Chapter 8

Loud bangning on the door awoke Namjoon, “, Joon, I know you’re in there.”

Namjoon could tell that it was Yoongi and he was pissed off. Yes, he might’ve avoided him but even now he didn’t think he was able to face his boyfriend.

“I’m not leaving until you open the door. We need to talk,” Yoongi said, his voice quieter now and Namjoon shuffled out of bed, sighing. He trudged to the door, unlocking it to find an exasperated Yoongi, running his hand through his hair.

Yoongi liked to take care of his appearance, so the old jersey and washed out skinnies looked unusual on him, a tattoo of some quote peeking from neckline. He was tired, dark circles under his eyes and his heart shaped lips pulled together in a straight line. Namjoon gestured for Yoongi to come in and he immediately found a spot on Namjoon’s bed, looking expectantly at him.

“Hey, babe,” Namjoon said, sitting down on his chair, avoiding looking at Yoongi for too long.

“Don’t babe me, ,” Yoongi snarled, “You’ve been avoiding me for days now.”

He laughed nervously, a glare from Yoongi shutting him up, “Sorry, Yoon.”

Yoongi bit his lip, eyes blazing, “What the is this about? And that ing stunt you pulled at the club, Joon, the bar owner is not letting us play in there ever again.”

Yes, he had ed up. Big time. Namjoon felt about it, “I know, I ed up and I’m really sorry but your friend, the Seokjin guy, he was asking for it.”

“Asking for it?” Yoongi widened his eyes, “Care to elaborate? I asked him to be there.”

“Do you think that makes me feel better, Yoon? He was all over you, for s sake,” Namjoon spat out, the memories from Tuesday flashing in his mind.

Yoongi sighed, “He’s just a friend...”

“And yet you never talk about him, you didn’t even mention him before but he knows everything about us, and you just go hugging him anytime you like. How am I supposed to take that?” Namjoon was ranting, his mind turning.

“I don’t ask about your friends either! I don’t get what has got you so uptight about this? I’ve had plenty of other friends that you’ve never acted like this towards,” Yoongi was starting to rise his voice too.

“I can see the way he looks at you, Yoongi,” he sighed, feeling helpless. Yoongi was refusing to see his side of the argument, or maybe he just didn’t want to. It scared Namjoon.

Yoongi looked at Namjoon for a moment, sadness filling his eyes as he ruffled his hair, “And so if he does? There’s a reason I chose to date you not him.”

Namjoon’s eyes welled up with tears, “I don’t want you to leave me.”

“I don’t want to leave you, Joon,” Yoongi said, “but sometimes it feels like you don’t give me a choice.”

The younger male swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling a thunder approaching. One that will shake up his life, but he was ready to fight through it, even if it ate him up alive.

“Are you breaking up with me?” he asked looking Yoongi straight in his eyes.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Namjoon said.

“I spoke with Seokjin,” Yoongi started quietly, “and he said you weren’t good for me. It got me thinking.”

The blonde was looking at his boyfriend, images from Tuesday still as fresh as ever. “I’m not good for you, huh? Is that really what he thinks? ” Namjoon spoke a little louder than he was supposed to, “Is that really what you think?”

“I don’t know,” Yoongi repeated himself.

“If you don’t know, how the can you come up here and say this?” Namjoon was raising his voice with every word, “How can you say you don’t want to leave me and then say I’m not good enough? Make your ing mind up, Yoongi.”

“I loved you,” his boyfriend said, “With every part of me. I really did but lately, something has changed. You scare me, Joon.”

“I love you,” was all he could answer, already hearing the goodbye in Yoongi’s words. “I’ve always loved you.”

Yoongi sighed, “Sometimes it’s not enough. I’m really sorry, Namjoon.”

“Don’t do this, Yoongi. I beg you,” there was a pit in his stomach as Namjoon watched the elder get up.

“When I came here, I wasn’t sure what I wanted. I thought that maybe there was a chance to save this. Save us. But it was coming. We both knew it, even if you don’t like to admit it. Seokjin just made it clear to me.”

Namjoon laughed, a bitter, heartless laugh, “So this is what it’s about. Seokjin. Well, I hope you both are happy together.”

“, this is what I mean. You don’t hear me, Joon. It was never about him. It was about us. It’s just not working,” Yoongi finally was losing his temper. He approached the door, throwing a last look at Namjoon, “I’m sorry it had to end this way.”

The door opened and closed but Namjoon didn’t watch Yoongi leave, “I love you.”

“What do you mean you ‘can’t make the tutoring’? I have my maths test in a week,” Jungkook whined over the phone.

Namjoon swallowed a mouthful of ice cream and sniffled before answering, “I’m sick, Jungkook. Unless you want me to throw up all over you, I’m not coming.”

“Yes, yes,” the blond could hear a sigh coming through the phone, “I hope you feel better soon. And I’m blaming you if I fail.”

“I’m not the one that’s been slacking off for three years of their academic career,” Namjoon said.

“Anyway, I have to go. Bye, hyung,” Jungkook finished the call, leaving Namjoon hanging. He let the phone drop in his lap, stuffing another mouthful of ice cream in his mouth and pressing the play button on his laptop. “He’s Just Not That Into You” continued playing and Namjoon could feel more tears appearing in his eyes.

“If you love her, why are you cheating on her, you monster,” he screamed at the screen, ice cream dripping from his lips.

He was just finishing his third movie and the second tub of ice cream when a knock sounded on the door, “If it’s you Hoseok, don’t even bother,” Namjoon yelled out but the knocking continued.

