“Are you seriously going to do this?”

That question haunted Irene the entire night after visiting Jennie. Her boss insisted that the model for her and Bogum’s project should be Seulgi and yet what happened at the party was really unpleasant. Irene herself was not comfortable about it. She thought that Seulgi probably hated her and her effort to make things between them all okay again was in vain. What exactly was the-thing-between-them? The dark-haired girl picked up her phone and typed Yeri’s number. All the beeps got her heart beating twice faster than usual.

“Yerim? Are you up?”

“What the heck? Ish 2 in the mor—hyaahmm—ning, Irene.”

“Did you just say what the heck to me, Kim Yerim?”

“N-no!”

“Good. Uh, so, do you happen to know... Seulgi’s address?”

“...huh? What?”

“Seulgi’s address.”

“Yeah, sure I know. Are you planning to visit her?”

“Yes.”

“.....I really don’t understand what happened with you guys. She’s your model, right? Has it turned into something elseeee?”

“She’s my friend too, Yerim.”

At that point, Irene concluded that Seulgi might have not told Yeri what happened; about Seulgi confessing to her and Irene rejecting her a couple weeks ago. The latter sighed when Yeri said that she would text her Seulgi’s address. Irene could not guarantee that Seulgi would be home but..., “It doesn’t matter,” she said under her breath. She finally got some shut eye with a light headache.

{ * * * }

It was almost sunset when Irene reached the apartment where Seulgi lived. She was staring at the door, concerned, worried, and didn’t know what to do with the situation. She didn’t dare to ring the bell so she just stood there with a blank stare. All the words she had planned to say to Seulgi was suddenly a mess in her head so she tried to pile it all up again. It didn’t work. She was still there, in front of the door, looking at the tip of her shoes.

Every lift sound made her turn her head. Who knew? Maybe Seulgi was out and she just came back. But none of the people who got off the lift was a girl with fringes and mono-lid eyes—and looking so beautiful and warm when she smiled, with cheeks that often turn rosy when Irene . Images of Seulgi’s expression flashed on Irene’s mind. She snapped herself back into reality that those were not the only expression she saw. Irene had also seen Seulgi’s cold stare, nervous gaze, and broken-hearted smile. She saw them and she felt it too. Why did she feel it too?

The doorknob moved and Irene was startled. When the door swung open, her eyes were widened because she saw Seulgi with her hair down, looking at her with the same expression. “Hi, Se—”

“Seulgiiii! Thank you for today! I hope I didn’t make a mess!”

A girl with a small face and fair skin, adorable facial features came sprinting from inside of the apartment. Seulgi turned around and was hugged by the girl. The moment when she laid a kiss on Seulgi’s cheek, Irene felt her heart thumping and her fist clenched. She had kissed that cheek too. She said it was not a big deal, but why seeing the very same cheek, the very same girl, got another kiss made her... angry?

“Oh... hi, I didn’t see you there. Are you Seulgi’s friend?” the new girl asked.

“Yes.”

“Oh, hi! My name is Shi-ah but my friends call me Yoo-A!”

“I’m Irene.”

“Irene...? Wait... aren’t you—?”

“I guess I should let her in now, Yoo-A. You said the driver has arrived?” Seulgi interrupted.

“Oh, right! See you later, sweetie!”

And just like that, the girl named Yoo-A went down the elevator and left the two girls in an awkward situation. “C-come in...” Seulgi said as she opened the door wider. “Thank you.” The latter went in, took her shoes and waited for the room owner before she sat on the sofa. “Don’t just stand there. You can sit down. I’ll get you a drink.” So without words, Irene sat and felt an uncomfortable atmosphere because she was still thinking about the Yoo-A girl and how she naturally hugged and kissed Seulgi. Why did she not like it?

“How did you know my place?” asked Seulgi as she place a cup of tea on the sofa table. “I asked Yerim. At first she wanted to tag along but I told her I just... want to see you. Alone.” Answered the latter. “Oh... figures. What do you want to talk about?” The younger sat at the pther end of the sofa, leaving a space between them. Irene had a lot of things to say, it was all a mess again after she tried to pile them up.

“Was she your girlfriend?”

And that was the question that had to be asked first. Really?

Seulgi blinked. Irene tried to read Seulgi’s expression. On her mind, she has thought about the possibility of Seulgi saying yes. If she had a girlfriend, then why she confessed to Irene? Or maybe they got together after Irene rejected her? Then Seulgi’s feeling really was nothing, it was not real. And by her thought, Irene was really disappointed. The bad assumption gave her real pressure and suddenly she felt like she wanted to hide her face and sob.

“No, she was a friend.”

Irene looked up and met eyes with Seulgi. “She has always been clingy and act that way to me—to a lot of her friend too.” Is it wrong if I find your explanation relieving? Irene silently asked with her gaze. “Oh... I thought.. oh, okay.” Irene felt something was lifted off her shoulders and she could leaned back to the sofa. “How could she be my girlfriend when the one I like is here with me now?”

The latter blushed at the younger’s word. She was happy but the next second she felt guilty. “Seul, I... I want to apologize about what happened at the party. I really didn’t know that he came back and Mr. Go wanted me to keep close to him.” Irene knew that it was not the best way to start a conversation but she couldn’t help but clarify the thing she felt uncomfortable with. If only Seulgi knew that.

“It’s okay. It’s related to your job and that should be normal, right?”

Irene couldn’t really look at Seulgi when she answered, “It should be...”

“I told you, I wouldn’t fit in. Thankfully Wendy was there and talked to me.”

“I should’ve been there with you too... I promised you.”

“Don’t worry about it. I knew that it’d be impossible for an important someone like you would just stroll around with a new and awkward model.”

