As expected from every soul in this country, JB’s new album release on the morning of Christmas Eve crashed many sites across the web. Media and news wasted no time hopping on the train of hyping the successful comeback. It was like the scandal never happened. Bad publicity is still publicity. Haters were inevitable, so there wasn’t any point in being bothered by them. Fans were ecstatic with the comeback, completely satisfied with the soft winter concept of the nation’s sweetest boyfriend. JB’s image has always been that of a fierce rockstar with different takes on R&B and not-so-subtle songs. Yet this comeback has shown the public a concept that he had never done before. Of course, “First Love” was an album meant to warm the hearts of lonely souls during the infamous couple holiday. Though, some said all the songs were about the idol’s actual first love. But no one could confirm that.

Youngmi burst through the door of the waiting room with an excited smile, “Jaebum-ah! Congrats on First Place! Not only did you won First for all music shows, but all the charts as well! I’m so proud of you!”

Nodding and smiled slightly, Jaebum put on his coat, “That’s it for today?”

“Yep! It’s Christmas Eve. Mister CEO decided to let you off early.”

“What is his definition of ‘off early,’ because it’s nearly midnight…”

“His definition is that you’re getting Christmas day off!” Youngmi squealed happily. “The album sales broke so many records just minutes after its release. CEO-nim is extremely pleased!”

“Cool.”

Too caught up in the success of an album that everyone in the company was worried about, the manager didn’t notice the flatness in her idol’s voice. She helped Jaebum pack up for the day and handed him a black plastic bag. “Here. I know you’re tired and hungry. And I know there’s nothing in your fridge, so take this for now. I’ll go shopping tomorrow and fill up your fridge in the morning.”

Jaebum took the bag with a more sincere smile, “Thank you, noona, but don’t come tomorrow. It’s Christmas and your family misses you. Stay home with your parents.”

“You can’t even take care of yourself,” Youngmi murmured under her breath. “Such a heartless person, yet so many people care about you for no reason. You even got that handsome lawyer to fuss over you when you two barely even know each other. I guess I’m impressed.”

“What was that?” Suddenly, Jaebum’s ears perked up in interest for the first time this whole day.

Youngmi shrugged, holding the door open for Jaebum, “Remember a couple days ago? When you disappeared like the wind and everybody went mad because of you? Just so you know, I wasn’t the one who called him. That kid Myundae did, okay? Anyways, Mister Lawyer basically flipped and was so worried. I’ve never seen him lose his composure before. Not gonna lie, when I saw him trying to reach you and pacing around in the studio room, at first, I thought you two had something going on… Because there was no way someone could be that worried over someone who was so mean to them.”

After a few seconds of silence, Jaebum sighed, “He’s just doing his job. I’m his client after all.” He said that, but the image of what had happened that day engraved deeply in Jaebum’s mind. The devastated look on Youngjae’s face was enough to bring Jaebum down to his knees.

“I’m just-”

“Goodnight, noona,” Jaebum bid quickly and got into the car waiting for him at the back of the building. “Get home safe. Have a Merry Christmas.”

Watching the car drive off, Youngmi bit her bottom lip as her eyebrows knitted together. It wasn’t her business, but she couldn’t help herself. Jaebum would never admit it, but Youngmi knows. However, haivng been his manager for the past ten years, if there was one thing she could pick up from trying to understand such a closed-off person, then it would definitely be the way Jaebum wasn’t very good at hiding his emotions with his eyes. Very ironic for Youngmi to be thinking that, because this beloved idol fooled the whole nation with his emotionless, stone-cold eyes. But because she was so used to seeing those cold eyes that when they slipped a sliver of emotion, it was obvious enough for those close by to notice. In the past ten years, Youngmi had never seen Jaebum look that way at anyone before. Jaebum would look at the lawyer with the softest eyes Youngmi had ever seen.

<||><||><||><||><||>

Sometimes, Youngjae hates the life he’s living. Not having a large circle of friends can be such a sad fact during times like the holidays. Kang Han got busy with his new lover, another client again, so Youngjae accepted his fate and stayed inside. Other years, Kang Han would come over and they both would celebrate the holidays together. It's always been a thing for them; hanging out during Christmas, drinking during New Year's. Guess this year changed that. Which is bull, because it's not like Kang Han would date this woman for more than two weeks. Whatever, Youngjae could care less about how much of a boy his best friend is. He's so used to it. At least it has gotten better since law school.

