Jinyoung's mood seemed to be in a state of flux as they moved into March. It was hard to say how he was for the most part, because Mark didn't see him very often. Jinyoung still came over on the weekends, but by then, he was thoroughly worn out by the week he'd just gotten through. Some days he was upset and on the verge of tears, and other days he was fired up and determined to show his observing teacher that he knew what he was doing. Mark never knew which one it would be, since Jinyoung didn't tell him how his weeks were going until he arrived in person. Whenever Mark texted or called him, he always answered in the vaguest way possible, as if he didn't want Mark to think things were going badly, even if they were.

Mark did his best to encourage him when he was at the apartment, but once again, he felt like he wasn't making much of an impact. BamBam came over almost every weekend with Kit, and the two of them would hole up in the kitchen to talk about their student teaching work while Mark watched over the two boys. They at least seemed to be making progress—Jinyoung's resolve to “bite back,” as BamBam put it, always seemed to increase after one of his visits—but he still had a ways to go before the overall situation calmed down.

Mark was feeling increasingly useless in his ability to help Jinyoung, so instead threw himself into planning his special TLC event for him at the end of the month. He splurged on a really nice spa package, a reservation to an upscale restaurant, and even a night at a really nice hotel with a hot tub and beautiful view of the cityscape. He also looked into freeing up space in his apartment so Jinyoung would have an easier time moving in. He boxed up clothes he hadn't worn in years and shoes that had worn through the toes ages ago, and cleared out all the crap in his closet he hadn't even bothered unboxing in his initial move. One good thing about Jinyoung's state of distraction was that he didn't seem aware of Mark trying to pull something off under his nose.

On top of the bad state of things with Jinyoung, Allison was also having a hard time. Her mother took her out one day, claiming they were just going to look into transferring her bank to a joint account with Jackson, and took her wedding dress browsing against her will. Her father started promising invites to the wedding to work friends Allison had never even met before. Both were trying to get her to secure a wedding date with their local church about a year after the date Allison and Jackson actually wanted. If that wasn't enough, both were taking advantage of Jackson's strong desire for their approval and trying to get him to convince Allison to agree to a big church wedding with a full length reception, even though it also wasn't what he wanted.

Mark almost felt guilty to both Jinyoung and Allison that his work life was going comparatively smoothly. He'd even found out that he was marked down for a bonus next year, but hadn't told Jinyoung yet because he was worried that Jinyoung would take it to mean that the financial gap between them was growing even more. The only other person around him who seemed to be living a perfectly happy existence was Lou, who was positively loving Kindergarten, was excited about getting a cool new step-father, and was having a blast with Kit, his new official best friend.

But even though work was technically going well, Mark didn't feel very upbeat. He didn't feel like he could be happy when Jinyoung was miserable, and the fact that Jinyoung didn't seem to be fully trusting him with his misery only made it worse. Something had to give. Even though he hated to disappoint Lou, when BamBam called to ask for another playdate between Kit and Lou for that upcoming Saturday, Mark turned him down.

“If you don't mind, I kind of wanted to have some time to talk to Jinyoung alone this weekend,” he said.

“Right, of course you would,” BamBam replied, sighing. “I've been getting in the way, haven't I? I'm so bad when it comes to couples, I can never figure out when to back off. I just got so wrapped up in getting Jinyoung out of his funk that I forgot that the weekend is really the one time you two get to see each other.”

“Don't say that,” Mark said, feeling suddenly guilty. “You've been great, and Lou's having so much fun with Kit. I just feel like I've been neglecting Jinyoung, is all.”

“In that case, you two have a nice, relaxing weekend together. If he's in a better mood on Monday, I'll know why!”

No pressure, Mark thought at he hung up. If Jinyoung comes back on Monday with a worse mood, that'll just prove what a crappy boyfriend I am.

Jinyoung arrived Friday evening after Mark and Lou had finished their dinner. The two of them had just set up a game Pop-o-Matic Trouble on the kitchen table when he walked in.

“Jinny, you play, too!” Lou said, instantly brightening up. He'd also been disappointed at Jinyoung's borderline non-presence over the past few weeks, and had been talking about playing with him again just as often as he mentioned playing with Kit.

Mark glanced up at Jinyoung's face. He looked a bit tired, but not teary. Perhaps playing a board game wasn't the first thing on his mind at the moment, but Mark thought it might be good for him. Trouble was practically the family board game—it was impossible to have a bad time when you were playing it with Lou.

“Come on, we saved the blue side of the board for you,” Mark said. “And just so you know, I'm fully intending to win this time.” That was one of the rules he and Allison had always had with Trouble—no going easy just to make sure Lou always won. “It's good for him to learn that he can't win them all,” Allison always said. Mark was pretty sure she just hated losing at Trouble, even to her own kid. Mark pretty much felt the same.

“If you insist,” Jinyoung said, dropping into the chair next to Mark. “As long as you don't accuse me of cheating this time.”

