One Moon of Two.
Love From Afar & Love Returned
I'm in Se Hun’s bed, resting my aching body from the arduous filming session. I’m not sure how or why I’m here. I guess after all of what happened made me want Se Hun’s company more than ever. Maybe it’s just nice to have company when you’re lazing around. Makes it seem like you’re actually opening up to someone. But in reality, you’re just trying to trick yourself into thinking that you’re okay and that nothing’s wrong.
“…and then he ran after her through airport security, practically dashed through the departure gate without even buying a ticket!” says Se Hun with too much enthusiasm for someone in my mood. “Isn’t that romantic?”
“Yeah,” I replied trying to muster as much excitement as I can. “Sure is.”
Se Hun seems to believe my feigned interest and opens his romance-manwha to keep on reading with a bit more fervency than a boy his age should have.
“Hey,” Se Hun starts, eyes never leaving the black and white prints. “What do you think of Lu Han-hyung?”
My brain stops at the mention of his name. It’s almost as if I’ve never heard of it, and my mind is trying to process it, wracking through every memory file to find some correlation to that name.
“Why do you want to know?” I ask, trying to stall for time.
“O-oh, nothing,” he replies, shifting a little further away from me. “it’s just, everyone talks about you two –“
“What do they say?!” I snap, spooking Se Hun out of reading his manwha
”Uh um…” He’s all flustered. “H-how you two keep fighting and all. It’s like you guys hate each other… Do you hate him or something, Hyung?
I stuff my head in Se Hun’s pillow hoping to find the smell of a watery-citrus, but of course it’s not there. If it was, I’d be worried. Or even angry. Lu Han can sleep in one bed, and one bed only.
My bed.
“I don’t hate him. It’s just he can be such a –“
Both Se Hun’s and my phones ring off.
From Manager-Hyung,
Everyone has a free day tomorrow. Enjoy it.
“Yes! I really needed- “
“When’s Kris coming back?” I interrupt. “Is he with Lu Han?” I know I’m being rude, but I can’t waste time.
“I-Uhh…” Se Hun’s all flustered again. Annoyed at his ineptitude, I flipped through my contacts to find Kris’ number. We exchanged numbers the moment we meet in the van to head to our apartment.
“Don’t worry. I got it,” I say, whilst jogging out of Se Hun’s room and texting away.
To Kris,
Where are you? When are you coming back? Is Lu Han with you?
I walk to the balcony, and peer into the dusky sky. Watercolour red, pink, purple and orange wash over the horizon like first-year art. The paper crinkled and crisp. I wonder how many people are looking up at the same sky right now. How many of those people are wondering the same thing. How many of those people feel the same way I do. If Lu Han is looking at the same co-ordinate in the same sky at the same point in time.
The phone jingles.
From 010-27XX-55XX (Unknown)
At a café. Late, maybe never. Yes, what’s it to you?
It doesn’t take an idiot to know it’s Lu Han. Every pixelated character on my phone screen was dripping with this trademark snark. So he’s with Kris. I can’t help but feel a tinge of jealously whenever the two meet or talk or even stand in the same room. I know that Lu Han doesn’t have feelings for him, I know Kris won’t do anything to affect the two of us, but I can’t help it. It’s a natural reaction to feel jealously, right? There’s nothing wrong. Absolutely, nothing wrong.
I don’t reply though. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m waiting for him to take the initiative to talk to me. I don’t really know, but I shove my phone in my pocket, keeping a firm grip on it as I walk back into Se Hun’s room.
“What was that all about?” asked Se Hun, still in the same position as before reading his manhwa. “Were you... you know... planning something for tomorrow?”
Se Hun shifts around in his spot awkwardly. Why is he acting so coy?
“Something like that,” I reply, ignoring his obvious attempt at being subtle. I jump back into his bed and duck under the covers. Some part of me instinctively searches for that specific scent again, but I know it won’t be here. I know that it’s a lot harder to inhale that water-citrus. “Are you doing anything?”
“It’s only been a few minutes since we got that text, Hyung. Do you think I’ve got something planned?” Se Hun jokingly growls back. He smiles bright. “I was thinking about visiting my parents. I haven’t seen them in a long time.”
Se Hun get’s me thinking about my own family. I, too, haven’t seen them in quite a while. The closest thing I’ve seen to family is Monggu, when he visited a few days ago. But even then, he was taken from me by the end of the night by our Manager. And then it hits me. I’ve barely thought about my family, or even my dream to become a singer for the past few weeks. Ever since that day the twelve of us were called into that room, ever since I met Lu Han.
