Sleep over? 

I didn't know. It included being near him all the night... I guessed my parents wouldn't even allow that. I mean, he was a guy and I was a girl. Actually there was no possibility that I would sleep with him. I wouldn't even dare to share a bed with him. I wasn't like that and they should have known it, but still... they were doubtful and I could totally understand them, but they knew that Donghae was a nice guy. At least they would accept him, if he were my boyfriend. 

Boyfriend. Kareshi. Namjachingu.

Uh. That sounded good to my ears, but maybe Donghae wasn't interested at all. Maybe I was just a good friend, though some people would doubt that male and female people could only be 'good friends'. Still there was no between us, just pure affection and his kindness.

Honestly, I wanted to sleep over. I would love to be by his side all night, just purely because I would love to see him sleep. He would be too adorable for words, wouldn't he? I sometimes saw him sleeping in class, he was always so handsome, always so cool... yet he was drooling sometimes. I still would find myself starring at him, he was handsome no matter what he did.

Again I looked at his window, it was opened and I could see his head. He was sitting at his desk or something like this. I couldn't see it anyways and it didn't matter what he was doing. I was bored and nothing could change that fact, except if Donghae would come over and there was no way he would do that and why would he even?

He rejected Gaehwa, she was still upset. She wouldn't even dare talking to me after all. I guess she was probably jealous, maybe also very upset but okay, I was fine with that. I didn't need her talk that was never stopping. Like non-stop she would tell me about the things she did lately. She liked being in the middle of attention and our parents didn't seem to mind that but I couldn't stand it. It was plain rude whenever she cut me off. I knew she liked teasing me anyways, but nowadays she wouldn't talk at all, which worried our parents but I told them that she was rejected (without her knowing).

She would have killed me right away if she knew it. Actually it must have been a little bit embarrassing. Nobody in school would ever treat her the same way, before Donghae's rejection. It was kind of sad. I pitied her, but I would never go to her and talk to her, after all these years she tortured me with her ignorance. It wasn't my time to shine either, but I was widely known in class, not really as Kairi, but at least they remembered my face and some of them would even greet me, I was never that well received. I wasn't popular at all, like you know.

I didn't give a damn anyways as long Donghae was sitting besides me. He was always talking to me during class. Sometimes he would even help me and give me his answers. I liked him for every small attention he payed to me. He was very talkative and I liked it. I didn't have to lead our conversation, he was the one doing it. He always was the one who would speak to me, even though Ani would be there. He didn't seem to care and Ani was glad that he talked to me, since she was the only one and more or less, she was very confident about us.

“You'd look so cute as a couple.”

She would always say that and smile at me. I couldn't stand it to be honest. The one being cute would always be Donghae not me. But no matter what I did I wanted to be with Donghae, being cute or not, that was equal anyways. He loved to spent his time with me (he said that himself!)

I also loved to spend my time with him, there was nothing better. We could do so many things together! I always wanted to go stargazing with him though, but I never told him. I guessed that it would be boring for him, so I didn't dare telling him. I just loved to see the stars and especially the moon. We would always be in the shadows and without a proper someone we wouldn't be able to shine brightly. For the moon it would be the sun, as for me... it'd be Donghae.

Donghae was always shining brightly for me. He changed my life. I was more open to anyone I could even talk to strangers, although that was always very embarrassing for me. You didn't know the someone you talked to. Maybe that certain someone disliked you and you didn't know it, maybe your voice would annoy that someone... All in all I would say that it was embarrassing, but after getting to know everyone a little bit more, I was confident that talking to other strangers would be okay, after all there was still Donghae to save me.

After thinking a bit more about Donghae I went to take a walk to the river near my house. It was such a beautiful place and I loved to watch the water. Maybe I was also someone very boring and couldn't stand the boredom that was taking over whenever I was at home and I didn't want to annoy Donghae. I walked along the water and sat down on the grass. The sun was shining brightly at me and everything was so lively. It didn't look like autumn to me, everything was still colorful. I liked colors.

