Hoya looked to the ceiling. He couldn't sleep. He didn't want to bother Sungjong so he just went to the living room. Maybe watching TV would help him fall asleep, but it didn't. It only made things worst. He was wide awake, but his whole body was begging him for some rest. For some stupid, idiotic reason he couldn't sleep at all. The other members weren't even making any noise. Everyone was sleeping, there was no noise in the dorm, so why couldn't he fall asleep as well? He was so tired, his body was sore and he couldn't even get up from the floor. “What's wrong with me?” He asked himself. The TV was making some noise but he just ignored it. He didn't even knew what he was watching in the first place. He needed to rest, he had to rest. He couldn't afford another lousy practice where he messed up every single move. He didn't want Sunggyu mad at him, he didn't want their managers to tell him he had to put himself together before it was too late for him. If something went wrong in the performance it would be his fault, and the main dancers could never mess up. Not as bad as he was.

“I'm pathetic.” He whispered and covered his eyes with his arm. Maybe he would manage to fall asleep in the living room. Maybe he would finally have some peace. He just wanted to sleep, it was all he wanted. He wanted to stop thinking about how awful he was at practice, he wanted to stop thinking about how he was making the band look bad, even if they weren't in public at that particular moment. And he didn't know why, but he couldn't stop thinking why in the world he was thinking about Dongwoo. He couldn't stop but really notice how awkward the two were off stage. Sure, when cameras were around, the two behaved like they were best friends or even more, but in their private life they couldn't even look into each others eyes. It was weird, it really was. The two of them actually had things in common, but even like that, they couldn't be more distant. “Why are you pathetic?” Hearing this, Hoya uncovered his eyes and looked up.

There he saw the blond older man staring at him with wondering eyes. Hoya tried his best not to show how awkward he was with him next to him. He closed his eyes again and saw the older man sit on the floor next to him. “Nothing.” He said and tried his best to fall asleep. He had to sleep, and now, more than ever, he had to fall asleep because he wasn't in the mood to talk with the man next to him. “Why did you messed up so much at practice today Hoya? Something wrong?” Hoya tried his best not to answer bad. He opened his eyes and he saw Dongwoo staring at him with a curious face but his expression was pretty much blank, like he really didn't care why Hoya messed up the way he did. “I'm fine.” Hoya was pretty sure Dongwoo was rolling his eyes when he heard the answer. No member liked when Hoya answered like that. At first they didn't really cared, but now it was just getting annoyed. One time he had a high fever that made him almost collapse on an interview, but being the person he was, he would just say he was alright and fine. He was always fine. Even when he wasn't.

“If you were fine, you wouldn't mess up.” Dongwoo said and Hoya just rolled his frustrated. Why was the older man even trying to speak with him? “I'm fine Hyung.” He said and Dongwoo just nodded. The two of them stood in complete silence. While Hoya was closing his eyes trying to fall asleep, Dongwoo was just looking around the room. Both could feel the awkwardness around the two of them. The tension could be cut with a knife. Why they were like that with each other, they would never know, but it was also too late to even try to go back and try to be friends. And deep down, they were pretty sure they weren't fit to be friends. While the relation with the other members was pretty much perfect since day one, theirs was just weird.

They were still trying to figure out why their management told them they had to be “a couple” and why in the world they had a couple's name that was exactly like . Sometimes, Hoya thought that the management was directed by people who enjoyed to please the fans a little way too much. “Why are you here?” Hoya asked not liking the company. “Came to get a glass of water and saw you here” Hoya just nodded. He got up before the older could ask him why he was there as well. He wasn't in the mood to answer. He wasn't in the mood to tell what was in his mind, specially to someone like Dongwoo. “Night Hyung” He said while he opened the door to his bedroom. “Night Howon.”

He couldn't help but be surprised when he heard the older call his real name, but ignored it at the same time. Instead he walked inside his bedroom and then allowed his body to fall into his wonderfully, comfortable bed. He looked to Sungjong and saw the magnae sleeping peacefully with a small smile on his face. He was probably having a good dream. Maybe that dream was him being able to finally beat his hyungs on something. Hoya smiled. He couldn't understand why people thought that Sungjong was this frail, super feminine guy. Sure, he had a couple of girly attitudes, but that didn't made him a girl in any way. Away from the cameras the magnae was actually more mainly than people thought and he hated when he saw that people started wondering if he really was a boy or a girl. One time he even insulted Sunggyu because of it. But the leader saw how angry the younger was about the comments, so he didn't said a thing because he understood. People would always think something about them, and most of those thoughts were just wrong and had nothing to do with them.

Sunggyu was one of the examples. The older was by far the member who hated the idol 'label'. He wasn't even suppose to debut in a pop band. When he found out he would be dancing on stage and would need to take care of 6 other people, the older didn't know what to do. Hoya didn't blamed him. He understood what Sunggyu was feeling and sometimes he wondered if the leader was truly happy with his position at that moment or was willing to give everything up so he could go and be the lead vocal for an indie band, what he always wanted. “Let's not think about it..:” Hoya whispered. Just the thought of Sunggyu leave them for some Indie, underground band killed him. And he didn't even wanted to imagine how Woohyun would react if the older left them. He was pretty sure the lead singer would just cry for days and wouldn't leave his room for that time. Hoya allowed his head to rest on his soft pillow and tried to get rid of those thoughts, but they only disappeared when he started thinking about something else, or better, someone else. Why were the two of them so freaking awkward? The two couldn't even be in the same room alone for more than five minutes that they would find it weird and would just find an excuse to leave.

And most of all, they couldn't even speak straight. Their longest conversation lasted what? 4, 5 minutes? If that much. They couldn't stand to be each other for too long. “Why do fans pair us?” Hoya asked himself? When they were on stage they looked so happy and even on photoshots. They gave the world the impression they were the best couple and that every day was perfect, but as soon everyone turned their back to them, they would just pull away and would stay silence for the time being.

The most awkward thing they did so far was probably that stupid “Rappers got married” thing. Hoya knew it was a horrible idea, he just knew it, but the PD almost begged them to do it, so being who he was, Hoya just smiled, swallowed his pride and said he would do it. But every time he looked into Dongwoo's eyes he would feel his stomach hurt and his head spin. It was like he was sick and he was pretty sure the older man was feeling the same. They smiled to each other, acted like they were really married but only god knew how horrible they felt. And then there was that stupid “date”. Why in the world had Hoya showed the PD he had money on his pocket. As soon the PD saw it, he thought of Yadong couple again. Hoya just pretended to smile and said he was fine with everything, when he clearly wasn't. When they were walking together, he could swear he was going to throw up.

“What a joke...” Hoya whispered to himself. No matter how much he tried, he wouldn't never be able to understand the older man. He was too hyper for him. He was...too happy. No human being could be that happy, so carefree. They were the total opposites. And while Dongwoo didn't care if people called him ugly or that he shouldn't be in an idol group, Hoya wasn't like that. He was self conscious and when he heard a bad comment about his performance he would just lock himself in the practice room and would only leave when he couldn't feel his feet anymore. He and Dongwoo were different. So different....How was suppose for them to be friends in the first place when they couldn't even care enough about each other?