Mark really shouldn't have let Lou pick out their Christmas tree.

His son tried his hardest to select the biggest tree in the lot as soon as they got there, regardless of how many times Mark reminded him that there was no room in their apartment. Lou was so persistent that Mark wound up breaking down ten minutes in and letting him get the biggest one out of those that could plausibly fit into their room, and then instantly regretting it when he actually had to haul it in.

He spent the entire morning forcing the monstrosity through their door frame and getting it to stand upright in the TV room when they arrived home. By time he got out the boxes of ornaments, tinsel, and twinkle lights, he was about ready to pass out and die.

Lou was inexhaustible. “Daddy, Daddy, play music!” he yelled, dancing around the room. “Christmas music!”

“I'm not sure I have any,” Mark said. Most of the Christmas CDs they had owned belonged to Allison.

“But we always listen to Christmas music!” Lou whined. They definitely had for Lou's first Christmas and when he was one, but Mark wasn't sure how Lou could possibly remember that. Still, it didn't seem like he would be denied. Mark dug through his CDs, but all he turned up was a random CD called “Twisted Christmas” by Twisted Sister. Praying that his son was a budding metalhead, Mark put it on. Lou danced around to the beginning of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” until the electric guitars came on.

“Daddy, it's too loud,” he whined. “It's too angry for Christmas.”

“But Twisted Sister are very happy, can't you hear?” Mark insisted. “Twisted Sister loves Christmas.”

“It's not like the Christmas music Mommy listens to.”

Mark sighed, defeated. His pride still wouldn't let him lose out to Mommy. He shut the CD off and grabbed his iPod. Unfortunately, he didn't have any Christmas music on that either.

“Maybe we can do without music this year?” he said weakly.

Lou looked aghast. “But DADDY!”

“Okay, okay, I get it. Daddy will get his credit card and buy you some music because you're so spoiled. Don't tell Mommy.”

“Yay!” Lou cheered.

Mark went into his wallet, but instead of his credit card, he came up with Jinyoung's business card. He was about to put it back in, when he hesitated. No matter how he looked at it, his back was aching and he was completely exhausted, and they hadn't even started putting up the tree yet. There's no way he was going to be able to do this by himself, right?

If it's for Lou, I shouldn't be stubborn about doing everything on my own, he thought. If it's just this once...

“Hey, kiddo,” he said, crouching down in front of his son. “How about we invite Jinyoung over and have him bring Christmas music instead?”

Lou's eyes widened. “Yes! Yes, Daddy, get Jinny!”

“All right, Daddy will.”

Mark grabbed his cell phone and punched in the number from the business card. The call was answered on the second ring.

“Hello, Jinyoung speaking.”

“Um, hey. This is Mark Tuan from the other day. Lou's dad?”

“Oh, hey!” Mark didn't think he was delusional in assuming that Jinyoung's voice brightened a little. “What's up?”

“Lou and I are decorating our tree today, and I may have winded myself a little early getting it into the apartment. Are you available to lend a hand? That is, if you want to?”

“Of course I want to!” Jinyoung said brightly. “I love doing the Christmas tree, and they won't let us have them in our dorms.”

“You're sure you're not busy? You're not doing homework?”

“I took care of that last night and have the weekend free. I'm 100% available to come over. I even have the address, since Allison gave it to me in case of an emergency. You only live about five minutes away from me.”

“Great. Oh, and if you have any Christmas music, could you bring it over? Lou won't decorate unless we have some.”

“No problem. I'll be right there!”

Mark sighed in relief once he'd hung up. He'd never expected he would be reaching out to Jinyoung just a day after meeting him, but this wasn't so bad. He could certainly use a hand when it came to decorating their giant sized tree.

A few minutes later, their door bell was ringing. “Jinny!” Lou yelled, running for the door. Mark unlatched it and let Jinyoung in. He was wearing a thick, fuzzy sweater and his cheeks were red from the cold.

“I come bearing gifts,” he said, lifting up a stack of CDs. “I've got James Taylor, Mariah Carey, Josh Groban, and The Beach Boys. Take your pick.”

“We've got a multi disc stereo, so we'll take all of them,” Mark said gratefully.