“Seulgi!”

“It was fine, Irene! I knew I shouldn’t have come! I shouldn’t have said yes!”

Irene looked at Seulgi in disbelief. “So you regretted it?” she asked. Seulgi shrug and looked away. “I don’t know. What do you think?” It felt as if her heart shattered upon hearing it. The latter got up and took her bag. “I’m sorry. And thank you. You don’t have to help me ever again.” She walked towards the front door. As she was putting on her right shoe, she heard rushed footsteps which made her wanted to leave as soon as possible. She was about to reach the door when suddenly a hug pulled her back and she stood still. Her shoulder was trembling a little as she tried to hold her tears to fall. She was hurt. Maybe she shouldn’t have come. Maybe she should regret her decision coming to Seulgi’s place. But why did she feel relief when she saw her? And that made her not regretting her decision to come.

“I’m sorry, Rene...”

“Let me go. I’ll leave. I’m sorry I wasted your time.”

“No, I’m not letting you go. I’m really... sorry.”

Both of them stood quiet for a while. When Seulgi sighed and loosen the hug, it was her chance to leave. But Irene didn’t leave. Instead she turned around and locked her eyes with Seulgi’s. Both pairs were looking sad and hurt. “I’ve... hurt you. I know I have and I know that I... made you sad. I came here to apologize. I know you’re not okay. But do you know that I was also not okay? I thought about you, about how guilty I am, everyday. I wanted to make it all okay but then the party happened. I’m sorry... I didn’t know what to do.”

Irene felt Seulgi’s hand on her left cheek. It was warm and gentle, as if Seulgi was touching something that could break if she touched it too hard. And yes, Irene would burst into tears if she stayed and her guilt crawled on her back, consuming her. “I like you... I like you a lot, Rene. Yes, I was hurt. I thought you’d stay with me. I left, feeling uncomfortable, and rushed myself to get some fresh air. Then I thought that it was job related. Of course you couldn’t say no. You had to be professional.”

“I could’ve said no, but...”

“I know. I understand.”

“Eh?”

“You don’t have to explain anything. I’m not ready.”

Irene was confused. She knows about Bogum? What is she not ready for? But in the end she didn’t ask. “If I ask you to stay, are you still going to leave?” asked Seulgi. Irene held Seulgi’s hand on her cheek and shook her head. “I want to make it up to you, Seul. If I can do it by staying, I’ll stay.”

The next thing that happened was them ordering some food from a Chinese restaurant and trying to be comfortable with each other. Irene tried to be a good friend for Seulgi. She has never tried this hard as she has never got so many trouble in the way. It felt like an adventure in a very short time. She didn’t want the adventure to stop just yet. They could be friends for a very long time.

“Seul?” she called.

“Hngh?” the girl was slurping her black bean noodle.

“I was serious when I told you that you don’t have to help me anymore. I know you are a photographer and maybe aren’t interested in modelling. I insisted you to try becoming a model, my model. If you’re uncomfortable with it, you don’t have to do it.”

“I’ve read and agreed with the contract yesterday. I don’t mind helping you.”

“Uhk!! You—what?!”

“I’ve agreed with the contract.”

“Seul... you didn’t really have to do that.”

“I know it’s stupid, but I just want to stay close to you.”

Irene smiled even thought she was still concerned. “We could get closer even if it doesn’t relate with modelling or magazine.”

“Could you do me a favor?”

“What is it?”

“Could you... stay in the studio? I want to know your comment about my pose and everything else.”

Irene almost chocked when she heard Seulgi’s request. She blinked while looking at her plate of fried dumpling. After the slowly munched and swallowed her meal, she nodded twice. “Yeah... sure,” she gave the younger a quick smile and quickly covered it with a bite of the dumpling again. She glanced at Seulgi and saw that the girl was smiling. If that is how I could make it up to you... I’ll do it. I have to do it.

{ * * * }

Seulgi drove Irene back to her apartment. On the way, they caught up with some songs played on the radio and sometimes laughed when they made fun of the lyrics or the tune. Irene was amazed on how they could be better in a very short time. That way she knew that when she tried, Seulgi was also trying. She was glad that she had Seulgi as a friend. She’d like to be like that, be as comfortable and free like that, for a very long time. When they have arrived, they both exchange stares and smiles.

“You know what? I am very delusional.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I sometime think that you like me back.”

Irene gave a smile. “I do like you, Seul... you—”

“I know, I know. But you know what I mean. It’s okay, I’m... I’m accepting the fact that we can only be friends. Even though I... don’t really know the reason but I can’t make you fall for me when you don’t, right?”

“Hey...” there was a long pause and they just stared, breathed.

Irene leaned in and gave Seulgi a kiss on the cheek. The rosy hue on Seulgi’s face slowly came back and Irene definitely liked it. “Whoa, I got two kisses in a day.” Irene shook her head. “Yeah, not really. I erased the first one with mine. And don’t you dare get another kiss from someone else.” Seulgi was then blushing and blinked a few times. “Y-you’re not making it easy for me... Rene.” The younger smiled anyway and Irene caressed her hand. “I’ll be easy on you from now on. Good night, Seul. Thank you.”

“Thank you.”

Then Seulgi drove away. Irene finally felt lighter than before. I felt relieved that she could talk to Seulgi. Yes, she still felt guilty, but she was trying... tring to be better again and again. She would never stop. Then her phone rang, the name ‘Bogum’ was on the screen. She sighed.

I am sorry for the suuuuper late update! I've got writer's block and I was trying to deal with it :"( I hope you like this update! <3 if you want to talk to me, you can reach me on twitter @yrene2219 See you!