It’s only been 14 hours since I made Mina cried with whatever I said. Mina was the one who’s hurting by my words but I was the one who couldn’t get myself to sleep all night. Something stucked on my throat. My lung was working but I don’t feel like breathing. Every song that I listened to, they used to give me something to feel but since I saw Mina’s back while she was walking away from the table yesterday, every song sounded like people spitting nonsense in my ear.

I tried to be normal about it but everything seemed like monochrome around me. Even today, the crowded subway sounded so quiet. I didn’t really care what that couple were doing behind the book that they hold up in front of their face. I felt nothing listening to that toddler crying on her mother’s arms. My mind just went blank. I couldn’t think of anything beside replaying the whole scene Mina’s leaving from the café. Even I could still replayed each of her hair strands moving like slow motion animation while she was turning away, her teardrops falling slowly to the table and her glass.  

Something’s not right with me. Why can’t I feel like myself anymore. It’s like someone has just kidnapped Chaeyoung and left me with only her body. Something’s wrong with my soul. Just 24 hours ago, I was fine. I was smiling and fooling around with Jungyeon, doing my homework, enjoying the music, but now I feel numb.

Is this guilt talking?

I sighed and kept on staring outside the window, letting the sun rays caressing my body. Hoping the warmth would seep into my skin, into my soul, maybe melted or shined at anything that ever lived there.

-=TW=-

My step felt so heavy as I walked into the classroom. Jungyeon welcomed me with big smile on her face.

“Good wonderful morning, Chaeyoung-ah! Today is donkatsu day!!!!” She grinned.

“Yeah, good morning.” I only nodded to her and put down my bag on my table, leaning on it and turned my head to the window, letting the wind to blew my mind away again.

“Hey, what’s wrong with you?” Jungyeon sat down on her chair. “Did you get to talk to Mina yesterday? How did it go?”

Please don’t ask me anything. Please just turn away now. Please, I have nothing to say today. Let me be a robot today.

“Hey, Chaeyoung-ah” She forwarded her body towards me and raised her voice trying to get some answer out of me.

“Jungyeon-ah” I said in low voice. “Can you leave me alone today? I am not in the mood to talk.” I sighed and curled up my face into my hands and bag. “Please~~~” I pleaded.

Jungyeon immediately turned away. No other words needed. We’re just the type of friend who understand that we each needed our own personal private space sometimes. I respect that about Jungyeon and she does too. We didn’t consider it as rude or being secretive to your best friend. It’s just that sometimes you just need to be alone with you, your mind, your heart, your emotion, yourself. Trying to organize anything that’s blocking your mind.

And here I am, ignoring Jungyeon’s questions. Because I don’t know where to begin if i were to tell her my story. Because I don’t know what to tell her exactly. Because even I have no idea how to express what I am feeling right now. Or how did Mina felt by that time. 

The wind was suddenly coming into the classroom through the window, blowing me right on my face. 

Eh, why should I care about her? She’s just a stranger to me not too long ago.

...

Me being a robot lasted until the last class we had that day. Jungyeon followed my instruction not to bother me the whole day. She kept on talking to the student who sat beside her and only once talk to me asking, “Hey, Chaeng. Lunch?” which I only answered with “Hmm” followed by standing up and walking with her to the canteen. We even ate quietly. Jungyeon tried to kept herself busy by playing with her phone.

The bell rang, it's time to go home. 

“Hey, Chaeyoung.” Someone tapped my back when I was just putting stuffs that were on my desk to my bag. It’s one of my classmate.

“Yeah? What’s up?” I stopped my movement to wait for her answer.

“Someone’s waiting for you outside. She said she needs to talk.” I turned my head towards the door. I saw a girl with dark brown long a-bit grayish hair, fair skin lady standing at the door while holding the door frame. She was panting, her temple and cheeks full of sweats. She must be running. Wait, running for what?

“Ah, okay. Her?” I pointed out to the girl who’s at the door with my chin.

“Yeah.” My classmate then left.

I stood up, brush off my clothes for no apparent reason while walking towards that girl.

“Son Chaeyoung!” Her voice was high tone but stable and firm.

“Yes. Who are you?” I tried to respond calmly.

“We need to talk!”

“Uhm, okay?” I shrugged my shoulder to her request. Then I remembered her. I knew I saw her somewhere. “You’re Myoui Mina’s friend right? You sat on Mina’s table with her when the crazy girl created havoc last time, right?”

“Yes. I’m Minatozaki Sana. You can call me Sana.” She didn’t look surprised that I recognized her. She collected her breath and continued.

“WHY DID YOU DUMP MINA?” Her voice tone changed, her nostrils largened. She put her body forwarded. She’s being aggressive this time. She’s not calm anynmore. She’s mad. Her eyes widened, her voice went up an octave.

“What are you talking about?” I drew my body back. “How could I dump her when we’re not even dating?!” Myself become defensive to this situation that made me raised my own voice without realizing.

“Dating or not dating yet, it’s not the main problem! Why did you pushed her away? Totally refused having anything to do with her?”

“I was not saying I don’t want anything to do with her. I was just saying that I was n