Suddenly I heard steps and looked behind me, where Gaehwa was standing on the grass, arms folded in front of her chest and she was looking viciously at me.

“What is it?” I asked and smiled. I guessed she wanted to punch the daylights out of me. I would do that if I was her, but gladly I wasn't. My sister didn't snap away the boy I wanted. It was me who took him, in front of her sight. It must have been pretty embarrassing. It must have hurt. And now it must hurt even more, after she was nothing special anymore. I would have lied, if I said I wasn't happy. I probably was, but I had manners. I didn't show off now. She was my sister, no matter how she treated me, badly or not.

“What's that with Donghae?”

I looked at the sky, the sun was now confronted with lots of tiny clouds, which made the place darker. I didn't think that it was dangerous at all, but still... at times my sister could be really really ugly to me. She sometimes slapped my face, of course she knew what she was doing. I looked back at the water, which was running over the ground. It was slightly sparkling here and there, because tiny rays from the sun were breaking through the cloud cover. I looked back at Gaehwa, carefully choosing my words.

“I don't know. Actually we're friends... I guess.” I told her honestly. I didn't know what kind of relationship we both had. He was my crush, but I didn't think that I was his. He was much too popular to choose a girl like me. Okay, maybe I just didn't have the confidence to face the fact that he liked me, but after all he didn't confess, neither did I.

“Friends? Then... why does it seem like he loves you?” she asked, but to my ears it was more some kind of statement, the sight she earned by looking at me and him. Donghae loved me? Truly, that was more astonishing for me. I shook my head.

“That's impossible, don't you think?” I asked her and she hmpf-ed at me. I guessed she really wasn't in the best mood. I could understand that. She was never rejected by a guy, she always rejected the boys, who came running to her, since she was a cool beauty. Hot to look at, but cold to the touch. “Then, what do you think?” I asked again, the light of curiosity was now in flames. She had an eye for it.

“I don't care at all, dear sister.” she answered and even though, it was more than I hoped for. I thought that she would ignore my questions like I always ignored hers. We weren't peaceful sisters, one of us always had to speak up or insult the other. It was a pity. I could never stand up for such a girl, she was the one who degraded me to the tiny, unworthy, quiet being I was. How could I forgive her? Right, I wasn't able to and she didn't want forgiveness. Gaehwa had to learn to face the truth and right now she was doing so.

“Is that so, Gaehwa?” “When did I allow you to speak like that?” she hissed frantically at me and I knew she was in rage, but how should I have stopped her anyways? I just remained sitting there, starring calmly at the water. Inside of me nothing was calm, I wanted to break out and scream at her. I never told her my opinion of things. I wasn't allowed to do so, she would always scream at me. 'Shut your mouth' was the nicest scream to my ears.

“Now, I can't say I am sorry.” I said to her and stood up, finally facing her. She stared viciously at me, hands were up high, like she would strangle me to death in the next seconds. But soon after, she seemed to have calmed down. But maybe that was just my sight of things. Gaehwa grabbed my collar and pushed me into the water. She then bowed down and got a quick hold of my hand. She pulled the ring from my real father from my finger and threw it into the water; far away from where we were.

“NO!” I screamed and ran to the place where I saw it landing, but no matter where I searched, I couldn't find the ring. You could clearly see through the water, but there was nothing, besides little stones. 

I sighed and went back home. Gaehwa was laughing happily with her friend and didn't even look up, when I opened the door. She didn't know what she had thrown away. It was the only thing left from my biological father, the only memorable item. I had no real memories of my father. My parents left me very early, I was adopted at the age of 5. Of course I couldn't remember much, but still it was precious to me. How could she throw away my ring?!

I was so upset that I headed right away for my room. I closed the door with a big bang and let myself down on my bed. I looked up at the ceiling and my mind was so empty, until I decided to look at Donghae's window, which was closed; like always.

How come he was never there when I needed him the most?