“How are you doing, little man?” Jinyoung asked, bending down to pinch Lou's cheeks. “Miss me at all?”

Lou nodded. “Now someone will eat the cinna-cookies!”

Jinyoung sighed tragically. “Are they that bad?”

“Let's just say you won't be winning the Holiday Baking Championship anytime soon,” Mark teased. “But thanks for coming. We've got quite a Christmas tree this year. Lou, do you want to show him?”

“Yup!” Lou ran into the TV room, pulling Jinyoung along with him. “TA-DAH!”

“Oh, wow, that's big,” Jinyoung said with a whistle. “Good thing you've got so many ornaments.”

“They can go anywhere,” Mark said, setting up the stereo. “Lou will need help with higher branches.”

“I think I'll need help with the higher branches, too. Let's see...”

As Josh Groban started belting out, Jinyoung went through the ornament box and dug out the heavy ornaments for the lower branches. He and Lou got to work putting them on, while Mark started untangling the twinkle lights.

“So, Lou, what do you want for Christmas this year?” Jinyoung asked.

“A biiiiiig firetruck,” Lou said, extending his hands. “And a goldfish!”

“A goldfish? What would you name it?”

“Hmmm... Fishy!”

“That's a clever name,” Jinyoung said with a laugh. “Well, I hope Santa is listening. What about Daddy, what does Daddy want?”

“Daddy wants a cruise vacation,” Mark joked. “Or a ski vacation. Just a vacation, honestly.”

“But how will Santa get a vacation down the chimney?” Jinyoung asked in a serious voice.

“Yeah, Daddy, how?” Lou echoed.

“He'll print it out in ticket form and put it into an envelope in my stocking?” Mark offered.

“Not bad. Well, I hope Santa's listening to you, too.”

“What does 'Jinny' want for Christmas?” Mark asked, glancing at him.

“Good grades, apple pie, and...hmmm... how about something really tricky to make things fun for Santa? A cash windfall? No, a kiss under the mistletoe.”

“Ewwww,” Lou said dramatically. “Kissing is gross.”

“Why do you say that?”

“The boy next door to Mommy says that girls have cooties.”

“The boy next door is wrong about that. Girls are born entirely cootie free. Boys are the ones with cooties, unless they get special cootie shots. I could give you one if you want, but just a warning, cootie kisses can be a lot of fun, too.”

Lou considered. “I'll have a shot now. Maybe... maybe if I want a cootie kiss when I'm a big grown up, later it won't be there?”

“You mean it will have worn off?”

He nodded.

“Maybe it will. I think maybe if you take a one year break from kissing, all the cooties will come back and you can try for a cootie kiss. But for now...” Jinyoung traced a finger on Lou's arm. “Circle circle dot dot, now you have your cootie shot.”

“Yay!” Lou cheered staring at his arm. “Daddy, I got a cootie shot!”

“I'm happy for you, but you're not allowed to go around kissing girls to begin with.”

“I won't. Girls are GROSS except Mommy!”

After awhile, Jinyoung and Lou finished the bottom of the tree and Jinyoung picked up Lou to work on the top. In the meantime, Mark looped tinsel across the branches and hooked candy canes on any open spots in the tree. It was a lot more enjoyable than he thought it would be. Jinyoung was funny and amazing with Lou, and he was excellent and dividing up the conversation so Mark was still interacting plenty with his son as they worked.

When the ornaments were for the most part up, Lou started getting drowsy.

“Nap time!” Mark announced. “Let's take a little break, Lou.”

“Will Jinny be here when I'm up-up?” Lou asked sleepily.

Mark glanced at Jinyoung, who nodded. “Yeah, I can stick around. I'm not doing anything.”

“If it's inconvenient for you-”

“It's not.”

Mark nodded, then took Lou to his bedroom to tuck him in to his race car bed. “Sleep tight, Lou,” he said, his hair. It wasn't long before he'd dozed off.

Turning off the light, Mark slipped back to the TV room. “Out like a light,” he said. Now that he was alone with Jinyoung, he felt a little awkward. Small talk was his number one weak point, and he didn't want to ruin the good impression he'd been making up until now.

“I wish I still had mandatory nap time,” Jinyoung said with a smile.

“How about some coffee instead?”

