It has been almost a year. A year since Chanyeol lost him. A year since he had lost Kyungsoo.

Chanyeol longed for his touch, his warmth, his bright smiles and his funny jokes. Just his very presence could bring joy into Chanyeol’s soul. Chanyeol could spend hours or even days just by looking at Kyungsoo. He loved how Kyungsoo bat his eyelashes, how he widened his eyes when he was surprised and how his lips expanded when he smiled.

He even missed those moments when Kyungsoo would hit him whenever his jokes get too far. But right after that, Kyungsoo would always flash him a smile. And Chanyeol knew he was never angry at him. He remembered those days when they took the evening train back after their work. And they would always go to the nearby park to have a walk and talk about the things at their workplace.

When the days grew cold, Kyungsoo would always lock his arms with Chanyeol’s. Sometimes, when Chanyeol remembers to bring his jacket, he would put it over Kyungsoo’s shoulders. At other times, they would just huddled together to warm themselves. During the weekends, when they don’t have to work, Chanyeol would spend the day in the garden with Kyungsoo, helping him tend to the plants. During the nights, they would lay outside their mini tent just in the garden, watching the stars that sometimes couldn’t be found in the dark sky.

“I wonder where the stars have gone.”

“It’s the light,” Chanyeol had replied, “They’re too bright for the stars to shine.”

“I wish it was dark enough,” Kyungsoo had said, “I miss the stars.”

“But aren’t you afraid of the dark?”

“I’m not when I’m with you.”

Chanyeol remembered how Kyungsoo had smiled at him and how he had thought that it was the cutest thing he had ever seen. And it still is.

            He missed all those dearly. Kyungsoo was his best friend. They could have been something more if only Chanyeol had the courage. But he didn’t. And he will regret it for the rest of his life.

Because it was too late. Too late for everything.

Too late to tell him the things left untold deep down in Chanyeol’s heart. And what crushed his heart more was that he was the reason for Kyungsoo’s death.

“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo,” he sobbed, “I’m so so sorry…”

It had happened so many times that Chanyeol had lost count. It was one of those days and one of those times again where he found himself drenched in cold water, sitting inside the tub, thrashing the water and splashing it everywhere. Judging by the time he had been crying, he would have believed that his tears were more than the water in the tub.

“I’m so sorry, Kyungsoo,”