“How could this happen?” Nami paced back and forth. “What happened, Jaebum-ah?”

Jaebum twisted a wet cloth until it dried out before dabbing it lightly on Youngjae’s pale face. When he was done, he put the cloth back into the silver water basin and had one of the maids carry it away. “The doctor said he just fainted from experiencing too much trauma. He should be fine with a bit of rest.”

“D-did you do something?” The Head Maid didn’t want to ask this question, but she stayed loyal to her young master.

“It was my fault. I triggered him. I didn’t know his condition was this serious.”

Nami took Jaebum by the hand and dragged him away from the bed. She sat him down on a couch on the other side of the room. When she also settled herself next to him, she had her hands clasped over his trembling ones. “Darling, this is not your fault. Not this. Not the… Not the accident. Nothing was ever your fault, Jaebum-ah.”

“You don’t have to say that to make me feel better. I know what I did to his life. I don’t deserve to be next to him anymore. I’ll only bring pain.”

“That is not true! You were, and still is, so important to him.”

Jaebum shook his head and retracted his hands away from Nami. Seemed like things were happening all over again. Every time he was with Youngjae, the other ended up getting hurt one way or another. But no matter how many times Jaebum tried to break away, he still couldn’t help crawling right back into Youngjae’s arms. He understood whatever he was doing wasn’t fair at all to Youngjae and himself. Though, it had gotten far too deep. Youngjae was slowly regaining memories with every second spent with him.

But what has been forgotten should stay forgotten.

The head maid looked at the sorrow printed on Jaebum’s face. This wasn’t something an outsider could burst into. This was between the both of them. Nami sighed as her eyes closed. She couldn’t bear to watch the two boys she loves fall apart. “I hope that there is a reasonable cause as to why you’re fighting your true feelings like this. However, if your reason is that you do not deserve our Young Master, then you are terribly wrong. You two deserve each other. You both need each other to survive. I could be wrong on many things, but this…” Nami pointed a figure at Jaebum’s heart, ”I am not wrong about this.”

“Thank you,” Jaebum smiled, eyes gazing at the person asleep on the bed. “I’m an idiot, but at least, I can keep Youngjae safe. And that’s all that matters. You know, I’ve been dealing with this for a very long time now. I’ll be okay. It’s nothing new. I’m used to it.”

Without another word, the head maid left the idol in his thoughts. She didn’t completely agree with his mindset, but then again, it wasn't like she could comprehend their generation of love. Nami was just glad that fate somehow brought them together for the second time. And hopefully, this time won’t be as devastating as the last. And hopefully, the young master wakes up when lunch is served.

<||><||><||><||><||>

Youngjae didn’t wake up.

It took a lot of convincing for Jaebum to even leave the room to go eat. After he was done eating, he immediately rushed back upstairs into Youngjae’s room. He stayed there, sitting right by Youngjae’s side, for the rest of the afternoon. When dinner came around, the maids went through another hardship to drag the guest out for dinner. Gulping down everything in five minutes, Jaebum wasted not another second to return by Youngjae’s side.

The worry started to set in as soon as night fell. Youngjae sweated a lot, and Jaebum wiped it all away. All the “what ifs” marched their paths into Jaebum’s head. What if Youngjae never wakes up? What if he triggered a serious illness and now Youngjae’s body shuts down? What if-

“No!” Jaebum scolded himself. “I can’t be thinking like this.”

He his phone and sighed at the bold number ten appearing on the screen. Two more hours until midnight, and the young master didn’t move a finger. Jaebum tossed his phone on a nearby single sofa. His impatience grew even more than his worry. Why was he impatient? He won’t admit it, but he desperately wanted to interact with Youngjae. Be it anything, Jaebum just wanted Youngjae to open his eyes and talk to him. At least that would mean there is nothing wrong. Nothing to worry about.

Sitting down on the bed, his heartbeat picked up speed. With his fingers, Jaebum softly swept Youngjae’s fringe to the side. Memories seeped through his veins like heroin. Flashbacks of the moments they shared in this room flooded his eyes. He really can’t escape this, can’t he? The pull persisted despite his best efforts to resist. Jaebum knew very well that he could not resist his Youngjae. He may act like he can, but realistically, Youngjae will be the death of him. There wasn’t anything in this world Jaebum wouldn’t do for Youngjae.

