“Hyung...”

                Jong-In’s face is getting too close for comfort. My face heats up. His eyes are closed. He breathes in deep through his nose. I hope I smell nice. And then he suddenly jerks back.

                “Oww” He winces in pain, rubbing his lower back.

                “A-re you alright?” I try to sound casual.

                “Yeah. I guess I should rest my back,”

                I give a small nod in agreement and look away. Was he just trying to kiss me? The only reason he pulled away was because of his back. I’ve watched enough B-rated romance movies to understand what he was trying to do, and I don’t think I would have stopped him. We’re both silent. There’s an awkward tension filling the air like mist.

                “You wanna head to bed now?” I ask, breaking the silence and the awkwardness.

                “Uhh...” he looks reluctant “Sure,”

                I stand up first and start to walk off first. I really needed to just be alone right now. I look back and see him struggling to get up. I feel a magnetic urge to give him a hand, but fight against it. I can’t. I shouldn’t. It’s not right and I don’t even know why. I pick my pace up, reaching our room and jumping right on my bed. I don’t even bother with the blankets. For some reason, I don’t feel the cold.
                It takes a few more seconds until he manages to arrive. He turns the light on. It’s a sterile white light, almost clinical. I hate these types of lights. He then begins to take his shirt off.

                “W-what are you doing?!” I exclaim.

                “I’m changing?” he sounds innoscent.

                “Oh”

                Of course he’s changing, you idiot. I feel so embarrassed; I bury my face in my pillow, waiting for the noises of him changing to stop. I can’t handle watching the boy strip. I don’t even know why. He’s a boy, I’m a boy – No, I’m a man. We’re no strangers to the male physiology. I peak through the corner of my eye. He’s shirtless digging through his luggage. I ogle. Pale skin rippled with lean muscles. Not a flaw or blemish anywhere. He wasn’t overly muscled, but toned in such a way that was much more attractive. My mouth gets dry. Suddenly, he turns in my direction. I quickly whip my head back into my pillow, hoping I was fast enough to escape his notice. He chuckles.

                “If you wanna check me out, all you have to do is ask,” He snides.

                “ off,” My voice came out muffled covered by the pillow. I’m so embarrassed I want to die. I keep my face buried until I hear the lights go out.

                “Night, Hyung.”

                I don’t reply.

                There’s a period of dark-silence. I can hear every ruffle of his blanket. The slightest shift in his sleeping position. His sniffing, his breathing. I can hear everything he does and everything he doesn’t do. I lift my head and scan my surroundings. It’s dark. I can’t see a thing. I let out a big sigh from my chest. I sit up for a moment, blood rushes to my head and it starts to spin. I sit crossed legged and rest my back on the wall. I stare vacantly out of the window. I can just make out the glow of the moon through the clouds. A lot of things happened today. In the dark, I feel for my journal underneath my pillow. It pulsates under my touch. I must write in it. I grab it, a pen and walk out the door onto the balcony. The cold-air embraces me again. I relax, all the tension in my body disperses out of my pores.
                I sit down on one of the chairs and continue to write from my entry before, recounting as much detail as possible. I found myself pausing and looking into the sky to reflect on the things I wrote. When I finish, I put the journal down and stand up. I walk towards the edge and hang my body. I know this just got me in trouble an hour ago, but that’s not going to stop me. The blood rushes to my head, my fingers dance along the wind.

                “ So far, today has been great. Wonderful, in fact...” A mocking voice behind me appears, startling me. “ Wow, I never knew someone like you would keep a diary.”

                I stand up, ignoring the head rush. It’s Kris.

                “Give that back!”

                “And why would I give back such a valuable piece of potential blackmail?” He laughs, absentmindedly flipping through the pages to tease me.

                I stomp towards him, fists clenched and poised to strike. “ you, give it back!” I sound like a child being bullied. I can’t help it. That journal contains more detail of my life than my memory can hold. It knows more about me than I do. Before I can land a punch, he pushes it into my chest.

                “You better keep that safe, unless you want little kiddies to pry into your life,” I know who he was implying. Him. Jong-In.

