Notes : A story about moving on. SoonSol. Soonyoung's version. Accompanying the last story, you will see what truly happened with SoonSol’s relationship.

Song #8

Heaven - Shinhwa

Falling Without You

Falling Without You

A long sigh and a short greeting

Is all that my ineptness leaves

I let go of your hand but can’t say it

Can’t say it Bye

Soonyoung thought that his decision was right. That's what running hazardously around his mind when he stood with Hansol outside the café.

His hands held Hansol's which clutched tightly onto his. After what happened inside the café, after his lame excuse of breakup, Soonyoung didn't know why he held the other's hands like this. Loose enough to let go, but tight enough to not let go.

If any passersby saw them, they would think that the two were on a date and they look so cute with each other. Yet the sad expression on both faces and how they look at each other, told another story.

It was one nasty break up he gave to Hansol, Soonyoung admitted it and that's why he look away from the younger’s gaze, didn't want to see the lack of sparkle in Hansol's eyes. Unconsciously, he tightened his hands, not wanting to let go the hands of his beloved person who had been staying by his side during the expanse of seven years, as if he wanted to bring back those sparkle he loved to see in Hansol's eyes.

But he couldn't. He had just walked away from their relationship and this time, he had to walk away from Hansol. Turning his gaze back to Hansol who had darted his gaze away. Soonyoung looked down at their joined hands.

“Hyung..” Hansol called painfully and Soonyoung felt like something inside him withered.

He didn't remember why they were holding each other's hand or who started it, but this time, after hearing Hansol calling him, his heart started throbbing faster and his hands tightened his grip even more under the late realization that it would be his last time to hold and be with Hansol, like this .

Gritting his teeth, he knew his time with Hansol was up. Loosening his hold, he let go of Hansol's hands and left the spot without a word.

Under the gloomy sky of that Sunday, Soonyoung wondered why rain only poured on his face.

I know that everything you say

Is to make our memories hateful

I have to hate you, I have to let you go

To get past the breakup

A week after that break up, Soonyoung heard someone rang the bell to his apartment. Soonyoung almost got his hope high at the thought of Hansol coming, as he usually invited no one over to his apartment beside Hansol. Yet when he saw Seungkwan was the one who stood outside his door with his annoyed face, Soonyoung could only expected nothing beside Seungkwan’s harsh words.

Opening the door with unsure smile, Soonyoung greeted the younger who without any greeting started his ranting.

“I can't believe you do that to him! I thought you are.. No, were good man. But you did this to him? Without reason? How could you do this? Don't you remember that I left Hansol in your care when you two started dating? I believed in you! Both me and Hansol believed in you! But what have you done? Ruining him? You are…”

“I have my reason!” Soonyoung shouted at Seungkwan and that instantly cut Seungkwan's ranting off. Seungkwan is Hansol's best friend and was the polar opposite of Hansol which supported Hansol in what Hansol lacked while Hansol supported Seungkwan in what the other lacked. Seungkwan was the first wall Soonyoung had to break through when he tried to date Hansol and that's just show how close Seungkwan was to Hansol, his now ex-boyfriend.

Soonyoung wasn't surprised that the other gave him a visit to talk to him, with Seungkwan had been sending him cursing messages since the Sunday before, but he was surprised that it took a week before Seungkwan coming, Soonyoung got worried if the break up went too harsh for Hansol.

“I have my reason.” Soonyoung said again when Seungkwan was still stunned by his outburst. “You know that, because Hansol has probably told you everything.”

Frowning, Seungkwan threw an annoyed glare at Soonyoung who dared to cut his words. “That reason is not legitimate enough to right your wrong doing! You could have done something about it!”

Feeling so mad at the stress Seungkwan had put him under with his presence, Soonyoung couldn't stop another outburst. “Do you think I would had done that if I could stop it?”

This time, instead of put in silence, Seungkwan said back. “Do you think that kind of lame reason will keep you out of this mess? You're just not trying hard enough! You're Kwon Soonyoung! Why can't you do that?!”

When Soonyoung didn't reply out of both anger and stress, Seungkwan continued with softer voice but still sharp enough to slit his throat.

“Whatever. I'm here to send you this.” Seungkwan said pointing at the box on the floor between them. “This is your belongings in Hansol's apartment. Today he did some cleaning and found all of these.”