Too immersed in his own muddled head, Jaebum didn’t notice Youngjae shifting a bit until the younger smacked his hand out of reflex. Flinching back, Jaebum was ready to make a run for it. Except Youngjae opened his eyes faster than Jaebum could stand up. The young master looked around confusingly before settling his pretty eyes on the guest sitting in front of him. “You… Why are you here?”

Just from seeing the way Youngjae’s eyebrows knitted together in realization of Jaebum’s presence, even a fly could tell how displeased Young Master Choi was to up to the person he probably wanted to see last if the world ends right now. Jaebum lowered his head and bit his bottom lip cautiously. How should he respond? What would be the correct words to say? Should he apologize for what happened earlier?

“I’m hungry,” Youngjae rubbed his stomach without knowing his own actions. The young master climbed out of bed and exited the room quietly.

Jaebum followed in silence. They both found themselves in the kitchen with Youngjae fixing himself something to eat while Jaebum watched. The young master heated up some leftover soup and side dishes, not sparing even a glance at his guest. Youngjae set the table and sat down to enjoy his meal. At first, Jaebum stood there in the middle of the kitchen in awkwardness, then he decided he looked dumb and moved over to where Youngjae sat. The urge to say something bubbled in the pit of Jaebum’s stomach. But he didn’t want to disturb Youngjae. He knew the younger was upset at him. It was pretty impressive how long Young Master Choi could keep his eyes focused only on his meal for the entire time. The guest was stuck sitting there watching anxiously.

When Youngjae was done, he cleared the table and rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. Jaebum thought this opportunity was too good to pass up. “Let me,” the idol said, grabbing the stack of empty plates. Quickly, he speed-walked to the sink. Youngjae stood in place for a couple of seconds, trying to figure out Jaebum’s intentions.

“I’ll do it. You’re a guest-”

“I’m already doing it, so it doesn’t make sense for me to stop.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“I’m helping you.”

“But I don’t need help.”

“Yes, you do.”

“I don’t-”

“Please, go sit over there.”

Not after a few more minutes of lingerance did the young master finally trudged back to the dining table. Poured himself a glass of red wine, Youngjae stared questionably at Jaebum. At the moment, his feelings seemed to be all over the place without clear instructions. Youngjae hated being confused, because confusion opened up to so many different explanations. Some explanations that needed not to be heard. And Youngjae wasn’t sure he could handle hearing them yet. This whole thing was ridiculous. He shouldn’t even be having this kind of intimate relationship with his client. Shouldn’t even be having certain feelings towards his client.

“Can I?” Jaebum’s voice snapped Youngjae’s head upward. “I’m going to make myself comfortable then.”

“Why ask if you’re just going to do whatever you want?” Youngjae scoffed and sipped on his wine.

“I’m just asking. I didn’t say I needed you to answer,” the idol reached for the bottle and poured himself a full glass of wine. “How are you feeling?”

Youngjae really wanted to chuck the bottle on top of Jaebum’s head for no reason. There was an urge to… The young master sighed. Maybe it's the perfect time for silence to work its magic. They sat in silence again, not sure how to describe the atmosphere. The air around them reek of tension, but strangely, still somewhat calm. Every other minute, Jaebum would glance over to Youngjae, only to be greeted with cold shoulders. Eventually, Youngjae would break and talk, Jaebum thought after a few more glances.

Jaebum was right.

Staring at his now empty glass, Youngjae spoke in a low voice, eyes never wavered and never locked with the person of interest. “Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know,” Jaebum lied.

“Why did you kiss me twice?” Youngjae pressed, still gazing at his miserable reflection on the glass. He knew Jaebum knew that he could tell if the other was lying. Yet Jaebum chose to lie anyway.

“I’m sorry.”

Those words made Youngjae’s blood boil within milliseconds. He lifted his eyes and glared at Jaebum. All of his emotions emerged as he clenched his fists on the table. No longer trying to suppress whatever he was feeling, Youngjae felt his vision blur into anger. How could a simple apology trigger so much emotion? Because it came from Jaebum’s own mouth that Youngjae felt the unfairness deep in his bones. If he could jump off a cliff right now, he would. Never in his life, he felt injustice against himself. Never in his life, he had to act so out of line. But Jaebum managed to unravel him with the snap of his fingers. Youngjae never realized the control Jaebum held over him to this extent until this very moment. And why is that?

