“So…where are we going?” asked a panicked Lu Han, brown orbs shifting from side to side.

                “Just a little joint,” I replied with a hint of mockery, “It sells really nice cupcakes. You like cupcakes, right?”

                “Of course I do, but not if it means being shanked in some sketchy alleyway, shortcut or not. Are you trying to rob me? I swear to God, I’ll kill you if you do,” Lu Han elbows me and shoves me aside, “I have a pocket knife.”

                With a threatening smirk plastered onto my lips, I strut menacingly towards him.

               “Scream for me, baby,” I whisper.

               As I approach him, Lu Han shoots into his pocket and holds out a butterfly knife*. With a few expect flicks of his wrists, Lu Han points the blade right at me. The blade glistened in the moonlight. I stopped in my tracks and held my hands up in surrender.

               “Wow, you really do have a knife.”

               “Of course I do. I’ve got to be able to fend for myself,” Lu Han states like a reflex, as though those lines were his name and he was introducing himself. With another set of wrist movements, the blade is sheaved and is neatly tucked back into his back pocket. “Now, no more joking around. I really hate this place. Which way is it?”

               I point left and Lu Han immediately grabs my arm and drags me towards the exit, eyes still shifting around at every shadow and hand hovering over the lump in his back pocket. The alleyway isn’t that scary. There aren’t any streetlights, but it’s not as if the moon isn’t out. Plus, no one’s around and this is a safe neighborhood. I think I’m more worried about the fact that Lu Han keeps a knife in his pocket and he doesn’t seem like an amateur with it. How does he even get through security at the airport?

               We walk in silence, until the familiar sounds of a crowded street sneak into our ears and the warm orange streetlights sting our eyes. I hear a faint sigh escape Lu Han, his shoulders ease up and his hand is no longer ready to draw out his knife.

               “It’s this way,” I say, offering my arm for him to latch on.

               Lu Han starts walking on ahead, ignoring my offer.

               The store front looks exactly the same as it. My ex-girlfriend and I discovered this place during our first date. It became tradition for us to eat here every time we headed out. Little pastel coloured ornaments and furnishing fashioned the café, making the joint seem more like a dollhouse. The moment Lu Han and I walks in, the owner gives us an odd look. Obviously having two male customers eat here would arose some speculation, but Lu Han doesn’t seem to notice and orders his cupcakes with a stern voice.

               “Two cinnamon-rose cupcakes,”

               “S-sure,” replied the store owner, slightly on edge due to Lu Han’s deceptively kind-hearted appearance.

               “I’ll have the lemon-peel one, thanks.”

               We were given our cupcakes on a glass plate and asked if we wanted anything else. Lu Han stormed off to our seats with the cupcakes in tow and left me to answer the stunned storeowner.

               “Sorry for the rudeness,” I said whilst bowing, “It’s our first date and he’s a little mad at some stunt I pulled. Thanks always for cupcakes,” I try to force out the most gratuitous smile I could, but I bet I look like crazed teenage boy expressing my gratitude for the .

               “Y-you two are a couple?” asks the shop owner.

               “No, I don’t think so,” I reply, unable to explain why.

               “O-oh okay.”

               The sound of feet tapping on the floor snaps me out of my thoughts. A line of couples queuing up behind me impatiently look at like I just kicked a puppy. I quickly bow and head off to my seat.

               When I sit down, Lu Han is already halfway into his second cupcake. He has icing all over his mouth and crumbs littered all over the small table.

               “Tasty, huh?”

               Lu Han grunts in reply, mouth stuffed with the pastry. I take a bite out of my cupcake, letting the citrusy icing melt on my tongue. The taste zaps me back to the dates with my ex-girlfriend. She always had the baby-vanilla cupcake and I always had my lemon-peel. In this café, we talked, laughed, made-out, fought and broke up. Everything about her seems to be centered right at this place. I look up at Lu Han still devouring his second cinnamon-rose cupcake, glaring daggers at the couple next to us. Where he sat, was where she sat, where she smiled, where she held my hand and caressed it with a touch like cotton, where she told me we couldn’t be together anymore because she had feelings for another boy in my year.

               “Stop looking at me like that. Don’t make me stab you,” warns Lu Han, brown icing lodged in his teeth and a dusting of cinnamon on his nose.

               “Oh, sorry. Just thinking back,” I shake my head slightly as if to shake off the nostalgia, and take another bite of my cupcake.