“In that case, don't cheat,” Mark said solemnly. That was another unspoken rule of Trouble—if at first you don't succeed, accuse the other person of cheating.

“I go first!” Lou declared. He pressed down hard on the plastic die container, and it popped back up showing a 4. Lou groaned. As long as he didn't pop a 6, he couldn't move any of his pegs out of the starting zone.

“Bad luck, kiddo,” Mark said. His pop was a 3. Jinyoung's was a 2.

“Daddy, remember that time no one got a 6 for an hour?” Lou asked, popping a 1. “And then Mommy got like a hundred in a row.”

“I think it was only ten minutes without a 6,” Mark said, giving the die container a pop. He got a 6. “Looks like it's not going to happen this time.”

“No fair,” Lou groaned. “I want a head start!”

“I got that 6 fair and square. You better hope you catch up!”

Jinyoung and Lou took several more turns before getting a 6, but since Mark had only gotten 1s and 2s since breaking out of the start zone, it was pretty easy for Lou to catch up with a few 5 pops, one of which landed on top of Mark's red piece and sent it back to the start zone. Jinyoung had a huge burst of 6s and high numbers over the next few turns and got several of his blue pegs onto the board, which put Mark and Lou into a scramble to take him out.

Mark paid close attention to Jinyoung through the game. At first, his reactions, which were typically bright, came a bit stiffly, but little by little he unwound, especially when Lou's competitiveness kicked in and he started going all out trying to send all of Jinyoung pieces back to start. Trouble was more a game of luck than of skill, but part of the fun was coming up with fake strategies for a come from behind victory, and, naturally, the rampant allegations of cheating. It wasn't long before Jinyoung was grinning from ear to ear, boasting to Lou about the pieces he'd gotten into the safe zone part of the board.

“Who's winning?” Jinyoung asked, playing dumb. “Oh wait, it's me, isn't it? Too bad for you, Lou.”

“I'm gonna knock all of your pieces off the board,” Lou warned.

“Excuse me, but I'm clearly just letting you two get comfortable before I steal the win out from under your noses,” Mark reminded them. Lou and Jinyoung both ignored him.

But, as it turned out, Lou did wind up knocking one of Jinyoung's pegs back to the start, and Jinyoung had an impossible time popping a 6 to get it back out. In that time, Lou got all but one of his pieces into the safety zone, while Mark's pieces caused a mini traffic jam as he tried to get into the safety zone, though he couldn't get the right die pops to get them into the correct spots.

The game reached a heated moment when they were all trying to get their last piece into the safety zone and it all came down to who got the lucky die pop. Lou was doing some manner of ritualistic dance to summon the gods of luck while Mark chanted “BIG 3, BIG 3, COME ON BIG 3!” before each of his pops.

Jinyoung, who zen meditated before pressing down on the plastic container, wound up with the lucky pop. He got the 2 he needed and snugly fitted his final peg into victory row.

“Read it and weep,” he cackled, clapping his hands.

“You cheated,” Mark said automatically.

“Definitely cheated,” Lou grumbled.

“I guess I just won the biggest slice of apple pie tonight?”

“No one said that!”

“But I did just now!” Jinyoung bounded to the counter and helped himself to some pie. “Don't worry, Lou, I'll eat it deliciously just for you.”

Mark smiled to himself. Maybe he hadn't actually done anything on his own, but this time he'd actually had a hand in brightening Jinyoung's spirits. It meant everything to see that smile again. Now he just had to tell Jinyoung outright that he didn't need to hold anything back from him. Mark always wanted to be a part of the smile that chased away his pain.

After they'd cleaned up the board game (and Lou got his own piece of apple pie), Jinyoung and Mark helped him with his “practice writing your letters” homework for an hour and let him watch an hour of the Muppets before putting him to bed. When he was safely off in dreamland, Mark gently led Jinyoung into his own bedroom.

“Hey,” he said, taking a breath. “I wanted to talk to you.”

Jinyoung's face immediately tensed. “Yeah?”

“Uh, how can I say this? The fact that you clearly get freaked out at the possibility of having a serious discussion with me is part of the problem.”

“Is it that unusual? Break up discussions often start with 'I wanted to talk to you'.”

“Have I given you any indication of wanting to break up?”

Jinyoung didn't answer. He simply crossed his legs and looked at Mark solemnly.

“This isn't about wanting to break up,” Mark said. “I'm just worried about you. I'm worried about the fact that you're this upset and don't want to talk to me about it.”

Jinyoung smoothed his hands over the fabric of his jeans. “But I did talk to you about it. I have pretty embarrassing memories of crying to you like a big baby and getting snot all over your shirt.”