“You can’t say that!” Youngjae shouted, teeth gritting and eyes burning with unshed tears. “You can’t do what you did and then apologized! You can’t just lie to my face and expect me to be stupid!”

“Please, I don’t want you passing out again-”

“And then what? You’d kiss me again?”

Jaebum swallowed his next words, avoiding eye contact with the enraged young master.

Determined to figure out an answer to this mess, Youngjae forced Jaebum to look at him. Hands firmly cupped Jaebum's face, Youngjae wondered if Jaebum also felt the same pain. “What is it that you want with me?”

With the sudden touch and closeness, Jaebum forgot how to breathe. His entire body stopped functioning. His mind was running miles after miles to find the right words to a reasonable answer. He hoped to cause no more pain for Youngjae. He hoped to stop all this and have Youngjae back in his arms again like the old days. That doesn’t matter now. “Nothing,” Jaebum heard his own heart screaming at him, begging him to be set free.

“Nothing,” Youngjae repeated, hands slipping away from Jaebum’s face. The young master scoffed and laughed, giving absolutely no s about how crazy he must have looked. What could he do? He knew Jaebum was lying again, but what else could he do at this point? Beat the truth out of Jaebum? Or he could act like they never started anything in the first place and continue on with their basic lawyer-client relationship. But what about those fragments of memories Youngjae has? What about the way Youngjae’s heart connected with Jaebum’s so familiarly? What about all the missing pieces about Youngjae’s past that possibly relate to Jaebum as well? Forget all that. What about Youngjae’s growing uneasiness… Growing feelings of something deeper and more complicated…

“Yes, nothing,” Jaebum stood up and finished his wine in one gulp. “I was wrong for what I did to you. And I’m sorry. That’s it. I don’t want anything from you, and you shouldn’t want anything from me.” With that, the idol gathered the two glasses and disappeared into the kitchen. After about five minutes, Youngjae watched as Jaebum nonchalantly walked upstairs.

“ you for leading me on,” Youngjae cursed under his breath, trying hard not to break down.

<||><||><||><||><||>

The next couple of days, the host and his special guest barely caught glimpses of each other around the household. The idol resumed his schedule while the lawyer returned to his library. At first, the maids were curious about the quietness. Soon enough, everyone learned to pretend they didn’t know anything. The head maid had her suspicions, but she knew better than anyone not to question her young master. She also didn’t want to bring her concerns to the idol. They needed to sort things out on their own. That didn’t mean Nami was okay with the way Jaebum decided to handle things. Clearly, Jaebum held back a lot in order to hurt Youngjae. And clearly, it was unnecessary. However, without Jaebum coming to terms with the fact that it was not his fault to begin with, he wouldn’t be able to allow himself to be forgiven and be loved by the person he craves the most. Poor Young Master Choi, who just wanted to know why he was having complications with his own feelings. Though, he ended up being a victim of Jabebum’s idea of punishment.

Nami concluded she really doesn't understand youngsters these days. What she knew for sure was the two boys’ love for each other ran deeper than any love she had ever witnessed. Nami could still see the amount of love Jaebum held in his eyes. She believed it never faded and never would. But she blamed Jaebum for being stupid. How could he not take advantage of the fact that he and the owner of his heart were living together for the next few weeks? If Jaebum were smart, maybe right now the household would have something to celebrate.

“What are you thinking about, Nami-ahjumma?” Young Master Choi noticed the erupted silence, so he peeked over the cover of the book he was reading.

The head maid, embarrassed that she was caught off-guard, shook her head with a kind smile. “Anything else you might need?”

Youngjae looked at the overflowing plate of fruits in front of him. “Not right now. If there is anything else, I’ll head down.”

“Are you staying up again tonight?”

“I might have to.”

Sighing, the head maid knew it’d be useless to convince her young master. “All right. Goodnight, Young Master.”

“Goodnight.”

After Nami left the library, Youngjae glanced at the time on his laptop screen. Another three hours until midnight, but he hadn’t been productive all day. Words kept bouncing around the more he tried to focus. Nothing registered in his brain the more he tried to read. Youngjae sighed, pulling out the file of his most recent client. This case needed to be emailed to the court by tonight. The sooner this case is closed, the sooner he won’t have to deal with that idol as often as now. They cleared things up between them, so now, Youngjae could return to being professional.

None of that meant the pain in his heart went away.

Because there were a lot of questions he wanted answers to but never got.

