“I think you’re kinda cute”

                 “Wh-what?!” The boy, I just spoke my mind to, stammered.

                 “N-no. You’re- you’re not cute, your feet are…” What am I saying? “That’s not saying that you’re not cute. Y-you are, but I meant to say your feet are cute,”

                 “Y-you think I’m cute?!” His face is lit with an angry red tinge. Actually, is the redness out of anger… or something else?

                 “N-no… Y-You’re feet are!”

                 “So, I’m not cute?!”

                 “N-no, you are! But I was really talking about your feet!”

                 I‘m out of breath, exhausted from trying to clear up the confusion. Both of us are huffing, puffing a foggy mist in the night air. We don’t look in each other’s direction. I look to the left, he looks to the right. I can’t see his face, but I can imagine it all cutely-red. Cute? That’s right, I called him cute. I swear, I wasn’t supposed to. It just slipped out. Him sitting on the bench, swinging his bare feet, with a slight smile on his baby-face. All I could think of is how cute he looked, how I just wanted to hug him tight until we became fused together like solder. The slight blush dusted on his pale skin, his cold button-nose and his brown hair sticking up in angles I never knew existed. Everything about him was cute.

                 "You think I'm cute..." He mutters.

                 “Y-yeah…” What he said was more of a statement than a question, but I felt the need to reply.

                 Still facing the other way, I hear him stand up, see the slim shadow grow taller on the park grass.

                 “I’m going back in.” And just like that, he walked off. I don’t look at his face, but stare at his feet. His bare feet seem so comfortable walking on the rough concrete path. He doesn’t look back.

                 I sit there, alone, on the park bench, trying to stomach down the tasteless food I bought so it won’t be wasted. I drink the diluted tea and absently stare at the swings Lu Han was just on. It’s still rocking back and forth, as if his ghost remained.

                 After finishing my late-night meal, I stand up, brush the crumbs off my lap and throw the wrappers in the bin. I cast one final glance at the swings, before walking off. I didn’t look back.

~

                 The corridors were empty. No sounds permeated from the solid walls. Everyone’s asleep. I have mild insomnia, so after everyone went to bed I went out for a walk. Bought a few snacks after noticing my stomach was running on empty. I never intended to bump into him at the park, but I’m not complaining. In fact, when I first saw him swinging bare foot, I froze. I watched him for a good full minute without blinking.

                When I reached our apartment, I noticed the door was slightly ajar. Sighing, knowing the only person who could have done it was him, I enter, taking my shoes off haphazardly and dumping them ceremoniously on a spare spot. The lights aren’t on, but the balcony door is wide open, cold air sweeping its way in. I stare in disbelief. The torso of a boy hangs over the edge, just waiting to fall off. Bare feet just barely touching the ground, like the toes of a ballerina. He’s ready to jump.

                 “LU HAN!!” I scream, running towards him. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

                 I grab the sides of waist and pull him back, falling over in the process. He screams. My tailbone hits hard on the tiled floor. I ignore the pain. He falls onto my lap. I bear hug him from behind, afraid he’ll get loose. He’s so warm. I breathe in his scent. Light, spicy, watery, citrusy; a smell not from cologne.

                 “T-THE HELL?!” he shrieks “THE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?”

                 “Hyung! Please don’t suicide. It’s not the answer. Do you have problems? I can help. Talk to me! I can help. I really can. Just don’t do it. Please, hyung, just think about it-”

                 “I’M NOT SUICIDAL. LET ME GO!”

                 Even though I hear him loud and clear, I don’t let go. Partially because I still think he’s going to jump, but also because he’s so warm and smells so nice. I bury my face in his neck. My nose rubs against the back of his ear.

                 The other members, roused by the loud shouting, rush in. “What’s happened?! Is anyone hurt?!”

                 “Get this freak off –“

                 “He was going to jump! I stopped him.” I interrupted.

                 “I was not going to jump, you stupid kid!”

                 “Then what were you doing!?”

                 “I WAS JUST HANGING OVER THE EDGE. STOP QUESTIONING WHAT I DO!” Lu Han’s voice began to choke up. By the way he sounded, you could tell he was about to cry out of frustration.

                 “Hyung…” I slowly began to release my tight hold on him.

                 We’re huffing and puffing like before. My arms are lightly wrapped around his waist. My face is still buried in his neck. He grips and pushes my arms away from the embrace. He gets up. He avoids eye contact, but his ears are red. He walks off, pushing the other members away, into our bedroom. The door slams shut, echoing through the silent corridors like a gunshot.