Leaning against the kitchen counter while sipping on his morning coffee, ideas of what a loner should do on this beautiful White Christmas day ran through Youngjae's head. He could go to the bookstore and buy some books as presents for himself. He could go out and eat at his favorite restaurant. He could watch that new movie he's been dying to see. Or… He could go to his office and do some work so he'll be ahead of schedule.

Of course, Youngjae found himself dressed in casual wear with his new tan trench coat, an early Christmas present from Kang Han, as he stood in front of the law firm. The lawyer sighed. Here we go again. Why must he be such a workaholic?

Because of the holidays, all the interns and employees left the firm empty. Youngjae didn't mind the quietness, to be honest. He'll just put on some music. Get festive like this cheerful season. The music station on his computer ran through love songs after love songs for some weird reason Youngjae wasn't too keen to find out. He was on his fourth case file when some new melody reached his ears. His pen stopped moving across the freshly printed paper. He turned to look at the screen of his computer.

"Sick" by JB from "First Love" Album, it reads.

Drawn to the soothing voice of an angel, Youngjae couldn't help but zone out. Despite being the idol's lawyer, Youngjae hasn't listened to Jaebum's singing. Not that it was on purpose, he judged Jaebum's music by the edgy appearance the idol always put on. On top of that, he heard from Kang Han how inappropriate JB's music was. Youngjae wasn't the type to listen to that kind of style, so he didn't really care. But this song…

So deep…

So meaningful…

Jaebum must be a really good singer, because the hurt and pain were conveyed perfectly throughout the song. Youngjae could imagine Jaebum recording the song in the studio with pouring emotions that he had never seen the cold-hearted idol have before. Such a sad song…

Everyday passes and my heart still hurts,

But you are completely fine.

When we laughed,

When we enjoyed things together,

And cried when we fought…

You won't even think about those

Memories.

So many thoughts ran through Youngjae’s mind. His eyes closed slowly as he listened to the soft voice soothing him into the depths of his subconscious. The way those lyrics struck at his heart was something Youngjae had never felt before.

Why does my foolish heart do this?

Why am I hurting more?

Along with those words, Youngjae’s head muddled into a painful headache.

The days I spend without you,

They hurt so much.

How did you and I ended up like this…

It hurts so much.

Youngjae dropped the pen and held his head as his jaw clenched at a familiar pain.

This is what I’m telling you.

I hope you’re listening to this song.

The song ended quietly. An advertisement played right after. Youngjae removed his hands and opened his eyes slowly. He exhaled in relief that the headache didn’t hang around for too long for him to grab his pills. Shaking his head from the weird feeling earlier, the lawyer packed up and decided he had been working too much. Maybe it’s time to watch that movie he’s been wanting to watch. Because the more time he spent in his office, the more he’d want to suffocate himself to death.

And his heart suddenly begged him to go out.

After listening to that song, Youngjae hasn’t been feeling the same.

<||><||><||><||><||>

Walking past many stores, Jaebum couldn’t help but take a look at his reflection on the glass windows. Dressed in black from head to toe, the idol really thought some officer would wave him down for looking suspicious. One out of the, probably, millions of things that Jaebum hated about being an idol was the fact that this outfit will be the only outfit he could wear outside in the streets whenever he was by himself. He can dress up at the airport or anywhere else where he would be accompanied by his manager, a camera crew, or personal bodyguards. Otherwise, this black cap, black mask, black pants, black shirt, black jacket, black shoes would be all he can afford. Ironic, because don’t people get even more suspicious if they see someone dressed all ominous like this? Jaebum sighed through his mask and looked over to the poster of himself right next to his dull reflection. He sighed again and walked away.

Today was a bad day to go out for a casual stroll. It’s Christmas. There were way too many people on the streets. Why did Jaebum choose today of all days to go out? He doesn’t know it himself. He must be out of his goddamn mind. And hasn’t he walked enough? He’s literally been walking for hours upon hours with no actual destination in mind. Wouldn’t be a surprised if the idol lost his way back home now. Pausing in front of a building, Jaebum tilted his head up towards that one specific window of an office. Coincidentally, his feet brought him in front of the doorsteps of HanJae Law Inquiry. For longer than a minute, Jaebum just stared at the window of Youngjae’s office, hoping for something he knew he could never have.

Interrupted from his own wistful thinking, Jaebum fished his phone out of his jacket’s pocket in annoyance. Who could possibly-

“My Jaebummie!” Myungdae’s cheerful voice rang loudly through the line.

