[To Seulgi: Hey, can we meet? Have a dinner, maybe?]

There was no reply. Seulgi hasn’t been replying to Irene’s text for some days after the weekend, after their trip, after Seulgi’s confession. Irene felt so bad and she thought about it all night. She was not the type of girl who would open up to someone else if it involved feelings. Especially, romantic feelings. She kind of had given up with the word ‘love’ or having a relationship with someone because all of these times, it was not real. It was not real.

There was this one time where a guy confessed to Irene. She was a part of the student body in high school, and then the head of the student body. The guy only used her as a trophy and didn’t really care that much for her while she really fell for him. They broke up because he cheated on her. In her college time, she had a girl who told her that she wanted to date Irene out of curiosity. Irene was kind of offended because she didn’t want something that was unsure. She didn’t want to be heart-broken when she really cared and adored the girl.

When she was a new recruit in the office, a lot of guys tried to ask her out but she didn’t really want to. She said no politely. There was this one particular guy who let her do whatever she wanted and made Irene felt really appreciated and then grew fond of him because he also protected her whenever they went out. Irene, letting herself to like the guy, almost always agreed with whatever idea he came up with. She really looked up to him as he was her senior.

“I will take care this project. It’s complicated and I don’t want you to be stressed out.”

“But the board appointed me.”

“It’s okay. They’ll understand. I’ve done this before so you don’t have to worry. Just take mine, okay?”

“Okay... thank you for helping me. I can learn from you so when I got the same project, I’d know what to do, right? Or we can do a joint project?”

“Joint project is complicated, Irene. For now, just leave it up to me.”

He didn’t help her. He helped himself. He knew Irene would say yes so he told Irene to work on the easier project. The project Irene originally assigned on helped him to get promoted when Irene could be the one who got the promotion if she did it. Irene congratulated him but then she knew the truth that he was using her. She was disappointed. When she wanted to confront him, asking whether he really cared about her or not, he was transferred abroad, to the bigger office.

She lost contact. Feeling played, Irene decided to only focus on working and her success. She didn’t want to care about love or romance anymore. Everyone could be her friends but she really didn’t give a slight hint that she was into a relationship.

[To Seulgi: Seulgi... please answer me.]

However, she didn’t know anything about Seulgi. She assumed that maybe Seulgi was just curious, like what happened in college, and she was not really serious. Irene felt really bad and she knew she has hurt Seulgi. She saw the sadness in the younger’s eyes when she left in a rush. What if Seulgi was not kidding? What if it was all true?

“What are you thinking now, Bae Joohyun?”

Irene turned to look at Jennie, who came by to her apartment, sitting comfortably on the couch with a bowl of ice cream. “I’m thinking of how to get Seulgi reply to my texts.” The girl sighed and sat on her working chair. She stared at her phone only to see notifications from Nayeon. She turned the phone over so the screen faced the table. “Jen, I feel really bad but... you, you understand me.”

“I do. What I don’t understand is what did you say that?”

“Say what? No?”

“No, not that one. You... kind of emphasized, stated, that your relationship with Seulgi would be only in modelling business.”

“I was trying to say that we still would be in a good term and see each other. Be friends!”

“Yeah, but you gave the girl an impression that she was not even your friend. She was just your model.”

“Jennie, that’s not—”

The darker-skinned girl put down her bowl and faced Irene. Sometimes, Jennie could give the latter an intimidating vibe, but it didn’t mean that it wasn’t vice versa. “You didn’t mean that but she got it that way, Joohyun.” Irene bit her lip. She glanced to look at her reflection in the mirror. She looked lost. “If she was being honest and if her feelings were true, and you know it, and she was not playing around, would you say yes?”

There was silence for a few seconds. Irene sighed and looked down. This time, Jennie noticed that the girl had something on her mind.  She approached her friend and tried to meet her gaze. “Irene?” There was no answer. “Hey, what is it?” Jennie kneeled and noticed that Irene teared up. “W-wait, why—”

“Maybe I would say yes, Jennie. She’s really kind. But I’m... I’m like this. It’s hard, Jen. Not to mention that...”

“That what?”

“That she...” Irene couldn’t seem to finish her word.

But Jennie got it. Somehow, she got what Irene meant. She hugged the crying girl and let her sobbed in her arms. “Joohyun...” she called out gently, trying to calm down her dear friend. “I-I’m okay with you b-because... b-but others... her... I d-don’t... I don’t know, Jennie.” Irene trembled and tug Jennie’s shirt, grabbed it tightly. “I get it. Okay... alright, it’s alright, Joohyun.” The caresses on her hair started to make the trembling stop. She tried to take her breath slowly.

“Every time... I remember. I don’t know why when I’m with her, I also remember. I kissed her cheek when she slept in the van. I kissed her because I started to grow fond of her. I felt so warm for a while. But the moment I said ‘thank you’, after the kiss, it hit me again. I went to sleep, begging that I didn’t have to remember it. In the morning, I felt better but I still thought about it. I felt really bad and worse when she confessed. But I was... I was scared too.”