               “Old girlfriend?” Lu Han mumbles, as he wipes the crumbs all over his mouth and the icing from his teeth.

               “Uh…” I’m stumped for words. I’ve always thought Lu Han could read minds, “Yeah, how did you know?”

               “You had that look in your eyes, like you were looking at your lover. But you weren’t looking at me. Your eyes were focused through time and in the past. I was just empty space.”

               Could Lu Han really be this perceptive?

               “it’s not what you think, I don’t like her anymore.”

               “Oh, don’t be so annoying. No one ever gets over their Ex’s, especially the ones that you yourself don’t consent to. There’s always that lingering remnant of sentiment towards them, like that last drop of water you never seem to be able to drink in a water bottle.”

               I nod in silence. I would never have thought Lu Han would be this wise. Well, I guess appearances are very deceiving when it comes to him. We stay in silence. I nibble on my lemon-peel, savouring the taste, letting all the nostalgia flood my veins taking me back to the past. Lu Han watches me eat, chin propped up by his hand. I watch the large TV bolted up in the far corner of the café, sneaking in glances of Lu Han’s face.  I thought he would look bored or angry, but he looks content and less tense. A stark contrast to his poised posture ready to strike back in the alleyway.  His brown eyes are fixated at me, like I’m a spiral him into an infinite loop. The orbs slowly trace to down to my neck, and then my shoulders, and then my chest, and then my arms, and then my hands. His eyes snap back to mine. I jokingly glare back.

               “Problem?” I provoke.

               Lu Han snorts. “Don’t act tough with me, kiddo.”

               He then peels his eyes away from me and pulls out his phone. Leaning back in his chair, he starts tapping away. Probably texting Kris.

               My focus goes back to the TV. It shows an advertisement for a Japanese Anime movie that was released a few days ago. A huge purple mechanical beast confronts a being called an ‘Angel’, flashly lights, robots bleed red fluid, the male protagonist screams in crazed angst. Maybe Lu Han would like to go see it, seems like his type of movie.

               “You ever watched Evangelion** before?” asked Lu Han, eyes fixated at the screen, idle phone in hand.

               “No, I’m not really into cartoons.”

               “It’s really good. Must not be that popular here…” he remarks without losing sight of the television.

               Seeing him in a trance just looking at the advertisement, I just have to ask. “You wanna’ watch it?”

               Lu Han jerks his head and looks straight at me with a sneaky smile on his lips

               “You serious? But you hate cartoons.”

               “I can make an exception. I said that I’m not into cartoons. I never said I hated them.”

               Lu Han pauses and stares vacantly at the table, smile turning into a tight line.

               “But you’re going to be so confused. It’s the sequel to the first movie.”

               “I really don’t mind, Lu Han.”

               “But-“

               “You can explain the first movie to me as we walk.”

               “Still-“

               “I really wouldn’t mind… if it’s for you,” I interrupt. It’s a low blow hitting Lu Han with a kick of cheeseyness, but I feel bad for dragging him through that alleyway. I need to make it up to him somehow, and this movie opportunity seems like the perfect thing. Now all I need is for him to give in and blush.

               “I-I...” a rosy-cheek Lu Han replies.

               Bingo.

               “Cool. I’ll look up movie times on my phone.”

               Lu Han mutters some nonsense in Mandarin that sound like curses.

               “Six thirty-five, sound good?” he huffs like a pouting child and gives a slight nod, “that’s a good hyung.”

               Lu Han kicks me from under the table.

               “Oww-“

               “You’re such a .”

               “Please,” I start, “would you kindly explain what a ‘’ is?”

               Lu Han glares at me face red, not with embarrassment, but from the rage sizzling in his veins. I think I took it a bit too far.

               “This is what a is, you .” Lu Han mutters with another kick from under the table. This time, the table rattles loudly, grabbing the attention of the couples around us, particularly the couple next to us. Their eyes transfixed with confusion, and the two of them slightly cower in fear. Lu Han glares back at them.

               “What you looking at?” Lu Han seethes whilst throwing a dirty at the pair. The couple inch a little further from us and Lu Han settles down to look at me. “Let’s go.”

               “Uhh… sure,” I say , wanting to escape the judging stares from others. They probably think we had a fight or something.