“Don’t call me that,” the idol rolled his eyes, “What do you want?”

“You don’t have to be so mean, jeez. Just calling to congratulate the successful comeback and check up on my buddy. How are you? Where are you?”

“No where.”

“Really? Want to come over to my place? I’m throwing a Christmas party.”

Jaebum scoffed and shook his head, “The last time I went to this so-called party of yours, I almost got gang- by a bunch of investors. I’m fine.”

“Oh . So sorry that happened by the way. But okay. Stay warm and don’t do anything stupid, all right? Last Christmas you almost kill-”

“I got it.”

A worried sigh can be heard, “Please, Jaebum-”

“I’ll be fine. Have fun with your party.”

“Okay… If anything happens, call me. I’d rather you call than the hospital like last year…”

“I’m fine, I promise,” Jaebum lied.

They exchanged a few more sentences before Jaebum hung up with a tired exhale. Looking up, Jaebum frowned at the dark sky. It’s already nighttime? Seriously, how long did he walk for? He looked at his phone screen to find the numbers blinking a bold 9:17pm. This Christmas day really rolled by without Jaebum doing anything to celebrate it. But oh well, at least he’s outside breathing in the cold air unlike last year.

Last Christmas was a literal nightmare. Thinking about it still made Jaebum cring uncomfortably. He remembered vividly where he was and what he was doing. Then, he didn’t have the place he has now but a decent apartment somewhere on the outskirts of Seoul. That year, Myungdae also threw a huge Christmas party despite the injury he suffered from the season. And of course, Jaebum decided not to attend out of trauma from the previous year that made headlines after headlines. The media loved the infamous idol’s gang scandal. So Jaebum just stayed inside during the holidays to avoid unnecessary incidents. It was another Christmas Day where he didn’t really do anything except laze around and watche TV. Snow fell outside the apartment’s windows creating such a festive mood for one of the biggest holidays of the year. People on the streets with their loved ones all cozy together with big smiles on their faces. Meanwhile, Jaebum lowered the volume of his TV and sat there on his couch staring into nothingness. The void in his heart kept growing as each second passed. His mind harbored no thoughts or anything really. He felt the world was spinning too fast.

He didn’t like it.

He wanted more time.

His hands moved on their own when he reached out to grab the fruit knife resting on top of the empty plate. Looking at his reflection on the blade, Jaebum smiled bitterly at his own appearance. Withered. Wasted. Dead eyes pierced right back at him. Jaebum shuttered at the chilling feeling racing down his spine. No, it wasn’t fear. But it was toxic. Yet he didn’t even try to control himself. There was no point. The day he lost Youngjae was the day he lost everything. There was nothing to lose at this point.

When he woke up again, he was at the hospital with his manager and Myungdae screaming at each other outside the V.V.I.P.’s door. They blamed one another for leaving him unattended and not noticing what was wrong with him before things got out of hand. What was wrong with him? Jaebum heard Youngmi say something about mental issues, and then he heard Myungdae angrily shout at the woman in a string of curses. Myungdae said everything to defend his best friend from being labeled as a mentally unstable person while Youngmi just wanted her idol to see a psychiatrist.

They went on and on while Jaebum lay there with an IV attached to his arm. He glanced down at his bandaged wrist, wondering how deep he had cut himself. The memory barely flashed in front of him before he found himself crying desperately for someone to please save him. Myungdae heard and rushed inside just as Jaebum began screaming hysterically. Minutes after that and doctors were barging through the door. They put him down with a needle in his veins.

The next time Jaebum woke up, he was still on the hospital bed. All of a sudden, he shut himself down and refused to talk to anyone. This went on for about a month. The whole agency flipped into chaos with no one knowing what to do. Half worried over the idol’s health while the other half constantly whined about money. And well, of course, news leaked and the JB made countless headlines again. It was as if winter holidays won’t be winter holidays without the nation’s most beloved person blowing up the nets.

“I wonder what’s the headline this year,” Jaebum quietly chuckled to himself, remembering old memories he wished he could forget. A year has passed, but only Jaebum knew how he had been feeling. For certain, the pain and depression never went away. Though he stopped trying to think of ways to hurt himself, he just busied his mind with intense songwriting and producing music. Or anything to take his brain off of the thought of how dead he is. Jaebum sighed and took one last look at Youngjae’s window before continuing onward.

