I sit in the kitchen in an early morning haze, distracted by the steady rising of steam from my cup of coffee.

“I read your blog.” A man’s voice interrupts from across the kitchen island, smooth and teasing. I’d almost forgotten he was there, he had started to blend in with the rest of the decor. “Why didn’t you write more about me?”

I laugh, taking a slow sip of my coffee.

“It’s not about you, it’s about my first love.”

“I thought I was your first love.” He frowns childishly and I roll my eyes.

“You know that’s not true.”

“I know.” A smirk. “I’m your forever love, right?”

“Do you want more coffee?” I laugh it off as I slide from my seat as he nods, taking the pot and refilling each of our cups.

“I got a call from hospital director in California I know.” He takes the coffee from me, leaning against the counter. My heart lurches. “Your mother should be finishing her rehab program soon… Should we move her back to Korea after?”

“Jaewon.” I say his name firmly, like a warning. My grip tightens on the mug’s handle.

“What?” He teases. “I can’t hypnotize you with my dreamy eyes anymore?”

I sip my coffee quietly, a sudden wave of exhaustion rolling over my body.

“Let’s talk about this later. I’m not in the mood.”

He sighs, but otherwise doesn’t respond.

Everything reminded me of Jiwon. The rain. The stars.

Calculus. Hats. Beer.

“Why are you smiling like that at your breakfast?” Hanna all but sneered, incapable of tolerating anyone’s happiness until her coffee had finished brewing.

Toast. Hanna’s kitchen. That table where he sat across from me and smiled.

Hanna’s couch where we kissed.

“It’s nothing.” I sighed wistfully before taking a bite of my toast.

“And yet, I don’t believe you…”

“Hanna.” I whispered, as if somehow my voice would carry outside the walls of her apartment. I clenched my fists as if to gather my strength. To tell her or not to tell her? Tell or not tell? My stomach twisted in knots, crumbs falling into my sleeve from the piece of toast squeezed between my fingers. “I… almost had with Jiwon last night.”

I watched with a horrified expression as Hanna spit out her coffee in shock, the liquid dribbling down the front of her shirt.

“You what?”

I didn’t have time to wonder if she was angry before we were interrupted by a knock on the door. I wondered if I really had been overheard after all. My hands covered my face as Hanna answered the door unenthusiastically.

“Hanna, what happened to your…”

“Don’t ask.” She growled out, returning to her coffee maker. I couldn’t help but laugh despite my guilt.

“Are you ready to go, Hayi?” Jiwon turned in my direction, a smile teasing at the corner of his lips.  

I nodded, grabbing my bags and waving to Hanna as we hastily left back out the door. It felt like I’d follow him anywhere. To the bus stop, to the moon. I’d go anywhere with Jiwon, so long as he held my hand tightly in his.

“Ah, I’m sleepy.” After an exaggerated yawn, Jiwon’s head fell onto my shoulder. He peeked up at me with one eye before closing it once he was satisfied by the pink tinge in my cheeks.

“Didn’t you sleep well?” I asked nervously, fingers cautiously coming up to rake through his hair. I knew no one was watching, but it still felt strange to be like that on a public bus.

“No.” He pouted childishly, let