“Woah, I surrender.” Daehyun let out a soft chuckle as he mockingly put his hands up in the air. You rolled your eyes at this action, putting your gun down to your side. Too tired to deal with jokes. To deal with people. Hell to even deal with life at the moment.

“What are you doing here?” You repeated, unintentionally allowing ice to slip into your voice.

“Sorry, force of habit…” Daehyun awkwardly scratched the back of his head, realizing that now wasn’t the time nor place to joke. “I wanted to check if you were okay….”

“I’m fine.” You crossed your arms as you retreated back into your living room and placing your gun your wooden coffee table.

“Are you sure?” Daehyun idly waited at the door frame, not wishing to intrude into your home. You could hear the genuine concern his voice. His honey soft vocals melting your cold exterior.

“Are you going to come in or just hang out in front of my apartment like a weirdo?” You managed a small smirk on your face and you glanced at him from over your shoulder. You didn’t want to talk about your assault. You wanted to bury that memory deep within you. Just like how you did with all your other painful memories. If you didn’t bury them, allow them to spill out then that wall that you had desperately built for so long would crumble in your hands. “A drink?”

“You didn’t answer my question.” Daehyun entered the living room, scanning the area. He examined the glock that stared back at him. A police issued glock 0.40. Something that he hadn’t expect to see in your possession. After all, you seemed more like a hidden pistols and knives kind of girl. He glanced down to find a pile of shattered glass, a corner of a picture frame peeking from under the table. He leaned down, peeking up every so often to see if you would turn your attention back at him, and picked up the frame. He examined the photo. Your smiling face. Your true smiling face. The joy and love that gleamed in your eyes by being in the arms of this unknown man. A small twang of something tangled up into his heart. Expressions that he had never seen, laughter that he had never heard. They bothered him. He didn’t understand why knowing that another man experiencing all of that with you caused him to scrunch his eyebrows. But it did.

“I’m not much of a talker you know.” You teased, a bottle of vodka in hand as well as two shot glasses. Daehyun quickly tossed the frame onto the couch, sitting himself in a way that it hid the frame behind his form.

“Princess, you went through…hell. It’s okay if you want to talk…” Daehyun watched you examined your movements as you poured the two glasses to the brim, taking a shot.

“”I don’t want talk about it,” You flashed him a professional smile, before offering the other full glass towards him. “Drink? I get lonely if I drink alone.” You coyly batted your eyelashes at him.

“No, I’m fine…” Daehyun watched as you simply shrugged and downed the glass. On most occasions he would enjoy having flirty banter with you, but he knew that right now you weren’t in your right state of mind. You were hurt. More than you would let on. But he knew better than that. “You should take a few days off from Le Noir. The girls can take care of themselves and Sam and us can watch over them…”

“I’m fine, Daehyun. Really I am,” You downed another shot of vodka. Maybe you thought the haze of alcohol would blur out the memory. Or maybe it would provide enough distraction for you. You didn’t know, all you understood in that moment was that the more you drank the less you felt. And that’s exactly what you wanted. “What happened to me, it’s nothing.” Another shot running down your throat.

He hated seeing you like this. When he saw how fragile and hurt you were down in that basement, he wanted to do more than shoot that disgusting piece of trash in the head. He wanted to make him feel fear, weak. Just like he made you feel. You were always so collected, mischievous and playful. A person he felt that he could confide in, ask for advice, befriend outside of the gang. You were able to see past his bad boy flirty facade so easily, effortlessly. But now you couldn’t even see past your own facade to see how hurt you were.

“Princess.” Daehyun’s voice was now stern as he grabbed onto your wrist, preventing you from drinking the crystal clear liquid. You were beginning to spiral. Spiral into something you would regret and like hell he would allow you to do that to yourself.

“Don’t touch me!” You instinctively ripped your arms out of his grasp, reeling back into the couch.  Daehyun’s eyes soften with sadness and empathy as he saw you body tremble. The strong, unbreakable woman that he had always saw was now trembling in front of him like fragile glass.

