“Looks like I was right to come check on you.” Himchan raised a curious brow as he nudged the gun away from his chest. He eyed the police issued glock in your hand, curious as to why you would have that type of weapon in your house, but decided that it was best at the moment to let that thought linger at the back of his brain.

“I don’t need to get checked on.” You sneered, running your fingers through your hair as you lowered your gun.

“Clearly.” Himchan smirked, only causing you to roll your eyes.

“What do you want from me, Himchan?” You retreated back to your living room tossing your glock carelessly on the couch. Hitting the leather with a plop.

He cautiously entered your apartment, but since you didn’t retort he assumed that he was in the clear. “To see that you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.” You felt that if you kept telling yourself that then maybe it would come true. Maybe you would believe them. Himchan, however, was not buying any of it.

His eyes slightly softened, trying to somehow make you understand that he was there for you. That you didn’t need to put up a front at this moment. “You just went through hell, Adenium. There’s no need to put up a stron-”

“I’m not putting up a strong front. I’m fine,” You voice was sharp, merciless. You refused to let him finish that sentence. Open the wound that you tried to bury under bandages. “I’m just tired. Tired of being interrogated about my well being…” You sighed, rubbing your temples.

“Y/N, you know that wasn’t what I was trying-”

“I’m going to make some tea.” You glanced at him over your shoulder, seeing his lips tighten to a line, looking a bit defeated. Your eyes softened a bit. You didn’t mean to sound so harsh. So unappreciative. But you couldn’t let him chip the wall that you’ve so carefully built. You just couldn’t. It had taken too long and too much effort for you to let fall right now.

Himchan let out a sigh, scratching his head vigorously as you walked into your kitchen. You were not letting your walls fall. He knew it wouldn’t be easy. You were a tough cookie. But to you see you bottle up your pain. Denying that you were even hurt. He knew how those situations went. He hung in his head let out a sigh of dismay. Making you acknowledge that you were hurt was a challenge. Making your walls break down was another. He squinted his eyes at the sight of the photo frame peeking from underneath of the coffee table, picking the object to examine it. He let out a small scoff, a smile crawling on his lips. So you could look genuinely happy and carefree. There wasn’t always that wall. A small thought crept into his mind. Could he make you that way? That happy? The way that this man did? The man who you allowed to hold you so tightly? So close? That you allowed to protect you.

“Aish!” Himchan quickly tossed the frame on the coffee table at the sound of your hiss coming from the kitchen.

“Are you okay?” Himchan’s eyes went wide at the sight of boiling water splattered across your tile your floor. You squatted down, clinging onto your hand.

“I’m fine.” You didn’t look at him. Only holding onto your trembling, bright red hand.

“Y/N.” Himchan began clenching his fist, his face growing stern. He hated seeing you like this. What did you want to prove? Did it even matter? You were hurt. You needed help whether you wanted it or not. It hurt him to see you like this.

“I’m fine!” You shouted. You didn’t know if it was the pain from the burning liquid scorching your skin. Or the continuous thoughts and memories of that man’s breath, touch, and voice that haunted your mind that burned you. You tried to forget. Bury deep within you. Ignore the self-hatred and disgust you felt. But the more you tried to forget the more you would remember. The more you would lose your mind.

“No you’re not.” Himchan growled as he pulled you from the ground, examining your injured hand. Your skin was bright red and stung like a thousand needles. Without another word Himchan, dragged you the kitchen sink, running your hand over cold water. You let out a small hiss at the sudden chill, in which invoked Himchan to reply with a muffled ‘Sorry.’

“It’s not as serious as it looks…” Your voice was barely above a whisper, feeling the tension that was rolling off of Himchan. You felt a tinge of guilt for making him worried about you. You were a grown woman, but in this moment you were acting like a child.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Himchan let out a sigh, gently turning your hand so that other burnt areas could be soothed by the cool liquid.

“What do you mean?” You looked up at Himchan, but the moment your eyes met his you immediately. Himchan was perceptive. You knew that the second he looked into your eyes he would see all the fears and insecurities that you bottled up pour out.

“Why are you trying to torture yourself like this?” You could feel his grip on your wrist tighten. “You’ve been hurt. Why won’t you let someone help you? Why won’t you let me help you…” He turned off the cool water, leaving only unbearable silence left in the room.

“I can’t…” You mumbled as you clenched your fist. Himchan’s eyes softened at your words as he led you to the living room, sitting you down on the couch and gently blowing on your hand to quicken the drying process. You couldn’t help, but look at Himchan with some sort of affection. It had been a long time that you’ve felt this cared for.

“You can’t shoulder it all on your own,” Himchan looked up at you as he continued to blow, finally making eye contact with you. “You can’t let all those emotions be bottled up like that.”

