Yongguk’s eyes went wide for a moment when he saw the barrel of a police issued glock pointing at his chest. That expression of shock soon transformed into empathy. Your eyes were puffy, your hair a bit haggard, and the slight tremble in your hands as you held the gun made it clear to him. You were not okay. Despite your protest and objection. You weren’t fine. Not at all. “I thought you might need some company…”

“I don’t mind being alone…” You looked away, lowering your gun. You knew why he was here. To check on you. See if you had gone bonkers yet. Or crying a storm. But you wouldn’t allow it. Allow yourself a chance of vulnerability. Of comfort.

“Now you’re starting to sound like me…” He let out a low chuckle, attempting to break the tension.

“What are you doing here, Yongguk?” You tired of beating around the bush. The longer he was here the higher the chance that he may see your facade. Your act. Your play of being this strong, badass bar owner would end. Only to reveal a lone fragile girl on the stage.

“Can I come in?” You bit your lip at his request. If you said no, would he still enter? If you said yes, how long could you keep the facade?

“And if I say no?” You raised an eyebrow, eyeing him without facing him. A small glimpse of a gummy smile revealed on his lips. At least you still had that spark in you. You hadn’t fallen into the dark abyss yet.

“Then I’ll just have to force my way in.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, leaning his tall figure against the door frame.

You scoffed entering your living room and tossing the glock on the couch. Yongguk took that as an invitation to your apartment and entered the living room. Eyeing the surroundings. The broken glass on the floor was a clear sign that this front you were giving was breaking down on you. It was only a matter of time till it completely crumbled in your hands.

“So what do you want?” You crossed your arms across your chest, tapping your foot impatiently.

“To see if you’re okay…” He bent down, picking up the photo frame that peaked out from under the coffee table. “And from the looks of it you’re not.” He stared at the picture. The contrast of the you then and now. The happiness and love you felt to the pain and suffering you were feeling. A small pang went through his heart. What could have happened to you that ripped this innocence and bliss away from you? Who took you away from this wonderful fantasy and left you in a nightmare? Where was this man who had let you fall into this shell that stood before him?  

“I’m fine.” You growled, snatching the picture from his hand, placing the frame on the kitchen counter.

“No you’re not.” Yongguk eyed your actions. The more you were digging your nails into your skin. The more you avoided his eye contact. The more he was convinced that if he didn’t come, you would be breaking down alone.

“Oh so you’re a shrink now?” You scoffed, grabbing a bottle of vodka that was resting on your kitchen counter and taking a swig.

“No, but I can tell when someone feels broken.” He glared at your actions. Drinking your sorrows away was not the option. He knew what it felt like to live in self-denial. Praying that pain and suffering was all a nightmare. A figment of one’s imagination. And he knew that once those fantasy and delusions were broken, reality would hurt so much that every nerve in one’s would scream. He didn’t want that to happen to you. He didn’t want it to be too late for you.

“Well I’m not. No matter what you think.” You sneered, downing more of the bitter liquid.

“Stop that.” He growled, coming up to and gripping your wrist tightly. Stopping your drinking binge. He quickly removed the bottle from your hand, placing it on the kitchen counter.

“Or what? You’re gonna burn me?” You raised a brow. A small part of you was screaming at yourself. Calling yourself an idiot. A child throwing a tantrum. You didn’t like it one bit. You hated your immaturity. You hated Yongguk’s maturity. You hated everything and everyone in this moment. But most of all you hated yourself.  

“You’re hurting, Y/N. Let me help you,” His eyes softening, seeing you so broken. So desperate for any form of mental release. “At least talk to me.”

“I told you I’m fine and I don’t need help.” You growled attempting to rip your wrist out of his grasp, but he only tightened his hold on you. He refused to let you go.

“You help those girls. Bring them back from the darkness,” He grabbed your other wrist so that you would quit struggling. “Why won’t you let anyone help you?” He looked into your eyes, almost pleading for you to allow someone to help you. If not him then anyone. Seeing your empty and dead like this. It made him frustrated. Hurt him. A small part of him knew that you weren’t meant for this world. You were too kind. Too tender-hearted. Despite being badass. But if he acknowledge it. Tell you to leave this world. For your own sake….well then he knew he would never see you again.

“Then help me….” Your voice was barely above a whisper. Tears began to well in your eyes as you bit your lower lip angrily. You hated feeling like this. But that man’s breathe. His touch. His voice. That burned you and left scars. Scars that you don’t know if they will ever fade. “Burn his touch away, his voice, his everything…” You looked up at Yongguk almost hysterical as you pulled the lighter from his pocket. “Just burn me…” Hot warm tears poured from your eyes. The alcohol had kicked in. Your walls that you were built were crumbling right before you.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Yongguk’s eyes soften, his grip on your wrist loosening as he removed the lighter from your hand and placing it back into pocket. He could almost feel the pain and sorrow you were feeling emanating from you.

“Please, just anything… make his touch disappear from me…” You gripped onto his shirt, pleading him. You just wanted the memory to go away. Burn. Disintegrate. “Burn a new memory for me…”  Yongguk stared at you confused, flabbergasted, hurt. He extended his arms towards you. A small bubble of relief seemed to brew in your stomach. Maybe you would finally get the escape you had wanted.

