NINE

It had been awhile since they'd gone back to Korea, but Jinyoung's parents were missing their grandchildren and it was time for a summer trip. Lou even came back from North Carolina for the first time in awhile so he could go with them—he was a busy man now, serving as the pit chief to Kit's budding racing career, but he had just enough time to take a short vacation with his family before heading back to work.

Jinyoung's parents still lived in the same old house in Yangpyeong, but this time the Tuans secured a nearby hotel so they wouldn't be sleeping on the floor every night and Ginger and Lou wouldn't have to share a bed. It was a cozy place, and if the proprietors had any confusion about their very blended looking family (and the lack of an adult woman to accompany it), they kept their thoughts to themselves.

After they'd dropped their things at the hotel, they went straight to the house in the countryside. The Parks were naturally overjoyed to see their grandchildren. “You grow so much,” Mrs. Park said, wrapping Lou into a bear hug. “So handsome! And muscles!” Mr. Park swung Ginger around in his arms, smiling at her happy giggles.

They sat out on the lawn drinking sweet tea as they shared their news. To avoid another outburst incident like with Allison's parents, Jinyoung had told them about Lou and Kit being more than just racing teammates ahead of time so they wouldn't be shocked if they heard about it some other way. Not that they weren't shocked when Jinyoung told them (“Does it run in families?” his father had asked him. “Is he copying off of you?”), but with a little patient explaining on Jinyoung's side and assurances that Kit was a good guy and was taking good care of Lou in North Carlonia, they finally let it go with a shrug. “If he's happy like you are happy, it's fine,” Mrs. Park had eventually said to Jinyoung over the phone. “But make sure he also adopts a baby. We want to be great-grandparents.”

Ginger told them about her dance classes, and they asked her to give a demonstration. They were almost beside themselves with delight when she did, accompanying herself with an upbeat Bollywood love song, sung in competent Hindi. “So pretty!” Mrs. Park, beamed. “Like model.” Mr. Park couldn't stop clapping. “We teach you traditional dancing here! Buy you hanbok and fans and let you dance for neighborhood!”

It was yet another thing Mark was grateful for. Jinyoung had told him that there were sometimes stigmas about Southeast Asians in Korea—“It's a looks-concerned country, and the standard is pretty narrow,” he'd explained. But the Parks had nothing but pride for their granddaughter. They showed her picture to everyone, even the studio shots Jinyoung and Mark took of her in sari. “This is our granddaughter,” they'd say. “Isn't she the prettiest? She could be a model when she grows up. When she's older, she'll outshine everyone.” And if anyone tried to ask where the evidence of Jinyoung was in her, they'd sniff disdainfully and say it didn't matter. “She's his daughter,” they'd say. “And he's the greatest of fathers.”

After they'd finished drinking, Mr. and Mrs. Park said their goodbyes for a few minutes so they could head over to the supermarket and pick up ingredients for that night's dinner. Ginger, taking advantage of her grandparents' huge yard, started running around and turning cartwheels, asking Lou to film her so she could send it home to Regina, Brendan, and Domenicia.

As they were watching their two kids playing around, Mark and Jinyoung heard a truck rumbling down the street behind them. "Oi, Jinyoung!" a voice called out, and they glanced over their shoulders. Jaebum's head was poking out of the rolled down window, and he was waving at them gleefully.

They'd gotten to see him on most of the occasions when they visited Korea, but some time had passed since their last trip, and Jaebum had aged a little since they'd last seen him. His hair had thinned out somewhat, and he'd started wearing wire rim reading glasses perched on his nose. He was still as handsome as ever, of course, but the sudden changes made Mark wonder how Jaebum viewed him and Jinyoung. Had they aged very much as well? Mark glanced at Jinyoung out of the corner of his eyes, but he still looked as beautiful as the man Mark had married close to 12 years ago. He was a little older, true, but any small details that had changed like his deeper laugh lines and increasingly more simplistic approach to dressing and doing his hair suited Mark just as much as how he had looked before.

Jaebum parked his truck at the house next door and he hopped out accompanied by someone in the passenger seat. The man he was with looked vaguely familiar with his cute face and animal-like smile, but Mark couldn't exactly place him, even though he only knew a handful of people in Korea to begin with.

The two of them crossed the yard, grinning as they watched Lou chasing Ginger around with his cell phone camera, teasingly pretending to be a documentary videographer trying to hunt down Bigfoot. Jaebum said something to Jinyoung in Korean when he arrived, which made Jinyoung chuckle.