Finally, he gave up, getting up from the blanket fort he had built for himself to open the door. He wiped his eyes and nose on his hoodie, trying to sort himself out before facing whoever was rude enough to interrupt his self-pity time.

“Jungkook? What are you doing here?” Namjoon said, noticing a crinkling plastic bag in the younger’s hand.

He smiled, lifting up the said bag, “My mum said soup helps with sickness. Also I bought some medicine, I’m not sure how good it is but the man at the counter said it should help.”

“Oh.” Namjoon frowned, “I don’t need any help.”

“Come on, hyung, this test is really important for me. Maybe if I do well on it, I can get back on the basketball team,” Jungkook sounded desperate. Almost enough to let him in. “And you look really bad, I’m sure you could use some soup.”

“Geez, thanks.”

Jungkook took that as an invitation in, pushing past Namjoon to enter his dorm. He put the bag on the elder’s messy desk, looking around before he noticed the tissue box and the empty ice cream tubs. It was now Namjoon’s turn to stand frozen at the door.

“Ice cream isn’t good for you when you’re feeling sick,” Jungkook said.

For some reason it was enough for Namjoon to break down in tears. He had spent the last two hours crying but the pain didn’t stop, all the regret welling up at once, making him sob in front of the open door. His chest heaved as he cried.

“Oh god, Namjoon, what happened?” Jungkook approached the door, closing it and hiding them both from the curious eyes of his dorm mates, “Are you feeling really sick? Should I call the ambulance? It was the ice cream, wasn’t it?”

“Shut up, Jungkook,” Namjoon said in between his sobs, “Just shut up.”

He listened, wrapping his hand around Namjoon’s tall body and leading him back to the bed. Jungkook let Namjoon get comfortable before sliding in the bed himself, next to the older man. He passed him the tissue box from the floor, watching the elder blow his nose.

“Should we watch something, hyung?” Jungkook asked.

Namjoon nodded, “Can we get more ice cream?”

“How about some real food? We could order takeaway? Indian, maybe,” Jungkook suggested. Namjoon broke down again, sniffling, as he cried harder and harder. “Okay, maybe not. Where’s the ice cream?”

“Ki-kitchen,” the blond coughed out, wiping his eyes as he shook.

“Okay, I’ll be right back. Choose the film while I’m gone,” Jungkook said.

Namjoon didn’t have to do much choosing. He already had his pick ready when Jungkook arrived back, carrying a tub of ice cream and two spoons, “Who said I was going to share?”

“If you don’t want to, I can bring this back to the kitchen,” the youngest said, sitting down, “What are we watching anyway?”

“Bridget Jones’s Diary.”

Jungkook sighed, “Isn’t that a chick flick though?” Namjoon glared at him and Jungkook shut up, opening the ice cream, cookie dough, and stuffing his face with it.

He then watched Namjoon mouth along to the film, it being a much interesting sight than the movie itself. He wasn’t even sure what the plot was by now and everyone spoke with these weird accents. Basically, Jungkook had no idea what was going on and why everyone was so angry.

“So she’s dating the guy but she likes the other guy?” Jungkook asked, the ice cream off his lips.

“Not yet. They hate each other now,” Namjoon said, not even sparing a glance at him.

“Why?”

“He wore that ugly jumper.”

“You wear ugly clothes all the time but I don’t hate you.”

The older male finally pressed pause, turning to look Jungkook in the eyes, “It’s called fashion. When was the last time you wore something that wasn’t a white shirt?”

“Whatever, let’s just watch this,” he huffed, dropping the spoon in the ice cream.

Jungkook was dozing off, they were watching another film now, but he could swear that the plot was exactly the same as the previous one. “Namjoon hyung, can we watch something else?”

“What, why? Legally Blonde is so empowering.”

“It’s boring hyung, please. Let’s watch Transformers or something.”

“No,” Namjoon hated action films. Yoongi loved them. And he loved Yoongi. But Yoongi didn’t love him. So he hated action films.

“Pleaaaase, please, please,” Jungkook whined, “The Avenger’s is really good.”

And there they were. The tears were back, “If you want to watch them, go find yourself a muscly, tall, polite smiling, handsome man and watch it with him!”

“Are you crying again, Namjoon hyung?”

He didn’t answer, just shaking in his spot, suddenly feeling sick. All he could think about was Yoongi. Everything reminded of him and his dark locks in his embrace. All the nights they spent together here and all the films Yoongi forced Namjoon to watch.

“It will get better, I promise you,” Jungkook hugged the man, letting his tears soak his shirt. Yes, it was white. “I don’t know what’s wrong but it will.”

Namjoon soaked up his warmth. Closing his eyes he could almost imagine he was back with Yoongi, in his embrace. The dark haired male was rubbing his hands on the older’s back, letting him cry. It was obvious how distressed Namjoon was and Jungkook felt an obligation to be there for him. Just like he had been there for Jungkook.

The film continued in front of them, nobody of them watching it anymore. The elder returned the hug, almost shyly, holding on to Jungkook like he was his lighthouse, steering him out of the darkness. “Thank you, Jungkook,” Namjoon whispered once his tears started to dry on his cheeks.

The younger boy pulled away slightly, looking in Namjoon’s eyes and flashing a small smile, “You would have done the same for me.”

“I already did.”

Jungkook nodded, not pulling his gaze away. Namjoon looked so sad, and admittedly, ugly from all his crying, despair written clearly in his eyes. It swelled his heart. There must have been a way to help him. Something to make Namjoon feel better.

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” he said before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss against the side of Namjoon’s mouth. He could taste the saltiness of tears mixed with the sweetness of cookie dough and it tasted horrible, “There was some ice cream.”