Just got home from dance studio. Can I even count myself as a human? I think I am some kind of robot who is programmed to do many things, who actually have a brain that is about to explode any moment. Gosh!

This is what I call a hell day! I opened my Facebook and Instagram and I found it boring, no, actually I enjoyed Instagram. I opened my soundcloud account and I just played whatever from my playlist. I love soundcloud but who doesn’t? I turned up the volume. My earphones are going to break.  This is happening often cause I’m usually want to zone out and go on my on parallel universe. I’m always like this. I’m really enjoying to be by myself because when I’m alone I can just to be me. The only persons in the world who understands me and I can be me while I’m with them are my girls. Like seriously, when I was in London and I lived with my parents I just had to “behave” myself all the time and I had to be very careful with my words and everything. It was kinda hard, anyway I have this habit to go in on my own world from time to time. It’s a nice feeling.

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It’s 7 a.m. and I’m still tiered after a night that I was sleeping anyway I have to start my day. I  will just stay like this for an hour and after that I will start to get ready  and go back at the studio.  I already have a routine, everyday started from this week I did the same things in the morning, ate and then went to the dance studio, I practiced like a crazy person. I started at 9 in the morning when I’m practicing alone after that at 10 I have beginners classes with Kai or Bobby depends and after that  I’m practicing alone again until 1:00 p.m. and I go home for 2 hours and after I am going at dance practice again for the rest of the evening, sometimes I have classes with Sarah and those days are hell on earth I’m telling you. And sometimes I have classes with May Jee Lee and this are the easy days. All I do this days is eat, sleep, dance, repeat. I only see Sarah in the morning and at the dance practice.

It’s 10:00 a.m., my class with Kai has to start, I can’t wait. I like the way he is teaching I can understand very well what to do and how to do.

“Hello everyone! I have big news! Today we will do a new choreography and at the end of the class I will be split you in teams, the best 3 teams  will have to do a project. Let me tell you more about that. Hmmm…the winning teams will have to do new choreographies. Every single member from the winning teams will have to do their own choreography and the 7 best choreographies will be selected and will be used to upcoming shows. We are doing this because we have to participate in the holyday days at some shows. We will be very busy because we have events from 23 December until 1 January, every night we have different themes and different artists who we will perform with. So we need every one in here to make it possible. Your time it will not be wasted cause the studio will pay for your work and your time.  We are aware that you already have plans for the holyday period and we want you to know that it is not obligatory, but you have to tell me until the end of the class what is your decision. All our best dancers will be there. For them is a must, they don’t have a choise. If this been said let’s start the class. We will talk more about it after.”

The calss began and I was completely zoned out. I mean, I bet everyone was. Who can pay attention at Kai after he said what he said. I mean after I heard that, I was thinking about what should I do. I wanted to really challenge myself with something faaaaaar out of my comfort zone.  “STAY SAFE OR GO FOR IT?” I asked myself.

I had a choice to make. “Play it safe and stick with the plan, the hole going back in the U.K. thing. Or, dare to try something scary and new.  But it was Amy present for me and Sarah. Sarah will have to be here, she has no choise. Hmmm…”I had no idea what to expect from an actual Hip- Hop dance choreography made by me. “What was the structure like? Would I be able to keep up? But, would I regret never trying?” The answer was yes I would regret never trying for sure. And maybe I will not be selected anyway so yeah maybe I shouldn’t try.

First part of the class was the 30 minute warm up.

The second part of class was dedicated to choreo. Tonight’s song – “Formation”. The pace of the class was pretty fast for me. I felt like I mostly stumbled along and was at least not completely lost. I hoped no one noticed me in the back row where I was attempting to hide. There were some parts of the song that turned, so anywhere I was behind, I managed to catch up on the turns so it looked like I was with the rest of the group.

The dance calss passed so fast, the new choreo wasn’t that easy but, I think I’m getting better. Here the dance teachers and choreographers have the ability to teach at a high skill level yet unfortunately they break me down emotionally. Not every time but the most of it. But they are very well trained teachers and I can see results pretty fast, is my second week here and I can see I evolved a lot.

“Well who wants to go at the events please go in the right and who doesn’t want please go in the left!” I heard Kai say.

I almost didn’t sign up for this. But my feet were going in the right and I was feeling pretty good about the decision until I sow how many wanted to do this. At first I was thinking that will not be so may people who will accept “the challenge” (this  is how I called this thing) because it is more 5 days until the first event. The teams were made and it was too late to cancel my decision. “What have I done?” Kai was surprised as well to see me there. But you know what? I’m not a quitter, so I decided to push through. My anxiety about “my challenge” built, as the time to dance with the team in front of the others approached. I was worried I’d be the one in class slowing all the real dancers down with my stupid moves and inability to keep up. I was better indeed but I don’t see myself as good as the other dancers. Our team is the first who will dance. If I wanted to leave in the left side, before, now I really wondered if I should quickly grab my things and run out. But, I didn’t. I made my way through the choreo and while I was proud I didn’t quit, I was also not thrilled with how I did.

When the other groups went, I marveled at their dancing skills. They seemed to have caught onto the choreo perfectly. On top of that, they looked like they were having the time of their lives, wearing the biggest smiles and so much confidence. I wanted to feel that way too when I danced. I wanted to be a happy dancer like them. I resolved in that moment to continue going to more dance classes until I was.

“I will announce now the best 3 teams.” I heard Kai said. I was really nervous cause I didn’t want to fail, I didn’t want to disappoint my team members, so if my team will fail because of me it will be really bed, I will feel like .

“Okay the teams number 1, 7 and 4 will be the one who will do the choreos, thank you everyone, you were fantastic today see you next time.” After that , he gave us some encouraging words and told us to keep going witch was odd cause he never ever did this before.

When I heard that I realized that the challenge continues cause now I have to make a choreo. And I have to tell Amy and Sarah about it. As I continued to worry that I really shouldn’t have done this Sarah came in the dance studio, now I was the only one here, trying to think about what just happened and practicing by myself.

“Hey what’s up?” Sarah said with a kinda sad tone.

“Nothing much I’m just practicing. What about you?”

“It’s almost time for my class.”

“What? Is it that late already?”

“Yeah you didn’t came to eat, have you eat out today?”

“No, I practiced until now.”

“You seem a little distracted.”

“Yeah, well let me tell you what happened.” I said wit I-don’t-know-what-I’ve-done tone.

“Don’t bother Kai told me everything about it already.”

“You are still speaking thru messages with him?” I asked surprised

“Yes is a habit now, we speak daily.”

“Cool, so what should we do now about Amy?” I asked.

“We will figure it out after the dance practice, now is time to start the class.”

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It’s 1 a.m in the morning, I’m listening music on soundcloud and I’m trying very, very hard to think about something.  Any I idea it will be good.  Today it must be my bad day or something, I’m not feeling creative at all, how can I possibly come with a choreography until tomorrow at 6 p.m.?

Maybe if I talk with Sarah to help me…no that will be cheating right?

Off it ahh I feel so useless I can’t even fall asleep. That’s so annoying.  Should I watch TV? I didn’t a TV since… I can’t even remember when.