Song #4

As If I'm in Love (恋のような) by Yonezawa Madoka (米澤 円)

Chan looked at the other boy in front of him carefully, his narrowed eyes assessing the other’s look, summing up how handsome the upperclassman was.

His eyes trained on his hand which brought cup of coffee to his mouth, and Chan couldn't help but gulped down his nerves at how mature the other looked when sipping the bitter liquid; his eyebrows furrowed close when the -in Chan’s opinion, way too hot- liquid spilled onto his tongue, and how the corner of his lips quirked up seemingly delighted by the dark colored drink. Glancing down at his own coffee cup, still as full as when the waitress brought their orders minutes ago, Chan mentally slapped himself for ordering said beverage.

Looking up again at his upperclassman who was still completely enticed by the coffee, Chan asked himself why he asked the other to meet him in the first place. If there was no one around him, Chan was so sure that he might bang his head on the table.

‘This is stupid.’ Chan told himself as he felt the sudden rage he had an hour ago had cooled down and turned into a small crackling fire of embarrassment. “I'm so stupid.” the younger didn't realize that he had said it out loud until Hansol responded

“I thought so too.”

“Eh? What?” Chan glanced back at Hansol and his face didn't show any other expression beside baffled.

Laughing at that, Hansol grinned at him and said. “You have to see yourself just now.” The half American boy continued laughing for a little more while Chan only stared a bit bashfully at the laughing upperclassman.

“You don't have to laugh like that, do you?” Chan grumbled, but he didn't deny how funny his face might look just then. It’s just not his luck that he didn’t have face which look like a celebrity, he thought to himself as he stealthily look at Hansol from behind his cup of coffee which he feigned drinking from.

The younger admitted, that his sunbae got the look which could make all the ladies swoon at the mere sight of him, sharp facial expression which complimented his sculpted like face and captivating smile which often showed up on his face.

Hansol was so different compared to him. He was shorter than the other, well not that short, and he believed that he would eventually grow taller in matter of time. And he wasn't as smart as this sunbae who spoke English fluently, well Hansol was born in America, it's just his privilege to be able to speak English effortlessly.

Numerous traits between him and Hansol clashed for competition and Chan found himself not able to stand over the older boy. He was so minor compared to Hansol and Chan couldn't help but admitted to his lost.

“Sunbae..” “Chan,”

They called at the same time, looking at each other before laughter bursting out from their mouth, finding it funny rather awkward.

“What do you want to say?” Hansol asked him, still laughing about their timely call to each other.

Trying to stop his laugh but failed, Chan responded between his laugh. “You go first.. I can't ...stop laughing yet.”

“Same.” Hansol replied then laughed even more along with the younger.

The color, the clothes we pick are completely different, even our personality

But, not knowing why, our point that make other laugh and the person we love are the same

Hansol was dating Chan's best friend and he made her upset. Chan thought, when he remembered what caused this meeting between him and Hansol.

This situation was really unsettling to Chan. There was this girl who was Chan’s best friend whom also the person Chan had been in love with since long ago. Long before they joined high school and Chan was hurt when she didn't look at him and him from the sideline could only watch her fell in love with Hansol, their senior.

It pained him so much whenever his friend talked about Hansol that he barely registered anything she said about him. And when she informed him that she was then dating the senior, Chan could only smiled bitterly and chided her with their usual friendly banter.

It's been some weeks from that confession and the start of their dating. Chan was still sour about it and he did his best to camouflage it by acting like his usual self around her and all of their friends. And then, one evening -the day before-, the trouble started.

It's not that he wanted to involve himself in the matter between his best friend and her boyfriend. But the girl came to him some days ago, crying and endlessly complaining -yes, complain she did- about her boyfriend not caring about her. In his right mind, him wanting to take care of her as best friend weighed out the idea of him wanting to take her from Hansol. And thus why he ended up in this -suddenly felt so- awkward situation.

Chan had been so mad at Hansol when he confronted him earlier that day. Yet, the walk from school to the nearby cafe -Hansol’s idea- and the waiting time until their coffee to arrive on their table had evaporated the younger’s madness from inside his mind that the only thing left behind was confusion, and also realization.

Mentally palming his face, Chan's internally shouted at himself, asking why he did it in the first place. Chan found himself being laughed at by Hansol when he suddenly blurted out his thought. And ironically that's what brought him to this awkward-turn-comfortable talk with his senior.

“I'm sorry about it.. I've been busy with my hyungs in our club that I often hang up on her.” Hansol said gently, and for the first time Chan could witness his smile from up close which was directed to him as the older informing him about his side of the story.

“I shouldn't let her antagonize you in her storytelling, too.” Chan said with some laughter still lingered in his words. “I have been friend with her for long enough and I should have known that what she said about you being insensitive was probably her being -you know- extra.”

As the time flew, they continued to talk and not surprisingly, their topic fleet from the girl to each other's life.

From the other side, Hansol was looking at Chan. The younger boy was telling him about a dance group which he joined as soon as the school started, after he heard him talking about his own group of rapper which he made with his hyungs last year which also was the reason why he had been so distant with his girlfriend.

He  listened to Chan talking about the senior in the dance group whom Hansol also knew about. The third year Chinese exchange student and two seniors who had graduated and also friend with one of his hyung in his group.

Chan was one funny guy, almost as fun as Hansol's best friend, Seungkwan. And the similarity of them two made his actual shy and a bit introverted self to to enjoy the younger company.

Then one time, as he took another sip of his coffee, he noticed that the cup of coffee in front of Chan was still full. “Your coffee?” Hansol said, cutting Chan's story to a short break as the younger looked at the dark liquid.

“Oh right..” There was uncertainty in Chan's word that Hansol had to raise his eyebrow. He kept his eyes on the youngest and he came to realization when he saw the expression on Chan's face. “Oh my gosh.” He exclaimed amusedly with wide grin. “You don't like coffee?”

You drank coffee to act as adult

Your face when you couldn’t stand the bitterness was funny

Hansol chuckled softly whenever he looked at coffee, his thought flew back to several days ago when he first actually meeting and talking with Chan. The younger had showed him that despite his personal huge love toward the bitter tasted beverage, there was other people who just hate coffee with all of their being.

Staring at the cup of -this time- coffee latte with caramel topping, Hansol looked at the entrance of the coffee shop with expectation. He was waiting for Chan to meet him in the café and they could hang out afterwards.

That one meeting, somehow left deep impression on him about Lee Chan. He started to mention him in his conversation with his girlfriend or Seungkwan, or sometimes with his hyungs saying that the dancer was interested in rap too. And numerously, he often thought about the younger when he was in certain situation, like if Chan was here he