               Lu Han shoots up and heads towards the exit. People shuffle out of his way like almost as if he’s got the flu, whilst I trail behind bowing apologetically to everyone I possibly can. It doesn’t help that Lu Han leers at those he stomps past. With a loud bang, the front door whips open and Lu Han blazes out in a fury, leaving nothing but ashes. I can’t help but smile

               Not going to lie, it’s cute seeing Lu Han angry.

~

               “…And then there are these things called EVA. They’re pretty much giant robots manufactured to destroy the Angels. Each is piloted by a child. Each child brings with them a tragic past, causing them to be all whacked up. But it’s what makes them individuals, right? Well, anyway,  Unit-01, the second model of the EVA series, is unique, because it houses the pilot’s mother in it. Of course, this is all speculation, but it’s heavily hinted with all the inner dialogue.” Lu Han pauses for a second, catching his breath from explaining the premise of the Neon Genesis Evangelion series. I want to interrupt his monologue, because it sounds more like a fan-gasm than a proper explanation, but I hold back. The toothy smile on his face is enough for me. “Oh, I haven’t even told you about SEELE yet. Well, the Japanese branch is called Nerv, and SEELE is some secret organization that controls all the EVA and aims to use them to implement the Human Instrumentality Project… I lost you there, didn’t I?”

               “Uhh… yes.” I reply, snapping myself out of a trance.

               Lu Han curls his lips. “You’re not interested.”

               “I am. I really am,” I answer truthfully, holding out my pinky finger, “I promise.”

               “Don’t wastes promises on stupid like this, stupid,” he mutters, swatting my hand away, “Then I’ll get to the gist of it… The Human Instrumentality Project, seeks to make all humans lose their individuality and become one being, where all consciousness are united. Like the whole ‘primordial soup’, kinda’ thing.”

               “Primordial Soup?” I interject.

               “A theory that stated humanity’s origins came from a pool, or ‘soup’, of carbon. As time progressed, this ‘soup’ of carbon transformed into more complex forms of life,” replies Lu Han without missing a beat.

               “Right.” I say, feeling the need to verbalise my understanding.

               My eyebrow quirks in wonder seeing Lu Han so animated, a kinetic bundle of molecules. Compared to his usual sarcastic, sandpapery self, this Lu Han is all rosy cheeks from smiling so much and out of breath from talking too much. Just makes me realise how much there is to him as a person, how much I don’t know about him, how the walls between our souls blind me from seeing the real him. It made both my chest flutter and ache.
                Lu Han spent the entire walk to the cinema explaining every detail that I needed to know before watching the new Evangelion movie. He even went so far as to search holes in his explanations on his mobile phone.
                The cinema’s fairly packed. Most of the audience are teenage boys, wearing homemade costumes and carrying toy figures of the mecha-robots shown in the life sized poster. The two sitting in front of us are decked out in a skin-tight suit, shouting fake commands at each other.

               “…On your right! Hurry! You only have two minutes left of reserve power!” shouts the one in blue.

               “Roger!” replies the other.

               I stare at the spectacle in front of my eyes.

               “You made the movie out like it was something… psychologically deep,” I whisper, “so why are there so many kids here?”

               Lu Han suppresses a mischievous laugh and curls his warm body to mould mine. He opens his mouth, searing hot breath escapes. It glides across my skin like silky air, through the curves of my ears and down my throat.

               “Just watch it,” Lu Han whispers like a frosty winter night, “Kid.”

               Shivers run down my spine and I feel airless, all the oxygen in my lungs escaping between my parted lips. Lu Han peels away from my side and plants himself back into his seat. He grabs a handful of buttered popcorn and chomps away, completely unaware of what his unconscious actions are doing to me. When the opening credits start to roll, Lu Han cheers with his mouth full of popcorn.
                It was decent, for an anime-film. The flashy and surprising gory action made it somewhat bearable, but the convoluted story line was stupid. Too many plot holes and a lack of clarification of frequently recurring things.

               “So, what happened in the end?” I ask Lu Han as we walk out of the cinema room.

               “Well…” he starts as a strong arm wraps around my shoulder and drags me down to his height, “Unit-01 activated and started the Third Impact and…” Lu Han continues to explain the finer details, but even he’s stumped with the plot holes. “…But I still don’t understand why she was needed. Need to watch it again.”

               “Is that right?” I sigh, trying to comprehend the full scope of the movie, and the series as a whole. Lu Han removes his arms around me and drops his head to his chest.