                 All the band members whisper to each other, completely shocked and confused at the events that had occurred right in front of their eyes. Kris was the first to recover and chases after Lu Han. Then, Se Hun offers to me a hand to stand up. I accept it.

                 “Hyung… What happened?” He mutters in a low voice, almost as if I had done something wrong.

                 “N-nothing. It’s all just a misunderstanding… I think”

                 The other members begin to disperse back into their rooms. I move a step, but my back aches from the earlier fall.

                 “Hyung, are you alright?”

                 “Y-yeah. It’s just a little bruise,”

                 “Just lie down, I’ll get something.” And he jogs off. Se Hun is a really nice guy. Met him on the car ride here. I found out he’s the only bandmate younger than me – That’s refreshing. Everyone else is older than me. I didn’t want to be bossed around all the time.

                In a flash, Se Hun is back, holding some sort of herbal ointment.

                 “Sorry, it was buried underneath all my luggage” He smiles, rubbing the back of his head. He’s too polite sometimes.

                 “It’s alright.”

                 I lie on my stomach on the soft white couch and Se Hun lifts my shirt up. He rubs some ointment on his fingers, before massaging my tailbone. It heats up immediately, soothing the pain. A groan escapes my lips.

                “I know it’s not my place to ask, but what happened?” Se Hun is always polite. To be honest, I don’t even know what happened. It was all a blur, like a camera trying to focus on a moving target.

                “Uhh…” I start by telling him about my insomnia. How I can be up all night and feel nothing but the energy of daylight. Then I tell him about my meeting with Lu Han at the park. I skip the detail about where I mistakenly called him ‘cute’ and proceed with how I saw him hanging over the balcony and how he looked like he was going to jump off. In hindsight, I was a little bit presumptuous, but I will never miss the chance to stop someone killing themselves.

                “So, everything really was just a misunderstanding?”

                “That’s exactly what I told you before.” I sighed.

                “Oh… Sorry.”

                When the ointment is fully absorbed, Se Hun helps me up. Then, right at that moment, he appears. His eyes are puffy and averted elsewhere, his fingers fidgeting with the rim of his shirt.

                “I’ll leave you two alone” Se Hun leaves as quickly as his long legs let him.

                We stand in the living room, stiller than ice. I break the silence.

                “Are you okay?”

                He looks into my eyes. He’s been crying. His eyes are red and his nose is too.

                “Yeah…” he mutters, and then looks away again. “You?”

                “Just a bruise. That’s all.” I say, genuinely pleasantly.

                He looks at me again. His eyes wide, full of guilt. And then he looks away.

                “Oh…”

                I slowly sit down back on the couch. Despite the soothing ointment, my back still aches. I put on a brave face, not letting the pain show on my expression.

                “It’s not your fault, you know.” I state matter-of-factly.

                He doesn’t say anything.

                “Sit?”

                He hesitates, but eventually complies. There’s a small distance between us. I start to lean in closer. He shuffles back.

                “Kris told me to say sorry,” He started. “I guess… It was my fault. I shouldn’t have –“

                “No, no. I was being –“

                “Let me finish.” I shut my mouth tight. “I shouldn’t have been doing that. It’s a sorta bad habit, I guess. Dangerous, too. But it’s just a nice feeling, you know? Having the blood rush to your head and your arms dangle to your sides. It’s nice.”

                I nod, because I’ve come to accept that this boy is a little weird. A good kind-of weird and I like him for it.

                “So… sorry, for being such a jackass. I know you were just looking out for me.” He finishes, slightly awkwardly. His legs are crossed at the ankles. His feet, rubbing together.

                He looks up, into my eyes.

                His gaze pierces through me like spear.

                I lean closer towards him.

                His enticing scent engulfs my nose.

                His eyes widen like a deer caught in headlights.

               “Wh-what are you-“

               “Hyung…”

______________

GYAH. This is slow. I know. But i had this thing planned out for ages, so i really didn't want to gloss over it. I'll pick the pace up tomorrow. That's right, ill be updating tomorrow. I'm free from assessments (for now).

Thank you guys for giving me such nice feedback and comments. I will (one day) write on each and everyone's wall as a thank you.

Please comment with criticism and feedback and I'll rub ointment on your back. :)

STAY TUNED. NEXT CHAPTER UP TOMORROW.