“Princess, I’m sorry…” Daehyun gently reached out towards you, petting the top of your head. “I didn’t mean to scare you. That’s the last thing I wanted….” He murmured, your body slowly relaxing. “But you can’t just drink your pain away…”

“Then what can I do!” You shouted back, your fingers digging into your shoulders.

“I don’t want to see you break down from this! And I pretty sure he wouldn’t too!” In the heat of the moment, Daehyun tossed the picture frame that was hidden behind his back in front of you.

“Where did you get this…” You stared at the picture frame, shocked and in awe.

“I don’t want to see you lose yourself…lose that…” He gestured towards the happy expression that you had. The joy and euphoria that you felt in that picture. The love.

“I’ve already lost it…” You looked away at the picture, unable to accept the image of happiness that was in front of you. “I was weak…I couldn’t protect myself….I became a burden….” You chewed on your bottom lip. “I lost him….” You voice was barely above a whisper. “I can’t go back to that. I can’t let myself be weak again…..I can’t. I can’t break….I have to be strong…..” It was a self-mantra. It was the only cement that was holding you together.

“Alcohols not going to help you do that.” Daehyun attempted to lighten your grip on your shoulders, but you simply ripped away from his grasp.

“Then what, Daehyun? Tell me. What can I do to burn that disgusting man’s touch, his breathe, his everything out of my mind,” You growled, tears threatened to spill from your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. “Are you going to help me?” You leaned in closer to him, pulling him in by the collar. “Huh? Help me forget about him, burn a new memory into my mind?”

“Princess…” Daehyun stared at you confused.

“You know what I’m talking about. With all that flirting you do I pretty sure you know how to please a girl,” Your voice was filled with unneeded venom. You were pushing his buttons and you knew it. All the anger and sadness that was beginning to overflow you simply displaced on him. You didn’t mean to, nor did you want to, but it just kept coming. “So why don’t you just f**k me so hard that I forget all about that bastard, huh? Can you do that for me? Or are you just all talk and no bite?”

At the last of your words, Daehyun immediately pushed you down on the couch, his body hovering over you as he pinned your wrist to your sides. You could feel heated anger exude off his frame. You deserved it. You deserved every curse, every ounce of anger that was radiating off him. “I know why you’re doing this…” Daehyun’s grip lighten. “You don’t need to punish yourself….what happened to you was already bad enough…” He shifted his weight, removing himself off your frame.

You sat up, refusing to look at him. Ashamed at your disgusting display. “You should have just done it….” Your face scrunched up with anger and self-frustration. “I don’t know what to do. Every time I’m alone. Every thought I have in my head, it drags me back…” Your tightened your fist, clinging to the fabric of the couch. “It keeps replaying in my head so much that I want to throw up…”

“It will take time…” Daehyun placed his hand over yours.

“I don’t have that kind of time….” You chewed on your bottom lip. “Just tell me how to make it go away….Tell me how to be strong….”

“Princess, look at me…” He placed a gentle hand on your cheek. You didn’t move, allowing his touch as he gently cupped your face in his grasp and turned you towards him. “I don’t even know the answer to that myself…” He let out a sad chuckle.

“I don’t want to be a victim again….I don’t want to be helpless…” Your words were barely above a whisper. Daehyun searched your eyes. He could see a speck of the buried depression you felt. The hatred and self-loathing that you bottled up so tight and buried so deep.

“What happened to you doesn’t make you helpless, you understand?” Daehyun gently caressed your cheek.

“Yes it does,” You ripped your face away from Daehyun’s grasp, glaring at nothing. The anger you felt at yourself began to boil. Hot, angry tears poured down from your eyes. The burning droplets scorched your skin as they fell down your cheeks. “How can I take care of my family, the ones I love, if I can’t even fend for myself.”

“You don’t have to be strong on your own,” Daehyun grabbed your wrist gently, giving it a small tug so that you would direct your attention towards him. “Trust me, I’ve been there….” He wiped away your tears with soft caresses of his thumb. Memories of being beaten black and blue, unable to fend for those he loved, those he cared about. Feeling helpless, useless, trash. That he couldn’t do anything or amount to anything. He understood those feelings all too well.

