A story about moving on. To be exact, Hansol's memories about how he dealt with his break up with Soonyoung.

I know that I'm not supposed to make this story after SoonSol story I posted last time. But, this idea is from my sister whom also had suggested ‘At the End’ to me, and her bias is Soonyoung, so...

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Song #7

Nothing But Sunlight - Standing Egg

With eyes closed I shrank back

And the memory in my heart collapses

The time I grasped

Disappeared like a ray of light

“Let's break up.” the words stung Hansol so hurt that he could barely breathing right. As he slowly looked up at the male sitting across him, he could feel a lump choked him when he tried to respond to what Soonyoung told him.

Soonyoung's eyes weren't meeting him because the older was looking at his own hands on the table and Hansol could only follow him as he too looked down at his own fists on his lap which were clenching the hem of oversized light gray hoodie which belonged to Soonyoung.

The unbearable silent felt like clenching around Hansol so tight and his brain made a fuzz as he tried to find the answer to the question which hanging high and big above his head. ‘Why?’

As if he could see the huge question mark on Hansol despite not looking at his direction, Soonyoung heaved a sigh and said. “We're too busy with our works and…” The other letting out another sigh before continuing. “I guess, we have grown apart.”

“Can we…” Hansol started, head tilted up slightly but still looking at his own lap, not brave enough to look at Soonyoung. His words were held back by his heart, he couldn't speak it out without being too emotional. It was too much for him at that time.

“Hansol.” Soonyoung called, and when Hansol looked up at him after some seconds refusing to do so, he dropped his words. Instead, he leaned forward, hand reaching toward Hansol’s cheek.

The other could only stared back at Soonyoung as he felt the other's hand brushed his dark brown hair from his cheek and tucked it behind his ear. A bitter thought made Hansol inched away from Soonyoung's hand and on impulse he brought his hand up and grasped the other's hand. “Hyung.”

Hansol looked at Soonyoung, fingers clenched around his boyfriend’s hand and he tightened his grip when Soonyoung looked down avoiding his stare.

~~~

Hansol woke up startled with sharp panicked inhale. He sat up abruptly on his bed and the fast hurting beat of his heart as the effect of his not so pleasant dream lingered heavily with him for some more minutes after his wake before it subsided into a rather calmer pace.

The young man curled his fingers among his lock of blond hair as he folded his legs and bended slightly forward over his pool of comforter. He could feel the unwanted liquid seeped from behind his eyelids and trailing down his cheek before absorbed by his light blue blanket where they fell onto.

Small sniffles filled the dark space of his bedroom as he stayed in that position with his shoulders shook with the vibration prompted by how hard he was trying to contain himself from crying out loud.

“Soonyoung hyung.” He called the name of his past boyfriend with his almost silent cry muffled by his hands cupping his face. The once smooth rolling name now trailed bitter taste along the spine of his tongue as it left his lips and Hansol felt another wave of ruining emotion created havoc inside his mind.

Can’t see, even with eyes open

When the sun starts to shine again

I walk in my memory with eyes closed

After an hour full of salty tears stung his heart and mind, Hansol was left alone on his bed fully awake with puffy eyes staring up at the white high ceiling of his room. His thought running around the limited space as his mind still clutching tightly onto his memories of Soonyoung.

It was a moment happened around two-three years ago, where he laid on his bed in the middle of the night clutching onto the striped black and white shirt of Soonyoung after he was abruptly woken up by nightmare. He remembered, the elder woke up the moment he tried to snuggle closer to him and Soonyoung with his soft loving grin, cuddled him all night until he felt relaxed enough to go back to sleep.

There was also another moment when he couldn't go to work because he caught cold. His boyfriend came into his apartment all laugh and grin during his lunch break; getting him some foods, medicine and his much needed companion to rest through the sickness. Leaving back to work only to come again in the evening just to check on him despite he had told the elder that he had felt better, and Soonyoung scolded him saying that sick people had the right to be spoiled. That night, Soonyoung stayed the night, laying with his arms around Hansol.

And then when Hansol tried to learn cooking. Not all of the food turned good and he was disappointed because of that. But with Soonyoung's playful comment and encouraging words, he got himself practicing more to improve himself.

More sweet memories twirled, giving his consciousness a visit as they dropped ripples on the already chaotic surface of his ocean of emotion. Once again, Hansol closed his eyes and in that instant, he felt like he was back to square one, back to those times after Soonyoung left him.

Back to those time when he jolted awake in the middle of the night, hands grasping to the empty side of his bed searching for the no more existing presence of his boyfriend which he depended heavily on to fight his nightmare.

Back to those time his trembling finger hovered above Soonyoung's contact number which he still saved in his phone.

Back to when he unconsciously made food for two persons, taking two mugs for coffee, grocery shopping lot enough for two person when he was obviously living alone. And when he found himself, in the market holding onto particular thing he used to buy for Soonyoung only to place them back on the rack.

Back to when he cried alone with his blanket -in Soonyoung's favourite color- draped over his curled up form, clutching onto the last faint scent of Soonyoung on his bed.

Back to when he had to ask Seungkwan to dab concealer to hide the dark circle forming around his eyes because of the lack of sleep and continuous weeping.

Back to when he had to act like he was completely fine in front of his friends when he was lost and totally broken inside.

Back to when he tried to date someone just to erase Soonyoung from his memories only to have himself drunk and crying to Seungkwan how much he wanted to get back together with Soonyoung.

Nothing but sunlight with me anymore

Nothing but sunlight with me anymore

When small light started to knock onto the white curtain of his window, Hansol his side, leaving his back to face the empty cold space of his bed. The young man sighed into the air, glancing at the door to his closet as he thought back carefully about how he lived through the previous two years of his life after Soonyoung was not by his side anymore.

He remembered in the weekend after he drowned his break up under busy works, he sat unmoving in his living room staring emptily at the cream colored wall before standing up and started cleaning his apartment.

By the end of the day, he had gathered a box full of Soonyoung's things. Mugs, clothes, shoes, watch, anything his ex had brought and left in his apartment. He needed Seungkwan to deliver those things to Soonyoung, not wanting to meet him personally, along with the spare key to Soonyoung's apartment he had.

Once Seungkwan left his apartment with Soonyoung's belongings, Hansol sat on the floor of his living room. His apartment was still filled with lot of furniture and his own things, yet the lack of mini amount of Soonyoung’s presence which had been taken away made his apartment felt so empty as if Soonyoung had been taking most of the space of his life.

He felt lonely when there was only one person eating in the dining room, only one set of toiletries in his bathroom, only him alone to laugh at the comedy movie he watched in the weekend, only him to clean his apartment when before that, Soonyoung had always been there laughing bes