"Kids have gotten so big," Jaebum said in English to Mark. "Nice to see you again."

Mark shook his hand, grinning widely. "Nice to see you, too."

Jaebum said something in Korean, and Jinyoung translated for him. "Jaebum said that we're causing trouble for him. My mother is always bragging about how attractive our family is, which makes Mrs. Im—Jaebum's mother—nag him for grandkids."

"I can't give birth though," the guy next to Jaebum said, laughing loudly. Something about that laugh instantly triggered Mark's memory. The last time he'd heard it was a very long time ago, during their first trip all those years back...

"Wait, wait, wait," he said, eyebrows shooting up as he stared at Jaebum's companion. "We've met before. When we brought Lou to pediatrics..."

The guy saluted brightly. "Dr. Choi Youngjae, reporting! Lou got very big, yes? He was just a little boy when I saw him, and now he's grown up and his sister is the little one. But Jaebum shows me your Christmas cards every year, and she's grown a lot, too."

Jinyoung looked back and forth between Jaebum and Youngjae. "Wait... so let me get this straight. When you told me you were seeing a pediatric doctor, Jaebum, you meant the one that happened to take care of our son when we were in Korea?" He said the same thing in Korean when he realized Jaebum didn't understand him.

Jaebum shrugged and said something back, which Jinyoung responded to a little testily. The next thing Jaebum said made Jinyoung start yelling and repeatedly smacking Jaebum on the arm in annoyance.

Mark turned to Youngjae in confusion. "Jinyoung was asking why Jaebum never said outright that he was dating a man or told you guys about me and him when Jinyoung sends detailed news about your family in the mail every year," Youngjae explained. "Jaebum said that because Jinyoung ran away because he was scared of being outed, he thought it would add another layer of embarrassment for Jinyoung if he found out he was seeing a guy, so he thought it would be better to keep it private. Then Jinyoung started screaming that he didn't need to keep it private for that many years and started calling him a lot of Korean curse words."

Mark shook his head in amusement. "Still, that's pretty incredible that we wound up meeting, anyways. I'm still grateful that you took care of Lou so well all those years ago. He's probably grateful, too." Mark cupped his hands around his mouth. "Hey, Lou! Ginger! Come over and say hello to Jaebum!"

The two kids immediately stopped messing around and trotted over. Both Lou and Ginger were very familiar with Jaebum, and happily submitted to his questions about what they had been up to recently and observations of how much they had grown. Mark introduced Youngjae to Ginger and re-introduced him to Lou, who only faintly remembered the incident since he'd been pretty dazed at the time.

"I remember that you were really funny," Lou said, studying Youngjae in amazement. "You gave me stickers, didn't you?"

"Uh-huh," Youngjae said eagerly. "You really liked Cars, right? Jaebum said you work with racecars now. I can tell my patients that I once treated a famous American sports star."

"Kit—my boyfriend—is going to be the real star," Lou said humbly. "I'm just taking care of his car."

The group of them stayed around chatting for twenty more minutes, up until the Parks got back from the supermarket. Jinyoung invited them to stay for dinner, but both declined, promising to drop by and visit again before the Tuans left to go back to America.

On their second day in Korea, they all gathered together for a trip to Grand Park, their traditional go-to spot whenever they visited. This time Mr. Park was doing the saja imitations for Ginger's benefit instead of Lou's, but Lou seemed to be enjoying himself as well. He'd been so focused on work lately that a vacation was good for him. They'd wanted Kit to come along too, but he'd had another schedule to attend so Lou was making an effort to get him souvenirs and post cards to make up for it.

Ginger had several questions for her grandparents throughout the day, which the Parks tried to answer as best as they could, though they needed Jinyoung's frequent help to translate. She wanted to know everything about the culture she hadn't learned during her earlier visits when she was little. Did they have a traditional kind of singing? Did they have movies similar to Bollywood? Which actors were popular? Did they have their own tea ceremony different from the Chinese one she'd learned? How had they developed their character system? What kind of wild animals lived there in comparison to China and India?

She soaked up everything she learned like a sponge. She was genuinely interested in all of it, too. As the product of many cultures, she held these details as important, things she dearly wanted to understand. Mark felt he was learning a lot of things from watching her question others. When she'd found out Mark's ethnic background wasn't mainland Chinese, but Taiwanese, she'd also quizzed Mark's parents about Taiwan. Did they still wear cheongsams like she received for Christmas? What were common names in Taiwan? What languages did they speak there? She had figured out more about Mark's ethnic history in the first nine years of her life than Mark had found out about it in the forty-four years of his.