“Yeah,” I breathe. “Same here.”
I spent most of the next hour rolling around in Se Hun’s bed, waiting for my phone to jingle occasionally talking to Se Hun about little things, like how practice and training. He seems to have forgotten his question about Lu Han before. I don’t really mind. I didn’t know how to answer anyway.
Suho knocks and enters.
“We’re heading out for dinner,” He proclaims. “Hyung’s shout!”
Both Se Hun and I jump at the chance, loving the opportunity to eat out with the whole gang. Of course, Kris and Lu Han won’t be there. But that’s not the case anymore. Why? Because I’m A-okay. ‘A’ standing for ‘absolutely’. I’m absolutely okay.
A-okay.
I get dressed, picking a random black jumper, dark-washed jeans and a baseball cap. I run into the bathroom to check up on my hair. Almost half the band is in there, checking up on their appearance, spraying hairspray and applying light make-up for the night.
“Move Baekiie!” yells Chan Yeol. “You’ve been touching up your hair for the past minute. It looks fine!”
“You’re one to talk. You’ve been here longer than I have!” chides Baek Hyun. As he shoves Chan Yeol over, hitting almost everyone else in the process.
“Watch it, Chan Yeol!” shouts Lay.
“The hell?! You made me spray hairspray in my eyes,” Shouts Xiumin.
The yelling continues. It’s all light hearted. I can’t help but smile. It’s only been a few days but we all feel like family.
“Would you guys hurry up?” shouts Suho from the living room. “I got the restaurant booked. We gotta get there in fifteen.”
The other members shout in defiance. “It won’t take that long to get there. There’s barely any traffic at this time.”
“We’re walking!”
Everyone looks all deer-eyed, as they hasten up their styling. They all rush out at the same time, grabbing the last few things from their rooms, Ipods, phones, wallets. Se Hun even grabs his manwha. Eventually, we all manage to get down stairs in less than five minutes, leaving a good ten minutes to run to the restaurant.
“So, why are we walking again?” pants Chan Yeol.
“Because our Manager has dumped us alone for the night. He says he’s got some major meeting to go to. And that it might stretch onto tomorrow, which is why we have a free day,” replies Suho, breathing slightly more heavy than Chan Yeol.
“Woo! Free day!” shouts Xiumin, skipping away with his arms swinging gleefully about his sides. Chen laughs at how ridiculous he looks, while D.O shakes his head in embarrassment.
I don’t know how, but we manage to arrive in time. The restaurant is quite fancy. We get settled in our seats, read through the menu and order our food. There are two empty seats.
“I reserved seats for Kris and Lu Han, just in case,” explains Suho. “But Kris called up and said that they’re eating out tonight.”
There it is again. That pang in my chest. But this time it’s slightly different. I don’t feel jealous anymore. No, it’s not that. It’s a feeling that wells up inside you like a bathtub of water slowing being boiled. The more I think about it, the hotter the bathtub gets and the more bubbles it produces. My eyes start to sting, so I look away from everyone and stare outside the window, hoping to find some sort of distraction.
It’s dark outside. The myriad of watercolour before was washed out by the night, leaving only the paper moon to radiate its majestic beams. I sometimes wonder what would happen if we had two moons. If a smaller moon that glowed slightly green were to park itself right next to the larger one’s orbit, would the world be the same? Sometimes I wonder if the world looks over the little things in life, like how many moons there are in the sky. I mean, we just take it for granted. We’re told that there’s only one moon in the sky. But we never count. Sometimes I’d look into the night sky and count how many moons there are. A part of me knows that there will only be one moon in the night, but the other part wants there to be another. A part of me wants another moon, a smaller moon, greenish in hue and murky in clarity. I guess there’s a part of me that wants to change something fixed, I wanted to pull something out of that river of stars and skies.
The food comes out. Everyone’s all lively and such. I’m sitting next to Se Hun and Lay. We all have a conversation on the dance routines I had to learn for all the teasers. The two of them say how much they can’t wait to learn their own choreo for their own teasers. Some of the members want to order alcohol, but since some of us are still considered minors, Suho immediately prohibits it.
“Come on,” urges Chan Yeol. “Only a little.”
“Absolutely not!” rejects Suho. “No alcohol, ever! Even after we debut! Especially you Chan Yeol. “ He points. “You have the worst alcohol tolerance out of everyone.”
Chan Yeol goes beet-red in embarrassed. “I do not! And how would you know? You’ve never seen me drink!”