“Which I was 100% fine with. But up until that moment, you wouldn't tell me how your first week of student teaching was going. You don't tell me when I text you throughout the week. When you come over on the weekend, the only one you talk to about it is BamBam, and when he leaves, you get all quiet again.” Mark reached out to Jinyoung's hand. “Look, I know you're having a rough time. I know that whether you tell me or not. So I'd feel more at ease if you shared your worries with me and we could get through them together. I know BamBam is a teacher and knows more about how to help you than I do, but I want to be there in whatever little way I can. Even if it's just holding you while you complain or massaging your feet when they get tired, I want to do it.”

Jinyoung chewed on his lower lip. “But it feels like crap when I talk about it all the time. I feel better when I have times when I'm taking my mind off it, like when I'm with you.”

“I know, but I don't think you're actually taking your mind off it all the time when you're with me. Maybe you did during Trouble tonight, but all the other times...” He ran his thumb against the back of Jinyoung's hand. “We don't have to talk about it all the time. And we can do as many fun things as you want so you don't have to think about it when you'd rather not. I just don't want you to feel like you have to hide this from me. And I don't want to be in the dark because you won't tell me how you feel.”

Jinyoung didn't respond for awhile. He stared at a hole in jeans, it with the tip of his nail. Mark waited for him patiently, but he was still anxious; why didn't Jinyoung say anything? He could be a obstinate person, but he had always cared about openness in their relationship, to an even greater extent than Mark had.

“Just this once,” Jinyoung said softly, at long length.

“Hm?”

“Just this once, could you let me handle this on my own?”

Mark stared at him blankly. “What?”

“This is my first big setback of being an adult. It , but I can do this. I need to show that I can do this. If I have you guiding me every step of the way and pampering me until it doesn't hurt anymore, I'll feel pitiful. If I handle it with my own strength, won't that show that I've become a mature enough person to handle any of the major problems we'll have later on in our time together?”

Mark tilted his head. It wasn't as if he didn't understand where Jinyoung was coming from. He'd felt the same in regards to his parents while he was growing up sometimes, wanting to do his own thing whether he failed or not just to prove he could. But at the same time, he didn't fully understand. As important as it was to learn how to be strong for yourself, it was nearly impossible for people to choose in such a limited bubble that their actions or decisions were influenced only by themselves and didn't involve anyone else close to them. It wasn't as if Mark wanted to handle every little thing for Jinyoung, storming into his school and demanding fairness from the observing teacher on behalf of his boyfriend. He just wanted to be a shoulder for Jinyoung to lean on. Was even that too much of an intrusion on Jinyoung's desire to become an adult?

“You're a stubborn person,” Mark said finally. “I've always liked that about you, that you want to do things on your own terms. But you should know what's worth being stubborn over and what's not. You won't somehow stop becoming an adult if you tell me when you're having a bad day. I just want you to trust in me, okay? I was in your shoes at the beginning, not wanting to talk about difficult things, but I changed because I trusted you. So if you felt like you could do the same, that would honestly mean as much to me as you proving you can handle major problems. I mean, I pretty much already know that you're a capable person, you know?”

Jinyoung finally looked up, his tense expression faltering a little bit. “I thought you'd be too busy focusing on Allison and Jackson's wedding to want to get caught up in two things at once.”

“Allison and Jackson's wedding?” Mark asked in surprise. “Well, yeah, I have to be informed of what's going on there because it affects Lou, and of course I don't want the two of them to put up with any of the crap I had to in the past, but I'm pretty much trusting that they can take care of their own wedding without my help. I've been a lot more concerned about what's going on with you.”

Jinyoung's eyes widened for a moment, and his lips suddenly slid into a natural grin, one of the first Mark had seen from him outside of their game of Trouble. “Really?”

“Of course, really. You think I can sit around calmly when you're hurting?” he leaned into Jinyoung, pressing his lips against his forehead. “I get that you don't want to feel useless. But I've been feeling kind of useless since you're not really turning to me for help or at the very least comfort, so...”

“I didn't think of it like that,” Jinyoung said. “I'll try to be better when responding to your calls and texts. And I'm sorry if I got a little too stubborn about it.”

“No harm done.”

“The situation has been getting a little better, though. I'm trying to stand my ground, and my lessons are going well with the kids. They're going to bring in some of my own professors and the school principal next week to join in on the observation, so I think things may be able to turn around then.”

“Thank you for telling me. I'll be thinking about you all next week and hope for the best.”

“Great.” Jinyoung rested his head on Mark's shoulder, closing his eyes. “But if I'm making this little exception about telling you even though I want to reach this goal myself, you have to do something for me.”

“Yeah?”

“Don't give this shoulder too often to other people,” Jinyoung murmured into it. “You're also a stubborn person. And a loving one. You'll wear yourself down if you worry about everyone. I'll let you take my worries now, but don't take on any more. If you won't let me be stubborn, at least let me be selfish. Don't worry about anything else.”

Mark wrapped his arm around Jinyoung and pulled him close. If that was what he needed to do, he'd keep that shoulder strong for Jinyoung. He wouldn't let anything else wear it down for as long as Jinyoung needed it there in moments like this.