coldly. Colder than the snow outside because the others just visibly shivered. They don’t like it too when I’m in my cold mode. Nothing could get me this way. Nothing and no words would hurt me. It’s like making a wall of glass around you. You can still see and hear the things and words that were thrown at you but you just can’t feel it. The wall shielded it all way.

                “You have to know something.” Gi Kwang pressed. “You’re the closest to him. He sticks to you like glue and he only listens to you.”

                “Not really,” I answered again flatly.

                “Before he storms off, he looked awful. Like he had the worst nightmare ever. He even put on a pair of mismatched shoes!” Hyun Seung said holding up a green and black sneakers.

                “I don’t know. He didn’t tell me anything about leaving.”

                “He’s not answering his phone either.” announced Doo Joon who was holding his phone to his ear.

                “Jun Hyung ah, try calling him. Maybe he’ll pick up your call.” I sighed and frowned.

                “If he’s not picking up calls, it’s obvious he doesn’t want to talk to either one of us. Just let him solve his issues himself.” I said a little too coldly. I have to figure a way to make him understand that I was not confused at all.

                Everyone was speechless after my final comment so they just spread out and carry on with their business. Doo Joon pulled me aside.

                “That night, you two came home looking like crap. The three of us saw how he cried and held on to you. Something is wrong as he never cries. No matter how upset he is, he never cries. What happened?” our leader was looking at me intently, expecting some good explanations but I didn’t know what to say. My mouth just opened and closed with no words coming out like the stupid goldfish of Hyun Seung’s who died last summer.

                Maybe because Doo Joon sensed something was off with me. Perhaps it was because of the expression I was wearing which I had no idea what. He just sighed and let it go.

                “I won’t ask if you don’t wanna say. Please don’t make everyone worry about you two especially Wonnie who kept asking me after you two.” He patted my shoulder. “Please just make sure he comes back as the Yo Seob we all love. I’ll leave it up to you.” He said and left me standing there like a statue for ages.

                My head hurts from thinking and hurting too much. Therefore, I went to sleep again.

                I spent the whole week worrying about Yo Seob. Questions about his well being played in my mind over and over again. I was worried sick. Literally sick because I couldn’t eat and forced myself to practice harder than ever to take my mind off things. On the fifth day since he left, I fainted during one of the practices and was rushed to hospital by ambulance accompanied by four other very worried and loud members.

                It was quite a ruckus I’d caused for the whole group appeared on the general hospital, well; almost the whole group and we rarely go out together so words travelled fast. Around 3 hours later, while I was inside the ward, the police had to close the hospital down and no visitors were allowed in while hundreds of fans screamed and shouted outside.

                It was all over the news and fan letters and presents and messages came pouring in. I tried to read each and every letter but there were thousands of them from all over the world. I couldn’t finish it all though I was very touched and happy that my fans care so much about me. Everyone was very worried, even my dad who disowned me years ago because I wanna do music called. The doctor said my body was in a bad shape. I didn’t eat enough and I worked myself too hard with an addition of a bad gastric problem. I had a mini mental breakdown too which was part of the reason why I collapsed.

                Everyone was awfully helpful and cheerful for those few days. Everyone tried to cheer me up and Dong Woon and Doo Joon’s mum as well as my mum cooked really good food for me. All I wanted to do was just go to sleep and disappear or die but I had to pull myself together fast because the whole world was watching, my family, members and fans were worried and the manager wasn’t too happy about this though I know he was terribly worried too. After some medicines and stuffs and lots of rest, I was allowed to discharge three days later.

                My phone rang the night I was discharged and the sight of the picture and caller id got my heart to start crack and break all over again. I answered the call and lifted the phone to my ear.

                “Hi,” the voice at the other end greeted me. My insides suddenly forgot about numbness and everything hurts.

                “Why did you left?” I asked after a long silence, words barely made it out of my mouth. I climbed onto my bed and curled up at a corner while the others remained at the living room.

                “Are you alright now? You were all over the news.” He ignored my question and proceeded to ask his.

                “I’m fine now.” I whispered pressing the phone hard to my ear to the point that it hurts.

                “It’s good to know you’re fine now. You had me worried that I nearly come running back. Haha.” He said cheerfully and laughed. I remained silent.               

                “I’ll hang up now. Take care of yourself alright?” he said, his voice was still cheerful.

                “Yo Seob ah,” I said. There was a long pause before he answered me.

                “Yeah?” he whispered.

                “Do you love me?” I asked. We both listened to each other’s breathing for the next 2 minutes. I knew I was putting him on a hard spot but I had no choice.

                “Jun Hyung ah, what are you talking about?” he laughed finally.

                “Please,” I sighed covering my eyes in tiredness. “Tell me.”

                I heard him sighed. When he replied, his voice sounded thick and forced.

                “No,”

                “Yo Seob ah, I love you.”

                “But you can’t.” he answered and then the line went dead. I closed my eyes and threw my phone across the room. It hit a wall before landing on the floor. I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists tight. The power of hurt was unbearable. I wanted to cry, scream and shout. I want to hit something and forget myself. I want to run to him and never let him go. I wanted to do a million things at the same time but all I did was curling up in my bed and pulled my blanket up above my head.

                The next day when Dong Woon woke me up to give me my medicines, I realized my pillow was wet.

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Hi peeps! This is author here! Sorry for the late update... Internet in college died and I had no internet access for a whole week... Hope you all enjoyed this new chappie and and feel free to leave comments..! I love reading them...

I will try to update soon so stay tuned! JunSeob <3 forever!