Jennie listened like she always did. She understood that Irene had been through something which caused her to be like this. She felt sorry for Seulgi, but she also felt sorry for Irene. She didn’t know what to do except letting the latter to keep talking whatever she wanted to talk about. “Are you going to tell her then? Your reason?” asked Jennie.

“No! N-no... I’d be such an awful person.”

“Then she wouldn’t understand, Irene.”

“I’ll try to talk to her... I’ll see her in Yeri’s shop tomorrow.”

“Are you sure she’ll be there?”

“I am. She has to be there.”

{ * * * }

Irene was greeted with widened eyes when she stepped into the flower shop. She gave a smile as she went closer to Seulgi who stood up when she saw Irene by the door. “W-what brings you here?” asked the younger awkwardly. “You. I want to talk to you.” Irene saw how nervous Seulgi was. She was nervous as well, but now she has been used to hide it pretty well. Someone came from the back of the shop and greeted Irene with a bright smile.

“Irene! Are you finally going to put my shop in your magazine?”

“Not now, Yeri. I need to talk to Seulgi. You don’t need her help for now, right?”

“She does!” said Seulgi, “Y-you needed my help to arrange the flower storage, right? I’ll be back!”

“Huh? You already did that, Seulgi. Irene, you can talk to her. Go ahead.”

“Kim Yerim!” Seulgi raised her voice a little.

“What? Go talk to her, Seul.”

“Thank you,” said Irene with a smile.

She got the idea that Seulgi didn’t want to talk to her. They had to talk. Irene had to make things right. Now that the two of them were in the alley next to the store, Irene noticed that Seulgi kept looking somewhere else. Somewhere other than her direction. “Seulgi, I’m sorry.” Irene spoke up and tried to get Seulgi’s attention. “You don’t... have to say sorry.” Seulgi’s voice was quite small that it was almost close to a whisper.

“You’ve been avoiding me. I know I... I hurt you, I’m really sorry.”

“I was just busy.”

“Oh... is that so?”

Seulgi nodded.

There was this awkwardness between them and Irene didn’t feel really comfortable with that. Sometimes Seulgi was awkward but it was the cute kind of awkward. The one they’re having right now was the opposite of cute. “Would you look at me? Please...” Irene practically begged Seulgi. She has never done that, not in a long time. She had to wait for a few seconds until they finally met eyes again. She didn’t know why heart beat faster than usual. She felt so glad just because she could meet eyes with Seulgi again.

“Thank you... and I’m sorry, Seulgi. I want to make it up to you.”

“You don’t have to. It’s okay. Thank you for answering me the other day.”

The day you confessed to me. “I do have to. Would you like to come to the company’s party? I can bring someone along with me.”

“For what? I don’t... I don’t even belong there.”

Somehow Irene heard some other words that might end Seulgi’s sentence. I don’t belong there with you. She tried to sweep away the thought and keep her positivity so that Seulgi would come and maybe... they could reconcile, be in a better term than now. “I want you to come as my date, Seulgi.” Irene gave Seulgi a smile. For a second, she thought that she would see Seulgi blushing up because of her words. Seulgi usually did that unconsciously and Irene has always liked it from the first time she saw her acting that way.

But there was no sign of any pink hue on Seulgi’s face.

Somehow, in a way Irene couldn’t understand, she felt like her own smile dropped and replaced with a bitter one.

“W-would you come?”

“Oh... yeah, okay.”

Irene’s eyes brightened up upon hearing Seulgi. “Really? You would?”

“Sure. I told you I’d help you.”

“Thank you, Seulgi! I’m really excited. We can... we can take things slowly, right? I mean, I want to be a better friend for you.”

“Don’t mention it. Besides, I’m your model. I guess it’s common to take models to the party, right?”

Now, her heart broke slowly, but for sure, she felt it. “S-seul... it’s—” Seulgi pulled her hand away from Irene’s and put it into her jeans pocket. “It’s okay. I’ll come with you. Just text me where and when the party will be.” Seulgi kind of silenced Irene. She didn’t thought that it would turn out that way. Even when Seulgi gave her a little smile, she felt that it was somehow forced. “Okay...” Irene said under her breath. She tried to keep herself composed and not feel disappointed. She should be thankful that Seulgi was willing to come... as her model, not date.

“I have to go back inside. I’ll see you at the party?”

“Yes. See you there.”

She felt like she wanted to cup Seulgi’s cheek and say that the girl was so kind. She couldn’t. Seulgi went back inside and Irene, looking at the ground, forgot to look up. The breeze made Irene shivered a little. She sighed as she walked to the main road, looking at the flower shop where some of them swayed because of the wind. She should be happy. At least, Seulgi talked to her. T least she had a reason to be with Seulgi and try to be better.

She knew she broke Seulgi’s heart... but why did it feel like she broke her own as well?

So, here is a little of Irene's story (which was one of the reaosn she said no to Seulgi). I'm sorry that there was, is, and will be some angst in the future chapter (or chapters) but I hope that all of you would keep supporting me, loving Irene and Seulgi more and more! I hope you enjoy the update!