               “You didn’t like it,” Lu Han huffs more of as a statement than a question.

               “N-no, it’s not like –“

               “Well, screw you,” he interrupts with a toothy smile, “I thought the movie was great. It’s not my fault your little brain couldn’t comprehend it.”

               “Uhh… yeah.”

               “Dinner?” he asks whilst tugging on the sleeve of my coat, “Popcorn doesn’t really do the job of filling you up.”

               I nod and lead the way to the noodle bar our manager took us to when we were filming our teaser. On the way, Lu Han tries to introduce me into more anime-films that he loves. Spirited Away and Howls Moving Castle were ones I’ve heard of before. He tells me that they were classics, and a great way to introduce a “newbie to the art of anime”. Two streets away from the restaurant, night-time markets stalls have set up. Gazebos selling food, clothing, jewelry and little trinkets lit up the streets like a stream of stars in the night sky. Lu Han gets all excited from the buzz and electricity of night markets, whilst I just think it’s another Friday night. I’m not a fan of the street stalls. Too much noise and traffic going through. Sometimes you just want to travel home at night in peace, you know?
                Both of us go from stall to stall, buying handfuls of rice cakes and trying all sorts of soups. Seeing Lu Han’s content expression when he bites into a mandu and the juices fly out of his mouth makes me forget about how much I dislike these markets.

               “Try it!” Lu Han demands as he holds up a spicy mandu. I open my mouth in reply and let Lu Han guide the steaming dumpling, “And… chew.”

               The spicy sauce hits my tongue like acid. Sweat starts to cumulate in the pores of my forehead and my eyes water. I chew the dumpling in big motions to help cool myself down.

               “That’s- really hot!” I say between chews.

               “Hot? Are you serious?” chides a mouthful of spicy mandu Chinese, “I thought you Koreans are good with your spicy foods.”

               “We are! It’s just, I’m-“ I manage to swallow that burning piece of coal,” …different.”

               “Different,” Lu Han looks away vacantly and laughs, “that’s a weird way of saying it.”

~

               Author’s POV

“Where is he?” asks a tall stern man in a tailored suit in Mandarin, “We were told that Lu Han would be here.”

“Umm…wait here,” Chan Yeol stutters out in broken English, before running to his roommate, “Kris! He’s here! And I don’t understand a word He’s saying.”

Kris shoots up from his bed and quickly flattens out the creases of his clothes. “Stay here.”

“I thought he was going to stay at the main building.”

“I thought that too,” Kris furrows his eyebrows and bites his lip, “I’ll handle it, okay?”

Kris walks to the front door, taking his time to think through what he’s going to say and how he’ll deal with the aftermath.

~

               “Goal!” shouts a boy from across the field, “You’re the best, hyung!”

               “That’s no fair! You can’t have a high-schooler on your team!” fights a primary school child.

               “Whatever! You should have got the other hyung to play!” he rebuts whilst point straight at where I’m sitting. I try to look like I didn’t hear, but I’ve never been one to be able to hide my emotions.

               “He said he can’t play!”

               “Hey, hey, hey! I’m no high schooler. I’m in my twenty’s, can’t you tell?” interrupts a panting Lu Han, “and it’s not hyung’s fault that he’s stupid, okay? So leave him be.”

               Lu Han intentionally shouts the last part about my inability to play soccer just so he’s sure I can hear. I can already imagine that mischievous grin plastered on his face. Before, we ate our weight in street food, satisfying our hunger and becoming the dinner for the day. We strolled around for a while until we hit a park with a soccer field. Lu Han couldn’t help but stare in wonder. He said that he hasn’t played in a long time, ever since becoming a trainee. We started to walk towards the spectators stand, where I saw one of my old neighbours. She was sitting on a picnic mat eating snacks with a whole bunch of other parents. She recognized me and started a conversation. Turns out she and the other parents are here, watching over their children as they play a friendly soccer match. Thinking it was a good opportunity, I asked if Lu Han could play.

               “Up for another round?”

               “You bet!” replies Lu Han.

               And then Lu Han runs back into position. One of the children’s parents blow a whistle, and the ball is thrown. Lu Han is quick to react and runs to the center. Seeing him run so fast in skinny jeans and Nike hightops is amazing enough, but the amount of precision he points into every step and movement makes the whole sport seem like a dance. Even if he’s downplaying his abilities for the children, he still looks incredible. Not to mention he has this huge infectious grin on his face that makes my lips curl up into a slight smile.

