A few days have passed and I was due for an examination, but something was nagging in my chest. My brain kept presenting me with extreme ifs and buts, making my chest swell with tension. I sat on the couch just staring at the coffee my mother had brought me, the steam rising from the cup.

"Are you ready Ph?" she had a heart warming smile but It didn't calm me, but made my stomach worse.

"I- uh.." A burning in my throat caused me to go towards the bathroom. I hung over the toilet tears forming in my eyes.

"Honey? Are you feeling ill?" my mother crouched down beside me rubbed my back soothing me.

"I-i can't go. What if the person comes b-back?" I choked out.

"Okay, it's fine. Just return to bed and relax."

When I cleaned myself up I crawled into my bed and let my eyes just run. My heart was still pounding in my chest, having flash backs of that day. I would have died if it weren't for Hee-sung, and it was a terrifying thought. I took a few breaths before drifting off to sleep, finally feeling relief from the anxiety.

--

What would have happened if I changed my decisions?

If I didn't fall in love with Taemin, would I have still been attacked?

--

It wasn't for a few days that I went for my check up, I had to be dragged into the office by my mother; which involved tears and bribes of a salon trip.

"It seems the wound in healing fantastically, but still no sports and don't do anything-risky."

I sat in the back of the taxi and looked at the little bottle of pills the doctor had given me, he said they would help with the 'PTSD' I was having. I personally adored these pills, they made me feel fearless.

I must have been spaced out because my mother nudged me to pay the taxi driver and lead me into a salon, memories of my last salon trip flashed into my head.

"Whoa, your hair is like Finding Nemo's Dory." I took Key's drink away from him.

I sat in the chair and looked at the stylist with a happy smile, we talked about colors and styles before I had chosen; Lilac and shoulder length hair. I needed a change, and I was handed a second chance at life.

--

I guess I had a mental realization about myself, and I guessed it was the medication. I wanted to be who I was back in Korea; Thin, non dorky and brave again. I was hoping the new look would make me confident again.

When the lady turned my chair around to the mirror I almost cried; my hair was short and so light. I couldn't help but run my fingers through the layers and smiling I couldn't be more happier, then I thought about Taemin.

After paying for the services and hailing another taxi, I pulled the bottle out of my bag and took another one; I could feel the anxiety seeping back into me. My mother gave me a reassuring look and held my hand lightly until we got back to where I was staying.

We opened the door and both filed in; I locked the door, and put the three chains on that I had installed. My mom was already into the fridge and digging around. My abdomen had began to feel a little sore so I seated onto the couch and sent Taemin a little heart; they would start their tour in Japan this week.

I just sat staring at the television, kind of just enjoying my reflection in the glass . "Did you take in too much of those fumes at the salon- Are you high?" My mother asked

"I'm not high mom!" I waved my hands in defense.

"You've been staring at the Tv for fifteen minutes and it's not even on." She picked up the remote and the TV with subtitles.

"I am not high, I would never smoke up."

"I'd hope not." My mother chuckled a bit.

ONE NEW TEXT MESSAGE.

'Hey Ph, I hope your appointment went well! Sounds like your mother will let you stay here :)'

I couldn't help by smile down at my phone, I really had been lucky enough to be the fan who was his.

"Smitten, just like me for your father." I heard my mother mumble.