“It’s my fault…If I had paid attention…If I had dealt with the problem sooner…If I wasn’t so weak…” The tears of anger began to mix with those of sadness, leaving a trail of regret and hatred down your cheeks. “You guys almost died because of me…I can’t lose again, Daehyun. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to pick myself up again if I did….”

“Listen to me,” Daehyun gently lifted up your chin so that you would look into his eyes. You could see the sincerity he felt. The kindness, the compassion, and the genuine concern he felt towards you. You were right. He was the softie of the group. “What happened to you wasn’t your fault. In no way what so ever is this your fault. Do you understand?” You looked away from him, wishing to avoid his kind sincere eyes. “And we didn’t die. I’m right here, in front of you. Living and breathing so there should be no reason for you to feel guilty at all,” He brought his face closer to yours so that the two of you were only mere inches from each other. A bright, pearly white smiling adorning his lips. “See? Living, breathing, and cute as a button.” He chuckled, causing a small smile to grace your lips. “It’s okay to be weak. You’ve got me and everyone else right there to support you, got it?” A soft smile spreading on his lips.

You didn’t know if it was the booze, the overwhelming emotions that you had bottled up and unleashed, his affection and sweet concern, or the familiar words that left Daehyun’s lips, but in that single moment you closed your eyes and pressed your lips against his. His eyes going wide for a moment as he felt your soft lips move against his own. Perhaps he too had a rush of adrenaline that clouded his judgement because he didn’t resist your kiss. You leaned in closer to him, moving your lips in sync with his as your hands ran through his soft hair. He gently cupped your face, pulling you closer to him so that he could deepen the kiss. His lips felt so soft against your own, so perfect, so irresistible. His hands gently placed themselves on your waist as he carefully lowered you on the couch so that he was now hovering above you. You could feel himself tense up, fearing that he would scare you, push you to a place, a memory, that he shouldn’t have. You his lips, getting the taste of sweet sugar on your tongue and assuring him that it was okay. The kiss was slow, passionate as you opened your mouth and allowed the kiss to deepen further. His tongue explored every nook and cranny, memorizing the lay of the land. His hands began to roam the sides of your body as you hand trickled up his white turtleneck, feeling his abdomen. It wasn’t until the two of you separated for air that you opened your eyes, slightly dazed from the kiss you two shared. Your breath was shallow, matching with his. The feelings of lust and passion still in the air. Then it hit you. Hit you harder than a train wreck.

“Oh my God….” Your eyes went wide with panic as you realized the mistake you had just committed. You gently pushed Daehyun off you, sprawling off the couch. “Oh my God…” Those three words were like a broken record.

“Princess…” Daehyun reached out towards your confused, panicked figure.

“I’m so sorry…” You ran into your room, slamming your door shut as you slumped down against the wooden wall that kept you away from the disaster you had just committed. You ran your hands over your face, cursing yourself for being such an idiot. For falling into your emotions. You knew better than that. You closed your eyes shut, begging that he wouldn’t open the door as you heard footsteps come closer to your bedroom.

“Princess…” You heard Daehyun’s muffled voice through the door. There was a long pause as if he was trying to formulate some words. Anything to explain what had just happened. “Look, I didn’t come here to…I mean…” Daehyun scrunched his face, wearily shaking his fist in dismay as he decided that it was probably a good idea not to knock on your door. You could hear him let out a groan of frustration. You knew that the last thing that on his mind was taking advantage of you in a vulnerable moment, but it seems that you had done just that to him. You weren’t some teenager, or so you thought. Now you were simply ashamed, embarrassed, like a pre-teen girl after watching her first o. “I’m sorry…” His voice was only a murmur as you heard the footsteps fade away towards your front door, which closed with a click.

“…” You let out a groan as you dragged your hand across your face. You had gone and f**ked up.

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