“That sounds great, thank you.”

Jinyoung followed Mark into the kitchen. “By the way, if you don't mind me asking, how are you guys going to be spending Christmas?”

“Allie and I are amicable exes, so the three of us will do Christmas at her place,” Mark said. “I'll probably stick around for most of the day, provided things don't get weird with her parents, who are also dropping by. I'm pretty sure they blame me for the divorce.”

“Are you pleading innocent?”

“Not at all. I wasn't a great husband.”

“Don't say that. You've been great with Lou from what I've seen.”

“Being a good father and a good husband are two different things.”

“Ah,” Jinyoung said. “Well, Allison always speaks well of you, so I'm guessing you didn't do anything too bad. Don't be hard on yourself. You and your family are doing well, and that's what matters.”

“Right.”

After the coffee was ready, Mark led him back to the TV room, and the two of them collapsed on the couch. “So, what are you doing for Christmas?”

“I'm not really sure,” Jinyoung admitted. “My family is in Korea, and I wasn't planning on flying home. My university has a special dinner for international students, so maybe I'll go to that.”

“I wouldn't have been able to tell you're international if you hadn't said. Your English is excellent.”

“Well, I've been here for awhile, since I was fourteen or so. I like America, so I pretty much decided never to leave.”

“I won't complain. You were a real help today. Thanks for coming.”

“It's no problem.”

“And if you're really bored around Christmas, I'll be here by myself on Christmas Eve,” Mark surprised himself by saying. “You can feel free to drop by.”

Jinyoung grinned, his eyes crinkling again. God, that was cute. Mark hoped Lou would also grow up with adorable eye crinkles. “I just might do that, then.”

“Great.” Mark cleared his throat awkwardly. “You're really good with Lou yourself. Honestly, I got a little jealous when I first saw you at Allison's.”

“Because you thought I was her boyfriend?”

“Not really. I just don't want to be replaced as number one by any guy for Lou, boyfriend or no boyfriend.” Mark paused. “Have you met her boyfriend, though?”

Jinyoung shook his head. “I've just seen him from the car when he drops Allison off in the driveway. He's good looking in a manly kind of way, but I don't know anything about him, really. I don't think you have anything to worry about, honestly. Lou adores you.”

“I hope so. But it's still kind of weird, just thinking about her dating again.”

“You still love her?”

Mark sighed. “It's complicated. That's the reason she broke up with me, because she didn't think I was enough 'in love' with her. Actually, the problem is maybe that I've never really been in love with anybody.”

Jinyoung looked surprised. “Really?”

“Yeah. I've got an unromantic heart, apparently.”

“Maybe you just haven't found the right circumstances to draw it out?”

“After 28 years on the planet, you'd think I'd have found at least one person who drove me out of my head, but nope.”

“Hmmm.” Jinyoung studied him. “Well, I'm no expert in love, but I do know one thing. Everyone treats falling in love like it's an 100% happy and amazing thing, but in reality it can be pretty terrifying. I think it's only natural to put your defenses up when you're not ready for all the hurt and risk and uncertainty that comes along with it. And with those defenses up, it can be hard to love someone. But...”

“But?”

“When you become stronger than those defenses on your own, you can let them fall,” Jinyoung said with a smile. “And when you do, you can see the world with new eyes from the core of your heart. Trust me, I know this one from experience.”

“Do you?”

“Yes,” Jinyoung said, nodding firmly. “I do. I went through this recently myself, the whole business of not trusting myself to love anybody because...reasons. And now? Well, let's just say...now I can feel all those little symptoms you have when you meet someone you like. I bet one day you'll be able to feel it, too.”

Mark bit his lips, nodding even though he wasn't sure. He could barely even remember what some of those symptoms were. A fluttering pulse, a skipped heartbeat, heated cheeks, sweaty palms—things like that? He was pretty sure he'd only felt them when he'd had a fever, not when falling in love.

Jinyoung smiled at his look of confusion, and Mark automatically smiled back. Something shifted in the air for a moment, but he couldn't put his finger on it. It faded just as quickly as it had happened, so he pushed it from his mind and tilted his head back to listen to the Christmas songs playing in the background and all the familiar words he could sing along to without thinking of anything else.