“I can’t break,” You began to chew your bottom lip. “The moment I break is the moment I lose and have to accept that….” You could feel tears well up in your eyes as you picked up the photo that rested on the coffee table. “That I haven’t changed from that time….that I’m still weak.” You could feel hot warm tears fall down your cheek.

“You’re not weak and you know that…” Himchan gently wiped the warm, salty droplets that stained your beautiful face.

“I’m a liability…t I almost got you guys killed….” You growled at yourself. Frustrated at your shortcomings. “I lost him….” You set the picture frame down as hot warm tears stream down your face, only causing you to growl at yourself for showing such weakness.

“Change doesn’t have to happen immediately,” Himchan gently petted your head, allowing his fingers to run through your hair. The action was soothing to you, comforting. It felt like home. “And it definitely doesn’t have to be done alone,” A small inkling of a smile traced your lips as Himchan picked himself off the couch. “You have antibacterial cream?”

“Uh yeah, it’s in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom.” You pointed towards the bathroom at the beginning of the hallway. Himchan entered your bathroom. The clattering of tubes, bath supplies, and such could be heard from the living room. Once he came back out of the bathroom with the cream he plopped down beside you.

“Hand,” He put his hand out and you obediently placed your hand in his. He let out a small scoff and a smirk appeared on his face. “How obedient, maybe you should burn yourself more often.”

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. “Don’t get used to it.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” He flashed you a devilish smirk before gently rubbing the cream on your hand, avoiding any unnecessary contact that would hurt you. “There. Don’t want that pretty skin of yours to be marred.” He gently placed the pressure patch on your hand.

“You really are a mom.” You let out a small chuckle, causing Himchan to shoot you a glare.

“This is the last time I’m helping you out.” Though he was glaring out you, he felt a weight off his chest at the sound of your laughter. You were laughing. Healing. Hell if he’d have to be the of your teasing. Be the mom. Then that was fine. As long as you were fine.

“Thank you…” You gave him a small genuine smile. “For everything…”

“Your welcome,” He flashed you a smile, gently ruffling your hair. “Just know that you have a support system for you. Hell I’ll even be a mom for you if it means that you’ll take care of yourself.”

“Are you going to dress in drag for me then?” A small chuckle escaped your lips at the possible proposition.

“Sure and you can call me Chansukkie while you’re at it.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes then flashing you a smile.  

The moment your eyes made contact with his it seemed that time had stopped. The two of you stared at each other for a few moments. Your bodies unconsciously moving closer to one another. It felt as if your mind had left your body as you were leaning in closer to him. Closer until you felt your lips against his. At first the kiss was slow, cautious, as if he was afraid he was going to break you. But when you his lower lip, assuring him that you were fine, there was no holding back. Himchan gripped your waist tightly, deepening the kiss, allowing his hands to run up and down your sides. You wrapped your arms around his neck, wary about your injured hand. He placed one hand gently at the back of your head, pulling you closer to him. Your taste. Your touch. He was intoxicated by it. By this beautiful poison. The two of you fell onto the couch, Himchan on top of you as the two of you continued to make out. His kisses soon left your lips, trailing down to your neck where he found a particular spot that made you jolt. He was losing it. His sanity. His reason. He just wanted you. Show you how much you were cared for.

“Himchan.” You moaned his name in a breathy fashion.

At the sound of his name, he froze. His sense slowly coming back to him. His eyes went wide for a moment as he realized what he was doing. He had screwed up. He wanted to show you that you were cared for, but not like this. You were vulnerable and needed comfort and support…not this. He didn’t want this. Not like this anyways. Not when you were desperate and broken. Too hazed by emotions and exhaustion to think properly. He quickly sprawled off you. Cursing at himself. Mumbling curses and scoldings to himself. You looked at him confused. Not knowing that inner turmoil he was facing. You sat up and attempted to reach out towards him, but he flinched away at your attempt.

“Himchan…are you okay?” You just watched him. His frustration that seemed to be boiling over.

“I’m fine…I…” He scratched the back of his head vigorously, still spouting curses at himself. “I have to go…” He immediately got up from the couch, heading towards the door.

“Himchan, what happened….” You realized that what had just occurred may have seemed like a moment of weakness, a moment of vulnerability that required comfort. “This…I mean it’s not what you think. I mean….” You chewed your bottom lip, realizing your foolish actions. “I’m sorry…”

“There is nothing for you to apologize for…” You could see his fist tightening. “I have to go…” His voice was barely above a whisper as he quickly exited your apartment, closing the door with a click.

You let out a sigh. A groan. A small part of you felt that it was real. That you wanted this moment with Himchan. Another part of you felt that you were using him. To provide you comfort and support that you hadn’t had in quite a while. You didn’t know which it was and it was unfair for him. “What the hell did you do Y/N?” You hit your forehead with the bottom of your palm. “You weren’t even freakin drunk!? How are you going to even explain to him???” You threw your head back against the couch, letting out a groan.

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