“I’ve spoken to your mother. Every single one of your mothers, in fact. I know everything.”
“Are you serious?” everyone shouts. It’s a bit hard to believe that Suho would actually go to such lengths to keep everyone in check. “Even the Chinese members?”
“Yes. Even the Chinese members. But they seem a lot easier to manage than the rest of you.”
Tao finds this hilarious and laughs his head off. Lay remains smiley with a slightly daft look on his face. Chan Yeol huffs and pouts. Baek Hyun looks on in damned disbelief. Chen continues eating, knowing that he has absolutely nothing to hide. Xiumin’s in quite a panic as he guiltily fidgets around with a noodle. D.O continues to eat as he looks onto the ensuing chaos. Se Hun sits there innocently look at everyone else, as if he knows that they all have something to be guilty of. I relax into my comfy chair, letting everyone’s joy wash over me in waves.
“You’ve got nothing to hide?” asks Lay in slightly broken Korean.
I shake my head. “Absolutely nothing.”
“You sure about that, Kai?” provokes Suho. “Your mother told me something juicy.”
“L-like what?” I start to panic, scouring my memory for anything possibly embarrassing.
“Oh nothing…” Suho says, while pouting his lips out and apply imaginary ‘lip stick’ with his fingers.
“H-hey!” I shout. Oh god. I can feel my face become red and everyone’s eyes look at me in disbelief.
“Lipstick?!” laughs Chan Yeol. “Oh, tell me more!”
“It’s not what you think! I was young, and it was only once!” I shout in defence.
“Please, you did it more than that,” chides Suho.
Everyone bursts out laughing. The other patrons in the restaurant start to look at us in disapproval. Even the waiters stare at us. One actually approaches us and tells us to quiet down or we’ll be forced to leave. We of course comply. The food was too good to pass on.
The rest of the night went smoothly. Spirits were high, embarrassing stories were revealed. When we got back home we decided to watch a movie together. There were arguments on whether to watch a horror movie again, or an action movie. Of course, the horror movie won. Turns out a lot of us are avid horror fanatics. We settled on a Western movie with subtitles. Something about a group of people running around in an abandoned mental institute with a video camera. Pretty scary stuff. We’re all huddled together in the living room. Baek Hyun and Chan Yeol took up half the couch, while Se Hun and I occupied the rest. Everyone else lay on the tiles with blankets and pillows. Se Hun huddles up next to me, hiding himself from the television screen. By the time the movie is finished, everyone gets up and into the kitchen. Baek Hyun and D.O whip up some midnight snacks while SuHo proposes a plan for tomorrow.
“Since tomorrow is our first free day, I wanted all of us to do something special. As a group.” He starts. “I was thinking maybe we should go to an amusement park or something. Lotte World?”
“But I’ve been there so many times. The rides are so boring!” shouts Chen. “And I was planning to spend time with my family. I kinda wanna see them. “
Almost everyone nods in approval. Lay and Tao stare into their laps. It must be hard for them. They haven’t seen their parents in years, while here we are complaining that we haven’t seen our parents for a few weeks.
“Fine. But we at least have to have breakfast together. Okay?” Suho proposes.
Everyone nods in agreement. We all stay up for a while, chatting within our little groups. I spend most of my time with Lay, Sehun and Tao. Soon enough, everyone begins to file off to bed. Soon enough, I’m left alone in my bedroom, waiting for sleep to come over my body. But, of course, it doesn’t. Not that easily.
I check my phone. No reply. Kris and Lu Han are still not back yet. Lying in bed, I roll around, constantly checking my phone for some sort of message. I don’t care anymore if it’s from Lu Han, or even Kris. I just want some indication of where he is, how he is, why he isn’t in bed with me, in my arms and keeping me warm.
I keep reading Lu Han’s text. His (barely) three sentence text. He’s so damn inconsistent. Sometimes it feels as though he hates me with all his mind, body and spirit. Other times, it feels as though he wants me, and he wants me to want him back. I’m not sure what he wants or how he really feels about me. I gaze through the window and count how many moons there are in the night sky. One. There’s only one paper moon in tonight’s sky.
Eventually, the door opens. The sound of movement creep underneath the door and into my ears. I hear murmurs and heavy steps. Kris’ and Chan Yeol’s door open and then softly closes. The bathroom door opens and closes and the shower turns on. Fourteen and thirty-two seconds. The door opens again. I hear clothes being dumped into the laundry basket. The apartment door opens and closes. I know where Lu Han is heading. It’s the one of the places he knows is safe.