Yongguk pulled you into a tight embrace. Your eyes going wide at the sudden warmth and comfort that was surrounding you. Holding your frame. Yongguk gripped you tightly, refusing to let you go despite your squirming. You could hear his heartbeat against your ear. It was rapid. Beating heavily against his chest. “You don’t need to hurt yourself like this….” His low deep voice permeated throughout your ear. Your grip on his shirt tighten at his words.

“I deserve it…” Your voice seemed thin like a sheet of ice. Soft and fragile like a cloud. “I was weak. I almost got you guys killed because of my stupid mistake….I couldn’t save myself….how can I protect the girls…They must be so disappointed in me…” Your salty tears stained the front of his shirt, but he paid no heed. He simply petted your head, taking in all your words.

“You know that they aren’t…” He nuzzled you closer to him. It was as if he was cradling a kitten or a newborn child. He wanted to you to feel comfort and warmth. To feel affection and support.

“They should be…” Yongguk’s eyebrows furrowed at your words and for a brief moment he separated himself from you, cupping your face in his grasp.

“I want you to listen to me,” He flashed you a small sad smile as he wiped your tears away with his thumb. “You went through a traumatic experience. There is nothing wrong if you feel scared or weak,” A faint gummy appeared on his lips. “Despite what you might say, you are human. You don’t have to be perfect,” He rested his forehead gently against yours. “And those girls. They love you no matter what. Whether you’re strong, weak, helpless, useless. It doesn’t matter. You accepted them. Loved them. You didn’t abandon them. That’s what matters.”

A small silence filled the air shortly after Yongguk’s words. You didn’t know if it was because you were beginning to sober up a bit or perhaps his words provided you a new perspective, a new light, but you felt your hysteria begin to fade. Your sanity began to seep back in. Your radical emotions coming to a lull. You couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle as you nuzzled closer into Yongguk’s chest.

“I was right about you, you’re more of a gummy bear than a grizzly bear…” You could hear Yongguk’s low scoff, feel the vibrations of his chest.

“I see that my words have finally reached you…” He continued to pet the back of your head. The soothing motion made you feel at ease. You looked up into his eyes, your chin resting on his chest. A gummy smile began to spread across his face. His smile soothed you as if the weight of the world had disappeared at the sight of his smile. “And I am not a gummy bear.” He pinched your nose lightly.

“Right~” You smiled at him. You could feel something brew in the bottom of your stomach. Something dangerous. Something that may endanger this frail bond you had with him. But your body paid no heed as to what your mind was warning you. You reached up towards his face, cupping his face within your soft grasp. Lowering it towards yours so that your lips were only separated by a sliver of air. “You are much sweeter.” You placed your lips against his.

Yongguk stiffened at your touch. Your contact. He knew this wasn’t right. He knew he should not be doing this. You were in a weak and vulnerable state. You weren’t thinking straight. And this. This may become something that both you and him regretted. But his logic was disintegrating in the flames of emotions. His grip around your frame tightened as he fell into the kiss. Your soft lips against his. It was sparking a flame inside him. A flame that would grow into a wildfire if it wasn’t watched. You easily slid your tongue inside his mouth, tasting him. He was sweet as you expected. You could feel him tense up at your actions, hesitant. It was if he was afraid that what he was doing was wrong. That he shouldn’t be doing this. That you would shatter under his touch. You assured him that you wouldn’t. You on his tongue, telling him, pleading him to taste you as you had tasted him.

He explored every nook and cranny of your mouth, leaving no place untouched. You tasted like a familiar warmth. Like cinnamon. Like hot chocolate. He wanted to keep this taste forever in his mouth. He wanted more. He wanted all of you. He didn’t want just a taste of you. His logic and maturity was fading. Lost in the fog of lust. His instincts were becoming more primal, more needy. He wanted it, you wanted it. Both of you losing your senses in each other. Both of you knowing it was wrong, but didn’t stop. You wanted to make those horrid memories burn. Replace with something sweeter. Something warmer.

You gently grabbed his hand, guiding it under your sweater. You could feel Yongguk tense as his fingers grazed over the warmth of your skin, his hand attempting to reel back as if it had just touched hot coal. You didn’t falter, however, and continued to guide his hand up to your . His shoulders seemed to rise up a bit in shock. You weren’t wearing a bra. “Yongguk…make me forget…replace his touch.” Your words were breathy, scorching.

This was too much, too soon. Yongguk immediately broke the heated kiss and separated from you. You stared at him confused and shocked. You could feel your heart crumble when you looked into his eyes. Hurt. Sadness. Shame. You made this emotions flash into the eyes of this supposed cold-hearted gangster. You had tried to use him. “You’re not in your right mind right now…” His words were light, almost ghost-like.

“Yongguk. What I said…you know I didn’t mean it in that way…” You wanted to plead for his understanding. You wanted to assure him that you weren’t just simply a way to release pain. You weren’t trying to use him. That wasn’t your intention, at least.

He flashed you a sad gummy smile. He was more mad and hurt at himself than with you. He knew better. You were in a state that needed support and comfort, and he exploited it. He didn’t stop himself. He was furious at his own immaturity. “I know…” He ruffled your hair, assuring you that he was not mad at you. “It’s just….this isn’t the right time…” He let out a low chuckle. He placed a chaste kiss on your forehead before heading towards the door.

You leaned against the wall, running your hands down your face. You screwed up. You knew better. What were you? Some animal in the heat? You should have had better self control, better senses than that. You gently banged the back of your head against the wall. “What is wrong with me…”

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