                “Whatever.” I lower my fists and turn away back to the sky.

                “How was the apology?”

                “Fine,”

                “Are you sure?”

                “Yes.”

                He chortles.

~

                After I escaped from his arms, I ran into my room and slammed the door. I hid myself under my blanket. Tears were streaming down my face, every tear drop a waterfall*. My breathing becomes erratic. I heard a knock on my door. I don’t answer it. I don’t even acknowledge it, but it doesn’t matter. The doors here don’t have locks.
                Kris doesn’t even say anything. He just sits down on my bed and hums a tune. I know he’s waiting for me to calm down, but I don’t. Not for a while at least.

                “What do you want?” I mustered to say stoically.

                “Just checking up on you. Wondering if you’re holding up okay,”

                “Well I’m fine. Can’t you see?” I choked out. “Now get out.”

                He laughs.

                “I’m being serious. Get. Out.” You see, when I’m upset, I prefer to be left alone. I hate it when people see me vulnerable. Which is the reason why I’m under my blanket.

                “How about I leave after you apologise?”

                “Why would I need to apologise to you?”

                “Not to me, idiot. To Kai.”

                Kai? Who’s that? Some band member I pushed aside before?

                After noticing my long silence he says: “Jong-In. Kai’s his stage name”

                What kind of stupid stage name is that? Doesn’t even sound remotely believable.

                “Why should I?”

                “Because you scared the poor kid half to death,”

                “I scared him?!” angered, I emerged from under my blanket and glare at him. He looks taken back at my tears. “He’s the one who ing grabbed me from behind and wouldn’t let go.”

                “Well he thought you were going to commit suicide,”

                “Yeah, well he should stop being so stupidly presumptuous,”

                “He’s just looking out for his hyungs,”

                “ him.”

                That seemed to silence Kris. I wiped my cheeks dry with the blankets. He was really was just looking out for me. And I guess, if I were him, I would think I was going to jump. Of course, I didn’t say I agreed with Kris. I have my pride.
                After a few minutes, my breathing slows down to normal. His eyes glared at me. Kris is very handsome, I have to admit. He looks like the aloof and cold type, but he cares for others. I guess I have to re-evaluate my impression of him. He stands up, towering over me. Okay, I take it back. I hate him. I hate tall people.

                “Well?”

                I hesitated.

                “Whatever.” And I leave, heading towards the living room, heart beating like a time-bomb.

~

                It’s morning. After talking to Kris on the balcony, I headed straight to bed, completely avoiding the other side of the room where he was sleeping. The other members were up an hour ago. It's just me and him that were still sleeping. Luckily, our manager doesn’t arrive until the mid-afternoon. I get out of bed, noticing that the other bed is still occupied. I can only see the back of his head, a mop of black obscuring any clear view.
                Grabbing a new set of clothes, I walk to the shower. Some members, whose names I still don’t know, greeted me a good morning. I try to be polite and give a slight nod, but it’s the morning, and I’m moody. I shower, brush my teeth and fail trying to control my hair. I leave the bathroom feeling completely fresh and ready to tackle the day. And then I see him, walking out of our bedroom, eyes still squinty. I blush.

                “Morning, hyung,” he yawns, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes.

                “M-morning,” I beam, a little too brightly.

                He saunters past without even looking at me and closes the door to the bathroom. I stand there, staring at nothing in particular, teeth gritting together. The hell? Now he’s acting like nothing happened. Fine. Go screw yourself, Kai.
                Instead of walking calmly into the kitchen for something to eat, I stomp back, stopping at the closed door to bathroom. I bang on the door repeatedly.

                “OI!” I shout. I can hear a shriek. He's obviously surprised by my outburst. “YOU CAN GO YOURSELF, KAI!”

                What a stupid name, Kai. All the band members take peak through the doors to their rooms, jaws wide open in shock.

                I laugh while walking towards the kitchen, until I see a man in his thirties look at me with disappointment. He’s shaking his head. I immediately shut my mouth and sober up.

                “I take it you’re Lu Han?”