I get out of bed and head to the balcony. I peer down to the ground below me, and see a tiny figure clad in thin clothing walking along the wet grass. The figure settles on an empty swing and starts to move. Up and down, up and down. A fixed movement that can’t be changed. The chilly air shakes my bones and seep into the marrow. I start to get worried about Lu Han, knowing that he’s not wearing any warm clothing. But then I remember how immune he is to the cold. He can tolerate low temperatures like a polar bear. I don’t know how he does it, but he endures the cold. I watch his beautiful figure swing, my eyes never blinking, body never moving. I’m so high up and he’s so tiny, I can’t make out any detail of his face, or skin, or fingers. But I can still see that he’s beautiful. So tragically beautiful. I look up into the sky and count how many moons there are in the sky. One. There’s still only one paper moon in tonight’s sky.
Lu Han starts to head back into the apartment. I watch him walk until I can’t anymore, before heading back underneath the covers of my bed. But I never stop thinking about him. I visualise the path he’s walking, as he walks through the lobby, as he waits for the elevator, as he waits in the elevator, as he walks through our hallway. The apartment door opens and closes. The balcony door opens. From underneath my blanket, I can see Lu Han hanging his body over the edge of the balcony. Funny, how only a few days ago, I thought he was going to commit suicide. There’s silence, a deathly one. I know I should be worried, in case Lu Han actually does decide to jump this time. But for some reason I can feel that he won’t. But instead, he’ll come back into my arms and nestle his head into my chest. The balcony door closes. Heavy footsteps approach the door way. Our bedroom door opens. I can just see the outline of Lu Hans body. His shoulders are slump, his figure completely drained of energy. He walks in and shuts the door. It’s dark. I can’t see anything anymore, and I know he can’t
Footsteps approach my bed.
The covers lift up.
Lu Han slips in.
I wrap my arms around his cold little body and breathe in the watery-citrus I so longed to inhale.
“You’re freezing,” I whisper whilst rubbing his back to keep him warm.
“I know,” Lu Han whispers back. He nestles deeper into my chest. I bury my face in his icy wet hair. I start to feel his warmth spread through my body. And then I realise I have to do something to keep this warmth in my body. I need to change something fixed, to grab something out of that river of stars and skies, to finally count two moons in the sky. I’ll start by keeping this warmth forever instilled in my heart.
“Tomorrow,” I start. “Do you wanna go out on a date?”
He nestles even deeper into my chest that I thought possible.
“Okay.”
He’s says okay.
Eventually he falls asleep. I kiss his forehead, and then his brow, then each of his eye lids, then his cheeks. He’s been crying. I can taste the lingering salt on his cheeks. Of course I want to know why he’s crying. Of course. But I won’t know until he tells me. I’m not going to pry. I’ll wait until he’s ready.
I gaze out of the window again. With Lu Han in my arms and keeping me warm, I count how many moons there are in the sky.
Two.
There are two moons in the sky.
_____________
GAHH. i'm very sorry for this late update. I know it's going to displease many of you since it's not their date yet, and just a rehash with Jong-In's POV. I'm sorry. i was supposed to update it with the date scenario, but i got carried away with everything before it.
BUT DONT WORRY! I'm updating very very soon so please watch out for it.
Notes:
- The whole "Two Moons" things was an inspiration from 1Q84 - Haruki Murakami. I'm reading it currently, and I'm absolutely fancinated about the whole metaphorical interpretation of the two moons. (i only just realised that Two Moon is also an EXO song. Awesome). I hope this gets accross, but Jong-in's facination about wanting two moons in the sky is because he longs to change something fixed. He wants two moons to prove that anything is possible, that maybe he can find happiness by keeping Lu han. It's something that will allow him to feel some sort of sercurity concerning his relationship with the Han'.. Granted, I'm still developing Jong-In character at this point, but I hope that lets you in on a bit of Jong-In's thought patterns.
- It was tough trying to incorporate every bandmember in this chapter. I admire the writers that can keep track of all the different characters they can portray. I guess that's one of my weaknesses. I can only concentrate on a few characters at one time.
Thanks for sticking by me during my final year in high school. I only have two more sets of exams to go. One is the final school exam around the end of July, and the other is the huge State external exam in October. I'll let you guys know when i'll be on hiatus again next chapter.
You guys are seriously the best!
PS. Tell me who's POV you want to be for the date scenario. I'm thinking of keeping it with Jong-In. but it's up to you!
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