This was a bad time. Youngjae shook himself out of those thoughts and buried his head in the workload. Work always distracted him from the reality of his own self. If he were working, he’d have no space in his brain to ache over ridiculous thoughts that would never exist. Besides, he is still very young, he should be focusing on rebuilding his reputation and becoming even more successful. If Youngjae could break away from his mother’s grasp, then he’d truly be free.

A knock disturbed the peaceful atmosphere of the library at the same time when the young lawyer finalized the case one last time. Youngjae read the time and raised an eyebrow. It was eleven twenty-two. No one within the mansion should be awake at this time except for the young master. Youngjae pondered for exactly five seconds before realization struck right at him. He forgot the Choi Household sheltered a very important person.

Youngjae ignored it and proceeded to scan the papers. The knocking continued nonstop, but the lawyer forced himself to concentrate on the noise of the scanner instead. The person on the other side of those doors was the definition of persistent. Even after Youngjae had sent the completed case to the court, the knockings stayed consistent with the rhythm. Annoyed but in control, Youngjae grabbed a random book and began reading. Anyone who knew Choi Youngjae knew how adaptable he was to any type of environment. It didn’t take long for the young master to engross all his attention in the book. The knockings became some sort of background music. All Youngjae could hear at the moment was his own internal monologue as he read through each sentence vividly. He got to the second chapter when his book was yanked out of his hands. Youngjae closed his eyes to calm the last string of nerves.

“It’s not nice to ignore your guest, Young Master Choi,” the idol carefully placed a pen in between the pages of the book as he greeted the host with a daring smile.

“What do you want?”

“Haven’t seen you around much these days, so I thought to drop by. Good thing my schedule ended early, or else, I wouldn’t make it back home to annoy you.”

Youngjae thought if Jaebum was on fire right now, and he had a cup of water, he’d definitely drink that cup of water. The audacity of Im Jaebum to stand there with a proud smirk. Youngjae almost choked on his own blood out of anger. He was sick of this push-and-pull game Jaebum kept playing. “I just sent your case to the court. Tomorrow morning, your scandal will be cleared, and the person who drugged you will be charged. My job is-”

“Not done,” Jaebum sat on the corner of the desk.

“Excuse me?”

“Aren’t you my personal lawyer? You’re my legal representative. This case is done, but there will be other cases. Shouldn’t you be in contact with me at all times?”

“Are you drunk, Jaebum-ssi?”

Jaebum smiled and shook his head. He’s completely sober. He hasn't touched a drop of alcohol since the last time he drank with Youngjae. “I know you’re trying to break away from me,” the idol said, “But we’re not done.”

“We’re?” Youngjae scoffed and crossed his arms against his chest. “You’re right. We’re not done. But… It will be professional from now on. Okay? Okay. Now, I think you must be very tired. Please, go rest. I have other things to do. I don’t have time to play with you anymore.”

“Can I stay here with you?”

Youngjae told himself not to look up into Jaebum’s eyes. This was so unfair. He had been stupid so many times, he couldn't fall for this again. “You’re very self-centered, aren’t you?” Youngjae fixed his attention on the empty surface of the desk. A soft chuckle left his lips. “You’ve already made up your mind. You can’t keep doing this, Im Jaebum-ssi. I’m not someone you could toss around when you’re bored and throw away when you’ve lost interest. I’ve been confused and got myself strung along with you, but I’ve learned my lesson. To be honest, I can’t explain exactly what I’ve felt for you before. I just knew it wasn’t simple at all. And I know you’re hiding a lot from me. For whatever reasons that might be, I don’t care anymore. Because you’re right… There’s probably a guilty conscience inside of me, making it harder for me to remember what I’m supposed to remember.”

“That’s-”

This time, Youngjae hoped it would be the last time he had to stare deep into Jaebum’s eyes. “Whoever that person is, I should let him go. Maybe his life is better now without me in it.” Seeing that Jaebum wasn’t saying anything else, Youngjae sighed to push back his urge to cry. The young master got up and excused himself. “Remember to turn off the lights when you leave.”

Youngjae should have known by now that Im Jaebum always does and says whatever he wants.

“What… What if I changed my mind?”

Youngjae squeezed his eyes shut. His fingers gripped the door handle until his knuckles turned white from the pressure.

He won’t be stupid this time.

“Youngjae-ah, what if I changed my mind?”