                “Y-yes!” I give a deep bow.

                “That was some colourful language back there and you’re Chinese,” He asks almost mockingly.

                “Y-yes. Chinese. I’m Chinese... About what I was saying before – “

                “I’m your manager, Kim DongHyun.” His interruption seemed final.

                I nod. I don’t know what to do. I thought our manager was arriving later. He's eariler than expected. He heard my outburst loud and clear. Was he going to kick me out of the group? You can't possible have a group where the members hate each other. As if it was planned, Jong-In shows up. He bows and gives a greeting.

                “Nice to see you finally awake,”

                “Sorry, hyung.**” he mumbles. They know each other?

                “I heard this kid over here thinks you should go eff' yourself.” He smiles a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

                Jong-In doesn’t even look at me and replies: “Hyung is just having a bad morning,”. He then proceeds to pour himself a glass of milk. How dare he say that?

                “I was having a good morning, until you showed up being all stupid and !” I snapped.

“Lu Han!” My manager shouts. “Language!”

                Jong-In shrugs, still avoiding my eyes.

                I apologise as sincerely as I can. Jong-In smirks. That’s it. He’s dead to me. Actually, it’s more like he’s dead. I stomp up to him, fists raised.

                “Settle down!” I stop. Fists still raised in the air. Jong-In looks completely unfazed, even slightly amused. Stupid kid. “You two need to stop fighting, now!”

                I lower my fists and muster all my anger into one last glare, before turning back to my manager.

                “You two, Chen and Tao have a photoshoot today. Be ready in twenty minutes.” He makes are start for the white couch in the living room, before turning back around to add: “And if I see, or hear, you two fight again, I’ll be forcing you two to live alone in solitary confinement, until you become the best of friends.”

                He sounds like a damn Nazi. I don’t bother looking back at him and quickly walk out. I bump into Tao, but don't bother apologising. He’s probably scared of me even more now. So, I've photo shoot with a kid that’s scared of me and another kid that pisses me off. Great.

~

                The car ride was stiflingly awkward. I sat next to Chen. I don’t think he has much of a good impression of me. Tao must have ed about me behind my back. I don’t blame him though. Jong-In was joking around with Tao at the back, commenting on how Tao’s Chinese accent was too heavy. I just listened to my Ipod. Lana Del Rey’s*** album ring through my ears like harmonious bells. I listen to a lot of English music. People think I’m just trying to be cool, but in all honesty, I don’t care what they say. They can all screw themselves.

                The next few moments were a blur. We were rushed into a huge photo-studio. Make-up and hair took around an hour. My stylist kept commenting on how uncontrollable my hair is, but she was skilful enough to make it stylish. I had to admit, I looked good.
                All four of us separated for individual photos. I had several outfits to change in and out to. Modelling, for me, is easy. All you really have to do pose, hold it, then once the flash clicks, change pose, hold it and wait for the flash. Rinse and repeat. A cycle of nothing special. Blue-ish patches appear in my vision from the flash after taking a full set of photos. I never knew how tiring modelling was.
                Then they called us all back in for group photos. It’s the first time our yet-to-debut group are taking photos for the public. The future counts on us, I guess, in some weird way.

                First up are me and Tao. Tao looks amazing. Hair permed slightly for texture. Black long-sleeve shirt and blue jeans. I wore a white-knitted cardigan, stone-washed jeans and a blue shirt. At first, he was awkward, still not comfortable with me. I ignore it and put my arm over him and smile. Many flashes blind my vision.
                Jong-In takes my place and poses with Tao. He’s wearing a similar white-knitted jumper (or sweater) and blue jeans. I just noticed, we’re wearing matching cardigans/jumpers. Great. Couple clothing.

                “Okay, group shot time!” Gleefully says the photography. His excitement is pissing me off.

                We all gather on set.

                “Okay. Lu Han, lie down and pretend you’re reading the magazine. Chen, lean on him from behind and flip the pages. Tao, look from behind. Kai, lean back on Lu Han read the magazine along side him.”

