I felt like I was brutally thrown into a vast ocean and slowly, agonizingly, I was drowning. How ing stupid of me. Why did I do this to myself? Why was I falling for my brother? I groaned out loud and slammed my fist on the kitchen counter. I was impressed at myself because of how fast I fled Chanyeol’s apartment this morning.

I thought that I would feel a lot better staying with him for a while until the situation between Sehun and I would die down but now I don’t think I’d feel very comfortable with that idea anymore. I tried to convince myself that whatever I felt or am feeling right now is just an after effect of him being there whenever I needed him.

He’s my brother after all. He has to be there for me, right? I stared blankly at the granite, mindlessly smoothing my fingers on it as I began to wonder if Chanyeol ever felt this conflicted when he realized he was developing feelings for me. I began to wonder if… he still has feelings for me. I quickly shook my head. I’m not about to make things even more complicated by liking him back. I just can’t.

“Why is your life getting so ed up lately?” my sister suddenly said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I inwardly thanked her for her interruption because my brain was close to just exploding. I sighed as she settled in front of me and handed me a cup of tea.

After so long, I decided to tell her about Chanyeol’s feelings for me. It was just becoming too much for me to handle so I had to let it out. She deserved to know anyway. I couldn’t keep it from her forever and maybe now is just the right time for it. She took it better than I thought she would and honestly, I’m grateful for it.

“I don’t know…” I replied after a long pause and a sigh. I looked at her helplessly and she stared back at me with empathy. She patted my hand. “Unni, you know you can tell me everything. I can’t reassure you of how much help I’ll be but I’ll listen…” she told me, squeezing my hand a little as a form of encouragement. “And I won’t you up even more… I promise!” She winked, making me glare and shake my head at her.

She always had a knack for injecting her horrible humor in serious situations and as much as I hate it sometimes, it does help ease the heavy tension. I took a deep breath and squeezed my hands around the warm cup. I didn’t tell her about what happened last night and my feelings for Chanyeol but that was probably for another time.

Right now, I wanted to ask her about Seulbi. I felt a little nervous talking to my sister about it. This was a first. I’ve never felt this uncomfortable around her before. I watched her smile at me before she took a sip of her tea. She didn’t seem as though she was upset about anything but she could be. She was just probably pretending to be alright, not wanting to add on to the list of my many problems and headaches.

Still, I had to know if things were okay between her Seulbi. I didn’t want her getting involved. She didn’t deserve it. “How’s…” I finally managed to say after just anxiously staring at her. She raised her brows at me, signaling me to continue what I have to say. I nibbled on my lip. I couldn’t even mention the girl’s name right now. “H-How’s your best friend?”

Then there was a sudden pause, and I suddenly felt like I had ventured into dangerous waters. Maybe it was a little too early to be asking her about such things? I worriedly stared at her and cleared my throat. I was about to take it back but she let out a big sigh and replied, “No longer my best friend…” Hearing her say that just made my stomach lurch in utter guilt. So, she is involved. “I’m so sorry, Yebin-ah. This is–”

“–not your fault,” she finished off for me. I blinked at her, slightly taken aback. She flashed me a stiff smile then looked down at her cup. “You shouldn’t apologize to me. If she was really my best friend, she wouldn’t have let me choose between her and my own sister.” As her eyes flickered up to look at me, I can see resentment in them but I knew it wasn’t for me.

“The nerve. Did she really think I was going to choose her over you?” She snorted and took a sip again. “She has always been a little obsessed with the guy. I told her off so many times because she was getting all paranoid. I didn’t know the boyfriend she kept talking about was Sehun until you told me the day you guys met.” She lowered her gaze again. “I’m really sorry. I knew I kept teasing you but I… I really didn’t think something like this would happen.”

She heaved a deep sigh and shook her head in disappointment. “It’s like I don’t even know her anymore…” I heaved my own sigh at that. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to comfort her at least but I don’t think I can even find the right words because of how scattered my mind is at the moment. And as if knowing my inner struggle, Yebin quickly gave me a reassuring smile.

“But don’t worry about me…” she said seriously. “It’s Seulbi you should be worried about. At this point, I’m sure she’s warning Nari unni about you.” I closed my eyes in distress. Right. There was still Nari. I inhaled a hopeless breath.

Will this ever end? When can I just breath and resurface from all this? I was suddenly desperate for an escape but I knew it wasn’t going to be so easy. Escape wasn’t actually an answer to begin with. I couldn’t stop a small groan from slipping out of my throat. I opened my eyes to see Yebin sheepishly scratching the back of her head.

“Crap. I told you I wasn’t gonna you up even more but…” she pressed her lips into a line and reached over to squeeze my hand. “I just wanted you to watch out. We’ll never know.” I forced a smile, nodding at her. “I’ll be okay. This…” I took a deep breath. “This’ll pass.”

Chanyeol’s stepfather couldn’t look his son in the eye. He knew what he did was wrong and even in his old age, he didn’t think he could commit something this irrational. Maybe he just missed the old days, the times when he could spend as much time as he wanted with his wife and a time when their love was nothing but sweet and happy.

“I-I’m glad you were honest with me but–” Chanyeol had to take a deep breath to maintain his composure. He wouldn’t lie. He had a half a mind to strangle the old man for hurting his mother like that but he has been a good stepfather to him all these years. He filled in all the gaps that were left when his real father walked out on them.

“–I can’t promise you anything. I’ll try to make mom come back home but if she doesn’t want to, I don’t think I can force her.” The old man nodded his head, staring at Chanyeol with sad and regretful eyes. “I understand. I just really want to apologize and know if she’s okay.”

Chanyeol didn’t miss the honesty of his tone but he still shot up from his chair immediately and bowed. He honestly didn’t want to stay any longer because he didn’t know if he could keep his cool for a longer time. He quickly left their old home without a word or even a glance at his stepfather. His mother has yet to contact him but he had a hunch about her location right now.

From walking down the steps to climbing into his car and driving out of the driveway, he was completely out of it. He couldn’t focus at all on his way to his grandmother’s old house. He feared that his mother was alone and helpless there. He could already imagine walking in to find her crying in her old room and that made his heart clench uncomfortably.

As her son, he was always careful not to hurt her. He had always thought that she was too precious to just hurt like that and of course, he didn’t want to be like his father, the reason why his mother used to cry every night and pretend like she was okay every morning.

He absolutely despised seeing her cry. She was always