The next day, the Parks kept their promise and took her out to find a hanbok to wear. While Ginger, Mark, and Jinyoung were sitting in the couches by the fitting room waiting for the Parks to finish negotiating with the saleslady, Ginger looked up curiously at her two fathers. “You told me I'm Chinese and Indian,” she said. “Am I not Korean, too?”

Mark and Jinyoung glanced at each other. They couldn't lie to her and say she was, but they also knew it would draw questions. She still hadn't brought up being adopted, though they were sure she knew by now based on the fact that she knew two men couldn't have babies alone. Maybe she thought she was one of theirs by blood all the same—they didn't want to disappoint her by implying she wasn't blood related to Jinyoung or the Parks. They didn't want to have to explain everything to her for the first time in the fitting room of a hanbok store in South Korea.

Jinyoung answered first. “You're not Korean by blood, sweetie. But we could say you're a little bit culturally Korean. Just like people who grow up in a Jewish family but don't practice the religion themselves—they can still say their culture was shaped by Jewish traditions. You have me and your grandparents in your family, so you have a bit of Korean culture in you.”

Ginger thought about it for awhile. Mark was waiting for the question about being adopted or any protests that she and Jinyoung were blood related, but neither came. She just nodded. “That's OK, then,” she said. “I like having a lot of cultures in me.”

Mark had to wonder what she was thinking, how much she knew. Did she not want to make an issue of her birth? At this point, should they bring it up if she wasn't going to? Did she not want to hear the words that though they were family and they were truly her fathers, she didn't have their blood in her?

Was she not asking because it didn't matter to her one way or the other?

0

Before they left, Ginger performed a Korean dance in hanbok as promised. She was beautiful and elegant and had learned the steps well, snapping her fans just-so and turning her delicate wrists with absolute grace. The Parks had rounded up a handful of neighbors, including Jaebum and Youngjae, and they were all in awe of her. “God, my little sister is something,” Lou said as he filmed the routine for everyone back home. “What was I even doing as a nine year old?”

Mark felt proud watching her. She was a blend of so many different things and people, but the girl she was stood head and shoulders above all of it. She was Ginger, and all the many things that entailed whether American or Indian or Chinese or Korean or just related to being a nine year old girl. She was herself, and she was special and she was beautiful.

“She really is something,” he murmured to himself.

TEN

Mark was beginning to wonder if they put the Senior Managers' office by the company receptionist desk as a punishment. It wasn't that he didn't like their new receptionist, Shelby. She was a nice girl, and most importantly, she actually remembered to pass along all of Mark's missed phone messages with all the details included. The downside to Shelby was that she was a late twenty-something married to a late forty-something businessman, and having an office next to her desk meant Mark had to hear all the details of the relationship when the girls from operation popped over during their breaks.

“How is it?” Jill from ops was asking. “The , I mean? Are older men better or not?”

“Depends on the older man, doesn't it? Some of them have been in the game for a long time and have learned how to thoroughly pleasure a woman. Those are way better than the guys who only care if they get off or not. But my husband...” She giggled a little. “He's one of those guys who never learned. He just got in a set rhythm from his last marriage and does the same thing every time. I'm trying to fix him, but...old dogs, you know?”

“That's too bad. I feel sorry for you.”

“No need. At least he hasn't let himself go yet. You know a lot of guys that age, right? Pot bellies and guts all over the place.”

Mark looked down at his own stomach. Thank god he didn't have to worry about that, at least. He'd always run a little slender, and though he'd put on some weight as he'd gotten older, it wasn't really that much.

But the ...the things Shelby said about that had made him anxious. He was forty-five now, five years away from fifty. Jinyoung, though approaching forty, was thirty-eight. Jinyoung had gone through an explosive period during his mid-thirties where whenever Ginger was at Domenicia's or Brendan's or dance lessons, he was on Mark in seconds. Mark had kept up with him well enough, but things had cooled down a little since then. Due to her parents' work schedule, Domenicia was over at their place more often, and there wasn't always time to do it. And when there was, Mark had started feeling a bit anxious about himself. Wasn't he getting tired out faster now? Wasn't he finishing a lot faster than Jinyoung compared to in the past? Wasn't Jinyoung asking for it a lot less when a free moment came up?

