It's crazy to think that in this very second right now, someone's cheating on their wife. Someone’s dying. Someone's writing a suicide note. Someone just lost their daughter. Someone just got diagnosed with brain cancer. Someone just got in a car accident. Someone's pregnant. Someone did for the first time. Someone got . Someone took another person's life. Someone hasn't talked to their parents in years. Someone's abusing their children. Someone's signing divorce papers. Someone killed themselves. Right there. In that very second, all of that happened somewhere out there in the world. In a world you did not choose to live in but had to nevertheless.

My name is Lee Chaerin. I’ve been living in this world for 21 years. I live in an apartment near the Seoul city on my own. Well, I like it that way.

I was born in France but two years later my parents moved back in Korea. I was a foreigner to them although my parents where Korean indeed. But they had moved to France 30 years ago and they had practically forgotten the Korean language themselves.

I don’t know if my life would be any different if my parents hadn’t left Korea but I can only guess it would.

Since I was a kid I got bullied for being a foreigner when in reality I really wasn’t. Children are supposed to be innocent and naïve right? Well, they weren’t. At least the ones I had the bad luck to meet. Don’t misunderstand, I am not accusing anyone for anything, I’m just narrating the facts. Cause I got bullied. They bullied me. I try not to think about it and make myself believe that at that young age children didn’t know what they were saying. But why did i? Although the past is the past I can’t help but keep a small grudge against them deep in heart. I want to get over it and move on, but for some reason I can’t. I just can’t. Call me rancorous but that’s what I really feel.

I think it’s the time to go back in the past, rewind old memories that are locked in the back of my head and replay them. Maybe if I remember then I’ll move on for once and for all.

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It was sunny. The birds where chirping as they flew in the air. The seemed happy. Carefree. How much I wish I was a bird. No worries. Nothing. I smiled to myself as I kept starring at the morning sky. It looked so peaceful.

 Unfortunately the bell rang signalizing the begging of a new year.

All the kids gathered in the front yard with their mothers.

I was 5 years old. I clearly remember being overly excited and anxious in the same time. I was at the first year of kindergarten. I didn’t really know what kindergarten was but I could only feel happy that I would meet new people. Till the age of five I barely left my house. I had my sisters, no need for friends back then. So it would be the first time that I would have the opportunity to socialize with others.

The problem was that I was too shy with strangers. I was holding my mum’s hand as she gave me an encouraging smile. I smiled back. Obviously I had no idea what was awaiting me.

I looked around as I spotted children looking around my age. I grinned. Finally. Friends.  

As the time went painfully slowly it was time to enter our “classes”. I took a sit to the left of the class as I was holding tightly my bag as if my life depended on it. But it made me feel safe.

I noticed how everyone was already sitting with others and chatting happily. It seemed weird that I was the only one left out but I brushed it off. I guessed that my classmates where too shy to approach me as well.

I took all the courage I had in my body and directed to a group of girls. Their smiles faded away as they noticed me approaching. They looked the other way. I frowned. Are they ignoring me?

I signed as I smiled again and approached another group of girls.

To my surprise they didn’t look away.

“Can I sit here?” I asked with a grin.

They turned their heads around to face me.

“No. My mummy told me not to talk to foreigners because they are bad.”  She said as she blocked my way.

I knew I wouldn’t get along with her.

I looked down as a tear threatened to fall.

I held it back. I was told to never cry in front of others.

I sat back where I was as I curled up into a little ball.

I stared at them, jealousy growing inside me. Why could they play with others and I couldn’t?

It was unfair.

I was starring to all of them when a particular boy caught my eye.

He was blond and thin and a smile was plastered on his face. He was missing two teeth. I giggled. He was really cute!

He kept running around but never once glancing at me. I was a bit disappointed but happy too that I had the chance to look at him from afar.

I couldn’t take my eyes of him. He was like an angel.

I blushed deeply as I was thinking about him.

Maybe that’s what love from first sight is? Maybe it isn’t.

I later learned that his name was Jiyong.

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I signed. That was many years ago. But it’s still so vivid in my head. I know that the way I described it was complicated but back then it was just a harmless crush. I don’t remember if I had understood that I was so in love with him. But I definitely understood it later.. .

With the hard way.