"I'm so sorry, Dara. I'm so sorry. I can't let go now. She's pregnant. And i want to be with my child and be the father that she need. I'm so sorry."

It's been five months and the pain is still there it was like it happened yesterday. Wooyoung made a lot of promises and my life revolve in that promises.

I loved him for more than a decade. Maybe the remaining days of my life is not enough to lessen the pain. All my life I was thinking that it would be me and him until the end.

But fate seems have a diferent plan for us.

His wife Tiffany was already pregnant. He was sorry because he can't leave his family. And the jerk wants to get my forgiveness. Even if I forgive him I know I won't feel any better. I can no longer dream that we could be together one day, having a family of our own.

I don't understand why this things are happening to me. Something is just not right. This is not how we planned it.

It's been months but I can't helped myself to stop crying. I wonder when this will end. I can't go on like this. This is not me I am a fighter. I'm so tired of tired of waking up in the morning with swollen eyes. I used a lot of tea bags and concealer to I can hide it to my friends.

Is it even possible that instead of healing my feelings are only getting worst?

It's not my habit to pass the blame to other people but with the things going on I can't help but blame everything that's happening to Wooyoung.

Wooyoung and I met in Busan. We are schoolmate. He was older than me. I was fifteen when I start loving him.

I'm nineteen when I saw Chaerin in our place. She was a visitor in Busan. She was looking for group members. We went to Seoul and leave Wooyoung in Busan. He continue his studies while I stop in my junior year.

My parents are dead and I'm alone. Nobody will support my education. I need to work for me to be able to live and Chaerin has a very tempting offer so I joined her group.

I promised Wooyoung that I'll comeback for him. Our group 2ne1 because successful in the music industry. Despite the busy schedule I still find time to call him. I always support him in everything he needs. There are times that I even gave him money because he has noone to turn to. And I don't mind.

It didn't change my perpective on him. The situation even helped us to become closer because I appreciate his honesty. I'm glad that he's willing to share with me the sensitive part of his life. We helped each other until he finished his university degree.

He build his own business. I can say that he is good in handling the business because after a year he was able to have five branches. 2ne1 had a break and I'm planning to quit. I only have one dream. It was to create a family with Wooyoung.

But my dream doesn't become the reality. Wooyoung got someone pregnant that leads him to marry that woman. How I wish that it was only a bad dream.

I cried a river with the news but I still forgive him. I understand his situation, he's a guy and it was hard for him that I'm far from him. I'm busy with my group and was only sad.

He told me that his marriage falling apart. They can't get along and Tiffany lost their baby in its fifth month. I know he felt bad that was his baby.

I know I'm the biggest fool because I didn't try to forget him and move on. I even wait for him. If there is an award for the greatest fool in the world I'll win it landslide. No competition at all.

When it comes to Wooyoung I'm secretive. My friends doesn't know about him. They don't know what i'm doing because if they do then you'll see me inside my beautiful casket. Bom will not let it go so is Chaerin and Minzy.

Maybe its my destiny to be alone and lonely in this lifetime. I don't think that I can love again the way that I do with Wooyoung.

I already give up loving him. The pain is too much to bear... What's the use of fighting when the one that you're fighting for already give up? He already made his choice and that is to continue his life without me.

Wooyoung can't hide his feelings to his wife. I know that he learned to love her. I can see it through his eyes. And maybe I would never ever forget that look in his eyes whenever he mentioned his wife's name.

God,  it's so painful.

Here I am, going thirty and single. I have no plans yet with my personal life. My love life will be the last thing on earth that I will think about. I had enough of pain for this lifetime.

Maybe my mission in life is to make people happy through our music. After a few years I can try to produce album for other artist. I can try acting, in fact our president were encouraging me to try it ages ago.

I still have music, it won't leave me for others. Music won't marry, it was my soul mate. Wooyoung was just a man who thought me what pain is.

I can't deny that I'm afraid to love again. I don't want to be in a relationship and risk my heart to be broken again. I was thinking that I don't know how to love the right way. I need to balance everything. But what is the meaning of loving if you already put a limitation at the beginning? Love was supposed to conquer everything. Apparently, I'm the only one thinking that way and I end up like this.

Never again. I won't love anyone again. Never.

So I will end all my suffering and misery now.

I feel like I was energize so I start to get dress and before I knew it I'm already driving my car.

I decided to stop in front of a small club. I don't want anybody to recognized me so i come prepared i have wig and eye glasses to cover up.

After I put my wig and eye glasses I enter the club and went straight to the vacant table at the corner. The club was known for their live bands. I start to drink my beer and I'm enjoying the band playing on the stage. They are bunch of cute teenagers except for the lead vocalist. They are okay but not good. Actually they but their cuteness make up for it.

I think I need to make myself busy again so my mind won't have a minute to think of the past.

After awhile a guy came to my table with two bottles of beer in his hands. He was smiling like in toothpaste commercial. He gave me one bottle of beer.

"Can I join you?"

I look up to him and I recognized his face he was the lead vocalist of the band playing earlier. The oldest among the members. He was good but he was surrounded by amateurs, that's the reason why they as a group.

"I'm waiting for someone." I said uninterested. I'm not in the mood to talk. "I really am waiting for someone."

"Then I can wait with you." he sit on the vacant chair without waiting for my permission.

I think this guy doesn't get the signal that I'm trying to convey which is to be alone. But I don't want to waste my time just to argue with him so l just let him talk. He was talkative for a guy. He said a lot of stories even I don't speak a word. His stories are all about his band. I don't agree with some of his opinion but I just keep it to myself until he said something that iritates me.

"Yeah, it's hard to find good bands now. You're a girl so I guess you like 2ne1. Personally, I think they ,"

"Excuse me?" i didn't know if my voice come out higher than normal.

" I thought that would get your attention. And I think I'm right. A lot of girls like them even guys. Me... " he his upper lip and then thumbs down.

" And why is that?"

" It's a sell-off group."

" Really? "

" Yes, they used to kick , now they bad. "

" What makes you say that? "

" Oh, come on, Don't tell me you didn't noticed that they sell-off? The're just not like they used to be."

" Maybe they become mature."

" They grew old, that's what."

" Excuse me? "

" They did. A bunch of ahjummas. They don't interest me anymore. "

I can't help but laugh when I realized that he got on my nerves. I should not be offended. I didn't come here for that. It seems that he feel at ease when he hear my laughter.

" So what's your name? "

" Sandara, " That's my real name only my family and friends know that. I was known for Dara.

" Call me Jiyong."

" Jiyong? "

" As in G-Dragon."

I laugh again. I'm starting to like this guy. " And you offered me a beer, why? "

" Me and the kids have a bet. Everytime we perform we look for the most snobbish girl in the crowd. And we're going to ask what they think about our performance. I sort of had to start a conversation with you because you are so quiet. So, do you think we kick ? "

" Yes, I honestly do. "

" Awesome!" he stand up and about to go but he turned back at me.

" Hey, you want another drink? "

" Sure. "

Among the members of 2ne1 I'm the only one how can drink a lot of alcohol but I think I have no match with his guy. It doesn't show to his body because he was fit.

" So, what do you do? " I asked him.

" I play. "

" For a living? "

" Yes."

" How old are you exactly?"

" I'm still young. Another beer?"

" Sure."

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I edited this chapter because I didn't noticed that it was cut. Mianhe