               “So what were you two up to today?” asks my old neighbour breaking me out of my trance.

               “Oh, I just showed Lu Han-hyung around. It’s his first time being in the heart of Seoul.”

               “Ahh…Is he a trainee too?”

               “Yeah, we’re going to debut in the same group.”

               “Is that so?! Oh, well, you two seem like really close friends already, so that’s good.”

               “You think?” I ask, honestly wanting an answer from her. What makes her think we’re close friends? It feels like I barely know a thing about him.

               “Of course!” she replies whilst offering me a cup of tea from her thermos, “the air you two exuded when you walked towards us made it seem like you two were a couple, like the walls between your souls had disappeared and you are two individuals in one.”

               I forgot how unnecessarily poetic my old neighbour was. She would always fit in some imaginative way to say how the simplest things have great meanings. “Collecting the mail is a deeply tranquil activity. It’s a physical journey that leads one to a revelation that reminds you of how you’re never truly alone. There will always be some trying to force bills on you to pay. Remember that, Jong-In.”

               “You’re speaking nonsense again, Noona,” I say affectionately.

               “Oh, quiet you,” she nudges me just like old times, “so how’s you and your girlfriend? Still going strong?”

               It’s been a while since I’ve spoken to her, so she doesn’t know. I focus back on Lu Han shouting words of encouragement to the children before replying.

               “We broke up.”

               Noona’s face drops in awkwardness, “I’m sorry to hear that.”

               “No, it was on mutual terms,” I lie to her, saving myself from digging at the healing wounds. I stare at the grinning Lu Han, covered with a thin sheen of sweat with a toothy smile on his lips, “so it’s okay.”

               “If you say so, Jong-in.”

               After the next goal, Lu Han calls it quits. The children start complaining, tugging on his arms begging for another round.

               “This old man can’t handle it anymore, kiddos,” pants Lu Han, “go my young protégés. Own the world. I have taught you all I know.”

               Lu Han is really good with children. Probably handles children better than people his age. We bow and say our goodbyes to the parents. My old neighbour pats both of us on the back, wishing us good luck with a debut. As we head out of the park, Lu Han tells me to show the way towards the closest bubble tea stall.

               “I’m thirsty, so quench my thirst,” he demands with an innocent smile, “I’ll pay.”

                Lu Han orders a Taro bubble tea, whilst I just order an ordinary milk tea. Not a fan of tea. More of a coffee lover. Once we get our orders, we sit in one of the stalls and settle down. Lu Han releases a big huff of air from the exhaustion.

               “What did you and that aunt talk about?” asks Lu Han whilst vacuuming up the purple liquid through a straw.

               “Just catching up on what she’s missed out,” I reply, thinking that his curiosity is just an act of small talk, “She took care of me whenever my parents were out. Picked me up from training, dropped me off.”

               “Hmm…” Lu Han hums. There’s silence between us. It’s not awkward, but it’s empty. I don’t like empty.

               “You’re really good at soccer,” I state hoping to fill the silence, “when did you start to play?”

               “When I was little. I wanted to be a soccer player before all this, you know? But happened, and I suddenly wanted to become a singer,” Lu Han’s replies before gulfing down his tea. His answer invites no further questioning. He’s not really good with small talk.

               I fake a cough, “You’re really good with children. Did you-“

               “What’s with the pathetic small talk, Jong-innie?” he interrupts. The use of the nickname makes his question sound patronising, but his soft smile softens even the harshest of words, “silence isn’t bad. Not with me, it isn’t.”

               “But-“

               “Shuush,” Lu Han silences me with a stern look and a finger to his curled lips, “silence, Jong-in. Silence is good.”

               So I stay quiet and sip my milk tea. There’s something about Lu Han right now that lets me feel at ease. His energy and the air around him calm my nerves. My body can float off my seat just by his presence. When I look at his content smile, I feel like my flesh becomes soft and everything goes through me. The silence is good. With Lu Han, silence is good.
                And so we stay in silence drinking our tea. Nothing goes through my mind. There are times when people just sit and stare vacantly, thinking about nothing, focused on nothing. The body is a miraculous thing. Even though we’re not thinking of anything, it still breathes, digests, pumps blood without a thought. Survival instincts. The basic functionality of the human body.

