I'm tired. It is not easy to smile when you are not happy. I just want to find a place where I can pretend to be myself. I don't want to act strong anymore. I can’t really understand why my company always send me to do all the hard jobs that even a tenured employee can handle. This is exhausting the best of me and I know that I will surely come to a point where I’d suffer.

I’ve been to a lot of typhoon surges, earthquake stricken towns and even into buildings with blazing fires to do a live media update on every situation but what is this now that my superior passed to me? Are they really trying to get me killed or something? They wanted me to infiltrate a syndicate’s operation for an undercover job. It could have been a celebrity’s for a starter but I guess my path is always directed to walk on flames. 

All of my teammates – mistreat me since I am the youngest from our crowd. I needed to put up a brave soul to skip bullying but it is taking a toll on me lately. The stronger I stand, the harsher the unsolicited criticisms I receive.

This scoop is somewhat given to me by my boss because she will be out of the country for a while to attend a conference and I am here to also prove myself that I deserve this more than anyone else. I’ve been always in a hidden space beneath the shadows of my colleagues. I think being a rookie in this industry can be really hard as hell. I needed to master the art of wearing different masks when I deal with different people and my training ground inevitably expanded from my office itself.

I no longer have enough time to sleep or even grab a proper meal but it seems that I am the only one who they see all the time who had the luxury of chance to come up with a comprehensive lead. I will surely ask for a vacation after I get this one right. I know I deserve it.

"Are you sure you still want to do this? I can help you explain to our boss that they are still resisting to get interviewed. Just please don't do this. It is too risky." My camera man told me while clutching his phone on another hand. He is really backing out even before we can start. He’s a newbie.  My recent camera man resigned early this week because of this task alone.  This is how messed up my situation is; I have a coward for my aid and a thirst to just do my job quickly and perfectly.

It took me so many years to finally get this one shot of an opportunity as a journalist. My normal job assignments are based on disasters and accidents, but this one is different. It involves people’s schemes and secrecy. I was given a very hard case to handle and it will be a hot one since police investigations does not reflect so much information after the consecutive incidents of child trafficking happening in this city. I don’t know if I am being too greedy too when I accepted this. In reality, I am not sure if I should laugh or cry.

Maybe I'm already going crazy. But for me it's not acceptable to just give up. I also wanted to know what is behind this story - no, I need to know. This case got me intrigued to the extent that it pulled the roots of my motivation to secure the article until the end.

“You may stay here if you want. I can handle it on my own. Just wait for me here.”  I knew this will happen. It is okay, I am used to this already. I struggled already for 3 years on my assignments, this is nothing new. I opened my purse and activated the installed hidden camera inside it before I went off the car.

I am afraid but I need to face this alone from this point. There have been series of abduction on different orphanages in our city and all of which happened recently. As my boss told me, she has been investigating on this but she can’t find a substantial lead to expose the crime itself. She is always a step too late before the disappearance happens.  The evidences are so hard to obtain.

On her collected data, it turns out that before the capture happens there is always this odd visit from this set of influential people. The six pillars of different industries that are hiding themselves as prominent people are also a part of the underground society. They are often referred as the UNTOUCHABLE LEGENDS. There are clues about them but it is hard to link them because they always deny each other. It was easy because their professions are totally unrelated.

They are freely going in and out of the black market with no scratch or no stain from their sleeves, living their lives in luxury while spending too much on charities. Even the code-names given to them are names of gods which implies their capabilities as a part of the secret organization.

And here I am now – digging my own grave to ignite a possible way to get the truth directly from them. The letters that has been sent by our company has been declined so many times. Other media companies however gave up on them since it is really hard to set up a schedule that will match their demands. Before my boss went off, she handed me the article that was supposed to get published but I find it wrong to deliver it to the printing press since I know for a fact that it is all fabricated and are just based on assumptions with highly opinionated theories. I think she’s so desperate to get the spotlight.

I hate it that my passion will be driven by ambition. I loathed mediocre expression with erted conclusions. I need to know the truth. I want to stand for what I believe in and this is me being truthful to my pledge as responsible journalist.

I took a deep breath as I stared at my clear reflection on the tinted black glass door in front of me. I can’t even believe that it is me; the salon artist did a great job. My long hair was indeed offered as a sacrifice for this role that I will play today. It was chopped to an almost pixy cut style but thank God she suggested that I have the option to keep an apple cut instead. The back of my neck is bear and the way the length was divided on both sides to cover my ears is perfect. She even coloured it with a brownish red tint.

I can’t believe how my lipstick complimented perfectly with my smokey eye-shadow. It is also my first time today not to wear my glasses since I recently got the courage to undergo lasik eye treatment. It is all thanks to my boss who nagged me about it and loaned me some money to get my cornea fixed permanently.  Media people should build great impression she said. I have kept this little black dress in my closet for so long and at last I found the best time to wear it. Now, I look like a legit elitist to enter this highly sophisticated bar where my target operates his cloudy agenda.

I twisted the door knob quickly and walked confidently with fast strides. It was at that moment when reality snapped to me, my body was unable to deal with my sudden change of height that caused me to lose my balance after wearing a shoes with four inches stiletto heels and – with all my misfortunes on this mission, my skirt was caught up at the doors edge when it shut itself.

I slipped in a flash and I closed my eyes tightly as I fall. It is too much. It is the most humiliating time of my life.