Now, with what Shelby had said, Mark was feeling truly anxious. What if the problem was that he just wasn't exciting enough anymore? There wasn't as much occasion for variety while raising a kid in the house full time, and maybe Mark had become the same old dog Shelby had accused her husband of being. He wasn't switching up the pace enough, he wasn't extending the long enough to get Jinyoung well and truly excited. He was becoming a vanilla old man.

But Jinyoung didn't strike him as close to becoming as flavorless. Though close to middle age, he was a vibrant scoop of rainbow sherbet in comparison. He was as beautiful and y always, and his body still well-maintained. He was eye-catching, and Mark still noticed the heads of both men and women turning as he passed. He'd probably be more than happy to go at their previous accelerated pace, but had to slow down because of Mark.

Mark thought back desperately to the last time they'd done it. It had been awhile, hadn't it? This wasn't good. He had to reinvent himself. He couldn't allow Jinyoung to be disappointed or his attention to flag.

He called Allison from the office. “Hey, Allie,” he said. “I know I said I was taking an early day and would pick up and drop off your kids when school gets out, but Ginger wants to spend the night tonight so she can...gossip with Regina or something. Would you be OK picking them up this time?”

“Sure, that's no problem. Does Ginger have her sleepwear, or should I swing by your place to pick something up?”

“No,” Mark said quickly. “Can't she just wear a hand-me-down from Regina?”

“Ummmm?” Allison seemed surprised that Mark wouldn't just let Ginger pick one up since they lived so close, but it dawned on her after a minute. “Oh, okay, then. I'll watch them for the night. But Mark?”

“Yeah?”

“You'll owe me and Jackson one babysitting night of our own.”

“Fair enough. I'll owe you.”

0

He stopped by the housewares store on the way home, grabbing some candles for atmosphere. He was lucky it was winter—it would be fairly dark when Jinyoung came home around 4, dark enough to where the candles wouldn't be pointless. As soon as he was home, he got to work in the kitchen, throwing together some carbonara since that was workable in the short amount of time he had to pull all of this together. He found a bottle of wine in their reserves and dug out their nice glasses before lighting and arranging all the candles.

Jinyoung was surprised when he walked through the door. “What's this?” he asked, blinking in the dim light. “A date? For me?”

“Yeah, I thought you'd earned it,” Mark said, rubbing his shoulders a little. “Ginger is sleeping over at the Wangs for the night.”

“For the night?” Jinyoung asked, raising his eyebrow. “And you're going to make me sit through dinner first?”

Mark flushed a little. Maybe Jinyoung wasn't as bored of him as he'd thought. “It's carbonara,” he said, smiling nervously. He felt almost like the insecure twenty-eight year old who'd fallen in love with Jinyoung in the first place, afraid of making a misstep. “It'll be worth it.”

“Oooh, carbonara. Don't mind if I do. But seriously, you can't equate your desirability with pasta, Mark.” He leaned in for a long kiss. “It'll be worth it for what comes after.”

Mark's smile became a little more secure, then. Of course he wasn't going to have the same drive he'd had when they were younger, but it was just like Jinyoung not to make an issue of it, to still love and want him all the same. Even so, he felt all the more like he should make it the best it could be for the sake of the person who gave him so much with this much earnest sincerity.

He decided to build up the anticipation, working through his dinner and wine slowly so they weren't heading towards the main course right away. He got lost in staring at Jinyoung over the candlelight. It wasn't lost on him what a lucky man he was. How had someone so beautiful managed to fall for him out of all the men in the world? He didn't fully understand it sometimes. Someone like him could have gotten by with little doses of his happiness, a simple life that was filled good things but nothing too overwhelming, but he'd been given a full plate instead, practically bombarded with good thing after good thing. And it was because of the person right in front of him. It was because that person gave happiness freely and never seemed to run out.

“Enough with the staring,” Jinyoung said from across the table. “It's making me feel a bit...”

“Awkward?”

“Since you're looking at me with bedroom eyes, I don't think awkward is the right word. Flustered, maybe.” Jinyoung poured the dregs of the wine into his cup, since Mark was taking his time finishing off the bottle. “If you're thinking about the bedroom, I'd prefer it if you just went ahead and took me to bed.”

“I was just thinking,” Mark said, “about how long it's been.”

“Since?”

“Since I've gotten to make love to your properly. Since I've been able to have you all night, to taste every part of you, to be with you for long enough to erase everything else in your mind but me.” It had been too long since Mark had had occasion to say such things, but they slipped out of his mouth naturally. These were his feelings, after all, and he was just putting words to them. Whatever time had diminished in him physically hadn't touched what he felt emotionally. His love was as strong as ever, or perhaps stronger for having lived through so many things which had only increased it.

