MOO-LAWN1315

INNER DEMONS
 

I'm sick of pretending everything is okay.
I'm sick of having to put on a mask everyday.
I'm sick of hearing people tell me lies.
I'm sick of living with no replies.
I'm sick of life as I feel alone.
No one really understands my pain
but they paint a pretty face and say "It will be okay?"
Of course, I am weak and play along
but in my head I'm screaming, "You are wrong!"

My head goes to places that a pure soul would faint at.
My heart tries to stop beating but my body won't admit that.
I have no where to turn to for my options are out.
So I do what I have to do and keep a front.
However, the insides of me are crying for help.
Every night, I can't help but cry.
These demons are strong and I can not carry on.
But this is my battle, no matter the result.

I'm sick of being judged, feeling eyes on me.
I'm human so why can't you let me be?
I make mistakes too so why are you disappointed?
Am I a fool for wanting to be like you too?
I guess I am as I never seem to fit in.
I try to be decent and try to peel my skin.
No matter how hard I try, everyone makes fun.
I know I am not normal but don't treat me like a beast.
I know I am not loved but don't shun me.
All I want is for someone to be quiet and love me.
All I want is for someone to have fun and forget what I have done.
But's this is impossible, even with my friends, as they are to eager for the next piece of hurt.

I'm sick of having to life up to expectations.
Sometimes I exceed them while sometimes I fail.
It hurts my heart to know that I have failed.
Yet, there is so much I can do so please don't ask for more
but I guess I can't say anything anymore.
I've lost my own voice as others drown it out for me.
"You're Asian so you must be smart."
"You're Asian so you must want to be a doctor."
"You're fat, lose some weight."
"You're ugly, try some cake."
"You're weird, try to act normal."
"I  feel bad for you since you aren't like us. You are in your own world thus you have it the worst."
These words sting and it hurts, but I can't help but try to live by them.
Bit by bit, I change myself while I start to lose myself.
I guess no one really lets me be regardless of who I want to be.
They all have ideas of what I'm suppose to be.

There is so much I can do, so what more can I do?
Is it fun to see me suffer alone?
Is it fun to see me cry alone?
Are you enjoying yourselves, you disgusting dogs?
You already ruined my heart now you want more.

I give you flesh but you are not satisfied.
I give you blood but you want more.
No matter how hard I try, my insides start to dry.
No one really cares on what I have to say.
No one really cares on what I want.
No one really cares on what I feel.
No one really cares for those they consider below,
which means no one really cares for me.
It's hard you know, to put on a mask and do daily tasks.
There are times where I cry out of the blue.
While there are times when I can barely get through.
Sometimes, my masks cracks and I still have to act.

I know I am suppose to reach out to those,
but how can I when they are in their own world?
Most of my friends would be disgusted with me,
especially with all the comments they say to me.

Oh yes, it hurts but what makes it worst
is that they have more words.
Sure, they mean well but I thought they were suppose to care.
But who am I to say anything as I'm way worse.
Still, I want to live life normally, not trying
to fight for a will.

Despite my wishes, there is no kisses.
My friends make fun with words that hurt like a fired gun.
Those who care say it's not fair.
They say I should move on and get a on with life.
In reality, I can't. It's hard to leave those I broke bread with and had fun.

I guess I was made to be alone.
No one understands nor do they try.
Partially I am to blame for I carry a flame.
I draw a line, not wanting to die.
Even so, I can't help but lie.
I'm sick of life and all it's lie.
I guess there is no such thing as a better life.


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