Hoya hated himself. He hated himself at that moment more than anything in the world. How could he have said something like that? He was pretty sure that he just ruined everything. Not that his relationship with Dongwoo was wonderful and perfect to start with. They weren’t even friends and they haven’t been talking since Hoya said those things, but still, they managed to look at each other and be polite. So why in the world he said those things? It only made things worse, not to mention that now Hoya couldn’t even look to the man’s face. Basically because every time he looked to Dongwoo he would remember how the older man reacted to his ‘love confession’ or whatever you would call it.  He didn’t even realize what he said. It happened all too fast. He just noticed he screwed up when the older man looked at him with a very shocked face and called their manager to pick him up as fast as he could.

Hoya just went to a random coffee shop and stood there until late hours. He didn’t want to talk to anyone; he didn’t want to see anyone. He was pretty sure he was a little rude with some fans. He had to make sure he apologized to them before they went to every site and bashed him saying he didn’t deserve the love he was getting from everyone. “Well…not everyone…” Hoya almost slapped himself when he heard when he said those things. God, he was such a freaking idiot. Why was he saying those things, why was he feeling that way? It made no sense and it was wrong. It was so wrong to be feeling like that. It was wrong to fall asleep and dream about Dongwoo. It was wrong to be nervous every time the older man was around him. It was wrong for him to just feel like he was about to kill someone when he saw the older with another member.

“What’s wrong with me?” He almost shouted. He didn’t care if the other members heard him. He was mad, he was furious. He just wanted to grab his things and throw them to the wall. He wanted to feel better. He wanted that uncomfortable feeling inside his chest to disappear and never come back. He just wanted to go back to normal. Because right now, his life wasn’t normal and that was killing him. He just wanted to be the old Hoya who hadn’t these feelings and didn’t care about a single thing that involved feelings. “Idiot!” He whispered.

Not wanting to freak out even more, Hoya grabbed his phone and his earpieces. Music always helped him when he had to relief some steam. He allowed his head to fall on top of the pillow and closed his eyes, hoping that this time he would actually have some peace. But naturally, that didn’t happen. As he closed his eyes, the image of the older man literally running away from him came and he jumped from the bed. He could feel anger and shame travel down his body. “Damn it!” He shouted as he threw his cell phone to the floor. He was so angry; he was ready to kill himself if he had to. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted that pain inside of his chest to stop. He didn’t know how to deal with this. He didn’t know how to deal with all of this. “ !”

He said repeatedly and didn’t even notice the bedroom door open. He was so focused on himself and on his words that if the other man hadn’t spoken, he would just ignore and would continue on insulting himself. “You shouldn’t talk that way.”Hearing this Hoya looked up and he saw the last person he wished to see on earth. What was the point of seeing this guy if he already knew he had been rejected? “What do you want?” He asked with a cold tone as he grabbed his surprisingly intact phone. He was pretty sure it had broken with the amount of strength he threw it. “We need to talk.” The man said but Hoya just rolled his eyes, slightly annoyed.

“No we don’t. You made it perfectly clear when you ran away. You don’t want to be with me.” God, he sounded just like a girl. What was next? He would cry and say no one loved him and no one wanted to be with him? What was wrong with him? He seriously didn’t wake up on the right side of the bed that was for sure. “Hoya, please try to understand! I wasn’t expecting you to say such things. I thought you were going to say you hated me, not that you were falling in love with me.” Hoya continued touching his cell phone. He wanted to ignore those words, he really did, but it seemed the more he tried the worst it got. Dongwoo was right there. They were completely alone, in a small room, with no one else to bother them or even interrupt them.

This was not what Hoya wanted. “And you have to admit, it’s pretty weird.” The younger raised a brow but he still didn’t look up. He didn’t want to look at Dongwoo’s face no matter what. He was pretty sure if he did, he wouldn’t be able to control himself. And he didn’t know what he could do. “What is weird?” He asked. His voice cold but he couldn’t hide the fact he was really nervous and couldn’t even think straight with the older man there. “I’m not used to hear…a guy say he loves me. Usually, it’s just girls.” So that was the problem? “So, your problem isn’t that it’s me who confessed but the fact I’m a guy?” Hoya asked and this time he had no choice but look to Dongwoo. The two of them were serious and while Dongwoo looked really uncomfortable with all of this, Hoya just wanted to drag the man out of their room.

“It’s both!” Dongwoo said it a little loudly and Hoya was surprised. Dongwoo could be very talkative and loud, but not that loud. “I mean…god…I’m pretty sure you don’t feel comfortable on liking a guy either!” Hoya didn’t know if he should laugh or punch the older right in the face and leave a mark of his fist. “I don’t give a that you’re a guy! What bothers me is that I love YOU and not another member! If I liked Sungjong or even Sunggyu-Hyung it would be much easier. But no. It had to be you! I would even prefer to like Myungsoo!” Dongwoo wanted to speak. He really did, but when he saw how mad Hoya was, he decided that he should probably stay quiet. Hoya was completely red, his voice was loud and his eyes looked like he was about to kill someone.

Yeah, it was probably a good idea not to interrupt him. “Why did I have to fall for you? Tell me? Why? We don’t get along, we have nothing in common expect for dance. I can’t stand being next to you. You kill my nerves; every time I’m with you I just want to break your nose and beg you to shut the hell up because your voice is so freaking loud that destroy my ears.” Dongwoo was pretty sure this was the worst love confession in the entire world, but he just decided to go with the flow and keep listening to everything. What else could he do? It wasn’t like he had arguments against that. And if he did, he couldn’t think of anything to say. “If I felt for Sunggyu not only would I know it was a lost battle but I would also know that he would be perfect for me. He would never annoy me, he would never destroy my brain and he would n”

“Shut up!” Dongwoo said loud enough for Hoya to listen. He stopped talking and he was now staring to the older man, waiting for him to speak. “You hate me, I got it. You don’t need to say all of that.” Hoya looked down to his hands and then took a deep breath. Was Dongwoo not listening to him? “I never said I hated you.” He said as calmly as he could. The older man just rolled his eyes. “Yeah you did. It’s pretty clear that I annoy you and ruin your life.” Hoya didn’t know why Dongwoo was behaving like that all of a sudden. And he had no idea why he grabbed the man’s hand and brought him closer. It felt weird. It felt really, really weird and he didn’t know why. It was suppose to feel great right? Or was it supposed to feel bad?  “I don’t hate you…for some reason I could never hate you….” He made a small pause. “I love you…no matter how I hate to say it and no matter how much you hate to hear it, I love you.”

Hoya made another pause as he realized how serious Dongwoo had gotten. “But I need to know…how do you feel about me?” Dongwoo looked at the younger man. His eyes were screaming for an honest answer, but all he could do, was say three words. Three words that he was pretty sure Hoya would hate. “…I don’t know.”