                We do as we’re told. I randomly flitter my eyes over the magazine pages. I’m more concerned about the proximity of his body. Damn photographer.

                “Okay. Kai, now you read the magazine and everyone look onwards.”

                He takes a few snaps before, stopping. “This looks awkward...”

                And then suddenly something crazy happens. Jong-In does something stupid. He shifts himself and starts to lean back on my chest.

                “Good! Good! Hold that pose!”

                WHAT?! This photographer is mad. I bet you that damned manager put him up to this. His back is pressed against my chest. I feel his body warmth radiate into mine, mixing together to form new temperatures. I can’t hold back a blush. Of course, he acts like nothing is wrong. I feel like punching him right in his pretty face. Pretty? No. I meant hideous. Yes. Hideous. I’m going to get him back.

                “Okay, get rid of the magazine. Everyone, sit back up. Look away from the camera and look like you’re all brothers!” Wow, that couldn’t be any more vague.

                We all do as we are told, as best as we can, anyway. And then he, again, does something so stupid and infuriating, I want to do more than just punch him. He wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to his chest. He doesn’t even face me. This kid really wants to die.

                “Nice! Good work, Kai!” Shut up! No need to encourage him any further.

                A few flashes go past, and then I think of something evil. He wants to play it dirty? We’ll I’ll fight fire with fire. I reach my hand over to his legs, and grab his inner thigh. I can feel him slightly jump at the contact, but he remains calm. He’s blushing. I smile, knowing I finally fought back. But then I feel immediate regret.

                “Good! Good! Kai, Lu Han, great chemistry!” Chemistry?! What?! We’re not a couple! I feel the urge to take my hands off his thigh, but that would mean losing. Losing what? The battle for dominance. I’m not going to let some stupid kid win.

                “Okay. That’s a wrap!”

                We all bow and say our thank yous. Me and Jong-In don’t look or speak to each other. Not even in the car ride back. We finished pretty late, spending almost the entire afternoon and the better half of the evening taking photos. I’m exhausted, but I must show a brave face.

~

                Back at the apartment, all the members were out for dinner. Tao and Chen vouched to buy take out. I volunteered to go along with them, but they refused, saying I looked tired and needed rest. I know they were lying, but I agree with them.
                It was just me and Jong-in alone in the apartment. Wonderful. Luckily for me, the moment we arrived, he went straight to bed. I spend some time watching TV and writing in my journal. The pair are taking their gracious time to get back with food. I’m starving. I lie down on the couch, finally being able to rest for the first time today. I close my eyes and let the noise of the television lull me to sleep.

                I wake up to the feeling of my arms above my head, pushed down on the couch.

                A weight, straddles my hips.

                A warm sweet breath floats on my skin.

                It’s him.

                He’s on top of me, pinning me down.

                Hazy eyes focusing on mine.

                Lips inches away from mine.

                It’s Jong-In.

                He moans.

                “Hyung...”

______________________________________

By the Gods, this was a monster of a chapter for me. I love writing as Lu Han. His yness is really easy for me to flow out. Do you like my framing (starting and finishing the same; kind of like a cycle)?

Umm, i had a few notes i wanted to point out

*"every teardrop a waterfall" I'm a die hard Coldplay fan. I love them to death. I just had to quote them.

** I'm really not sure the formal address system for Koreans. Like what would Kai call his manager? Hyung?

***I've just started listening to Lana Del Rey. I don't care what you say about her. I think her voice is so gin-and-tonic. if you get what i mean. Her voice just has this timbre that's nice.

Oh, I'm Australian, and we call 'sweaters', 'jumpers' soooo i added that in.

If you guys are wondering where i got the inspiration for the photo shoot, the main photo of my story and the chapter-photo is where i got them from. nice huh? OH, and after inspecting the photo closer for the story-purposes, i noticed that Kaihai/Lukai were wearing matching cardigans/jumpers. i thought that was quite cute.

Thank you for all the feed back!

If you citicise my work, I'll pin you down and moan ;)

PS. sorry for the swearing. tell me if it offends you, and ill be sure to stop