               Lu Han laughs breaking me away from my feeling of elevation and asks, “Do you know what AT-Fields*** are?”

               Is this Lu Han trying to instigate small talk? He must be trying to mock me, but his eyes say something else. The brown orbs stare at me with a growing ember, a fire waiting to ignite.

               “It’s those shield things,” I reply. AT-fields were the hexagonal barriers all the monsters and robots had in the movie we just watched. They protected the monsters from gunfire.

               “They’re real, you know,” whispers Lu Han like it’s some sort of secret. The fire in his eyes grows a little hotter, “They’re the walls between human souls.”

               “The walls between souls?” I scoff, “sounds like something my old neighbour would say.”

               “It’s true!” he says, slamming a closed fist on the table, “it’s like, scientifically proven.”

               I quirk my eyebrows and lean back in my seat. “Well go on. Explain.”

               Lu Han paints on a cocky smile, “Well, AT-Field stands for ‘absolute terror field’. In the movie, they’re the barriers the Angels erected in defense. But it was discovered that even humans have them around their souls. It’s what separates us as individuals. It what makes us feel loneliness. It’s the root of all sadness. With it, we will never fully understand a person.”

               His words remind me of what my old neighbour said, “seem like you two were a couple, like the walls between your souls had disappeared and you are two individuals in one”. Makes me wonder if what Lu Han is telling is the truth.

               “So, because of this absolute terror field, we will always be alone.”

               “Yeap,” Lu Han hums.

               “Is this why you love Evangelion so much?” I ask.

               Lu Han nods, “It’s an interesting concept, don’t you think? It explains why someone must gain the trust of another in order to be close. It’s why people can’t help but be alone. They shut the world off and thrive off distance. AT-Fields are so strong that not even gun-fire can break through.”

               The smile on Lu Han has been fading ever since he started to explain what the things are. The fire in his eyes is snuffed out and replaced with a dark shade. The same shade that was in his eyes the first time we met.

               “But they can be broken, right?” I ask, hoping to ignite the fire, “in the movie, they monsters AT-Fields­ were destroyed by the robots.”

               “Fiction, Jong-in. It’s just a movie-“

               “The pilot’s sheer will allowed him to break through the barriers, and destroy the monsters. That means it must be possible.”

               “Still-“

               “I have a strong will, Lu Han,” I assert, “I can break through AT-Fields.”

               “You-you’ve got to be joking me,” Lu Han looks completely shocked at my outburst.

               “I’m not. I’ll tear down your AT-Field. You’ll never be lonely again – Oww!” Lu Han kicks me from under the table. It’s the third time today, and on the same spot.

               “You never know when to bite your tongue down, do you?!” Lu Han’s pale cheeks change to a rosy pink, “Stupid kids blurt out of their mouths like a hose. Now, shussh…Silence, child.”

               I start rubbing the spot where I was soccer-kicked, hoping to prevent the bruising.

               “Sorry…’ I mutter under my breath.

               “I swear, you sound like a bigger fan that I do, sprouting out that AT-Field .”

               I peek into Lu Han eyes. The dark shade is still there, but it’s settling down. A sort of winter hibernation, just waiting to spring back. The fire, on the other hand, is rekindling. I feel relieved.

               “Stop looking at my beautiful eyes, creep.”

               “You know…they say that the eyes are the windows to the soul-“

               Lu Han kicks me for the fourth time tonight, “Shut the hell up, kid.”

~

               It’s almost midnight and we start to head back.

“I would like to apologise for the leg…,” Lu Han starts as he watch me walk with a slight limp, “but you really did deserve every one of my kicks. So I’m not going to.”

               “As expected.”

               Lu Han scoffs, “Don’t act like you have me all figured out, kiddo. My AT-Field is still up and running. And as strong as ever.”

               “Well…” I lean into his ear, letting my warm breath brush against his lobe, and whisper, “I’ll tear it down like paper.”

               Lu Han’s breath hitches and his cheeks once again go rosy pink.

               “W-whatever,”

               Looking away, Lu Han hastens his steps to put a little distance from me, but I quickly match up to his pace. I extend my arm and open my hands. Lu Han takes notice and huffs. Instead of interlocking our fingers, Lu Han clings onto my wrists with a vice grip.

               “I don’t hold hands,” he mumbles.

               I take a mental note, “Got it.”

               With Lu Han holding my wrist, we walk back to the dorm in silence.

