Chapter 11// Saving Us

Myungsoo groaned and banged his head on his desk, piles of homework were stacked on top of each other, text books mixed between the papers, a clear plastic pencil case spilled its contents across the desk, pens and pencils littered the desk.

What was he doing? Sungjong was in bed with a high fever and he was forced by his parents to watch over his adopted brother. He knew that what he was doing wasn’t the best for the fragile boy, but it was all that he knew. 

He didn’t treat the numerous girl’s any better, if not worse. They would be covered in welts and scars that may as well last for years into the future. He made sure to hide their imperfections from Sungjong. Myungsoo knew that Sungjong would always look out the window when the girls left. Myungsoo ran a hand across his hair, it was oily and slick from not showering. 

Myungsoo didn’t know what happened to himself. The nightmares changed him. They plagued his mind. Nothing was a happy yellow anymore, there were no more lemon candies for the two brothers to share. Now it was an endless pit of fire, but the two of them still held onto that small bit of yellow, the happiness that makes them worth while. The only difference this time was that this yellow held a different meaning. It was the bright, gleaming rays that welcomed one to the end of the dark, lifeless, tunnel. The light at the end of one’s life.

Neither of the two knew that the other was so similar to themselves. Their wish for the ending the pain was different, the cause was different, the people that were involved were not at all alike and their death held different meanings to the people that wished for it to happen.

For Sungjong, death was an open window, a place to be free, something he cherished. It was something that the pale skinned boy thought that he didn’t deserve, for it was too precious to use right away.

For Myungsoo, death was something he needed to help others, it was something that was dreaded, but deeply wished upon. For the cold faced man it meant of torture and a never ending looming threat. 

Both of the two thought that they weren’t ready yet, but the thoughts were always there.

Sungjong was more innocent, happily smiling through the day. His thoughts were precious, not a bad thing was able to make its way in. No one would have thought that he wished upon something so dark, something so terrifying, the boy was much too cheerful and happy. He played with the younger kids and he always listened well, almost too well. There was nothing in Sungjong that made him a bad human. He wasn’t the normal person that said that they wished upon dying, he didn’t have any self made scars, not much crying, and not a single smudge of black fashion items. Sungjong could only see the light at the end, the light that never left. 

Myungsoo was the opposite, his thoughts would put him in jail. He would constantly be judging himself and the people around him, a calculating gaze was always prominent on his handsome face. However, it would still be a great shock to know that the handsome man wished upon something that was never to be uttered. Myungsoo was rich, filthy rich, his nail would probably be worth more than a peasant’s entire life. No one would have thought that such a wealthy son could have wished death upon himself. Myungsoo only saw that black tunnel, there was no light in his version, a black that loomed around the light was all that made it through his head. 

Sungjong groaned, Myungsoo quickly looked at the sick boy, his face filled with worry, but that emotion soon disappeared to be replaced with a smirk. “Up so early, Jongie?”

Sungjong’s mouth hung open. “Ah, Myungsoo hyung,” his voice was hoarse from the lack of water. 

“Shouldn’t you get some more rest, Jongie?” asked Myungsoo, twirling his pencil in his right hand. The pencil twirled around his fingertips.

Sungjong’s mouth slowly closed shut, “Do you mind getting some water for me?” Sungjong winced, knowing that it was foolish of him to ask such a ridiculous to someone like Myungsoo. “Here,” said Myungsoo tossing a plastic water bottle to his younger brother. Sungjong was shocked at hearing the soft thump of the bottle hitting the sheets. 

“Thank you, hyung.” Sungjong said, clutching onto the water bottle like it was his life line.

“Get a good rest,” said Myungsoo. He hesitated as if he was going to continue on, but his mouth snapped shut before another word could be uttered out.

Sungjong smiled at himself, Myungsoo was being unusually comforting even with his cold demeanor and cold eyes, his presence was still welcome to Sungjong.

Sungjong tucked his toes in the warm covers, his flu was really getting to him. He couldn’t bear being out of the bedsheets. Sungjong let his hands touch his stomach, he winced. He wasn’t ready for the icy touch that hit him, for it was much too surprising. Sungjong shivered, but the warm heat from the room and the comfort of the soft blankets made him feel like Myungsoo was hugging him. He truly did feel comforted by his older brother’s room.

Sungjong closed his eyes and drifted off, not a single thing crossed his mind that included his nightmare, nor the many thoughts of dying that used to make him have a quiet sleep. This time, he slept with a smile, thinking about flowers and Myungsoo.

Authors Note: Sungjong changed his attitude towards Myungsoo so fast, sigh, what do you think about that?
This was a good updating time for my personal record, looking forward to the winter hols!

Sungjong and Myungsoo both think about death. I hope this won’t lead to their actual death..
I hope you liked the update :)