“Hansol said that you don't have to send his things back to him. You can keep it or throw it away if you want.” When Soonyoung who had been looking at the box didn't respond, Seungkwan continued as he gave a key to Soonyoung. “This is the spare key to your apartment. And Hansol wants his apartment’s spare key which you hold, back to him.”

Looking up from the box, Soonyoung thought about the amount of Hansol's belonging in his apartment before he looked at the key chain on the table near the door. He took out Hansol's key among several keys he possessed before giving it reluctantly to Seungkwan who swiped it fast from his hold.

They didn't say anything after that as Seungkwan looked at Soonyoung with disappointment. “I don't know why you decided this to happen or how you came into this decision. But whatever it is, I don't think that it's worth to make Hansol cry.” After saying that, Seungkwan left him with the box.

Things don’t go the way it’s said

I can’t hate you

My feelings walk, walk and walk

However much I walk, I end up turning back

My sight is filled with you from that moment

Like that moment

As the days and weeks went by, Soonyoung did his best to continue his life and accepted his own decision. He took his time to go back to his family and talked about the engagement and marriage his family had been planning since year ago without even telling him.

Following their demand, Soonyoung did what he had to do, meeting the young woman 3 years younger than him whom his parents had chosen for him. She was a beauty from a good family, one his parents would approve of without much fuss.

It was his fault that he hadn't yet tell his parent about Hansol, despite him already dating the younger for four years after three good years spent to learn about each other. Because of him, all those seven years got wasted and all he got was the scene of Hansol crying in front of him who couldn't do anything to stop it.

“Soonyoung-ssi?” The woman called his name, and Soonyoung looked up to a very confused face that he wondered how many times she had called his name.

“I'm sorry.. I..I suddenly remember about my work..” He lied a bit stuttered, cursing himself for thinking back about Hansol when he was supposed to meet his soon to be wife.

She frowned and Soonyoung bit his lips, afraid that she saw through his lie. But instead, she asked worriedly. “Is there something bad happening in your work? You look like as if..” She paused, before continuing unsurely. “As if everything about to crumble down on you.”

Falling Without You

Falling Without You (All alone)

Falling Without You

Falling Without You (Look back)

It doesn’t turn out as said, my feelings, everything

Even if I crazily want to turn back

I can’t let it go

My feelings can’t leave

We were happy, weren’t we

Soonyoung had just had finished his a week worth of works when his phone rang out loudly in a melody he hadn't heard for a year.

Hansol, his tired mind supplied fast yet his consciousness wasn't ready to receive it yet as if his mind playing a trick on him. He took some seconds of staring at his phone before he knew for sure that his phone was really ringing a tone he had specifically put as Hansol's personalized ringtone years ago.

Reading Hansol’s nickname on the screen of his phone, Soonyoung immediately reached out his hand and answered the phone. “Hello?”

He heard a sigh from the other side and Soonyoung couldn't calm his drumming heart. He couldn't believe that Hansol still wanted to call him, and he partially pitied himself for not able to delete Hansol's number from his phone. And he never knew how much he wanted to hear Hansol's voice again until he felt extra relieved when he heard Hansol calling him. “Hyung..?”

Swallowing the nervous lump in his throat, he called back. “Hansol?”

“Uum yeah..” Hansol said unsurely. “It’s been awhile.”

“Yeah it is..” Not knowing what else to say, he asked. “How are you?”

The sudden phone call made Soonyoung feeling restless that his mind gone blank as he talked with Hansol over the phone. Blurting out almost remoted replies, the elder was shocked when Hansol's word registered into his mind. “I will be in front of your apartment in an hour.”

Feelings of care and determined words

Are all that my pride has left

I hold your hands but what I couldn’t say

What I couldn’t say, stay

During the hour of waiting for Hansol to come, Soonyoung prepared himself to meet Hansol again, planning out what he was going to do and say to the other. When he thought that he was ready, his confidence cracked because of the ring of his doorbell.

Hansol didn't change much, Soonyoung noted when he saw Hansol into his apartment. The younger was still as polite and timid as ever and if there was anything changing in Hansol, it was the nervousness the other showed when he sat on the sofa. Before, Hansol would stroll into his apartment with ease pace and walking around as if he had lived and belonged there for a long time. Yet comparing to this Hansol, Soonyoung felt like he was on his starting p