               Why?

               Because silence is good.

               With Lu Han, silence is good.

~

Author’s POV

                They’re at the door of our dorm. Lu Han’s hand still clings to Jong-In’s wrist and his other hand on the handle. He hesitates to turn the knob.

                “I had a good time today, Jong-In,” Lu Han mutters in fear of the other members overhearing from the other side.

                “So, did I, Lu Han,” Jong-In lean into Lu Han’s cheek for a peck, pausing right before his lips touch the other’s skin, “Can I?”

                “Y-yeah…” he replies all pink and rosy.

                Jong-In’s lips hit his warm flesh. He feel like that just by this simple act of kissing, he’s already starting to break down Lu Han’s AT-Field, the walls to his soul. They both start softly laughing. The type of soft laughter that squeezes a tiny tear in the corner of their eyes.

They’re not tears of sadness, or happiness. They’re tears of relief.

                Lu Han turns the knob and they both walk in wrist in hand.

                “Where the hell have you been?!” shouts the man from before, “It’s almost midnight. Don’t you know how long I’ve been waiting here?!”

                Lu Han’s releases his grip of Jong-In’s wrist. The rosy pink of his cheeks drain out into deathly white.

                The older man stomps towards them and all Jong-In can do is stand frozen. His eyes are fiery, a different more aggressive fire than that of Lu Han’s. It is then, Jong-In realises that that man’s anger is not directed at himself, but to the pale boy next to him. Lu Han’s eyes are squinted and his teeth are clenched tightly.

                “What are you doing here?” Lu Han seethes through his teeth in Mandarin.

                “How dare you talk to me like that?!” the man shouts, raising his hand and slapping Lu Han’s face. Lu Han doesn’t even flinch and takes the stinging pain, hands balled into tight fists

                Kris and Chan Yeol stand behind the man, gasping in shock.

                “What the do you think you’re doing?!” screams Jong-In in a bloody rage. He shoves the man away from Lu Han and stands in front to defend him, “Don’t ing touch-“

                Kris runs up to Jong-In and holds him back. “Calm down, Jong-In.”

                “He ing slapped Lu Han, Kris. I can’t ing stand there and do –“

                “It’s his father,” Kris whispers, “It’s Lu Han’s father.”

                Jong-In stops breathing, realising what he’s done. He turns around to check up on Lu Han. The Chinese boy glares at his father, like they are the only two souls in the room, only Lu Han has a knife to his father’s throat.

                “Leave now,” firmly commands Lu Han with a frighteningly imperative voice Jong-In has never heard before.

                “I waited four hours for you to –“

Another chapter done! Sorry this too forever. I’ve been trying to settle down from my post-high school life. I’m not going to talk about this in detail, but I was hospilitised a two weeks ago. I’m fine now. It just threw me in a sort of funk. That and other parts of my life has really affected my writing. I apologise.

I hope you all liked this chapter! I wanted to expand a bit more onto Jong-In’s past, since it’s never really been touched upon in detail. And now Lu Han’s father is thrown into the mix. Everyone has a past they don’t want to talk about, even fictional characters.
This Chapter was difficult to write. It might have been because of the funk, or just because of how complex Jong-In and Lu Han’s relationship has become in my head. Getting it all down in paper has become tougher and tougher with each update. Makes me wonder how long this story is going to go for. I have no set number of chapters, but I have an ending in mind. I expect no more than 10 more chapters until this story is done.

Author’s notes:

*Butterfly knife, or a Balisong. Google imagine it. It’s a hellva cool blade. I’ve always wanted one, but apparently they’re illegal in Australia, so… shucks.

**Neon Genesis Evangelion is one of my favourite anime series of all time. It’s an oldie, but I love it. The third remake movie just came out a few weeks ago, and I’m patiently (not) waiting for it to be subbed! I just had to include it. It’s confusing, and there are plot holes, but that’s why it’s so good. It encourages you to have your own interpretation and do your own research. You should all watch it!

***AT-Fields. Like Lu Han, it’s what made me love the Evangelion series. The whole concept is beguiling, and I love it.

Thank you for waiting patiently. You all deserve cupcakes. Next chapter up soon!

P.S. I have an urge to write a Zombie-apocalypse themed Lukai/other fic. I have a sort of idea based on the TV show The Walking Dead. So watch out for it! (and expect it to be an angsty fic. I really can't write fluff well.)