About thirty minutes into his long walk, Jaebum lifted his head up at a familiar voice. A voice that he could never erase. Something tugged at his heart, pouring life into it. Out of all the places on this cold Christmas night, a street alcohol stand was the last place Jaebum thought of ever seeing the owner of his heart. But there he was, standing a few feet away and staring at the man who means the world to him.

<||><||><||><||><||>

Youngjae considered himself dense most of the time, but he definitely was not stupid. This ceiling… Does… Not… Belong to his room… A groan left his mouth when he tried to roll over to his side. The hangover started to hit way faster than Youngjae had expected. Sure, he's gotten wasted before but never to the extent where there's a huge- headache pounding against his skull. Ignoring the throbbing pain, the lawyer pulled himself up to a sitting position. There seemed to be natural sunlight in the room, so Youngjae could conclud that the sun rose. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and held still for a while to calm the uncomfortable feeling gurgling at his throat.

“How much did I drank…” His words trailed off when he noticed articles of his clothing and shoes were scattered across the floor. Immediately, Youngjae seemed to forget about the hangover and threw his hands on top of his chest in pure panic. Realizing his shirt and pants were still on him, he breathed a sigh of relief. But that assurance didn’t last long. Because he was sleeping in a room that was not his.

First thought came to his muddled mind was to assert his fight-or-flight response and book it out of this strange place. Second thought… Well, there wasn’t really a second thought. Youngjae looked around, confused, for a couple seconds. The room looked like it belonged in a quite large house. The furniture and decorations were simple and a bit minimalistic, but Youngjae knew exactly how expensive every object in this room was. Before the lawyer could play around with his detective skills further, noises from downstairs caused him to be on high alert again. Slowly, he gathered all his things and exited the room. If Youngjae was honest, to a normal middle-class person, they would have been a bit lost with how big the upstairs was, but to Youngjae, who's literally an upper high-class young master, it wasn’t much of a struggle to find where the stairs were. Not making much sound, Youngjae crept down the stairs with his head lowered and sticking out to scan his surroundings.

A small clank of a bowl on marble countertop echoed like a wind chime throughout the quietness of the house. “You’re awake.”

Mouth hung open in disbelief, “Im-Im J-Jaebum?!”

“I mean, yeah, that’s my name,” the idol quirked an eyebrow.

“H-how….” The lawyer fully took in where he was.

Jaebum looked a little bit confused on why Youngjae was confused. “What do you mean? This is my house. You know, the place you trashed not too long ago?”

Losing his balance a little, Youngjae slumped against the wall. He really didn’t think life could be such a to him right now. “Oh God, why does it have to be you…”

“Definitely not what you’ve said last night,” Jaebum sipped on his coffee mug.

Never before in his life had Youngjae experienced hundreds of different emotions clashing together in a span of three seconds. “EXCUSE ME?!”

Putting his mug down, Jaebum raised both of his hands, “Woah. Calm down. No need for you to be shouting like that. You’re going to hurt your throat even more.”

At this point, Youngjae felt his sanity slip, “WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! IM JAEBUM WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!”

Jaebum actually looked guilty. “I don’t think you would want to know…”

“No…” Youngjae dropped to the floor in horror. So many thoughts ran through his head. Deep inside, he was hoping that Jaebum was just pulling a mean prank. It would make sense because the idol never liked him anyways. So it would just be a prank, right…? But what about the clothes on the floor? What’s the explanation for that? And why does Jaebum look like he didn’t sleep a wink? And why couldn’t Youngjae just remember? What happened last night…

“You need help there?” Jaebum left the kitchen and started to approach the very much terrified young lawyer.

Before Jaebum could take another step, Youngjae got up to his feet and pushed a hand out in front to protect himself, “Mister Im, I advise you to stay where you are, or else the next person you are talking to will be my lawyer.”

Jaebum stopped right where he was.

And Youngjae thought Jaebum would just drop the act.

But instead, the idol did something that made the lawyer’s shuddered in fear.

“Your lawyer? I wonder who would that be.” Jaebum smirked and continued on his way towards a frozen Youngjae.

###

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know I left y'all precious with a very mean cliffhanger, but no worries~ Next chapter will be a little early Christmas present~ It will explain what had happened "that Christmas night" ^___^ So please don't hate me for cutting some scenes~ Hope y'all enjoyed this chapt. and remember to leave feedbacks~ Thank you~ See y'all lovelies soon!

###