Jinyoung flushed, hands trembling a little on his wine glass. “It has been awhile...” he murmured.

Mark nodded. “So tonight, rather than dragging you to bed and finishing it as soon as it starts, I want to be with you slowly. From now until we both can't take it anymore, I want to be with you.”

Jinyoung rose from his seat and crossed the distance between them, pulling Mark up for an open mouthed kiss, their tongues tangling together, their bodies crushing. Desire flooded Mark sharply, and he felt it reawakening parts of him, sending thrills of urgency through him.

“You can take it slowly as you want, but don't just stare at me,” Jinyoung whispered. “Start it now. Don't let there be a second where you're not touching me.” He twined their fingers together. “Come on. I'm ready for tonight.”

0

It didn't all come back to him—he wasn't magically twenty again. There were limits to his body that were now a fact of life. But the desire stayed with him, as did his intentions of making it good for Jinyoung. It was different than it had been for a long time. There was more time to touch each other, to melt each other with words instead of just actions, to adjust and change their bodies, to let their voices loose. And it felt amazing, as it always did. Jinyoung was so beautiful in his arms, his voice heavenly, his eyes delirious, his hands hot like fire, his mouth sweet like honey. His body had changed in little ways too, but Mark still wanted it, he wanted to be the only person who knew every freckle and mole and where he could be touched to make him shudder, where his fair skin was most ticklish. He wanted to be the one to witness when the wrinkles appeared, and when Jinyoung had the same anxiety about getting older that Mark had, he wanted to pull him closer and tell him it didn't matter, that his love would always be inexhaustible.

“God,” Jinyoung whispered into Mark's chest, his breath tickling. “I needed that.”

“Me too.” Mark his hair slowly. “Tell me honestly, though. Am I still good at this?”

“This? This as in ?” Jinyoung laughed. “Did you miss the , or do you need me to do it again? I thought it was loud enough the first time, but maybe your hearing is starting to go.”

“It's just, I think that when a guy gets older, he might get stuck in a pattern and it might get boring for his partner, and I was wondering if that was maybe how you felt. Before tonight, at least.”

Jinyoung sighed and propped himself up. “Look, Mark. I love you, OK? All of you. Which means is just a percentage of that. A privilege of being together with you, but not the reason I'm together with you in the first place. I like it, of course, and after having my mind blown like a few minutes ago, I definitely want it to be a part of our love life, to put it lightly. But if one day we're old and crotchety and can't do things like this anymore, I'll seriously live. Because every other percentage of what goes in to me loving you is bigger and more important than that. And I don't think we've reached that point. Both of our stamina is not as good, and raising Ginger is a bigger priority, and yeah you're forty-five now and I'm getting older myself, but I'm not bored. It's still good. You've still got it, and I still want it.” He smiled. “What you did just now is hardly what I'd call routine, but even when it is more routine, it's still you, and I'm still . So please don't worry about it.”

“Ah,” Mark said. He felt a little more at ease, even though he knew Jinyoung was probably deliberately flattering him on some points.

“What about me?” Jinyoung asked. “Haven't you thought about trading me in for a younger, better looking model? Isn't that what happens during middle age?”

“Not even for a second,” Mark said. “Seriously, even if I hunted around for someone younger, I'm not sure I'm going to find another killer face-plump combo as fine as you.”

Jinyoung burst out laughing. “Wow, you sure know how to compliment a guy.”

“It's true, though.” Mark paused. “I'm still the same as I always was, Jinyoungie. You are love to me. There is no love like this to me besides you. I don't even question it anymore. Whether it's a girl or a guy, I'm not interested in this kind of thing if it's not with you. I only need it because it's you.”

“I see,” Jinyoung said softly. “Well. It somewhat amazes me that the guy who treats me like I'm the center of the universe had concerns that I'm not properly satisfied with him. Although...” Jinyoung trailed a finger down Mark's chest. “If the night is just beginning, I wouldn't say no to a little more shaking up of our routine.”

“Oh? What did you have in mind?”

“Remember that silk bathrobe I got you for Christmas last year? The one with the removable tie? Just thick enough to cover the eyes?” Jinyoung winked at him. “I don't think you've figured out the real reason why I bought that for you yet.”

“I see,” Mark said, running his tongue against his lip. “I may have just figured it out.”

“Have you? Then what are you waiting for?”